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EPISODE III DIRECTOR NAMED
After the stinging criticism of Episode I: The Phantom Menace, George Lucas has decided after helming episode two he will revert to his original methodolgy and allow someone else to direct episode three (After Irwin Kershner and Richard Marquand directed Empire and Jedi respectively). Lucasfilm is apparently in early talks with View Askew Productions' Kevin Smith (director of Clerks, Chasing Amy and Dogma). Nothing is certain but some details of the negotiations have leaked out.
Jay and Silent Bob will appear as stoner Sith Lords
Ben Affleck will star. Failing that, Jason Lee. Also making appearances will be Brian O'Halloran and Jeff Anderson somewhere as Junk Traders and whoever Kevin Smith is dating at the time will play Armidala. Known for his dick and fart jokes, Smith has been asked by Lucasfilm to tone down the swearing but have no problem with references to flatulence.
Location filming in New Jersey will include a general store in a scum-ridden space port (hence the perfect location is the Quick Stop).
Says Anderson, "It's Duchovny's fault. I've been caught out too many times. He says 'hey Gillian' come and see this really cool thing in my trailer' and I would say 'No David, I don't want to see your penis.' And to this he'd reply 'No seriously, this things is really cool. you've got to come and see it. And then I'd go in and he'd show me his penis. This went on, day in, day out, for seven years, so much so that the scene from the Crying Game has lost all impact to me."
NEW REALITY SERIES
Just when you thought our screens were flooded with series and specials consisting of footage of real life events such as security camera footage and in-car police videos going by such titles as When Animals Attack, Police Camera Stop, World's Whackist Weather and What Went Wrong? it seems viewers have even more of these specials in store.
Television networks have signed deals for dozens more of these specials but Planet of the Sh*t-St*rrers has found leaked details of these top-secret specials.
WHEN HERPES ATTACKS- A marvelous 48 part series featuring real life footage of ordinary people battling extraordinary STD's. See the mother of three battle chronic cold sores, marvel at the newlyweds dealing with painful urinary tract infections and laugh at the plight of the 80 year old fingernail-less grandfather of forty six deal with pubic lice
WHAT WENT WRONG-HOME VIDEOS
A new series of real peoples' camcorder footage. Highlights include the time Uncle Gus left the lens cap on during his neice's wedding, Sally leaves her camcorder hanging on her shoulder recording while hiking and Ben thinks he's captured footage of a daring bank robbery but instead gives the local news a tape of him and his girlfriend in a hotel room.
CAUGHT IN THE ACT
Surveillance footage of Security Guards using surveillance equipment to zoom in on parts of the female anatomy. Only on the Playboy Channel
|SOUTH PARK YOUTH AWARDED
Eric Cartman, the foul mouthed 8 year old from South Park, Colorado, was today named as Comedy Creation of the 90's. Cartman, who is described by himself as a sensitive young man exploring the stresses placed on pre-teens at the end of the 20th Century, and by everyone else as a 'fat ass,' heads the top of the list of the greatest comedy characters to first appear in the 90's, ahead of other luminaries such as Hank Hill, Joey, Mike Moore, Father Ted Crilly, The Soup Nazi and Alan Partridge.
The list was put together by a commitee made up of representatives of various groups such as the Comedic Relief Association of Pensacola,
People of England's North Idiosyncratic Satirists,
Variety And General Insurance Needs Affiliates
Female Union of Concerned Kleptomaniocs
Asian Society for Sexual Education, South
The Voting was tight with the people from CRAP swayed by South Park's scatalogical humour but PENIS decided that the show's representation of the British, ie Pip, was offensive. VAGINAitched over certain gynacological mistakes, while ASSES were sore over the use of much childish humour. FUCK, however, approved of the show as it steered clear of using the 'F' word.
A spokesman for creators Parker/Stone later read a statement. 'You're account is now overdrawn. Please pay the balance in 7 days or your credit card may be cut up.
