Athlete Bios:

Name: Wilderness Weez
Age: Substantially older than her neighbor
Athletic Background: Olympic diaper changing
Occupation: Has single handedly raised and potty trained one half of all pre-schoolers in Regina, sweat shop commandant, Janis Joplin stunt double.
Other interests: extensive underground hydroponic growing operation, ordering dinner for 20 at 3am, co-captain of Lethbridge mud wrestling team.
Spouse/Children/Pets: Markey / T and 2 others /2 cats, 7 rats, shared custody of neighbor's orange tabby.
Years in Triathlon: 2
Swim cap colour: "Do NOT touch the 'do, dude!"
Bikes you have: 60lb Specialized Hillbilly Deluxe SUV/mountain bike with toaster oven and gun rack.
Bikes you want: Harley
Favourite running route: anything dark, cold, muddy with course markers blown away or sunk in the mud/quick sand, preferably involving retracing steps several times and sliding back down mud covered cliffs/hills that she just crawled up.
Favourite Triathlon leg: Markey's left one.
Why Triathlon? The great people and the positive reinforcement.
Goals for this season: learn how to read a freakin' map!!!!!

Name: Alan Barry.
Age: Not really sure about this but does claim to have been at Woodstock as teenager. Still has the same hairstyle.
Athletic Background: Has wallpaper in bedroom with little fishies ice skating. Collects Hockey cards. Wayne Gretzky screensaver. Knows where Taylor Field is.
Occupation: Drug dealer.
Other interests. Part time Jesus look-alike. Rebuilding old athletic equipment, beard growing, hunting Leader- Post photographer.
Spouse/Children/Pets
: Wanda/Daniel/two horses pretending to be dogs.
Years in Triathlon 0.333333333333333333333333333333333333333333
Swim cap colour. Bit of a problem here. Due to length of hair actually needs something a little larger than the regular swim cap. 235/75 R16 inner tube black.
Bikes you have: All steel Fiori Nutmangler with optional Kojak deathmaster racing slicks. Experimental downtube shifters with patented " I can't hear you Wanda " white noise generator.
Bikes you want : Anything post-1990 with anything metric. Prefer steel frame because of difficulty spelling Allunimium
Favourite running route : House to " I forgot keys" and back to "neighbours"
Favourite Triathlon leg: Putting wetsuit on and T3.
Why Triathlon ? Where else can I toss my hair, wear tight clothing and still be respected in the morning ?
Goals for this season. Arrive on time for at least one workout.

Name: Rick, Richard, Ricky, Rich, Richy, Dick, Dickie, Little Dickie, Big Rickie, Red, Brian.

Age: It is just a number. Time is not linear for Richard, it is a vast, nebulous cobweb of interlocking Eigen Vectors, constrained optimization equations, and acid flashbacks. He is about 40.
Athletic Background: Rugby, brutal freshmen hazings, and chugging contests.
Occcupation: Liquor monopolist and Uncle Fester stunt double on Adams Family.
Other interests: Richard is a very complicated man. An enigma wrapped in a mystery. OK......napping and watching wrestling.
Spouse / Children / Pets: Ha!/ 2 / rusty Toyota Camry
Years in Triathlon: Difficult to say....Rickie's tri career has been interrupted a few times for 6 months of house arrest and electronic monitoring and a few panicky/spontaneous trips out of the country. If any one asks Rick is in "Japan", OK?
Swim cap colour: Don't need no stinking swim cap!
Bikes you have: Aluminum Cannondale that has all the vibration dampening characteristics of a steel toboggan on an ice hill when it is -30C and your tongue is frozen to your jacket zipper. Rick has recently added something called "aero bars" to his bike and thinks that we should all try these out.
Dream bike(s): Litespeed, of course
Favourite running route: Corner of Athol and Victoria to the Plains Offsale and back.
Favourite triathlon leg: Kentucky Fried.
Why triathlon? The great people and the positive reinforcement.
Goals for this season: Stay focussed, do not make eye contact, and do not get sucked into that vortex we call "A training lecture from Dr. Steve."

