by Jan
Good afternoon, everyone. Many thanks for all of the feedback on chapter 17. While you may not agree with all of Brenda’s reasoning, please remember that I’m portraying characters who are “torn” and not always thinking clearly. They will get themselves together by the ending, and I offer this disclaimer: All I know about cliffhangers I learned from Tyra and Lea. Hope you enjoy it! ---- Jan
TORN
Chapter 18
Tuesday, 9 AM
It had only been a day since Brenda found out she was pregnant with Jax’s child, but her mind was still spinning. There was an incredible joy in her heart. As she sat in her desk chair, she glanced down at her still-flat stomach, imagining the child growing there, cradling it gently with her hands.
She closed her eyes and pictured a toddler with bright blonde hair and beautiful blue-green eyes. As he came to her on wobbly legs, she could hear his musical laugh and see the adorable dimples that were the same as his father’s. If she could never have Jax’s love, at least she would have his child.
But when she opened her eyes again, the reality of the situation began to dry the tears in her eyes. She was already fiercely protective of the baby, so abortion didn’t even enter the picture. But although she knew she was probably being silly and naïve, she still didn’t want to consider the possibility of bearing the child alone. Being a single mother at her age and with her demanding job would be difficult, to say the least. Her father would probably disown her. She recalled the problems of her own childhood. Although she would never be the kind of parent that Harlan had been to her, she would have to keep working to support the child, and with her responsibilities, it would probably end up being raised by nannies and tutors.
She had to consider the possibilities. Should she tell Jax about the baby? Her spinning head answered a resounding NO. She knew that, being the way he was, he would immediately want to marry her. The sense of honor that Jane had instilled in him ran too deep. He would do the right thing by her, even if he didn’t want her. And she certainly didn’t want him to hate her for the rest of his life for trapping him into marriage. He would only look at her with regret while he still longed for another woman.
Then she remembered Monica’s words at the Quartermaine house. She and Jax had such a physical relationship. How would he feel about her body when it started to balloon in pregnancy? Would he go back to his attitude when they had been children? The return of “Tubbo?” Jax was such a passionate man, she couldn’t stand his indifference, or , even worse, his aversion.
But who could she get to marry her? If she tried someone like A.J. or Jason Quartermaine, she was sure they would jump at the chance. But it would also mean that she would have to climb in bed with them at night, a thought that made her already-queasy stomach feel even worse. Nicholas Cassidine wasn’t a bad guy, but she had heard that he was almost as good as engaged to somebody else. Their date to the theater had been strictly a spur-of-the-moment thing when neither one had a companion for the evening.
Finally, a thought occurred to her, and she tried to put it out of her mind as soon as it appeared. She certainly wasn’t that desperate, was she? But try as she may, it kept rearing its ugly head until at last she was forced to consider it. She didn’t stop to consider the possibility that she wasn’t thinking too clearly, and she picked up her phone to buzz Keith.
“Yes, Ms. Barrett?”
“Keith, would you please get Sonny Corinthos on the phone for me?”
Several hours later, Keith buzzed Brenda. She was still nursing a dull headache, and her stomach was turning flip-flops.
“Mr. Corinthos is here, Ms. Barrett.”
“Fine, Keith,” Brenda sighed. “Would you send him in?” {Please let me be doing the right thing.}
Sonny sauntered into the office, taking note of the plush furnishings. “Nice place you’ve got here, Brenda. Who did the furniture?”
Brenda indicated that Sonny should take a seat. “Look, Sonny, I really don’t feel like discussing interior decorators today. How are the merger plans going?”
Sonny’s eyes took on a twinkle. “The papers are being drawn up as we speak. Your father has made some very generous provisions for me in the new corporation. He’s a smart man.”
{Let’s hope some of that rubbed off on me.} Brenda decided to get right to the heart of the matter. “Sonny, when you came to see me at the cottage some time ago, you mentioned that if we married, you wouldn’t make any demands on me.”