Number one on the list was Eric Cartman whith another South Park colleague, Mr Hankey was number two. In a related story, the second season episode of SP, "Roger Ebert Should Lay off Fatty Foods, recently won a Hugo award as the Best Star Trek Episode in years.
|Babylon 5 Crusade Info
'WHAT YOU TALKIN' ABOUT SHERIDAN'
After months of work behind closed doors at Straczynski Ranch, better known as JMS's one room apartment over a sausage factory, POTSS can reveal information regarding the forthcoming show, Crusade, B5's spin-off; gleaned from a source deep inside the organisation, better known as hos landlady. Speaking on a cellular mobile phone, she told us of casting details such as the series star. Before being cut-off as she entered a GSM blind spot, also known as Southern California she told us that the star would be Gary Cole... before being cut off. So we assume congratulations are in order for Gary Coleman, pint-sized star of Diff'rent Strokes, who, like Sheridan, also has 20 years to live.
Can we also assume that, just as Lost In Space stars Billy Mumy and June Lockhart both appeared in Babylon 5, that other Diff'rent Strokes stars will make appearances. Todd Bridges as Franklin, Conrad Bain as a Technomage or how about Mr Garret as a lady of the Centauri Royal Court.
| DOCTOR WHO'S 35th
In November 1998, Doctor Who will be 35 and to celebrate the BBC has decided to pull out
all the stops in an event to rival the 27th, 29th and 30th anniversaries. First up, a new series will be announced, then cancelled. Then a movie will be announced, the cancelled. Then a special will be announced then cancelled. Then a co-produced movie will be announced, cancelled, revived, made, flop then be cancelled. The Beeb says this will be their biggest tribute to the show since they repeated Planet of the Daleks in 1993.
A BBC spokesman says the corporation wants a big budget look to compete with such classy American competition as "Dark Skies, sea Quest and Nowhere Man."
"We want a show with special effects that make you think and stories to take your breath away.
Though not literally because that would be fatal." The spokesman later denied he was using drugs but later added, "I love you."
The BBC has announced plans to produce a legend-based series
in a similar vein to the recent phenomenon of US companies
plundering everyone else's myths. Just has Hercules and Xena are based on Greek myths, Sinbad on Arabian stories, Robin Hood on British myths, the new BBC series will also rob, I mean plunder, er, borrow from foreign sources, sort of. This time, its Irish.
The Rimming Adventures of Oscar Wilde will follow the fortunes of
the famoush Irish wit and along with his hordes of young male sidekicks as he fights the establishment and is incarcerated for his leanings. Being a family show, the lead characters' homosexuality will only be alluded to and like Hercules, his sidekick will be new creations. There's fellow wit Roger with occasional appearances by the chubby con-man Simon and master thief Maquis De Sade.
Scripts for the first season have been written with a heavy 'subtext' with innocent scenes such as Oscar and Roger sharing a bath and shopping for gerbils played straight with a nod to a large section of viewers.
The series will open with a series of Tele-movies- Oscar Wilde in the Nightclub, Oscar Wilde in San Fransisco and Oscar Wilde on Broadway.
After the recent break-in at the home of Babylon 5 creator J. Michael Straczinsky, it was only a matter of time before the stolen manuscripts surfaced. These manuscripts have surfaced on the internet and we can be the first to reveal that the season finale will feature Sheridan leaping from a great height. Season Six's finale will see Sheridan jumping off Olympus Mons on Mars only to be saved by a freak gust of wind while season seven sees bungy-boy Sheridan leaping from the tallest building on Centaui and being saved by a temporal anomaly suddenly opening opening up and returning him to Earth in the year 1970. The outcome of negotiations for season eight will depend on whether Sheridan emerges in our time either over a fluffy bed or the Grand Canyon.
