[Untitled]
No shape, no form
only warmth
smooth and sweet
weaving in and out my legs
circling my hips
engulfing my neck
reaching my insides
your Embrace, your Breath
burning my flesh
a scar
blissful and beautiful.
	written: 12/9/02

Midday Praxis
A solitary girl
Playing four corners
Foraging for friends
In oblivious stupor
Afraid of the dark
In obvious wonder
One, twenty-one, one hundred
Yet nobody comes
Grade school entertainment
Over, four corners
Yet never begun
Not a moment too soon.
	written: 8/27/02

Far
An empty room
Hard wood floors
Only a bed
And beloved cat
A sacred journey
Another land
To my holy ground
My resting place
Precious anonymity
In a blissful solitude
To be far away from here.
	written: 8/19/02

Of A Morning
Tomorrow a forgotten past
An empty journey of a yesterday
A thorough divide beyond these walls
A longing embrace too far to grasp
A spiritual mumble of hollow words
A soul replete of whispers
Linger to be free.
	written: 6/6/02

Quiescence
A searching, a yearning to set me free
Lost while walking down familiar streets
You steal from me my thoughts divine
Such talk is cheap as it fortifies
Empty my pockets, fulfill my desires
Losing myself into a coma of lies
Solitude befriending, a rage unpretending
A bottle of sleeping pills to take it all away.
	written: 6/6/02

Once Again
Another night of teenage angst and melancholy
Another attempt to find solace in music
in someone else's words
Another yearning to find someone who can relate
believing the voice pentrating from the speakers
is singing to me
has found the depths of my core
my heart
Another lonely, pathetic effort to connect
to a person whom I will never know
who will never know me.
	written: 3/13/02

Tonight
Tonight I kissed the coffin
And made her cry
An amulet of sorrow
But a wave of lust.
Tonight I flew
As I touched the ground
I tried to reach heaven
But she looked away.
Tonight I tumbled through boundless fires
A cloak of disillusion
But a haven all the same.
	written:3/1/02

Master
Please let me follow your foolish ways.
I want to be a martyr.
What must I sacrafice?
Will you be my offering?
Life on a plate.
But you are crying.
You are not innocent.
Nail me to your cross,
your wooden dogma of lies and mind-control.
Plunge the dagger into my flesh.
I want to see you cringe.
And when you remember me
I want you to shed your tears of fallacy.
And I want you to pray to a vengeful god
that wishes your pathetic death.
I want to be the demon
of your interrupted slumber.
Shed your tears.
Pray to me.
I have promised you nothing.
	written: 12/26/01

Can You See?
Can you see the boy sitting alone in his bare, dark room?
Can you see the stark white walls and cracked ceiling?
No posters, no toys, not even a baseball mitt.
Can you hear the father stumble through the front door?
Can you hear the father slowly make his way up the stairs?
No feeling, no heart, not even human.
Can you see the father stagger toward the boy?
Can you see the boy curl up in the corner trying to hide?
No strength, no weapon, not even a shield.
Can you smell the sweat and gin wreaking off the father?
Can you see the fear in the boy’s eyes?
No comfort, no security, no teddy bear to hold.
Can you hear the father tell the boy, "Come here, sport.
Touch me like Daddy taught you"?
Now, can you see?
	written: 2/6/01
read Vicious Cycle, also written by me, which this
poem is based on

Inborn
Sick and twisted we all are
Our natural penchant instilled to torture and corrupt 
Despite our trying, we haven't come that far
We mangle innocence and seek to disrupt

Sadism and masochism runs through our veins
The bestial cries of those turned wicked
Beneath the tears and behind the pains
are the unimaginable thoughts of those inflicted
	written: 12/4/00

[Untitled]
How can you exist when I'm hurting this way?
It's not fair to have to go through this.
You have your fun and watch us suffer.
Part of your little game,
Your master plan of vengeance and pain
I quit.
I will not play your game.
I will not be your marionette.
I will not hang from your noose of despair.
I'm tired of hurting. I'm tired of caring.
Fuck you, god.
You never helped me anyway.
	written: 10/15/00

Empty
Pardon me as I put on a veneer of normalcy
Shielding all that is tormenting me inside
Because I don’t hurt
I don’t feel
I’m a product of society
I’m just a machine
I’m like you
Mindless and controlled.
	written: ?/?/00

Void
The pain is there. I can always feel it.
The stinging, the aching; it has made me numb inside.
The plug has been pulled, now I'm drained.
I want to cry but there are no tears to shed
I want to scream but there is silence
A deafening emptiness that rings in my ears
Each lie, each taunt, each show of disgust
Just another crack on my porcelain heart.
	written: ?/?/01

Insanity
Listening to the voices, overwhelming your mind
Hearing every whisper, every murmur
Seeing every shadow dance along the wall

Listening to the soft tick of the clock
The tick grows louder and louder...
The thumping of your heart grows softer and softer
tick tick tick tick...
	written: ?/?/98

Under the Blanket
Hidden from violence and cruelty.
Evil is not known to me.
Though, I know fear.
The fear of peeking out and encountering reality.
The reality of hatred, blood, and dying humanity.
What I can’t see can’t hurt me...
What I don’t know can’t hurt me...
Because under the blanket, I am safe.
	written: ?/?/98

Covert Me
The metal glistens in the light
And blinds me but only for a second
I touch the sharp point
It pricks my finger and
I watch as the blood rises to the surface.

