Cousin Natala furnished a spell to speak with Alissa’s body yesterday. She warned Hermy and Aria that it wouldn’t necessarily give us an answer as to if she wants to come back from the dead, or if Ordemet will allow it. She advised that we ask questions that would lead to answers that would help us. But being that the spell only communicates with the corse and what she knew in life, it didn’t provide us with any means to speak with her spirit.

But the spell was used, and Aria and Hermy got the answer they wanted to hear. Whether or not it’s the right answer, is hard, if not impossible, to say. Aria left to try and discuss further the deal that she made with Lord Malifaeyr: the diamonds needed to raise Alissa in exchange for Aria’s service. I wondered what would’ve happened if a Demmionite had made an offer to Aria, and it worries me that I believe she likely would’ve taken it up and damned the consequences. Malifaeyr may be more ethical, but I have to wonder what’s to become of her. Not just in serving the lord, but in life, if she doesn’t stop acting with such recklessness. It’s a habit that needs to be broken if she’s to live long. I have to wonder how hard it will be, or if it’s even my place to try. But I am her friend, a concerned one, and she deserves my help.

But for now, we have to wait. Hermy wants to think his options over, and Cousin Natala wants to pray for guidance. Personally I favor having the Mother’s clergy cast the spell to speak with Alissa’s spirit and determine for sure, which way or the other, how she feels about coming back, while she’s currently there on the other side. But it’s not my decision to make. Really, it’s up to the Mother.

I have to wonder what would happen to me if I fell in combat. I sometimes picture my spirit becoming one of the Light’s angels or archons, and continue to wield my sword for my lord. But I don’t want to be struck down on the battlefield. When I must die, I want it to be in my bed, as an old grandfather, retired from crusading after a long life of service to Thalos. That is the more honorable way to go, I believe, to succumb not to any of many enemies in life, but to something that cannot be defeated--inexorable and immortal Time.

But it may happen. I’m not immortal or invincible; I’ve never thought that I am. In case it does, the question is, will I want to come back and take another chance? In which capacity can I serve better--as an experienced, living paladin, or as a celestial swinging my sword against fiends? I have no way of telling. Death may be better in the respect of service, but death doesn’t contain my friends, family, and beloved. I may wish to return. If I do, how will it be known? How do I know I won’t change my mind after knowing firsthand what the other side is like? How will Miri and the others be able to find out? The coin is a problem today with Alissa; it could be again with me. Or Miri. We came horribly close with the blood troll in the pass. Perhaps we should talk about this, and see about setting some money aside, just in case this becomes an issue. Or we could simply call it a savings. That does sound better.

I should also I should also really start to think about asking her to be my wife. We do live together now, and things are well, but the propriety is obviously questionable. Her parents would have a fit if they knew, I’m sure, and my own could have something to say about it as well (not as bad, I’m sure. They will like her, I know it). When we go to Lilac Ford, we should do it as engaged. I will propose before then, when the time is right.