To: nunkies@world.std.com
Date: Mon, 13 Apr 1998 12:28:13 -0600
Subject: NA: Tax Time Fantasy
From: anteros@juno.com (Cousin Mary)
As Tax time is upon us (at least for us in the good ol' US of A) I offer
up this little tid-bit. I'm not sure if we have to disclaim a fantasy,
but consider it disclaimer (and deducted )
Tax Time Fantasy
By: Cousin Mary
You're sitting at your kitchen table, your 1040 staring back at
you, mocking you. You're on you're third pot of coffee, your heart is
about to leap out of your chest and dance a jig, but yet your brain has
apparently seized up. No matter how many times you add up the two
columns of pitifully small numbers that signify your income, you come up
short.
You glance at the pile of instructions, they were suppose to make
the tax code understandable for the 'average person,' but right now
you're beginning to think their idea of an 'average person' must be an
accountant with an advanced degree in economics. With a frustrated grunt
you push the hair out of your eyes and again bring pencil to paper in the
vain hope that this time, everything will add up.
"A $17,890 refund?" You squint down at the number, doesn't seem
too likely. "Probably not." You sigh and erase your 'creative' math.
"Something wrong my dear?" A velvet voice intones behind you.
Spinning around, you narrowly stop yourself from spewing a
mouthful of stale coffee all over the front of an immaculate black silk
suit. You give and audible gulp before managing to croak out, "Nunkies?"
He chuckles lightly and indicates you should rise.
Despite wobbly knees, you comply. "What, why are you here?" You
stare up at him with undisguised astonishment.
"To help of course." With a grand dramatic sweep of his arm he
indicates your taxes.
"Uh, um." With a sudden flash of panic you begin to wonder what
a 2000-year-old vampire, who's been living in Canada for quite awhile
now, knows about the American Tax code. Visions of Enforcer-like IRS
agents coming to your door and dragging you off for tax fraud dance
through your over-caffeniated mind. "That's okay, I can" You trail off,
he looks annoyed.
"You are refusing my help?" His voice is light, but his eyes are
narrowed dangerously.
"Uh, uh" Deciding that a few years in the slammer are probably
better than death, you force a smile and say, "Of course not, I'd never
do that."
"Good." Lacroix claps his hands and suddenly a rather wimpy
looking vampire accountant scurries into the room. "Percy, you will take
care of these won't you?"
With a nod, the fanged accountant pulls out a large calculator
and sets to work.
You look on in awe as tweed encased vamp quickly goes through
your shoe box of receipts and begins filling out a long tax form for you,
explaining you can deduct most of your expenses. Having never been brave
enough to attempt the long for yourself, you have the almost overwhelming
urge to offer this new vampire a plate of cookies, or failing that, your
own neck. (Hey, once April 13th roles around you're pretty desperate
)
Lacroix, seeing that you're looking just a tad too grateful
suggests a quick trip to Paris, "Until all this unpleasantness is over."
Your attention now firmly centered back on Nunkies, all you can
do is nod you agreement.
With a half smile Lacroix sweeps you into his strong arms and
wisks you away, far from your tax forms.
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
\
Cousin Mary, Godmother of the Dark Perk Mafia, NA
anteros@juno.com
"If an attack is a form of affection, can I be deeply in love?" Jenn, DP
"Stack the bodies in the cellar, leave quietly one at a time, and
forget any of this ever happened." -Clue, greatest movie ever made!
(
geocities.com/televisioncity)