This message is a first-hand account written by Mr. Eddie Nippleoski
There was a time when water wasn't always blue. A time when women didn't always shave their legs. And there was a time when rock didn't roll. Then came CFSF!!! CFSF's music can break your back, make your eardrums bleed, and give you hysterical pregnancy! A sound so bold that your parents would swear that you have gone retarded! But, in actuallity, only your hot, fat daughters have fallen into a hypnotic-like-sexual trance. Like ice in your veins and a burning in your crotch...CFSF guarentees to rock the fertility right out of you; all the while---keeping you rolling! Now lets meet the band: A tremedous duo that came together by some strange Midwestern fate, they turned music on its face and then spit right in it. A plucky, young lad from the rolling hills of Scotland came Kerwin Cleettoris. Born of Amish parents oversee's he developed a musical ear early on in life. His mother's ass would produce a steady beat of fat-slaps while she humped the family's donkey; while his father would clap along to the sound of firefly's farts. Oh yes, Kerwin was a prodigal child. Soon he learned how to play the spoons along with the washboard and the kazoo. After his mother's donkey died, he skinned it and made its hide and stretched into a drum set. Always wearing the traditional Scottish kilt, Kerwin was often made fun of in school. Until one day when he decided he would have no more of it. After one bully made a joke about him, Kerwin got up in the middle of class; lifted his kilt and showed everyone his enormous horse penis!!! And proceeded to hump the shit out of his teacher, Ms. Funbags, in front of all his classmates. Soon, Kerwin would hop ship and take off for America where he knew his musical talents would grow and where his life would change forever after meeting one special man. That man was, Eddie Nippleoski. Eddie grew up in the fair state of Idaho. But Eddie's way of life never quite caught on with the locals. While most families were farmer's or miner's; Eddie grew up hoping to be a worldwide musical superstar. So he lived the rock-n-roll life. He partied hard. He experimented with all kinds of mind-altering drugs. Soon he was going through 4 and 5 women a night. All that at the young age of 11. High school was rough for Eddie. A genius musically he couldn't get on track with simple subjects such as math and home-ec. While most kids were figuring out geometry, Eddie had written his 4th full-length symphony. First learning on a Casio keyboard, then a harmonica---Eddie displayed his talents at local taverns for drinks. After getting tired with the upper northwest/mountain seen Eddie thought he'd take his act to the Midwest and try it out on some Indianian's. Which is exactly where Kerwin was headed.... Kerwin, after seeing New York, wanted a place that felt more like home. A place where there was some space to spread out and where the grass was green and lush. Feeling the need to blend in with the locals, Kerwin headed to the local pub. There he first spotted Eddie. Eddie was up on stage at this dive-of-a-bar playing his harmonica and belting out some harsh tunes with even filthier words. Kerwin immediately was taken aback by the music, but soon learned this was what he wanted to do. After Eddie's set, Kerwin bought a couple of rounds and soon the two were fast friends. Just a week later they cut their first single "Under Huffy's Bridge"; which almost sounds like Red Hot Chili Pepper's "Under The Bridge", but not quite. It became an instant hit with more to follow. There is one also in the works for a song about a racoon in a tree, sure genius. A name had to be called for this upstart band. Kerwin suggested "Donkey Punchers". Eddie wanted "Snatchbox 69" and soon they settled on "C.F.S.F." (Crazy Fat Skull Fuckers) Where all the music is aimed and dedicated to getting head from fat bitches who like cum in their mouth while their head is being forced down into the laps of musical genius's. And so begins the tale of two musical hero's who can make music give you get juvinile diabetes.....