A fight broke out on the "Ricki Lake Show" when Xena Warrior Princess attacked Leela of the Sevateem during a show entitled "Bad Assed but Nice Butt." Host Ricki Lake, whose own posterior recently caused a solar eclipse in New York while visiting the top of the Empire State Building, recounted the sequence of events at a press conference after the incident. "Wonder Woman had just finished a story where the moral was never change into your costume in your own plane when your plane's most distinguishing feature is invisibility when Xena rode in. She immediately took exception to Mrs Emma Peel, likening her to latex clad cucumber who couldn't kick her way out of a paper bag and called the savage Leela a scrawny bag of bones in search of a good meal. In fact it wasn't actually Xena who said that but an annoying little red-head with her. Leela produced a blow pipe and a pouch of lethal Janis Thorns and killed Xena's companion Gabrielle. Xena didn't worry too much, noting she never seems to stay dead for long but when Leela challenged Xena to unarmed combat it soon became apparent when the two short skirted vixens high-kicked each other just exactly who it was who was wearing the panties 'round here."
The incident is the latest in a long line of troubles for Lucy Lawless in what is being dubbed "The Curse of Xena." First there was her fall off a horse accompanied by the actress' cries of "I broke my pelvis!" That was followed by the baseball national anthem affair dubbed by one sub-editor as "Rogue Breasts Arrested for Lawlessness" and another with simply "Lucy and her Breasts on a Baseball Diamond."
"We dropped twenty-five million dollars into Star Trek VII", said Berman. "We even dropped the number from the title, got series regulars, Ronald B Moore to do the script and Ron D Moore to handle handle the effects. It was only afterwards we realised we hired the writer to film models and the FX guy to tap out a final draft."
Star Trek IX will be directed by Jonathan Frakes from Michael Piller script, the latter seeing Braga and Moore's success and decided he wanted a cut of the action. Piller revealed that this decision will allow lesser utilised characters such to play a fuller Role. "Gates McFadden in particular", began Piller, "has been on back 24 hours a day. She really wants more screen time to develop her character. She suggested her character could perhaps have a love affair with a Romulan high commander. Gates is adamant about this. She's bombarded my answering machine with mesages, organised letter writing campaigns and camped out on my doorstep."
An early draft reportedly sees Dr Crusher isolated from the rest of
the crew trapped in a septic tank crawling with rats for the duration of
A shock announcement from the New Zealand set of Hercules: The Legendary Journeys and Xena: Warrior Princess has put the false mythological television hero industry into a spin. A
new trade descriptions act means that a series named after a hero must actually feature that hero in new footage in each episode. This means that the number of Hercules and Xena episodes per season will be reduced from 22 to 8 episodes. While this means there are fewer episodes per season, it does mean that Kevin Sorbo will actually appear in more episodes this year's 8- episode season than he did in last year's 22 instalments. And the next time Lucy Lawless's pelvis is crushed, she will have to grin and near it on camera next time.
The early eighties saw a rash of successful British shows recreated by idea-starved Australian networks. Typically starring the lead of the UK original, shows such as Love Thy Neighbour Down Under, Father Dear Father Down Under (with Patrick Cargil), Are You being Served Down Under (with John Inman) and of course Prisoner, (starring Patrick McGoohan as Vinegear Tits), gave the impression Australian TV was the nadir (there's that word so loved by fans again) of international broadcasting. That was then and this was now. Channel 7- claiming the most original programming in the World (Gladiators from the US, Man O Man from Germany, Funniest People from the US and Better Homes and Garden from Channel Nine) has announced it will make a pilot for an Australian series of Doctor Who . Quick as ever to jump on the bandwagon, the other networks all shot back with plans to make their own version of the series. Here is a quick rundown on the various suggested formats.
Who Heelers will air once a week in an hour long episode with the Doctor exiled to a small country town. The Doctor (John Wood) is scientific advisor to the Victorian Police Force with companion Victoria (Lisa McCune). The TARDIS is out of action so the Doctor's main transportation is a VT Commodore V6 with all the usual police mods. A state of temporal grace will be maintained with the use of the Doctor's sonic night-stick and K-9 will travel on the ute tray.
