Vincent
Ialenti
portrayed
Double-F.
Where
Is
He
Now?
Dr.
Ialenti teaches broadcasting at a college in Gardner,
Massachusetts. (Click here
for a current picture.) |
|
Well,
thank you, sweetheart, and good evening, everybody!
This
is Tuesday, July 21st, the big day you've all been waiting for.
Starting at 11 o'clock, promptly, 11 o'clock tonight, Fantastic Fred
will be presenting his long-awaited-for Annette Funicello
Retrospective and Dance Festival.
And,
wow, do we have some blockbuster events on this Dance Festival.
The best thing of it all, we've got some Annette records for you,
coming up at 11 o'clock.
But
until then: music!
("Peanut
Butter" plays)
Ah,
the Marathons and "Peanut Butter." Fantastic Fred is
just so excited tonight, he's talking 18 miles a second.
It's
eleven um Fantastic Fred can't even tell time!
Just think, an Annette tribute tonight! Oh, wow! It's nine
past 10 o'clock, and let's slow things down and perhaps we can calm
down Old Double-F. Remember this one? The Rays and "Silhouettes."
Eleven
o'clock, it's coming, folks. Don't miss it. You'll never
forgive yourself.
-----
Eighteen
past ten o'clock, and someone just called up Old Double-F and said,
are you going to play any of the Worst Records of the Week
tonight? And seeing we're going to do a whole hour for Annette
what, are you begging for punishment? But nevertheless,
I will promise you one Worst of the Week, okay?
In
the meantime, here's good old Freddy Cannon. Some may call this
one of the worst of all time, but Fantastic Fred likes it. It
was written by Chuck Barris, the guy who now produces The Dating Game
and The Newlywed Game and many other fine television programs.
("Palisades
Park" plays)
(Noises)
In
the background, the wastepaper baskets are being dragged out of the
studio. Fantastic Fred may be next.
News
is coming up with Marty Steinbeck in about three seconds, and then
after that, we're going to have that request somebody wanted,
"Party Doll."
(News)
("Party
Doll" plays)
One
of Fantastic Fred's all-time favorite songs. And that went out
to the Class of 1958 at Chesterbrook Elementary School in Church
Falls, Virginia.
Fantastic
Fred usually doesn't like to do dedications or requests. It
kind of ruins a class show like I run. But seeing I'm feeling
so good tonight the Annette Funicello big Festival and
Retrospective coming up in about 21 minutes I figured to my
little self: whyyy not, huh?
More
music with Double-F. I'm the cream of your music machine!
That's show-biz talk, folks.
("So
Fine" and "I'm Walkin'" play)
Somebody
just called up, said his wife's in the bathtub; and for somebody
with a wet wife, Fantastic Fred will play whatever their little heart
desires. He wanted some old Elvis; here's "Hound Dog."
("Hound
Dog" plays)
It's
14 minutes before the Annette Funicello Dance Festival time, and
things are hectic here at the station.
Did
you hear that before the news? A janitor walked right in on
Fantastic Fred's show. A star of my magnitude! Walked in
on the show and dragged not carried, but dragged
a wastepaper basket across the floor. Mm, mm. It's
just hard to believe the disrespect some people have for stars nowadays.
("Charlie
Brown" plays)
Talking
about "picking on" people: that janitor came in and
hit me with a broom during the last record!
What's
happening? What happened to the idea of stardom? Ah,
it's just incongruous. But we'll be saluting a star tonight,
Annette Funicello. Some of us appreciate stars.
|
FEMALE VOICE:
Fantastic Fred, what you lack in talent, you make up for in stupidity. |
People
are invading the studio! My Fat Girl Bodyguards are so excited
about this Annette Funicello Dance Festival that they asked for the
night off. They're home lounging, probably eating eight or nine
salami sandwiches. If you're listening, girls, look what
happens when you're not around to protect Fantastic Fred! He
needs all the help he can get.
Hey,
I promised you one of the Worst Records of the Week. This came
in just this afternoon, just in time for the Fantastic Fred Legend
Show, and this is called "Hippie Lullaby" by Louie
Wickham. You asked for it. The Worst of the Week.
|
(Acoustic
guitar intro)
Well,
I hit on Mom and Daddy
And they wired me some cash,
Then
I made a good connection
And I got a heavy stash.