Now Sonny’s interest was undivided. He leaned forward in his chair. “Yes, that’s true.”
“I haven’t reached the point I have in business without being a thorough person. I want to clarify a few points. That means that you wouldn’t require me to sleep with you if I didn’t want to, correct?”
He grinned in anticipation. “Yes.”
She had to have it clear. “Never?”
Sonny was beginning to lose patience. “I told you, Brenda, I have a relationship with someone right now, and even if that were to change, I have a feeling that I wouldn’t be alone for too long. All I want out of this is a hostess for my business functions, someone to accompany me to social functions, and, of course, control of Barrett Industries.”
{What a guy.} Brenda decided to put all her cards on the table. “And what if I were pregnant with another man’s child?”
Sonny sat back for a moment. His expression didn’t change. “Are you?”
“Yes.”
“Jasper Jacks’ child?”
“Does it make a difference?”
Sonny folded his hands and looked down at them. “So, your opinion has changed since you’re pregnant and you need a father for your child.” He paused for a few seconds and Brenda began to doubt her decision.
But then he looked up at her, expression still cold and blank. “Brenda, I’ve never really considered the possibility of having children, so I really don’t have an opinion. I’m certainly not opposed to the idea. It might even look good for appearances, continuity of the family and all that. So if you want to have a child, it’s fine with me. I take it you’re not planning to inform Jax of his paternity?”
Her voice was equally cold. “That’s right.”
“Well, I won’t have any problems accepting it as mine. I mean, I won’t feel any jealousy or anything.”
“And you’ll treat it as if you were its father?”
Sonny snorted. “Father. I’m not sure I know how to be one. You have to realize that my business always comes first. I don’t think I’ll be attending report card conferences with you or soccer games, but I won’t abuse the child or reject it in any way either.”
Brenda looked down and contemplated her decision one more time. The child would have a father figure, at least part-time, which was better than if she raised it as a single mother. She wouldn’t have to worry about financial security for the child or herself. And she would be safe from Sonny’s “affections” and wouldn’t have to worry that he expected some kind of physical expression of gratitude from her.
She took a deep breath. “OK, then, on those terms, I’ll marry you.”
Sonny’s face registered a mix of happiness and greed. “Great! I imagine you’ll want to go ahead with it as soon as possible, considering your condition. We’ll need blood tests and a license, but I’ll have my secretary get working on that.” He pulled out his day-planner. “Let’s see – today’s Tuesday. How about if we get married on Friday afternoon, late? I’ve got some appointments in New York next week that may drag on into the following week, so we should try to do it before then.”
Brenda was emotionless. “Friday afternoon’s fine with me.”
Sonny was on a roll. “I’m assuming you want just a small civil ceremony?” Brenda nodded. “Do you want to tell Harlan, or should I?”
“Why don’t you call him? I have to get a dress and I want to let just a few friends know.”
Sonny rose. “Great. My secretary will be in touch about the blood tests. I’ll speak to you soon.”
With that, he was out the door like a whirlwind. Brenda’s headache was still there, beginning to pound. By the end of the week, she would be Mrs. Sonny Corinthos.
Brenda’s phone rang about 20 minutes later. Harlan
Barrett’s voice boomed through the receiver.
“Brenda! You’ve made me the happiest man alive! Congratulations!”
She sighed. “Thanks, daddy. Sonny left here just a little while ago. I’m surprised he was able to break into your busy schedule to give you the news.”
Harlan chuckled. “Well, anytime my baby daughter decides to get married, I can take time to talk to the lucky guy. What changed your mind?”
“Oh, I don’t know. I guess I just needed some time for it to sink in.”
“Well, whatever the reason, I think you’ve made a marvelous decision. Are you two planning a big blow-out wedding?”
“No!” Brenda jumped, then relaxed. “No, Sonny’s got some meetings in New York next week and we decided a small civil ceremony would be best. I don’t think I’ll even invite Julia – it would be such short notice for her to make that long trip.”
