elysi

Past Decisions:
Re: Buy A Better Baby?
A top fertility clinic has recently announced a new service allowing parents to create so-called 'designer babies'.
"This technology shows promise," muses Max Gutenberg, minister of health. "But we can't trust the private sector with the future of our nation's children. We must place it under strict government regulation, so that we only screen out embryos with serious genetic conditions."

Re: Organic Outburst
After a recent left-wing broadsheet expose of agricultural practices, an outburst of public paranoia has stirred up the organic foods debate.
"I just can't stomach it any more," rants concerned parent Beth Mombota. "My children's future is being put at risk by irresponsible corporate practices. We must outlaw the use of pesticides and additives by farmers and food producers."

Re: Close Encounters Of The Sci-fi Kind?
A recent, well-publicized UFO sighting over rural areas of Elysi has turned people's attention to the skies, and what... or who... might be up there.
"Extraterrestrial lifeforms? Alien invaders? I don't know why we even have to listen to such idiocy!" complains prize-winning physicist Abraham Summers. "In my opinion, the idea of 'aliens' on another planet is highly unlikely, and even if they did exist, getting from there to here is technically impossible! I say we forget this nonsense and stop spending our tax elysian crescents on it. Leave this sort of foolishness to the people who attend those 'trekkie' conventions."

Re: Traffic Cops Needed on Information Superhighway?
Certain shadowy ministerial figures have proposed government monitoring of individual internet usage.
Privacy activist Beth Wong is outraged, as usual. "Tyranny is the natural result of limiting information! Someone, somewhere, will always find something offensive -- mimes for example. Those scare the hell out of me. But should we ban them? No! Free the internet! We have nothing to fear from free information but pop-up advertising!"

Re: The latest "Harry Potter" book
Teachers union President Gregory Fellow says, "Come on, the book is fantasy! And it's a damn good read. I'd like the government to issue a statement of support for our teachers and librarians, so kids can enjoy good books without interference from religious wackos, like Christians."

Re: Book Publishing Workers Strike!
Workers across the nation have gone out on indefinite strike over what they claim are substandard wages in the Book Publishing industry.
"We are the backbone of this country, and we demand a fair wage rise!" says union leader May Winters. "I don't think a 20% increase over two years is too much to ask. Unless the government forces employers to give us our due, we'll shut this whole industry down! Let's see how well Elysi's economy manages without any Book Publishing, huh?"

Re: High-Speed Monorail Service Promises Connections
Vroom-A-Zoom-Zoom (VAZZ), a consortium of weird-looking hippies and yuppie rollercoaster aficionados, has developed plans for a high-speed monorail service for Elysi to help counter and relieve problems brought about by banning cars.
"I really disagree," says Violet Clinton, an unwashed denizen standing in the middle of Noh Weir, population 200, on the outskirts of Elysi. "The state must run the monorail service, otherwise it's useless. What a monorail system should do is connect both large and small cities, and the only way to do that is for the government to run the rails, using the profits from the larger cities to subsidize the routes for smaller ones."

Re: For Whom The Road Tolls
A group of transport analysts have suggested that a charge of five elysian crescents a day for vehicle access to Elysi's most congested inner-cities during peak hours is the only way to solve their ever-growing traffic problem.
"Allowing cars to scoot around and pollute our cities was a bad idea in the first place," says Sue-Ann Utopia, a famous environmentalist. "The solution is to restrict private transport to main roads and motorways whilst funding a major urban public transport scheme. Our buses and undergrounds could be the envy of the world! Yes, the car companies will suffer a little, and yes, there'll be a bit more tax, but wouldn't it be worth it for a bit of fresh air and safe streets for the children?"

Re: Immigrants Import Homeland Rivalries
After a series of bloody wars between the nations of Maxtopia and North Bigtopia, fights have broken out in the streets between immigrants in Elysi who came from the warring nations.
"I am shocked and appalled at what my colleague is suggesting!" exclaims Naki Thiesen, President of the Civil Rights Union of Elysi. "Slavery? We should punish these offenders, yes, but send them to rehabilitation centres instead! As for the ethnic squabbles, programs in school should begin to stop these racist attitudes in childhood! All it will take is some slight fortification to the education budget!"

Re: Elysi's Schoolchildren Not Learning The Lingua Franca
After a recent national survey revealed that almost three-quarters of the population only know the primary language of Elysi, there have been rising calls for the government to take action.
"Fluency in foreign languages is imperative to education," says Professor Charles Clinton of Elysi University. "Learning a new tongue not only gives a child a practical, marketable skill, but also encourages compassion and understanding of foreign cultures. With so many nations in the world, I do insist that we increase government funding in these areas and make it a compulsory part of the curriculum. As we say in Ancient Maxtopian: froggug sederty bungo-bungo!"

