by Tyra
Monday - April 13th - Jax and Jerry
~ Starry Starry Night ~
Jerry raises glass in hand, arches his brow and toasts, "To life without Brenda!"
"To life without Brenda." The sentence burned down Jax's throat almost as much as the scotch they had been drinking all evening. Jerry's timing was perfect! He could feel his resolve weakening. Jerry's methods were always a little extreme, but he was grasping at straws to keep himself from falling for Brenda again.
What a day it had been, Ashley, Mum and Dad, Brenda, Mac, Felecia, and now Jerry. Had someone placed his penthouse as a point of interest in the latest Port Charles Tour Guide? It had been a stressful day and this scotch was certainly helping him relax. He hadn't drank like this since.....well actually since the last time he and Jerry had been together. The fighting and drinking he found exhilarating, it's the Ashley part that was annoying. How could Jerry think that he would have a go with Ashley?! He would have laughed at the thought if his jaw hadn't ached so much. She was not the type of woman he found attractive. His tastes went more along the lines, of petite dark haired doe-eyed vixens...
"Well little brother, this has been bloody fun, but I have some groundwork to lay before tomorrow. Where did you say I could find the Police Commissioner's wife? With all the labor problems I'm sure the commissioner has his hands full. With everything other than his wife of course! I'm sure the lovely lady is probably feeling lonely and unappreciated right about now. And who am I not to help out a lass in distress." Jerry slammed his empty glass on the table and headed for the door.
"Be careful Jerry, the people in this town aren't as stupid as you think. Don't forget to be back in time for dinner with Mum and Dad tomorrow. The fact that all the Jack's are in the same place at the same time calls for a celebration of sorts."
"Always the planner aren't you little brother? I guess it's different strokes for different blokes. You know I can never guarantee my time of arrival. Don't keep dinner waiting on my account. I'll be there after I have taken care of business."
Jax pours another drink for himself and watches Jerry exit. His mind a muddle of thoughts, he wandered over to the mantelpiece staring at the space where the yacht had once sat. Jerry was right, he got here just in time! He needed his brother to give him a swift kick in the pants, to knock some sense into him. Telling him about Brenda had churned up all the hurt and pain all over again. But in some ways it was good to be able to express his feelings, his thoughts, to someone.
To protect Brenda he had kept all his feelings and thoughts buried deep. First she had been so defenseless when Sonny left her at the alter, and then she had been so fragile during her breakdown and recovery. It never seemed a good time to sit down and talk about themselves and what had happened. She couldn't help loving Sonny, no more than he could help loving her. Too bad their one 'Great Love', had not been each other. But life is not a fairy tale, and there isn't always a 'Happy Ending' to every story.
Jax emptied the shot glass and banged it down next to Jerry's. A flash of light at the window draws his attention. A shooting star! Heading towards the window a childhood poem comes to mind.....
Star light star bright
First star I see tonight
I wish I may, I wish I might
Get the wish I wish tonight.
"It's pointless wishing for what will never be." He sighed.
He slumped into the chaise lounge directly across from the window. Over a year had passed she had left him. He still felt the anguish of watching her walk out that door. The sound of it closing, had echoed through his empty home, empty heart. He had once told Brenda that she wasn't the type of girl who desired money. She was more interested in getting her hands around a man's heart, than his wallet. Well, she still had a death grip around his, and he didn't have much hope that she would ever let go. Jax rested his arms on his legs and looked out the window. He had spent sleepless nights sitting here, seeing the endless darkness slowly surrender to dawn. Many nights, watching, remembering.........
~ Sitting in this chair with Brenda nestled between his arms as they watched
the sun setting on Port Charles.
~Sharing childhood memories, wishes, dreams, fantasies, the future, life......
~Brenda silhouetted against the backdrop of the city and she stood there
drinking her morning coffee.
~How she laughed as he carried her to their bedroom. Her little legs could
never get her to their bed fast enough to suit him.
Why did he do this? This never brought peace! It only caused a feeling of loss, regret and a terrible ache in his chest.
Brenda truly believed that she loved him now. That she had grown up, and discovered the meaning of true love. That he was now her true love, but he knew better. He did not want to be loved for being her hero, her pal, her rock, because he was here, and SONNY was not..... He would not open his heart to her again, just to have it accidentally crushed under her shoe the next time Sonny came knocking on her door. Sonny was her true love, she had proven that when she went back to him. He thought that when Miranda 'died', there couldn't be a deeper sadness, bleakness, despair. But all those feelings were paltry as compared to the crushing excruciating emptiness he had felt when Brenda had left.
What is it about the women in his life? His first great love, let him believe she had been blown to bits by his own doing. Brenda, his heart's desire, had left him to marry the mad mobster! Both had sworn everlasting love, both had deceived him, denigrated the sanctity of their vows. Not that he was without fault, but it seemed that EVERYONE LEAVES.......
Jax staggered to his feet, the scotch numbing more than his inner demons. He'd better try to get some sleep. He had a long day tomorrow. Business with the Docks continues, another day of his parents good intentions, and a family reunion with Jerry. He might as well invite Brenda, so Jerry could see what he was up against. Besides his parents adored her.
Jax turns in the direction of his bedroom as another star shoots across the twinkling night skies. Sigh.....even the Gods are out to remind me of Brenda tonight.
Star light star bright
First star I see tonight
I wish I may, I wish I might
Get the wish I wish tonight.
Jax closed his eyes and spoke, his voice no more than a horse whisper, "I wish........that I could stop loving Brenda, and that she would understand that I just want us to be friends, good friends."
Jax opened the door to his bedroom. His body weighted in the misery of unspoken thoughts and too much scotch, turned one last time to the window.
A single tear slowly trailed down his cheek, "I wonder if the stars can tell when the wish is a lie?......"