I
wanted you to know you'd
Always have a place to crash,
But
you was gone again.
I'd
trade every single food stamp in my little leather pouch
If
you'd just come on back and do a thing with me.
I
looked for you on the campus,
And I thought I saw your face
Just
before that trooper got you
With his little can of mace.
Then
the paddy wagons came
And I was left without a trace,
And
you was gone again.
I'd
trade every single food stamp in my little leather pouch
If
you'd just come on back and do a thing with me.
Well,
I went up to Peñasco
And your sleeping bag was there,
And
I wanted so to tell you
Just how much I really care,
So
I opened up the flap,
But I saw someone else's hair
And
you was gone again.
I'd
trade every single food stamp in my little leather pouch
If
you'd just come on back and do a thing with me.
There's
another verse here somewhere . . . .
Well,
I thought that I might find you
At the love-in at the park,
So
I stumbled through the bushes
Over bodies in the dark,
And
I suddenly got trampled
When somebody hollered "Narc!"
And
you was gone again.
I'd
trade every single food stamp in my little leather pouch
If
you'd just come on back and do a thing with me.
(Light
applause on record) |
Well,
Louie Wickham's getting no applause from old Fantastic Fred.
It's
now 62 degrees in Syracuse. The weather is going to be clear
and cool tonight with a low temperature near 50. Fair tomorrow
and tomorrow night, with a high temperature in the 70s and a low
tomorrow night in the 50s. The probability of precipitation is
near zero through tomorrow night. Right now the sky is mostly
clear who cares? It's dark out! Who cares what the
sky looks like?
And
talking about caring, Fantastic Fred mentioned earlier about
stars. This is one of the great stars of my youth, Davy
Crockett. You remember when we used to sing his praise?
("Ballad
of Davy Crockett" plays, then "Raunchy" begins)
In
the background, Bill Justis and "Raunchy" taking us up to
11 o'clock here on FM 88, WAER, your summertime sound in Syracuse.
And
you know what happens at 11. Fantastic Fred's trying to calm
himself, so he can last this whole hour of excitement. Big
times coming up at eleven!
Just
compose yourself. Try to last. The excitement will be
tremendous, I must warn you. If you have high blood pressure,
please, take a few pills, huh?
(Music
concludes)
Background:
Actress and singer Annette Funicello was born
in 1942 in Utica, New York, about 50 miles east of Syracuse. In
the 1950s, she appeared on the Mickey Mouse Club, created by
Walt Disney (1901-1966). In the 1960s, she made records and
starred in several movies, especially of the beach-party genre.
That part of her career is the subject of the following Retrospective.
Unfortunately,
since 1987 Miss Funicello has been battling multiple sclerosis, a
degenerative neurological disease. This
website intends no disrespect to her in presenting the following
1970 satire in the spirit of good fun. |
|
|
Georgia
Dzurica
portrayed
Evelyn, who spoke in a flat tone throughout, even when she was
proclaiming how thrilled and excited she was to be on the show.
Where
Is
She
Now?
This
Vassar grad is now a writer living in Georgia (of course). |
|
. |
(on
tape) Ah, at great cost and great effort, Fantastic Fred
Legend has before me the lovely and sweet Evelyn Linguini, the former
stand-in and wardrobe mistress of Annette Funicello.
As
you all know out there in my vast listening audience, for the past
three or four months I've been trying to get Annette for this big
occasion, but unfortunately she's a very busy woman, and Miss
Linguini Evelyn, may I call you Evelyn?
"Oh,
certainly, certainly. It's really fine being here."
Right.
I want to thank you for being here, and I hope the trip from
California wasn't too bad. You can send the bill to Fantastic
Fred Legend Enterprises for your transportation.
"The
trip was a little rough, I'll tell you. I came in a dune buggy
I bought from Frankie Avalon about 1962 "
Ooh,
excuse me, but was that the one they used in Dune
Buggy Beach Party Bonanza?
"That's
right. That's exactly the one."
The
green one?
"It's
the green one. Really, it's a terrific-looking
automobile. But it's a little bit under the weather.
There's still sand in the spark plugs. It was a rough trip."
I
can understand.
