Stop All The Clocks

Rated - PG

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Two Songs For Hedli Anderson - From Four Weddings and a Funeral.
Stop all the clocks, cut off the telephone,
Prevent the dog from barking with a juicy bone,
Silence the pianos and with muffled drum
Bring out the coffin, let the mourners come.

Let aeroplanes circle moaning overhead
Scribbling on the sky the message He Is Dead,
Put crepe bows round the white necks of public doves,
Let the traffic policemen wear black cotton gloves.

He was my North, my South, my East and West,
My working week and my Sunday rest,
My noon, my midnight, my talk, my song;
I thought that love would last forever: I was wrong.

The stars are not wanted now: put out every one;
Pack up the moon and dismantle the sun;
Pour away the ocean and sweep up the wood.
For nothing now can ever come to any good.

Stop All The Clocks... inspired by Two Songs For Hedli Anderson.

"I can remember him so clearly. He was here, at my house, yesterday. Now he's gone. When I say gone, I don't mean he went on a holiday... I mean he's gone, no longer... dead. They said it was an accident. That it was nobody's fault. Wasn't Jordan's fault that he didn't see the car coming... wasn't the drivers fault that he didn't see Jordan," I paused, taking a shaky breath. "He was my everything," I continued, "My body, my soul, my heart, my mind... my reason for living. Who knows what will become of me now... not me. Sometimes I think that he's still here. I keep waiting for him to walk through the door." I stopped to wipe a tear from my eye. I looked around at all of Jordan's family and friends, begging myself not to break down and cry.

Thinking about Jordan is so hard for me, I love him. We were married, Jordan and I. 'You look so beautiful, I love you Lucy,' he said. We talked about love a million times it seems, the words came out our lips like we forgot what it means. We said we'd be together 'til death do us part... but we said those words with only half our hearts. We always fought about the littlest things, he always changed the Tv channel in the middle of my favorite show, and apparently I roll around too much in bed. I wish I could go back to last week, so I could stop the last fight we had.

I guess you learn from your mistakes... I always learn the hard way. I wonder what's in store for me now? More deaths? More hate? Probably... that type of stuff seems to thrive around me. Even though we fought, Jordan was all I ever wanted... all I ever needed. Now he's gone.

I started to speak again, "Dead, that word is so final sounding isn't it? Gone, no more, forget about it. Well, no one really dies, as long as we remember them. If we forget, they never were... if we remember, they'll always be. Death is not a fear, but a memory made clear. With a tear falling and a loved one calling. You know, we all come tumbling down, no matter how strong, we all return to the ground. In the days to come you'll say 'Why did I wait?' You can't just leave your life up to fate. You have to turn it around before it's too late. The thing that's strange is you only live once. I'll never look back again." I sat down next to Jordan's sister Melody and cried.

As I composed myself I pulled a piece of paper out of my bag and wrote Jordan a letter about how I felt... to let him know I need him. 'Dear Jordan, I've had my joy, all broken into, but if anyone can heal me, baby it's you. Won't you come and hold my hand? This world has taken me as far as it can, without your smile. Love Lucy.'

The funeral finished and we all got up and followed Jordan's coffin outside to the graveyard. It was an unusually bright and sunny day, I didn't like it, I wanted it to match my mood... dark and gloomy. I stood there not really listening to the pastor's prayers.

'Oh Jordan,' I thought to myself, clutching his letter tightly, 'Won't you save me? 'Cause saving's what I need, I just want to be by your side. Suddenly the sky is falling, could it be it's too late for me? If I never said I'm sorry... then I'm wrong. Then I hear my spirit calling... wondering if you're longing for me... and then I know that I can't live without you.'

"Ashes to ashes, dust to dust..." I heard the pastor say. I kissed my letter to Jordan and threw it into his grave, watching as it floated down... waiting some day to be understood.

Thanks to Hanson and Elli for some of the quotes in this story.