In memoriam
Life is simply not fair.
This is a page about life not being fair, aswell as death. It just doensn't seem to be fair that some people's life is a happy one and others' lives may be the frontyard of hell,, some people don't even get the gift of life itself..
But this page is not realy about life or death or life being unfair, this page is mostly about hope. And it's made because of the fact that there is hope.
This site is made for the children; the children that didn't survive.
The main story behind me making a page like this one is the fact that I am a mother, eventhough my children are not alive. So I've made this page for them, or actually for me, so that I can honour the memory of them even here.
There are four babyangels in my life. I've given them names, but I won't write them down here because I don't think it's needed.
Sometimes I go to church and light candles for all of them, one candle for each and everyone of them. This is something that has become very important to me, cause I've decided that I can't forget, and since I can't I will honour their memory insted.
While reading this page I hope you bare in mind the pain it's taken me to write it down. And I hope you honour their memory by reading it silently and thoughtfully
Four years later, october the first 1996 I walked in to the hospital building, being almost as scared as those four years earlier.
I was there because of being 11 weeks pregnant wanting an abortion.
On the evening the same day I went to a party, smiling as usual,empty inside of my soul, no longer pregnant.
This time I DID kill my baby, eventhough it wasn't it's fault.
And also this time it all was because of the same man. A result of a rape.
This has been very hard..
In the autumn of 1992 I went to the schoolnurse and got to know that I was pregnant. For me this was a great chock. I was myself at that time 15 years of age and I was pregnant due to a rape that occured during the summer. I was very scared and too afraid to tell anyone.
The nurse told me that I hadn't been 'careful enough'. And I thought it vas becourse I had been irresponsible.
Some time later I got a miscarrieage. The baby I was carrying was no longer within me, and I thought, in my confusion that I had killed it.
Being 15 and alone
June 3rd 1999. A hospital in the capital. A woman and her newborns, two beautiful twingirls, lying silently in their mother's arms. No crying, no breathing.
My girls didn't have the slightest possibility to survive, born during the fifth month, said to be a miscarriage again.
A lot of grief after a hard decision becoming a mom against the odds. the father of my children was my 'extradaddy', -married and father of three already.