"But
it is a fantastic car, Mr. Legend. I mean it."
Oh,
you can call me Fred.
"Oh,
okay, Fred."
Well,
excuse me, Fantastic
Fred. I mean, you know.
"Fantastic
Fred. All right."
I'd
feel better about that. Now, how did you first meet Annette Funicello?
"Well,
I was a ride in Disneyland, you know? I worked in Fantasyland."
You
were a ride?
"That's
right. Were you there?"
I
think I rode you!
"Sure.
Well, I tell you, one day I hear that Disney's putting out a call,
they need some Mouseketeers for some sort of new show. So I
rushed right over to the studio. I auditioned, you know?
But they needed one more person. They got this little kid, this
Karen, with long blonde hair, the whole thing."
Yeah,
the little brat Karen.
"I
lost. I didn't get in. But it turns out, Disney needs a
wardrobe mistress for Annette. So I said, well, listen, let me
give it a try. I quit my job as a ride, you know. I got a
mother to support. What am I going to do? So he says
okay. I met Annette, we went over a couple of little things
about her wardrobe philosophy, and it turns out, I get the job!
I was with her for 14 years."
What
was
her wardrobe philosophy? Tight?
"Yeah,
I tell you, she used to buy these sweaters really small. Four
sizes too small. Listen, we used to have to get on the set half
an hour before everybody else; the two of us had to get her into
these sweaters."
I
just think back to my youth with Annette. Those were those
Annette sweaters with her name across the front? I remember it
used to be quite tight around the first N and the second T.
"Right
about there, yeah. It was really a job getting her into those,
I tell you." |
You
ready to dance some more, huh? Whether you want to or not,
Fantastic Fred's going to play an Annette record, and you just try to
keep your feet from moving!
("Flapper
Flip" plays)
Ah,
Fantastic Fred just cannot get enough of this music with Annette
Funicello. Her vocal stylings are so unique and splendid, they
just take Fantastic Fred's breath away.
And
to pay a tribute to Annette's great voice, Fantastic Fred contracted
Dr. Wendell Mettinger, one of the great experts on voiceology.
Okay, Wendy? I recorded this last Thursday.
|
Tom
Thomas
portrayed
Dr. Mettinger.
Where
Is
He
Now?
He's
running this website, although all lawsuits should be directed to
Legend Enterprises. Also well, click here
for Tom's full story.
|
|
. |
(Background
electronic beeping from the VCARP)
"I
put 200 various recordings with Miss Funicello through our Vocal
Compressor, Analyzer and Record Player here at the University of
Southern California School of Optometry. Now the machine broke
down nine times due to the strain on its circuits, but we were able
to get a complete charting of her vocal 'range,' if you want to call
it that. And we found that she has many unique vocal qualities.
"For
instance, on the song 'Belly Button Beach Party Bingo Bonanza,' Miss
Funicello hit a note that our machine could not trace! You may
remember the note. It was in the third chorus of the song,
where Annette sings,
I
have sand in my belly button,
And
that ain't easy
When
you wear a one-piece bathing suit.
"Well,
the note she hits when she sings the word 'suit' was previously
unknown in the world of music. I think that, just by inventing
this one new note, Miss Funicello has made a significant
contribution. And the world of music salutes her for it."
(Click
here for more about this bit) |
Tonight's
program is being piped into the War Memorial Auditorium downtown,
also all over the Syracuse University quad, and being taped for our
boys overseas.
I'm
going to play one of Annette's biggest hits now, and I must
apologize for the state of the record. It's worn.
Fantastic Fred has played it over and over and over again. But
no matter what state the records are, if they're by Annette, they're
groovy, fab, and gear.
("O
Dio Mio" plays)
I'd
like to now continue on with that exclusive interview that Fantastic
Fred did get with Evelyn Linguini, Annette's old stand-in and
wardrobe mistress.
. |
Okay,
can I ask you a blockbuster question? One that I'm sure my
audience out there is just dying to know, now that we have someone
knowledgeable on the subject of Annetteology, if we could call it that?
"Oh,
certainly."
Is
it true that she was really 33 at the time she was supposed to be a 14-year-old
Mouseketeer?
"That's
right. You know, to tell you the truth, when I first met her I
did not even know. She was just really small. I'll tell
you, she really"
Well,
small in some respects.