Name: Deb "The terminator " Grauer
Age: Not even touching that one, but she looks damn good for 31.
Athletic background: Olympic Birthing.
Occupation: Mother, wife, goddess, banker, cook, interior designer, psychotherapist, paediatrician, seamstress, referee, crisis counsellor, fitness consultant/fashion diva. After lunch, retail sales expert, spandex specialist, leg model ( insured for $1.25 million USD )
and tri-babe.
Other interests: Hot tub design and installation incorporating many aspects of Feng-Shui and Achoo. Also has shown some unique skills in fomenting dissent and revolution amongst the proletariat, may accept part-time job from CIA to deal with the irritating "Iran problem "
Spouse/Children/Pets: Yes but interchangeable.
Years in Triathlon: she's a here and now babe, who cares about the past ?
What are we doing today ?? I can't remember that far back.
Swim cap colour: Depends on the season, for fall she finds a nice pinky russett brings out her best skin tones.
Bikes you have: Raleigh Princess.
Dreambike : Litespeed Queen with optional tire change flunkie.
Favourite running route : 2118 Albert st to 4403 Albert st.
Favourite Triathlon leg. Peter Reid's right, specifically the lower calf…it's just so yummy "
Why Triathlon ? God's job was taken.
Goals for this season: Drown Mark.

Name: Sir, Lonnie Dynna, sir!!
Age: 7
Athletic Background : chomping donuts, slurping coffee, driving, writing tickets, sleeping in squad car..
Occcupation: instructor of advanced interrogation techniques and baking - Police College
Other interests: napping, whining, calling in sick to train.
Spouse / Children / Pets: Audrey, shoveller of much gravel/Yes, sir! 5, sir! / 4 inbred, banjo plucking, bucktoothed, leg humping kitties
Years in Triathlon: 1 real year after 2 years wandering in the in the wilderness of the 13 week ironman program
Swim cap colour: usually an ironman race cap....in tandem with his demur manner, coy looks over the top of his water bottle...it just says, "I'm hip, I like the quieter side of nightlife, and I've done ironman."
Bikes you have: aluminum can Cervelo with Japanese fishing reel components
Dream bike(s): Litespeed, of course
Favourite running route: Tim Horton's drive through.
Favourite triathlon leg: barbequed.
Why triathlon? The great people and the positive reinforcement
Goals for this season: regrow combover and keep Neet off of naughty bits.

Name: Stephen "Satan" Johnson

Age: Eternal
Athletic Background : Learned to run in the womb, was born in 10.482 secs for a new Commonwealth record. Later disqualified for failure to pass the Drug screening. Blamed mother for insisting on painkillers during early stages of labour.
Occcupation: Cubicle drone
Other interests. Currently researching Masters thesis on origin of Pyjamas, current fashions and future trends. Attempting to justify their presence in polite society.
Spouse / Children / Pets: Long suffering/Short suffering/Insufferable
Years in Triathlon: Unknown, however there are unconfirmed  reports of a skinny guy beating up a couple of Christians at the Coliseum for "getting in the bloody way during Transition to Chariot ".
Swim cap colour: Rather fetching shade of pink.
Bikes you have: "It's not about the bike"
Dream bike(s): "What part of the above did you not understand ? "
Favourite running route: Anywhere ending in Starbucks, actually Southland Mall parking lot is rather nice.
Favourite triathlon leg: Right one, left occasionally.
Why triathlon? Couldn't afford the Margaret Thatcher World domination kit. I look great in spandex.
Goals for this season: Middle east peace, end world hunger, try to Outwit English Mark.

