It has come to our attention that a few copies of the WINDOWS 98 SOUTHERN EDITION may have accidentally been shipped outside of the South. If you have one of these, you may need some help understanding its' commands. The Southern Edition may be recognized by the unique opening screen. It reads: "WINDERS 98" with a background picture of General Robert E. Lee superimposed on a Confederate flag. It is shipped with a Dukes of Hazard screen-saver.

• "The "Recycle Bin" is labeled "Outhouse"
• "My Computer" is called "This Dern Contraption"
• "Dial up Networking" is called "Good Ol' Boys"
• "Control Panel" is known as the "The Dashboard"
• "Hard Drive" is referred to as "4-Wheel Drive"
• "Floppies" are "them little ol' plastic disc thangs"
• Instead of an "error message" a "garbage bag and roll of duct tape" pops up.

• OK . . . . . . . . . .ats aw-right
• Cancel . . . . . . . . stopdat
• Reset . . . . . . . . .try er agin
• Yes . . . . . . . . . .yep
• No . . . . . . . . . . nope
• Find . . . . . . . . . hunt fer it
• Go to. . . . . . . . . over yonder
• Back . . . . . . . . . back yonder
• Help . . . . . . . . . . hep me out here
• Stop . . . . . . . . . kwitit
• Start . . . . . . . . . crank er up
• Settings . . . . . . . settins
• Programs . . . . . . stuff at duz stuff
• Documents . . . . . stuff ah done did

• Tiperiter . . . . . . . . . a word processing program
• colerin book . . . . . . . a graphics program
• cyferin mersheen . . . . . . calculator
• outhouse paper . . . . . notepad
• iner-net . . . . . . . . . Microsoft Explorer 4.0
• pichers . . . . . . . . . A graphics viewer

We regret any inconvenience it may have caused if you received a copy of the SOUTHERN EDITION. You may return it to Microsoft for a replacement version. I hope this helps all y'all!

Sincerely,

Billy Bob Gates