"Well,
that's right. But of course, in others, we all know."
I'd
just like to tell you, vast listening audience, you heard this
expose scoop on the Fantastic Fred Legend Show. Uh, was it fun
working on the Mickey
Mouse Club?
"I'll
tell you, Fantastic Fred. I really, I did enjoy it a lot.
It was one of my more interesting jobs. It was certainly
better than being a ride, let me tell you. Those little kids,
all the time . . . oh, the little kids get on my nerves so easily."
Annette
used to be romantically linked, I remember from the teenage
magazines at the time, with Bobby Burgess.
"I,
I, if you want my personal opinion, I think Frankie Avalon was
another story. There was a real association there. I
'frankly' have always wondered about Frankie. Heh-heh."
She
knew Frankie back in those days?
"She
did. Yes, she certainly did. This was before they began
any of the beach party, uh, saga." |
An
exclusive interview with Evelyn Linguini; and she's dropping a few
bombshells about Annette Funicello, things I bet you out there just
didn't know. Fantastic Fred here is going to expose it all,
tell the whole truth, and pay tribute to this great star.
And
one of the great controversies surrounding Annette Funicello was,
did she really voice the Hayley Mills records? Particularly,
the one in question was "Let's Get Together." Here it
is, Hayley Mills and the record of controversy.
("Let's
Get Together" plays)
Did
Annette actually sing that record? That's the question
Fantastic Fred asked Dr. Wendell Mettinger, and this is his reply.
. |
"Well,
since we had complete vocal checks and charts on Annette Funicello's
vocal range and pitch structure as well as her measurements
it was relatively easy to check. We ran 17 various
testing procedures on the song, and I think I can base my
professional reputation on my conclusion. Without a doubt, the
same person who sang 'Let's Get Together' was the person who sang the
Annette Funicello records. If we can assume that Annette
Funicello did sing on her own records, then there is no
question that she also ghost-sang 'Let's Get Together' for Hayley Mills.
"There
are many reasons for this. If you listen closely to the song,
the artist is singing simultaneously in seven keys. Now,
there's only one singer in the world who could do this, and that's Annette.
"Also,
listen closely to the third 'yeah' in the line 'Let's get together,
yeah yeah yeah.' It is a middle C which is glissandoed off
pitch and on pitch three times during one beat. Now this is a
very distinctive trait of Miss Funicello's vocal style.
"And
besides, it must be Annette, because who else would do such a
lousy British accent?" |
Thank
you, Dr. Wendell Mettinger. This is Fantastic Fred Legend, the ever-popular
Fantastic Fred. And my goodness, I'll be so popular tomorrow
after bringing you this great tribute to Annette Funicello.
It's
24 minutes past the hour of eleven o'clock, and we'll be going until
twelve o'clock tonight with this appropriate tribute to the great
star from Central New York. And coming up right after news,
which you'll be hearing at 11:30, we'll have that interview with Mr.
Al Rallph, the man who discovered Annette Funicello.
("Rock-A-Cha"
plays)
Oh,
Annette! Boy, she's even displaying her acting ability in that
song, when she says "Geez, Louise" with a Spanish
accent. Magnificent!
Let's
go with two in a row, and taking us up to news time, Annette and
"The Hucklebuck." Annette, we're waiting, baby!
Keep Fantastic Fred's audience turned on till twelve!
("The
Hucklebuck" plays)
(News)
("Do
the Glide" plays)
Wow,
that's the sultry and tantalizing voice of Miss Annette Funicello,
the woman, the star that Fantastic Fred Legend is paying tribute to tonight.
As
Fantastic Fred promised you, Fantastic Fred now has an interview
which he got last week with Mr. Al Rallph.
|
David
Hepp
had
his eyes shut when our class picture was snapped. (That's why,
when we mentioned him before, we substituted a more recent photo.)
Dave
used a loud, tough voice to portray Al, whom one can imagine with a
fat cigar.
|
|
. |
(Strip-joint
band plays)
This
is Fantastic Fred Legend at the Club Hi-Ho in Peoria, Illinois.
Fantastic Fred is here to talk to, hopefully, Mr. Al Rallph.
Al Rallph, as you know
"Keep
it moving. Keep it moving, girls!"