Re: Birds, Bees, And Breeding Teens
A study has shown that an increasing proportion of teenagers in Elysi are falling pregnant.
"We need comprehensive sex education to be mandatory in all schools," says Steffan Christmas, a teacher while tidying away some diagrams that make your eyes water. "The plain fact is that teenagers will experiment with sexual intercourse despite what society or their parents wish. So I say give these kids free contraceptives, and make them fully aware of the consequences of their actions. Information is what they need, not condemnation. If they ignore it then hey, it's their own damn fault."

Re: Curfew Meets Minor Opposition
In order to curb youth-related crime, the police have suggested a national curfew
"I'm not a criminal just because I'm seventeen!" shouts honors student, May Jones. "Yeah, I like to go out partying, but I'd never hurt anybody! Besides, we've already got enough problems with these pigs breathing down or necks. If anything we need MORE freedom. It's time for the government to step up to the plate and tell these power hungry swine to stop cramping our style!"

Re: A Uniform Plan For Elysi's Students?
A random PTA meeting has brought the debate over school uniforms to your attention.
"Dude, your plan stinks," says Chastity Utopia, leader of The Students Union. "Our clothing is part of who we are; it lets us express ourselves just by passing someone in the corridor. To say we must wear these inhibiting uniforms is an affront to our personal freedom! So back off with the uniforms, dude, students should be allowed to go to school dressed however they like. Or not dressed, if that's their style."

Re: Turn Down That Racket, Say Morality Police
A group of concerned parishioners and soccer moms has petitioned the government of Elysi to outlaw heavy metal music, which they fear is a bad influence on youngsters.
"Whoa, man... what's with the, like, censorship and stuff?" asks Beth Jefferson, scruffy-haired bassist of the popular speed metal band The Destroyinators. "You can't, like, censor the music, man. That's how we express ourselves! Every bass beat is me baring my soul! Every howl is me complainin' about how my parents tried to kick me out of their basement! Besides, what's wrong with Satan? He's just misunderstood anyway. I say promote the arts, man!"

Re: Voluntary vs. Cumpulsory Voting
"Complusory voting makes about as much sense as having the death penalty for attempted suicide," says civil rights activist Klaus Spirit. "You can't force people to be free! Youcan only give them the choice. Besides, if all those derelicts who can't be bothered to get off their ass once every few years voted, who would they elect? I shudder to think."

Re: Should The Government Grant Estates And Titles Of Nobility?
A peculiar confederacy of small-government advocates, regular attendees at Elysi's annual Medieval Faire, and the super rich have demanded that the government grant estates and confer titles of nobility upon certain influential persons.
"A good day to thee, milord," counters Miranda Wu, an amateur Medieval Faire actor dressed in period costume, "I would suggest that thou hasten thyself to spectate at the jousting competition this forenoon. Aye, quite a bout we have arrayed for thee this day. However, the whole affair could be much grander if only we received a few more gold crownes from the government. Aye, 'twould be a grand tourney of knightly skill and courage indeed!"

Re: Frivolous Lawsuits
"I'm almost inclined to agree," muses Jean-Paul Wall, a nearby firefighter. "People really should know better than to dry their cats in the microwave oven. But it's also that microwave oven that should not start a fire if one leaves it running overnight. Let's just put higher national safety standards in place that all products must be certified to meet. The extra expense shouldn't worry people if it's the difference between life and death after all."

Re: Tiara Sign Of Oppression, Declare Feminists
Elysi's upcoming hosting of a major international beauty pageant has upset some citizens concerned about the message it puts across.
"What in the name of all that's decent and good are you talking about?" exclaims Konrad Licorish, leader of the egalitarian civil rights movement 'Everyone Is Equal, Dammit'. "Obviously these pageants will always be sexist unless they're open to everyone. Admiring women only for their beauty is an insult to their intelligence and the beauty of men! It's dually sexist! Open up the pageant to both sexes!"

Re: Burn! Burn Everything!
A recent anti-government rally by highly disgruntled teens has brought a previously minor issue to the fore- should people be permitted to burn Elysi's flag, or should it be a crime?
"We should be able to burn the flag as a sign of protest. I say ignore those crazy red-blooded fanatics who won't let us! After all it's because we are a tolerant nation that we should allow it!" says Abraham Dredd, civil rights activist, while trying to wave a burning flag without setting anybody nearby on fire.