“Well, what about Katherine and I? You do want us there, don’t you?”
“Of course, daddy. You’re both welcome to come.”
“Well, I think I’ll call her now so she can block off the date. Maybe you two can come by the house after the ceremony and she can give you some kind of celebratory dinner or something. Isn’t the father of the bride supposed to pay for some kind of thing like that?”
{The bride. I’m the bride.} “That’s OK, daddy.” Brenda didn’t know how much more she could stand. “Listen, I really need to get going and finish my work so I can go look for a dress. I’ll speak to you tomorrow.”
Tuesday, 4 PM
Brenda finished her notes in a few more files when the buzzer on her desk rang. “Mrs. Ashton is here to see you, Ms. Barrett.”
{Oh, well, might as well get it over with.} “Send her in, Keith.”
Lois barreled into the office. Where pregnancy seemed to light a fire in her jets, Brenda only felt tired and miserable.
“Hey, girlfriend! How are you? I was just downtown shopping and found the cutest baby shoes and thought I would stop by and show….” Lois stopped and took a good look at Brenda. “Say, are you OK? You don’t look so good.”
Brenda motioned for her to sit on the couch with her. “I’m fine, Lois, just a little tired. Daddy’s had me hopping on a lot of special projects. Do you want some milk or cookies or anything?”
“Not for me. But what about you? You look terrible. Have you lost more weight?”
“Thanks a lot, Lo. Yes, I’m eating. Now, what brings you down here?”
“I told you, I was out shopping and found some baby things to show you. But I tell you what, why don’t we have dinner together? My Nedly is tied up in a meeting with Edward and won’t be home, so we can keep each other company. Besides, I heard that horrible tropical storm down in Florida is marching up the coast, and we may be trapped indoors for a few days if it hits here. Ned is so protective now, he doesn’t want me going out in any thunderstorms that might turn nasty.”
Brenda saw through her monologue to the real motivation. “And you can make sure I’m eating too, right?” Lois was a gem. Brenda took a deep breath. “Dinner sounds good, but I want to tell you something first, and I want to get it over with.”
Lois waited a few minutes, but Brenda was obviously having trouble putting it into words. “OK, so spill!” she finally blurted.
Brenda looked down at her hands. “I’m getting married Friday…” she finally looked Lois in the eyes. “…to Sonny Corinthos.”
Lois almost hyper-ventilated. “Married? To Sonny? Friday?”
Brenda nodded seriously. Lois fanned herself with her hands.
“But Brenda, I thought you swore you would never marry him! He’s the slime-ball from the Nurses’ Ball, right?” She thought for a few minutes. “Is Harlan blackmailing you into this? What did he do, threaten to send you away to grown-up-boarding-school or something?” Lois began to seethe. “Let me call Edward. He’ll do something to stop that maniac. He can’t force you to marry….”
Brenda grabbed Lois’ arm as she reached for the telephone. “No, Lois. It’s not Harlan who’s forcing me. I made the decision on my own. I’m doing it because … because…”
Lois looked like she was about to explode.
“… because I’m pregnant.” Now Lois looked stunned. Brenda misunderstood. “I know, I’m stupid. Nobody these days gets caught like this, but leave it to little me to manage. I stopped taking the pill when Jax and I broke up and I never expected to have sex with anyone again in my life. But then, the night of Jerry and Bobbie’s wedding, he came to the cottage…”
“I knew it!!” Lois exploded. “He looked so hot for you at the reception!”
Brenda shook her head. “Yeah, well, neither one of us was thinking too clearly that night, and protection was the last thing on our minds.”
Lois was excited. “But Brenda, if Jax came back to you, doesn’t that mean something? Doesn’t it show he cares for you?”
Brenda looked her friend straight in the eye. “Lois, you saw the dress I wore. It was lust, pure and simple.” She stammered a little. “He did say he wanted us to be together again, but I told him I couldn’t live like that. I can’t just sit by the phone, waiting to see if he still wants me, or if he’s going to “do the right thing” and break my heart again. So I told him it was all or nothing, and he left.”