I
think you can hear Mr. Rallph in the background. If you
remember, Mr. Rallph was
"Bumps!
I want bumps! Give me bumps!"
That
Mr. Rallph is loud. My goodness. Mr. Rallph was talent
coordinator for the Mickey Mouse Club during the heyday of the Mickey Mouse
Club, and he's the man that's responsible for discovering
Annette Funicello. Mr. Rallph? Oh, uh, Mr. Rallph?
"What?"
I'm
Franta I'm Fantastic Fred Legend, the
"You're
what?"
Fantastic
Fred Legend, the radio star, and I'd like a word with you for just a
second, please?
"Yeah.
Funny name, kid."
I'm
sorry, sir, but that's the name my mother gave me.
"What's
your first name?"
Fantastic.
Fred's my middle name. And, uh, I want to know about Annette
"Do
you hear this? 'Fantastic Fred Legend'!"
It's
not that funny, sir. I've lived with this stigma for all my
life. But nevertheless, I'm here to talk about
"You
lived with what?"
The
stigma. It hurts.
"We've
got a 'funny girl' here, too."
Right.
But we're here to talk about Annette Funicello. Remember
her? Annette?
"Who?"
(slowly)
Annette Funicello.
"Annette.
Annette Funicello. Sounds like an Italian restaurant dish."
Well,
she is a dish. But she used to work in your club, I
believe. You discovered Annette Funicello. You put her on
the Mickey Mouse Club.
"Oh,
yeah, yeah! Annette! The Girl with the Thousand Ears!"
The
thousand ears?!
"Oh,
yeah! Great act! The girl, she had black hair, she had
these big"
Yeah,
right, that's her, that's her.
"Yeah.
Used to come out, we had a whole thing built around mice."
Ooh,
is that where Walt Disney got the idea for the Mickey Mouse Club?
"The
guy I hate to I mean ya know "
(music ends)
He's
dead now.
"Passed
away. I mean, we're all in show business, right? He was
a great man. Passed away. Stole
the idea, though.
Hey, girls, off the stage! The music's over! Go
on, get dressed! We bring 'em in early, you know. Bring
'em in about six o'clock, run 'em through their paces. The
breakfast crowd comes in about eight."
The
breakfast crowd?
"Yeah,
we get a big crowd; you wouldn't believe. You know, Peoria's
got a big steel mill. They come in early."
Right,
I see.
"We
get the guys coming off the night shift, too."
I
see. You were talking about Annette's act?
"Yeah,
uh-huh. Man, I'm telling ya! This is the thing that
Disney stole. Used to come out with hats."
Annette.
"The
Girl with the Thousand Mouse Hats. Well, she came out with
hats. 'Take them off, baby!' Had a lot of hats.
Took off about, uh, forty, fifty hats."
Yeah,
I see.
"Guys
start falling asleep on the table. She didn't get to anything
else! I had to get rid of her after awhile."
But
you did go to Hollywood when Disney discovered her?
"Well,
I tell ya, see, this guy, he had a talent scout around."
Disney
did?
"Yeah.
Guy with a black cape, little hat; used to go around with this
little guy that never talked."
Oh,
Zorro! Zorro, was that his name?
"Oh,
yeah, right. Lost three waiters to the guy! He used to
come in with the sword, get excited with the girls, right? Got
excited. Carved three waiters up. Terrible."
I
hate to get off the track; Fantastic Fred's a busy man. But Al
Rallph, what exactly did you do with the Mouseketeers? Did you
work with them on vocals or anything?
"I
taught them almost everything they know."
Annette
in particular, she had a particularly fine voice
"Well,
I took her right under my wing. I mean, she was from the club."
Right,
the Hi-Ho Club. Did she sing in her act at the Hi-Ho Club?
"No.
Just took her hats off. Ugh, those hats!"
Brings
back bad memories, huh?
"Aaugh!"
Did
you teach her her vocal style? Like in "Tall Paul,"
she was particularly
"Remember
that song, 'Pineapple Princess'?"
Yes,
I do
(singing
loudly) "Pineapple Princess! I love ya!
You're the sweetest girl in town!"
Did
you teach
"Wrote
that! I wrote it! I wrote the song; taught her the
proper phrasing, as it were. There's sort of a lilt in my voice
that she got."
