WE THE WOMEN!!!!!!!!!!
outfit us with automatic weapons, grenades, gas masks, moisturizer with SPF15, Prozac, hormones,
chocolate, and canned tuna - drop us (parachuted, preferably) across the landscape of
Afghanistan, and let us do what comes naturally. Think about it. Our anger quotient alone
even when doing standard stuff like shopping and paying bills, is formidable enough to make
even armed men in turbans tremble. We've had our children; we would gladly suffer or die
to protect them and their future. We'd like to get away from our husbands, if they haven't
left already. And for those of us who are single, the prospect of finding a good man with
whom to share life is about as likely as being struck by lightning. We have nothing to lose.
We've survived the water diet, the protein diet, the carbohydrate diet, and the grapefruit
diet in gyms and saunas across America and never lost a pound. We can easily survive months
in the hostile terrain of Afghanistan with no food at all! We've spent years tracking down
husbands or lovers in bars, hardware stores, or sporting events...finding Bin Laden in some cave
will be no problem. Uniting all the warring tribes of Afghanistan in a new govermnent.
Oh, please... we've planned the seating arrangements for in-laws and extended families at
Thanksgiving dinners for years... we understand tribal warfare. Between us, we've divorced
enough husbands to know every trick there is for how they hide, launder, or cover up bank accounts
and money sources. We know how to find that money and we know how to seize it... with or
without the government's help! Let us go and fight. The Taliban hates women. Imagine their terror
as we crawl like ants with hot-flashes over their godforsaken terrain. I am going to my
congresswoman. You should, too!
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