kurtsledgehumor

Ten Things You'll Never See on X-Men:Evolution -

AUTHOR: InterNutter

[Scene: Bayville High hallway du jour]
Random X-Teen: [whispers] Pst, Kurt... tuck it in.
Kurt: [Looks down] Vas? My fly isn't -- [spots tail] Ooop... [grins at the passing crowd whilst backing towards the lockers]
[Scene: Institute common room/library]
Evan: [stares at Kurt as if trying to figure something out]
Kurt: What?
Evan: Nothing. [Continues staring]
Kurt: *What*?
Evan: Man, there's been something I was wondering... Which side do you...
Kurt: [Bored] Front, left; back, right. Okay?

An extended fight over hair-dryer rights.

Complaints about hair in the sink.

Kurt's new 'winter coat' look.

[Scene: Institute dinner table]
Kitty: Ew! There's hair in my soup.
Evan: Ditto.
Rogue: More like - fuzz...
Jean: Same here.
Scott: *Blue* hair.
[All look at Kurt]
Kurt: *Vha-at*? I had to take my turn vis dinner, just like eferybody else...
Logan: You're banned from the kitchen, elf.
[All others shuffle out, seeking hairless food]
Kurt: [Puts feet up on table] Yep. Never fails.

[Anyone using a dust-buster on Kurt]
Kurt: Hey!
Them: Well you *do* shed...

[Scene: Institute common room/library. Kurt's reading a book while Ororo vacuums]
Kurt: *Waugh*! [starts pulling his tail back.] Ow! Ow! Ow ow ow!
Ororo: Darn power nozzle... It picks up *everything*.

Scott: You know what *I* think?
Anyone else: What?
Scott: [farts. Grins]

Any member of the Brotherhood: Why don't we just shoot 'em?

by Internutter

You know when you love Nightcrawler when-

· You instantly fall in love with his accent when you first start watching X-Men: Evolution.
· You think Kurt is sexy with or without his image inducer on.

· You either: instantly hate Kitty because of the mild hinting that they could be an item one day (*this is me, gggrrr, Kitty bad, me good!*) OR you instantly love Kitty because you think Kurt and her would make such a cute couple (*Mirage makes gagging sounds*).

· You spend what remains of your shopping trip darting in and out of every clothes shop you pass to see if they sell those beach hats, wanting a green one like Kurt’s in ‘The Cauldron’ episodes. Then you go home and wear your kid sister’s hat instead. And then buy another one anyway. Just because.

· You draw little doodles of Kurt all over the place. In the corners of school books, in your friend’s notebooks…

· You dream about Kurt all the time.

· You wonder what it would be like to have a tail.

· You wish Kurt were real.

· You make a website devoted to Kurt.

· You talk in depth about what happened on the most recent episode of Evolution to Kurt to anybody that will listen. Then you wonder why they walk away.

· You try to walk like he does.

· When using hand gestures, you part your fingers á la ‘Star Trek’ (i.e. the way Kurt does when his image inducer is turned on, coz he’s only got two fingers and one thumb)

· You sellotape your fingers together to see what it would be like to have two fingers.

· If you already know how to speak German, you use it more than usual.

· If you don’t know any German, you try to learn so you can say things like ‘wunderbar’ and actually understand what you’re saying.

· You suddenly develop a liking for all guys with long dark hair. Preferably German as well.

· You wonder if there actually is a Kurt Wagner out there…

· You buy comics like ‘Uncanny X-Men’ to see what the original Nightcrawler is like (just as cute, but older, with short curly hair, eyes that glow more, and Very Nice Muscles, and he’s a priest, and he does yoga).

· You print out all the screen shots of Kurt you can so you can stick them all around your room. So he’s there. Watching you.

· You send fanfiction about Kurt to Nightcrawler Shrines on the internet.