“He STILL says he loves Julia?” Lois gasped.
“He says he’s confused. Maybe he is starting to realize that he’s over Julia, but until he gets it straight in his own mind, I don’t want him.”
Lois put her hands on her hips. “Brenda, you were just hurt that he dumped you and you were acting out of some dumb kind of revenge. My ma would call it cutting off your nose to spite your face.” She saw Brenda’s pain, so she softened her voice. “But Bren, I still don’t see what any of this has to do with marrying Sonny.”
“Sonny offered me the best option. I’m just not strong enough to do this alone, Lois. I can’t be a single parent. I told Sonny about the pregnancy, and he says he doesn’t care. He won’t reject the baby, and I won’t have to worry about its financial security. And the best part is, I won’t have to be intimate with Sonny. He’s agreed to a platonic relationship.”
Lois just shook her head. “But what about Jax? He’s the baby’s father. What did he say about this arrangement?”
Brenda hated this part, since she knew Lois would blow a gasket. “I haven’t told Jax, and I don’t intend to.” When Lois looked like she was going to hyper-ventilate again, Brenda continued. “Lois, you know as well as I do that if I tell him, he’ll insist on marrying me. He always does the right thing, no matter how much it costs him. He’ll feel that I’ve trapped him into marriage, and I’ll be a burden to him. Besides, once I’ve gained a zillion pounds, my body won’t be as attractive to him anymore and he’ll really hate me for ruining his life this way.”
“Brenda,” Lois tried to reason calmly, “he’s a big boy. Don’t you think he deserves to make his own choices in life? What are you trying to do, act like Harlan Barrett?”
“No!! I’m doing this because I love him! Why would I be acting like Harlan?”
“Well, you hated it when he had your life planned out for you, picking the man you were going to marry. Aren’t you doing the same with him, planning his life and making his choices for him?”
Between Brenda’s hormones going crazy and her lack of sleep the last few nights, she burst into uncontrollable tears. Lois held her shaking body.
“Oh, hon, I’m so sorry. Between my hormones and your hormones and this whole mess, I don’t know if we’ll be able to stand each other for the next 8 months! I didn’t mean to make you cry. I’m just worried about you, that’s all.” Brenda sniffled and looked up at Lois. “You know I just want you to be happy.”
“I don’t think that’s possible any more,” Brenda said in a small voice.
Lois just hugged her again and rocked her for a while. {It is if Lois Cerullo Ashton has anything to say about it!!}
Tuesday, 11 PM
Lois didn’t say anything to Ned that night. He would just make the situation more complicated, and she needed to try to think clearly.
She tossed and turned when she finally did fall asleep. And dreamed. And the dreams were real doozies.
First, she saw Brenda walking down the aisle in a black dress, marrying a grinning Sonny. Sonny was standing with a baby carriage, smirking over it, and Brenda’s face was a mask of pain.
She woke with a start, and then drifted back off again. This time, she was in the park. She saw Brenda and Sonny and a small child having a picnic. The child was blonde and cherubic, Brenda was holding him tightly, and Sonny was talking on a cell phone holding a stack of files. Suddenly, a man walked up to Lois, blocking out the picture of the Corinthos family. It was Jax, and his face was drawn, his eyes blank. He grabbed Lois by the arms. Looking her in the eyes, he just kept repeating the same phrase, tears running down his face. “Why didn’t you tell me, Lois? Why didn’t you tell me?”
Lois woke again, sitting straight up in bed, waking Ned. “Something wrong, honey?”
“No,” Lois answered, patting Ned on the arm. “You go back to sleep.”
He was still worried. “Are you sure you’re OK? Is there something wrong you’re not telling me?”
Lois rocked back and forth in the bed, determined. “Nothing that can’t be fixed, Nedly. Nothing at all.”
To be continued….