Contradiction
By Coral
Disclaimer: The following words/names are owned by Paramount: "Seven
of Nine", "Starfleet", "Borg Drone", "New Earth".
Dedication: No comment.
Author's Note: Just remember, I *could* have left the TuNa LiNe in.
Ta for the title, Lissa.
I hate her.
I hate the power she has over me, the way that I am slave to her every demand.
She only has to ask something of me, and it's done as far as in me lies.
Those few occasions when I have stood up to her and refused to buckle under
cost me more emotionally than she knows.
Or maybe she does know. She seems to know everything about me, after all
- which buttons to press to get my coopeeration, how to wind me round her
little finger. She could order me to my death and I don't doubt that I would
go willingly, cheerily... and probably even believing I deserved it. I know
she abuses this power, and I hate her for that... for being a cold, heartless
bitch who doesn't even care what she's doing to me or how I feel about anything;
nothing except getting her own way in a given situation.
She feels she has to be in charge. I hate the way she can't relax and let
of go of that, even around me. I can understand it with the others - she
has a reputation and a front she feels she must maintain. I hate that too:
the way she doesn't give us credit for a little more intelligence and common
sense. She can't break free from her Starfleet stereotypes and the confines
of Starfleet protocol to try giving us a chance - not even with me, although
I saw the 'real' Kathryn during our stay on New Earth. I hate that the only
person she confides in is Seven of Nine. It seems like she spends more time
with that Borg Drone than she spends with the rest of the crew put together.
I hate that she refuses to acknowledge all this crew has been through for
her and instead spends every free minute with her new 'friend'. I hate the
way she takes us all for granted.
She can't see what's under her nose - or does, and chooses to ignore it.
I hate her habit of ignoring people's opinions... even when those opinions
are equally, if not more, informed than her own. I hate those annoying little
habits and mannerisms that grate on my nerves after so long spent working
in close proximity with her. I hate the way she seems oblivious to me.
I hate the way I can become a nervous wreck in her presence and have to fumble
for something to say in those long, awkward silences that stretch between
us like several eternities. I want to bridge that gap, but I can't. I hate
that. I hate that power she has over me. I hate that I need something from
her.
I hate that I let her do this to me.
I hate her for having this power. I hate her for not caring. I hate her
every word, I hate her with every fibre of my being, I hate her every breath.
I hate her existence.
And yet...
I love her so much, it hurts.