February, 1999...

My birthday is less than a week away now, and I am writing in anticipation of all that is to come.  Yes, I know for a fact that I will be on the receiving end of a letter from G and maybe a phone call.  A letter from C, with maybe a little pressie just for me.  A few cards in the mail will not go astray, and of course there is also the phone calls from family.  Odds are that Mick will not ring, he is consistent in his always forgetting to phone family members on their big day. Am I excited about this increase in age?  No, I don't think so, nothing about it at the moment appears to be any different from past years.  I may have advanced in wisdom, but who can really tell unless they have not seen hide nor hair of me for the last couple of years.  If anything, I wish to become more of an outrageous person, doing more things and going out more.  Putting some meaning into my life.  Time will tell.  Already I have thrown my job in to pursue a career that has more meaning to me, and will hopefully get me places.  So yeah, I am joining the education system once more, an old age sympathy recruit from years gone by.  At the college in town, they still have me on their files, dating right back to the time when Jesus was just a sparkle in his mothers' eyes.  What records! But many people have trod the path of 26 before, as there will be after me.  I am not the first, nor will I be the last.  Many things have been learnt at this ripe old age, and the elders tell me that there is still more to be learnt, that can only be gleaned from a combination of personal experience and learning.  Yes, learning my friend, is a never ending process, one which I tackle with a kind of gladness.  It keeps me alive.  Boring and mundane is life threatening to me, which is probably why I have not settled into any defined pathways yet.  I have not learnt the things that I can settle into and be satisfied with my life.  But time will tell, and hopefully I have many ripe years ahead of me.  To many I am still a spring chicken. Life is not easy.  I never purported it to be.  But I am planning on making it fun, even if it means that I will not take the wide and easy road, like I will often prefer to. Nothing earned, nothing gained, the road less travelled, a hard task, and I hope to make the most out of my life.  Sure, fifty years down the track, when I am old and obsolete, I will look back on this bit of writing and think what a young and foolish girl I was, but then, I may not.  The question is, does it really matter?  Will my life prove to be so terrible that I regret the things I did in my 'foolish' youth?  Chances are it won't, and I will always have my dreams if all else fails.  But I am young and determined.  I will survive, maybe against insurmountable odds, but I will survive, or go down fighting.

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