Did
you teach her her dancing steps, et cetera?
"Well,
I mean look, did ya see the girls before?"
Oh,
yeah, yeah. Can I stay around for the breakfast show?
"Yeah.
Yeah, I'll get ya a table up front."
Great.
Thank you very much. Fantastic Fred would just like to thank
Mr. Al Rowf
"Rallph."
Rallph.
R-A-L-L-P-H?
"That's
it! Hey, you're the first guy that ever spelled it right!
What's your name again?"
(laughing)
Legend. Legend. Fred Legend. I'm sorry to laugh,
sir, but Number 3 is now tickling me under the table, and
"Back
on the stage! You'll be out on the street where I found ya!"
Fantastic
Fred does have problems with that, you know. He's just so
cute. Uh, could you use an emcee at the club on weekends?
"I
got one, kid. Thanks just the same."
Okay,
Mr. Rallph. Fantastic Fred would like to thank Mr. Al Rallph,
the discoverer of Annette Funicello. Mr. Rallph, how can
I thank you?
"I
don't know. Gimme about 50 bucks, that'd be good!" |
That
was the exclusive interview that Fantastic Fred got with Mr. Al
Rallph, the man that discovered Annette Funicello.
It's
16 and a half before the hour of 12 o'clock, and here's another
piece of that interview with Evelyn Linguini, Annette's old stand-in
and wardrobe mistress.
. |
Moving
on to the days of the beach party movies. There was a string
of them, about seven or eight. What do you think was the best
movie she ever made?
"I
think it was probably Bathing Suit Beach Bop Beach Party.
That was certainly one of my favorites, I know that."
Why
was this?
"Well,
Annette almost drowned in it."
That
was a great scene, when she was on the beach, panting, and Frankie
gave her that mouth-to-mouth
"Oh,
I'll never forget it. I mean, it just really stands out.
It ranks right up there with that scene in From Here to Eternity."
Right.
Next to Jeanette MacDonald and Nelson Eddy, the Frankie
Avalon-Annette Funicello team is probably one of the greatest teams
of screen lovers of all time.
"Oh,
I'd say, yes, I would say so."
Up
here at Syracuse University, they had an Annette Funicello-Frankie
Avalon film retrospective last year. Ah, what great memories
those old beach party movies bring to my mind! I can remember
reading that they were made in something like four or five days.
Could you explain to us what the process was?
"Surely,
surely, Fantastic Fred. The first day, I would spend the whole
day trying to get her into that bathing suit. That was the
whole day, Day One. After that, she would just have to stay in
that suit for four days. We would take about two days of
shooting and a day of editing, and we'd get her out of the suit as
soon as possible. I mean, you can't stay in a wet suit for four
days! You know what happens."
You
get all shriveled up. It's just because the suit was so tight
on her.
"That's
right, that's right. It was two sizes too small."
I
see. Who designed Annette's suits?
"Annette's
suits were always designed by Mr. Francis of Finland."
Because
compared to the other girls' bathing suits, they weren't as
snappy. The other girls had nice polka-dotted
bikinis. And this brings up the question that Fantastic Fred has
been dying for years to ask an expert in Annetteology. Why in
the world did Annette wear a one-piece bathing suit, while all the
other girls wore those nice snappy two-piece bikinis? And all
the movies had "bikini" in the title, practically. I
just can't understand, you know, why. Could you tell
us? Could you tell us?
"Well,
many people have asked me that very same question."
Have
you told them? Or is this a first for the Fred Legend Show?
"I've
tried to keep it a secret. I've been asked so many times,
though, I tell you, I've been dying to reveal it myself."
Fantastic
Fred has paid you great money to get all the true facts, et
cetera. So please, why did Annette this is it, Syracuse!
why did Annette wear a one-piece bathing suit, while all the
other girls had the two pieces, mmm mmm?
"Actually,
she had a pair of Mouseketeer ears tattooed on her navel."
(amazed)
How did that ever come about? My goodness!
"Well,
once she and Mr. Disney were out on the town. And she couldn't
hold her liquor. She could not hold her liquor."
Did
she spill a lot?
"She
spilled it all over. It was such a tremendous cleaning bill,
and it was a great burden on me, because I was responsible for her
appearance. You know what I mean."
