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Medical Love Song
From "Monty Python's Contractual Obligation Album"
Words by Graham Chapman & Eric Idle
Music by Eric Idle & John Du Perez

Inflammation of the foreskin
Reminds me of your smile.
I've had ballanital chancroids
For quite a little while,
I gave my heart to NSU
That lovely night in June.
I ache for you, my darling,
And I hope you get well soon.

My penile warts, your herpes,
My syphilitic sores,
Your moenelial infection,
How I miss you more and more,
Your dhobi's itch, my scrumpox,
Our lovely gonorrhoea,
At least we both were lying
When we said that we were clear.

Our syphilitic kisses
Sealed the secret of our tryst,
You gave me scrotal pustules
With a quick flick of your wrist,
Your trichovaginitis
Sent shivers down my spine,
I got snail tracks in my anus
When your spirochaetes met mine.

My clapped-out genitalia
Is not so bad for me,
As the complete and utter failure
Every time I try to pee,
My doctor says my buboes
Are the worst he's ever seen,
My scrotum's painted orange
And my balls are turning green.

My heart is very tender
Though my parts are awful raw,
You might have been infected
But you never were a bore,
I'm dying of your love, my love,
I'm your spirochaetal clown,
I've left my body to science
But I'm afraid they've turned it down.

Gonococcal urethritis, streptococcal balinitis, 
Meningo myelitis, diplococcal cephalitis,
Epididymitis, interstitial keratitis, 
Syphilitic choroiditis and anterior uveitis.

Nicked from "The Fairly Incomplete And Rather Badly Illustrated 
Monty Python Song Book" and transcribed by John G. Wright