Name: British Mark
Age: 4?
Athletic Background: Fish and Chips, Guinness
Occupation: Walmart Greeter
Other interests: Free Masonry, Live Organ Donations
Spouse / Children / Pets: Yes / Yes / Soon to adopt a 20 year old tail-less incontinent cat
Years in triathlon: 0.5
Swim cap colour: Last
Bikes you have: Stolen Kona
Dream bike(s): Stolen Litespeed
Favourite running route: Basement treadmill
Favourite triathlon leg: Anything hairy
Why triathlon? the great people and the positive reinforcement
Goals for this season: Stay awake for 5 solid days during Golden Triangle Tour (and keep leg hair)

Name: Selena J. (RIP December 20, 2004....sniff!)
Age: 3
Athletic Background: Chasing mechanical rabbits around dirt tracks.
Occupation: Retiree, part-time JFT mascot.
Other interests: marathon napping, Olympic butt sniffing, squirrel chasing, eating the cats’ food, avoiding vet visits.  Afraid of (but not limited) to the following: fire works, loud noises, large crowds, cymbals, water, elevators, vets, heights, horses, motorcycles, swing sets and daschunds.
Spouse / Children / Pets: No / No / 5 humans
Years in triathlon: NA
Swim cap colour: NA
Bikes you have: NA
Dream bike(s): NA
Favourite running route: multiple laps of Holy Rosary playground
Favourite triathlon leg: turkey, chicken…anything I can sneak off the table.
Why triathlon? The all-you-can-eat post race meals.
Goals for this season: Run more than a block without stopping to sniff.


Name: Brian “The Breeze” Torgunrud
Age: 21
Athletic Background: Former High School Sprint Champ. Current Crown Corp expense account padding champ.
Occupation: Not sure….spends a lot of time biking during working hours.
Other interests: Squirreling away $ for cash-only bike purchases, imagining that his wife doesn’t know, sending money to son at U of A.
Spouse / Children / Pets: Yes…until she reads this/ 3 / grumpy swifter-type dog.
Years in triathlon: Can’t swim, doesn’t run…..who is this guy anyways?
Swim cap colour: NA
Bikes you have: at last count – a Onyx, a Fiori, a Litespeed, a Kona,  a Pinarello, 3 Treks, an Olmo, an Orbea, a Schwinn, a GT, 4 Kestrels, 2 Giants, 21 Raleighs, 2 Cervelos (one he hides at Al’s house so Aldonna doesn’t know), a DaVinci, a Merlin at the neighbor’s, a Bianchi, a Mongoose, a Gios, a Softride, an Omega, a Colnago under the bed, a Curtlo in the closet, a Prinicipa in the attic, a Quintana Roo and a Ritchie in the unused shower in the basement, a Norco at Deb’s, a Fondriest in Marks’ truck, a Fuji he has disguised as a lamp in the living room, a Time in the shed, a Torelli (maybe 2) at work, and a Vitus, a Waterford and a Felt at Stan’s in Edmonton.
Dream bike(s): Why bother.
Favourite running route: Doesn’t run.
Favourite triathlon leg: take a guess
Why triathlon? the great people and the positive reinforcement
Goals for this season: reconciliation with wife.

Name: Conway “Potsie” Nelson
Age: 17
Athletic Background: Poker shark, go cart racing, stamp collecting, “Fonz” imitations
Occupation: permanently put out to stud
Other interests: Despite his quiet, polite, “boy next door” demeanor, Conway is a cold calculating lifetime criminal bent on world domination. Conway invented SARS and addicted me to crack-cocaine.
Spouse / Children / Pets: Yes/ too many to count/ pit bull-corgi cross
Years in triathlon: 5-10 and eligible for parole after 3.
Swim cap colour: black leather with Hells’ Angels logo
Bikes you have: Giant, Cervelo, Mini-van
Dream bike(s): Everti
Favourite running route: Down Albert to shake down immigrant grocers for protection money; finish up at Arnold’s Drive -In
Favourite triathlon leg: broken ones
Why triathlon? the great people and the positive reinforcement
Goals for this season: Hemi