Little Man From Another Place:I have good news. That gum you like is going to come back into style.

Gordon Cole:COOPER, YOU REMIND ME TODAY OF A SMALL, MEXICAN CHOWOWOW!!

Mayor: There's something wrong. This isn't right. There's something wrong here.

Hawk: The man has a poor sense of recreation.

Albert: Coop, about the uniform.
Cooper: Yes, Albert?
Albert: Usually, replacing the quiet elegance of the dark suit and tie for the casual indifference of these muted earthtones is a form of fashion suicide. But, call me crazy, on you it works.

Annie: I lived in my head mostly.
Cooper: That's not a bad neighborhood.
Annie: There were some pretty strange neighbors.

Judy Swain: An orphan, you know.
Andy: Really? What happened? Did his parents die?

Mayor: Oh, my God, this guy is British or Bohemian or something. He's bound to fall for your charms.

Nadine: I think I've gone blind in my left eye!

Cooper: Sure fire cure for a hangover, Harry. You take a glass of nearly frozen unstrained tomato juice. You plop a couple of oysters in there. You drink it down. Breathe deeply. Next you take a mound, and I mean a mound of sweetbreads. Sautee it in some chestnuts and Canadian Bacon. Finally, biscuits, big biscuits, smothered in gravy. Now here's where it gets tricky. You're gonna need some anchovies.
Harry: Excuse me. [and rushes to the bathroom]
Cooper: That should do it.

Gordon: HARRY, THE BEST CURE I EVER CAME ACROSS FOR A HANGOVER IS RAW MEAT, AND PLENTY OF IT. YA BREAK AN EGG ON IT. ADD IN SOME SALTED ANCHOVIES, TOBASCO AND WORCESTERSHIRE SAUCE. [Harry, again rushes to the bathroom] IF YOU WANT WE CAN ORDER IT UP FOR YA. [Cooper and Gordon smile at each other]

Ben: Sometimes the urge to do bad is nearly overpowering.

Cooper: Well, my symptoms suggest the onset of malaria, but I've never felt better in my life.

Audrey: They have women agents?
Denise: More or less.
Click here to see why this is so funny.

Gordon: YOU ARE WITNESSING A FRONT THREE-QUARTER VIEW OF TWO ADULTS SHARING A TENDER MOMENT. [to Shelley] Acts like he's never seen a kiss before.
Cooper: Uh, Gordon.
Gordon: TAKE ANOTHER LOOK, SONNY. IT'S GONNA HAPPEN AGAIN.

Cooper: He has engaged us in subterfuge and red herring. A fish I don't particularly care for.

Denise: I may be wearing a dress, but I still pull my panties on one leg at a time, if you know what I mean.
Cooper: Not really.

Wyndham Earle: Tacit agreement is acceptable, Leo. Your silence speaks volumes. Or if not volumes, at least the occasional punctuated paragraph.

Audrey: I've examined his will, Jerry. If my father becomes incapacitated, it all goes to me when I'm old enough. And I am old enough and he is incapacitated. Play it my way either way or the only project you'll be developing is selling baseboard heaters at the local Cash-n-Carry.
Jerry: What's happened to the man is a tragedy.
Audrey: Yeah, Jerry, it's a tragedy.

Pete: Now if there's chessboards in Heaven, Jose's sittin' next to the Lord.

Gordon: THE WORD LINKAGE REMINDS ME OF SAUSAGE. NEVER CARED MUCH FOR THE LINKS, PREFERRED THE PATTIES. BUT BREAKFAST IS A REAL GOOD IDEA. BONZAI. REMEMBER THOSE OLD WORLD WAR II MOVIES? BONZAAIIIII!!!!
Wyndham Earle: AAAHHHH!! Damnation!
Leo: Buuurrrrp.

Dwayne: She killed him with SEX.

Andy: Styrofoam never dies for as long as you live.
Lucy: It doesn't?

Cooper: Harry, Wyndham Earle's mind is like a diamond; It's cold and hard and brilliant.

