| My Story, by Travis (aka Teebs) |
| This is all about my life. I was born in Brighton, Colorado. These are my parents: |
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| My dad (on the left) says I came from the angels. My mom says I came from leprechauns. A lady from the welfare office comes to check on them sometimes. They work on Life Skills worksheets and learn not to leave my little sister in her clothes anymore when they do the laundry. |
| This is me when I was little: |
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| When I couldn't get to sleep mommy would put me in the car seat and leave the car on. She said I liked the vibration. She was careful to keep the garage locked so baby thieves wouldn't come in and steal me. |
| Here is my cousin Francisco. He is three. |
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| This is a picture of my uncle, before the ambulance came. |
| People were always trying to take his toast. My uncle tried to take his toast. |
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| The ambulance men had to cut off his pants because Francisco was biting him and I wouldn't let go. He can't have children anymore. |
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| I don't remember his name, but he used to come over to watch Perfect Strangers. He says Balki is one funny motherfucker. When my dad was at work, he and my mom would have wrestling matches in the bedroom. I think had a hunting accident with a train. |
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| This is my librarian at school. She keeps giving me these pictures that she made at the mall. She gave me some she made in her basement, but they're not as good because you can't see her face. They were a funny practical joke though. Her friend took them when he tied her up and hid her clothes. |
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| This is my babysitter Theresa and her boss Jimmy. When she's not my babysitter, she is a car inspector. She waits outside the liquor store by the Pigly Wigly for men who need their car inspected, and then they go to the ally behind the Payless Shoes and she gives them the service. That's easy! I want to be a car inspector when I grow up! |
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| I got a new Razor scooter so I don't get the shin splints walking to the bus stop anymore. I pretend I am a security guard at the condo looking for suspicious perpetrators.. |
| ME!!! |
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| Derek is the real security guard, but he doesn't have a gun. He checks in people's windows at night to make sure they're safe. |
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| David lives next door to us. He talks to men who are lonely so they can be friends, but they have to pay to talk to him and he uses different names. |
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| John is another neighbor. I saw him on America's Most Wanted, but he doesn't want anybody to know because they'll all ask for his autograph because he is a good actor. He played a man who gave women pills at bars. |
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| This is Stewart's brother Todd. He thinks it's funny to pee on people's door handles all the time. When you see him you should check your door handle before you open it. In the winter he pees in the locks and makes you late for physical therapy. |
| This is my best friend Stewart and his sister Darlene. He has 4 sisters and 5 or 7 brothers, I think. |
| Stewart has a speech impediment that makes him start fires when he's angry. |
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| This is my little sister. My mom says she got her from the hospital one day instead of angels or leprechauns. |
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| I don't trust this guy. He's always hanging around. |
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| Stewart found this man in a drainage ditch. |
| It got cold after we brought him the rubbing alcohol he asked for, so we left. |