Right.
"Well,
um, one time she got a little tanked up, and she just went out and
had her navel tattooed! Why, you couldn't show that on
the screen!"
My
goodness. A Mickey Mouse Club hat, with the ears
"With
the ears. Right on her navel."
That's
very strange. |
Now
you know! Fantastic Fred is telling everything, with the help
of Evelyn Linguini, Annette's old wardrobe mistress and stand-in.
It's
13 before 12 o'clock, and more Annette music, baby.
Dance! Ah, Fantastic Fred's feet just won't stop moving.
("Takes
Two to Tango" plays, ending with the line "Yeah, I'm with you!")
Did
you hear that? Annette's with Fantastic Fred tonight.
Ah, perhaps if I'm lucky I can dream of the sweet and lovely Miss Funicello.
It's
about 11 before 12 o'clock, and let's hear some more of that
exclusive interview that Fantastic Fred has with Evelyn Linguini,
Annette's old stand-in and wardrobe mistresss.
. |
What's
happening now with Annette Funicello? I'm sure my vast
listening audience out there is saying, "We haven't seen Annette
since the last beach party movie!" That was, uh, I can't
"I
believe that was about 1967, something like that. Well, that's
true; there was a period of time in which she wasn't making pictures
any more.
"Of
course, she was married. And now of course, she's working for
Baby Magic products, and she's selling their Baby Magic lotion and
powders. You may have seen her on television or some such thing.
"But
now, Disney Productions is thinking of bringing back the
Mouseketeers of course, a new version for this new generation."
Right,
right.
"And
I understand that they have asked Annette if she would care to
appear again as a Mouseketeer. And she's considering it; I
think she's going to accept. She's not really going to make her
decision known until August 15th, I believe it is, and we're going to
have to wait on that. But she's terribly interested, and she's
in the process of rejuvenating herself. I think, frankly, that
she's going to be 14 again. She will be back, in the sweater,
in the ears, and I think we'll all be thrilled to see her back on the
screen again. I know I will." |
There
you heard it first on the Fantastic Fred Legend Show: the Mickey
Mouse Club might be coming back to the air, and Annette
Funicello is going to try to get her old job back!
(Mexican
Hat Dance plays, with lyrics "¿Como Esta Usted?")
Not
only is Annette popular in Central New York, but she's real big in
South America, one of the biggest stars that South America has
known. I believe that since 1958 in one country in South
America or another, Annette has had a number-one record. That's
just some tremendous record, I think equaled only by Freddy
Cannon. A great star, Annette Funicello.
We're
going to conclude that exclusive interview now with Evelyn Linguini,
and you'll find it very interesting, revealing all the facts about
Annette Funicello.
. |
In
1968, that rumor shook the world: "Annette is dead."
"That's
right, and it was a terrible shock. Well, of course, the thing
that happened there, she hadn't made a picture in a few years.
And then it all came back. She was a smash at Monterey.
She and Frankie Avalon did a comeback, a little singing of several of
her records "
Oh,
right. "Jo-Jo the Dog-Faced Boy," and
"I'll
tell you, if you were there to see that crowd go wild, it was the
biggest thing at Monterey that year. I mean, it was a sensation."
That's
right. I remember in the movie they made of the Monterey
Festival, they had to cut out the Annette and Frankie section,
because they were afraid of the stimulation in the movie
theaters. You know, like the old days of rock and roll, they'd
just come in and tear the theater apart. Were you there in
Monterey that day to see this?
"I
was there that day. There was just nothing like it; I will
never forget it as long as I live. I mean, it was a
sensation. And I'll tell you, I was hoping she would have been
at Woodstock last summer. But you know, she couldn't make it."
Is
she going to be at any other festivals in the New York area, so some
of her old fans perhaps could come up there? Wasn't she
supposed to be at the Sugar Mill Festival at the beginning of
September in Gotham, New York?
"Well,
I'll tell you, it depends on whether or not she does accept the new
Mouseketeer offer."
Oh,
right, right.
"If
she accepts that, possibly she will have another commitment
there. You know, it takes an awful lot to get these shows
together. I know wardrobe will take at least two months to set up."
What's
so difficult about it?