Wyndham Earle: Once upon a time there was a place of great goodness called the White Lodge. Gentle fawns gamboled there amidst happy, laughing spirits. The sounds of innocence and joy filled the air. And when it rained, it rained sweet nectar that infused one's heart with the desire to live life in truth and beauty. Generally speaking a ghastly place, reeking in virtue's sour smell, engorged with the whispered prayers of kneeling mothers and mewling newborns, and fool's young and old compelled to do good without reason. heh, heh. But I am happy to point out that our story does not end in this wretched place of saccharine excess. For there's another place. Its opposite. A place of almost unimaginable power, chockful of dark forces and vicious secrets. No prayers dare enter this frightful maw. Spirits there care not for good deeds or priestly implications. They as like to rip the flesh from you bones as greet you with a happy good day. And if harnessed, these spirits in this hidden land of unmuffled screams of broken hearts offer up a power so vast that its bearer might reorder the Earth itself to his liking. Ah, this place I speak of is known as the Black Lodge and I intend to find it.
Rusty T: Hey man, the story's cool, but you promised me beer.

Dr. Jacoby: What he needs right now is both your understanding and a Confederate victory.

Mayor: You put on a dress with a slit, oh, the slit cut halfway to Seattle.

Dick: But what I'm trying to make clear is that using a stuffed animal to represent an endangered species as an ecological protest constitutes the supreme incongruity.

Doc H.: Is she sexually active?
Ed: Active? Doc, I wake up every morning feeling like I got hit by a timber truck.

Mike: Do you have any idea what a combination of sexual maturity and superhuman strength can result in.
[Whispers to Bobby]
Bobby: WHOOAA!!

Ben: You'll have to excuse me. The chef just tried to stab Jerry.

Albert: Get a life, punk.

Pete: Audrey, there are many cures for a broken heart, but nothing quite like a trout's leap in the moonlight.

Dr. Jacoby: Now what she does in fact possess is a heightened sexual drive and a working knowledge of technique, anatomy and touch that few men have ever had the pleasure of experiencing or the skills to match.
Harry: Is it hot in here?
Cooper & Hawk: Yeah.

Lucy: You can't do that!
Pete (to Coop): My students.
Lucy: Mr Martell, Andy moved his knight without doing the little hook thing.
Andy: You don't have to do the little hook thing, that's optional.
Pete: Andy, uh, the knight has to do the little hook thing.
Andy: Every time?
Pete: It's a privilege. No one else gets to make that move.
Andy: Ok, Mr. Martell.
Lucy: I guess some people don't know quite as much as they think they do. Check!

Ben: I give you the little pine weasel found only in our tri-county area. It is nearly extinct.
Jerry: They're incredible roasted.

Andy: Once stimulated the female will respond in such a way that the skin around her... Oh My God!

Cooper: Great players are either far or few.

Malcom: Mrs. Marsh hired him to fix the Jaguar.
Trooper: Jaguar ... J-a-g-w ... uh, the car.

Cooper: I've got four hungry lawmen out in the cruiser. We need donuts.

BOB: COOP, what happened to JOSIE?!

Wyndham Earle: What's the capitol of North Carolina?
Major: Raleigh.
WE: Fat lot of good that'll do me.

Shelley: Do you want some more pie? A whole pie?
Gordon: YES I WOULD MISS JOHNSON. AND A PIECE OF PAPER AND A PENCIL. I PLAN ON WRITING AN EPIC POEM ABOUT THIS GORGEOUS PIE.

Cooper: Two penguins were walking across an iceberg. One penguin turned to the second penguin and said, "You look like you're wearing a tuxedo."
Shelly: Annie.
Gordon: I HEARD THAT!
Annie: Wait a minute. I'll be right back. [She leaves]
Cooper: I wasn't quite finished.
Harry: How long you been in love with her?
Cooper: Harry, who said anything about love?
Harry: Cooper, you just tried to tell her a joke.
Cooper: I did? [Annie returns]
Annie: So what did the second penguin say?
Cooper: Well, the first penguin said to the second penguin, "You look like you're wearing a tuxedo." And the second penguin said, "Maybe I am."
[Annie and Cooper both laugh]
Harry: Defense rests.

I plan on adding more to this, as Twin Peaks is filled with great lines. If you have a suggestion, e-mail me at meghanb@umich.edu