Re: Transsexual Demands Recognition In Chosen Gender
After the tabloid magazine "The Bun" outed a supermodel to have been born male, the state has anulled her marriage to her husband.
"You know everyone, gender isn't a black and white proposition," states self-identified "genderqueer" Bill Li. "There are XX males, XY females, and many people who have ambigious sexual characteristics or just don't feel they belong in the category male or female, the government must recognize our existence!"

Re: Punishment of Sex Offenders (specifically, a rapist with 50 priors)
"That psycopath should be castrated!" cries rape victim Johann Rubin, "The agony he put me through must be punished with a means that will ensure that no human being will ever go through what I did! If castration is used more often in these cases you will see rape drop to nothing!"

Re: Gunman Kills Three
Tragedy struck Elysi today, as a gunman killed three people in a suburban shooting rampage. The community is united in grief, but divided in opinion as to what should be done.
The strongest voices demand tighter gun controls. "The only way to prevent further atrocities is to take the guns out of the hands of the murderers," says anti-gun campaigner Dave Longfellow. "There's no justification for them in today's society. We need tighter regulations on who can hold guns, so only our police and military have them."

Re: Bug 'em All, Say Police
The Elysi police force have come to you for permission to use phone taps to trace suspected criminals.
"This is an unacceptable intrusion into the personal lives of the population," says Billy-Bob Longbottom while checking under your chair for bugs. "Just imagine all of the sensitive personal information that the police will pick up! Would you like someone listening to you calls to your mother or your lover? I think not! Laws should be passed so that the government and police can't stick their big noses where they're not wanted!"

Re: Blood Banks Running Dry
A violent and rather messy stampede of wolfs during a parade in your honour has brought widespread media attention to the shortage of blood, plasma and platelet donors in Elysi.
"You're kidding, right?" burbles anaemic patient Prudence Jones from a hospital bed. "I'm not going to let some closed-minded priest tell me what I can and can't do with my blood! But I don't think people should be forced to give blood; they just need incentive, that's all. Like money. Trust me, any kind of 'elysian crescents For Blood' scheme will have them almost begging to donate. It's the only humane way to ensure that people like me are getting the care we need. If you're worried about funding just get it from those religious nuts... they're not helping anyone with it."

Re: Recent Attacks by Pet Wolves
"Why punish the poor things?" asks animal-lover Buffy du Pont, covered in scars from previous encounters with wolfs. "All they need is good hands to care and rehabilitate them. We need a government education programme to tame them and turn them into loveable pets. The one I'm holding right now shows that it can be done. They are all good, kind creatures deep d- argh!"

Re: Wolf Hunting Laws Under Dispute
The fierce debate on wolf hunting in Elysi has been brought to your attention after vociferous supporters of both sides of the argument stormed your parliament.
"Wolf hunting is a cruel and horrible 'sport' for the wealthy," says Beth McAlpin of the 'Protect Anything Cute and Furry Society'. "How can you possibly justify it? Oh, they witter on about 'tradition' and 'pest control' and other such nonsense, but really we all know it's because these sadists love to torture poor, innocent animals! Hunting must be banned!"

Re: Revitalizing the Beef Industry with Wolf Meat
"I am shocked and appalled!" declared SPCA President Miranda Gutenberg. "If anyone needs to be culled, it's us humans. The wolfs were here first, remember? We need to take this as a sign to get our industry--agriculture in particular--to back off. The wolf is part of what makes Elysi a great nation!"

Re: Hackles Raised Over Fur Clothes Debate
Several animal rights groups have protested the continuing use of fur as a material for clothing.
"This is an outrage!" cries Larry Thiesen, president of the Be Nice To Animals society. "The manufacture of fur apparel is unethical, cruel, and disgusting! People just don't seem to realise that millions of animals die each year in fur farms, crammed into tiny cages and suffering the most terrible treatment just so someone can look appealing and rich! This is a sick practice and must be stopped! The same can go for leather shoes and snakeskin belts too."

Re: Power Problems Need Bright Solution
The oldest power station in Elysi suffered a catastrophic failure last night, plunging a third of Elysi's national power supply grid into darkness. There is no debate that it needs to be replaced, but the question is with what?
"The solution is clear," says environmental activist Akira Jefferson. "Wind turbines and solar power stations are the cleanest there are. We must switch power production to forms of renewable energy, that will never run out. The only minor problems are that wind farms will take up a great deal of space and of course we can't exactly rely on the weather. It isn't as though we control it. But think of how much healthier people will be without all that pollution!"