Title: 'Twas The Night Before Christmas Author: Michele Twas the night before Christmas in Old Ballyk The people were different for some moved away Old Santa was puzzled he didn't know why But someone had stolen his green Christmas tie When what to his bifocaled eyes should appear But Donal and Liam out drinking their beer Seems Quigley had stumbled on another fine scheme He wanted to crown a new Christmas Queen He tried to find ladies who would fall for his lines But no one would sign on his dotted red line Kathleen was busy, Siobhan much too tired and Orla had warned him she'd rather be fired A fine Irish lass, Quigley stated quite loudly but howcan I find one ,in this yokel back alley? When what to his wondering eyes should appear but Assumpta Fitgerald holding a spear You're dead, Brian called, go away, leave me be Brian, she told him, get on bended knee I've been told to come back and to give you sign You've messed up too often, you've not much more time Ah..go on, you old witch, as if I'd believe YOU I've seen programs on telly with a far better view I don't scare too easy, I'm tough and I'm old Since you've been away, I've been Brian the Bold! She spoke not a word but went straight to her work And Assumpta Fitzgerald, she nailed the big jerk She took him on down with one blow to the kisser You talk quite a bit, but listen here, Mister I've not time to waste, himself wants me back It's Christmas and I've come to put you on the track Throw open your pockets, let loose your odd dough Dear Brian, for once think of others you know Children are crying, some have nothing to eat While you sit by your fire and roast your big feet Get off of your big duff and start working for others For this is the season when all men are brothers She vanished before old Brian could blink But he swore as she went that she gave him a wink. When he opened his eyes he shivered in fright It was only a dream, I must have been tight! But just on the odd chance that it wasn't a vision Old Brian Quigley, he made a decision. He paid for a round without even a quack for Brendan and Aiden, and dear Father Mac That Christmas Brian distributed toys To the needy and homeless and all girls and boys And we heard him exclaim as he wove down the street Ah...Assumpta Fitzgerald I've done got you beat. I've given to others, the old sod is proud And I've plum done it all without telling the crowd You made it to heaven so there's hope for me yet but a voice whispered softly...I might take that bet Father Clifford, he gasped, you've come back...that's a shock Peter laughed as he nodded, "I'm back with the flock." The miracle business is still going strong As I see by the way that you've changed your song Then they left arm and arm and it started to snow But outside in the sky was a warm amber glow I've finished my work, she exclaimed as she flew Merry Christmas to all, and a Blessed Year too!