"Well,
in knitting those sweaters, you know"
Oh,
those are all hand-knitted?
"Those
are all hand-knit sweaters, certainly, yes."
That's
excellent. Fantastic Fred is just thrilled this evening to
have had
"Well,
I'll tell you, Mr. Legend, it was a terrific thrill for me
to be here. I would do it again, even in that same dune
buggy. It has just been a thrill. Can I tell you
that? I mean, just a thrill to be here and meet you."
You
mean, to meet Fantastic Fred?
"I
certainly feel that way, yes, it's just, I'm just breathless."
Is
it true Fantastic Fred is as big on the West Coast as he is here in
the East?
"Oh,
certainly, yes. On the West Coast, you have a tremendous
following. I mean, I just can't tell you how big it is there."
"It"?
You mean Fantastic Fred.
"The
Fantastic Fred cult.
I mean, it's just growing and growing there. The T-shirts and
the sweaters "
Oh,
the Fantastic Fred T-shirts I'll give you one to take back to
the Coast, personally autographed.
"Oh,
would you? I would love it. Listen, I tell you, Annette
asked me, if it was possible, could I get one for her."
Oh,
my goodness, I'll send one for her
"It'll
be a small size. But I hoped maybe you would have
them in small sizes."
Oh,
that's right; Annette always wears the small size. And I'll
tell you what, for Annette's 13 children, I will send each a sweater
and an autographed picture
"Oh,
that would just be marvelous! I mean, I can't tell you how
marvelous that would be."
Okay,
and Evelyn, before you leave Evelyn Linguini, Annette's old
wardrobe mistress and stand-in Fantastic Fred would just like
to ask you one more question.
"Certainly,
certainly."
You've
worked closely with Frankie Avalon. He's always been one of my
favorites. But don't you think Fantastic Fred is just a little
cuter than Frankie Avalon?
"Fantastic
Fred, I do. I, I, I think he's, you're so much better.
I'm just so thrilled to be here, I can hardly believe it. I, I,
I, really, I you know, if I weren't thinking of going back to
Disney Productions, I would certainly want to be asked if I could
audition for one of your Legion of Lovelies. Do you think I
could qualify? I really, I would love it."
Evelyn,
I'll let you give Fantastic Fred a great big kiss after we finish
recording this interview, okay?
"Oh.
Oh, it's too much for me."
If
it is, we'll ship you back in a box to California.
This
is Fantastic Fred Legend here, having the privilege and the thrill
of a lifetime to get the true facts about Annette Funicello from
Evelyn Linguini, Miss Funicello's old stand-in and wardrobe
mistress. Again, thank you very much.
"You're
quite welcome." |
Aaah,
that was a thrill to meet someone who worked that closely with
Annette Funicello. Although I am one of Annette's biggest fans,
I have not had the privilege of meeting her, although Annette does
want to meet Fantastic Fred and has invited me out to California.
I
hope you've enjoyed tonight's special super-duper show on Fantastic
Fred Legend's Frolics, the Annette Funicello Retrospective and Dance Festival.
I'm
sorry we didn't have enough time for dancing tonight; perhaps we can
dance with Annette a bit next week. But we just had so much
important information that has never been aired, I thought that it
was quite important that we let it all hang out and that you hear all
the true facts about Annette Funicello, one of the great stars of
show business history.
Until
next Tuesday night, this is the ever-popular Fantastic Fred Legend
saying good night and thanks for listening. And Annette
Funicello, wherever you are, Fantastic Fred loves ya!
|
MALE ANNOUNCER:
"The preceding program was conceived, written, narrated,
directed, and produced by Fantastic Fred Legend, for Fantastic Fred
Legend Enterprises Incorporated and Very Limited.
"Mr.
Legend is solely responsible for its contents. Any similarity
between the information disseminated on the preceding program, and
the actual truth, is extremely dubious.
"All
lawsuits should be sent to Legend Enterprises. But it will do
you no good, because Mr. Legend is legally not responsible for
anything he says or does.
"Any
reuse or rebroadcast of the sounds and information heard on the
Fantastic Fred Legend Annette Funicello Dance Festival,
Retrospective, and Bake-Off is strictly ridiculous."
(Station
theme plays: "FM 88. WAER. Syracuse.") |
|