I slide the metal over skin
Slashing, twisting, digging
A sweet, blissful, burning sensation empowers me
Anything to hide the true anguish.

I stare as the blood oozes through the cuts
Red trickles down the skin
I am mesmerized and in awe
of the phenomenon I witness before me.

The cuts, the holes, and the red
A dear friend during all those long, painful nights
Scars become my souvenirs
Everlasting relics that will never fade...
	written: 6/10/00

Mother May I...?
Mother may I clutch to you and tell you why I'm scared?
Mother may I show you all that I despise?
Mother may I hide and let the world pass me by?
Mother may I lay in your lap as you stroke my hair?
Mother may I ask you to take it all away?
Mother may I cry on your shoulder and tell you why I hurt?
Mother may I be your special little girl?
Mother may I be the one that you love so much?
Mother may I ask you why you do the things you do?
Mother may I ask you why you plead for me to change?
Mother may I ask you why I don't fit the mold?
Mother may I tell you that despite all your flaws, I still love you?
Mother may I ask you why can't you love me too?
	written: 4/15/00

Petty Trinkets
I hold the trinkets in my hand
Entralled as they speak to me
As they sing and dance and taunt each other
A waste of life to act like fools
Embracing each other
Pretending to care, feigning concern
They talk, they whisper, then they scream
They hurt, they murder, then they lie
Eyes, forbidden truth, 
A shield of the sadistic reality
They created for themselves
Trapped in vacancy, they excite their petty lives
With hatred and sheer disgust
Fighting and challenging each other
With their lies and hypocrisy
I close my hand and form a fist
Ashes to ashes and dust to dust
Forgotten.
	revised: 7/10/02

Crescent Moon
The sun has said its good-bye,
a faint whisper in the ever-fading blue sky
Fire pirouettes in the vast above
Night creeps upon us, stealthy and convicting
So silent, so lingering and alone
The crescent moon dances its way into the ebony sheet of despair
It casts long shadows that seem to prance about in a mocking matter,
taunting us of our self-inflicted destruction.
	written: 2/5/00

Chained
That's not right
Be more like them
That's not accepted
Follow the herd
That's not normal
Be more conventional
Try to fit in
Conform your identity
Change yourself
You're not right
I don't love you
You don't fit the mold
I want to change you
Because I can't accept you
I am shallow
So I hate you
I am superficial
So I loathe you
I am a sheep
You are the duckling
Follow the herd
Become the herd.
	written: 8/23/99

Desensitized
Blood splatters
You clap gleefully
Uncaring
Limbs dismembered from the body,
rendering the victim helpless
You watch in expressionless awe
Apathetic
Frail children torn away from hysterical mothers
You yawn with boredom
Unfeeling
You watch for entertainment,
confused with reality
Numb
Brainwashed and tumor-infested
You are desensitized.
	written: 8/22/99

My Epiphany
Fret over your hair
Wear the trendiest clothes
Gossip about your friends
Stab them in the back
Strive for yourself
Become the green-eyed monster
Hurt the people you love
Anything to fit in
Concern over the exterior
Fuck the interior
Act as if it matters
Fuck personality, compassion, intelligence,
Anything that really is worthwhile
You disgust me
	written: 7/15/99

Home Sweet Home
The sun glances down at the small, comely house
that sets upon the steep hill, and smiles slightly.

The mother downs another shot of gin.
Her head begins to fall, slams onto the table.
She passes out.
The overbearing father leans over the young boy, pointing
his finger at him, eyes narrowed.
The young boy shrinks back in fear.
The little girl sits on the floor, eyes glued to the TV,
entranced by the soft glow.
She slips into a world not of reality.
The teenager kneels, his forehead resting on the floor.
The steel bars over the window glint in the sunlight.
His bedroom becomes his cell.
He is locked in his own home, his prison.
The brother leans against the wall and slowly raises
the gun to his head.
A shot rings out.
Home sweet home...

The sun winks, and puts its finger to its lips.
	written: 4/11/98

Society
Take me by the hand
Label me
Tame me
Betray me
Tie me up
Transform me into a machine
Lock me up and throw away the key
Mock me
Hurt me
Kill me
	written: 7/14/99

Dying Cambodia
Bones lie in heaps.
Blood stains the earth.

Rows of abandoned homes.
An empty bedroom with a teddy bear missing one eye.

An empty street with an empty school.
A half-used textbook with no apple on the teacher's desk.

Khmer Rouge takes over the silent country
as another rusty boat leaves the dying Cambodia.
	written: 6/6/96