[Waitress pours Cooper's coffee:]
Cooper: Wait a minute! Wait a minute! [sips, sighs blissfully] This is-- excuse me--a DAMN fine cup of coffee. I've had I don't know how many cups of coffee in my life, but this is one of the best. Two eggs over hard. I know, I know, it's hard on the arteries, but old habits die hard--just about as hard as I want those eggs. Two strips of bacon, extra crispy--almost black. Cremate it. And I'd like a big glass of grapefruit juice, just as long as those grapefruits... [sees Audrey walking towards him] ...are freshly squeezed.

Cooper: Diane, last night I dreamed I was eating a large, tasteless gumdrop, and awoke to discover I was chewing on one of my foam disposable earplugs. Perhaps I should consider moderating my nighttime coffee consumption.

Cooper: DAMN good coffee, and HOT!

Harry: What do you recommend for a hangover?
Annie: Teetotaling and prayer.
Cooper: Good answer.
Harry: I'll try some coffee.

Gordon: HOLY SMOKES! WHO IS THAT?
Cooper: Shelley Johnson.
[Gordon motions he didn't hear]
Cooper: SHELLEY JOHNSON.
Gordon: WHAT A BEAUTY! KINDA REMINDS ME OF THAT STATUE, THE BABE WITHOUT THE ARMS.
Cooper: Venus de Milo.
Gordon: THE NAME WAS MILO, BUT THAT'S BESIDE THE POINT. THAT'S THE KIND OF GIRL THAT MAKES YOU WISH YOU SPOKE A LITTLE FRENCH. 'SCUSE ME, COOP, WHILE I TRY MY HAND AT A LITTLE COUNTER-ESPARANTO.
Cooper: Good luck, Gordon.
Gordon: HELLO. I WAS WONDERING IF I MIGHT TROUBLE YOU FOR A CUP OF STRONG BLACK COFFEE AND IN THE PROCESS ENGAGE YOU WITH AN ANECDOTE OF NO SMALL AMUSEMENT. THE NAME IS GORDON COLE AND I COULDN'T HELP BUT NOTICE YOU FROM THE BOOTH. AND .. WELL, SEEING YOUR BEAUTY NOW I FEEL AS THOUGH MY STOMACH IS FILLED WITH A TEAM OF BUMBLEBEES.
Shelley: You don't have to shout. I can hear you.
Gordon: I HEARD THAT. I, I HEARD THAT.
Shelley: Um, do you want anything besides coffee?
Gordon: I HEARD YOU PERFECTLY!
Shelley: And I can hear you, honest.
Gordon: YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND. You don't understand, Miss Johnson. Do you see this? For 20 years I've been asking people to please speak up, but for some weird reason I can hear you clear as a bell. Say something else.
Shelley: Um, um, do you want pie with your coffee?
Gordon: Good Lord, I can hear you perfectly. This is like some sort of miracle. A...a phenomenon.
Log Lady: What's wrong with miracles?
Gordon: WHAT'S THAT?
Log Lady: This cherry pie is a miracle.
Gordon: WOULD YOU PLEASE ASK THE LADY WITH THE LOG TO SPEAK UP.
Shelley: Um, the pie, she was talking about the cherry pie.
Gordon: I heard you again. I heard you again.
Shelley: Would you like some pie?
Gordon: MASSIVE, MASSIVE QUANTITIES AND A GLASS OF WATER, SWEETHEART. MY SOCKS ARE ON FIRE.

Cooper: If you say drink coffee, I'll drink coffee.

Little Man From Another Place: When you see me again, it won't be me. This is the waiting room. Would you like some coffee? Some of your friends are here.

This list was originally compiled by:
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Rob Heerdink Department of Pharmacoepidemiology & E.R.Heerdink@far.ruu.nl Pharmacotherapy, Utrecht University

If you have any good Twin Peaks coffee quotes you want me to add to this page, e-mail me at meghanb@umich.edu