PILOT HIGHLIGHTS- Jamie Dunn as the Dalek Voices
More Who Below or go to Reviews page
A short history of the Wig of Success, as it was termed by the tricology press, starts with Robert Powell as Toby Wren in the first series of DOOMWATCH. Problems with the Wig's temperament (ie- biting the hand that brushed it and demands for Head and Shoulders instead of Boot's store brand) during recording meant Powell was written out of the series and, indeed, would not be used by the BBC until his wrangler could promise compliance with the director's wishes. It was not until late 1974, when Tom Baker became the Doctor, that the Wig was in work again. An instant hit with viewers, Wig (with Tom Baker in tow) soon found it difficult to walk down to the hairdresser for a perm without being asked for a lock of hair. Wig, of course, knew all about fame after seeing his father go through similar tribulations as Jon Pertwee's wig in the early part of the decade.
The late Seventies were to prove very hectic for the Wig, having accepted the role as principal hair-do for both Martin Shaw as Doyle on THE PROFESSIONALS as well as Gareth Thomas in the title role in BLAKE'S 7, all concurrent with the filming of DOCTOR WHO. During this time, a typical day might have started with rehearsals with Tom Baker in Acton, then being driven at high speeds to the filming of a tender love scene in THE PROFESSIONALS and then finally in the afternoon to a gravel pit for the location filming on the Deliverance episode of BLAKE'S 7. Of course, with three separate shows dependent on Wig for their rating successes, a double was used for all stunt work on the three shows (after an accident during the filming of The Sontaran Experiment where the Wig got split ends during a fight scene). During a well earned break, Wig even found time to make a guest appearance in THE TOMORROW PEOPLE as Glib in a story called Achilles Heel.
Alas, the early Eighties marked the beginning of the end of the Wig industry with Gareth Thomas leaving BLAKE'S 7. Soon after came Wig's public attack of dreadlocks during the filming of The Leisure Hive. Fortunately, Wig's father filled in for the latter episodes. But the damage was done. Wig decided cut back to just one series. Tom Baker was told his services would not be needed for the next season giving Wig the chance concentrate on THE PROFESSIONALS which was soon cancelled as Wig's performance was not up to scratch. At this time, cheap Japanese imitations flooded into Britain, as evidenced by Stephen Pacey as a Blake-substitute. Apart from the six-part television adaptation of THE HITCH-HIKER'S GUIDE TO THE GALAXY where the wig worked with David Dixon as Ford Prefect, on-screen work dried-up and Wig moved behind the scenes.
Working closely with DOCTOR WHO producer John Nathan-Turner as unofficial hair-styles advisor, the Wig used his own experience to colour, tint and streak hair of the Fifth Doctor, Tegan and Turlough. The Wig was treated rather shabbily by JNT, who had promised to make the 'rug' an Associate Producer. JNT even had the audacity to wear the Wig in public. In fact, there is not a single photograph of JNT from the early Eighties in which he's not wearing the Wig. The Wig quit the show in protest when Colin Baker was cast as the Doctor, having as he did, a wig from a previous appearance. The bubble had burst for the Wig. Once the leading light of British television, wig was now reduced to appearing as one of Kate Kestrel's wigs on Gerry Anderson's TERRAHAWKS puppet series. The tabloids also began printing vicious articles saying he slept with all three purple wigs from UFO. The most distressing article claimed he had a relationship with Ed Bishop's wig from that same series.
Wig, unable to keep up with 80's straight hair trends, retired from showbusiness, making his last appearance on top of an Auton in the THIRTY YEARS IN THE TARDIS documentary. He died early this year from dandruff. He was thirty-two.
Upon making the discovery, the assembled archeologists said, "bugger this for a sausage," abandoning the reconstruction of the Globe. They then called in the bulldozers to clear the ruins in the hope that other missing cult wigs might be found such as those sported by Martin Landau, William Hartnell, Sean Connery and Chris Barrie. Wig's remains are now on display in the Shatner Institute.
Federation that he once lied. Speaking on the Ricki Lake Show, he stoically
admitted to telling fibs as he launched his book "Of course, I'm Spock". His
friend, Captain James T. Kirk, leapt to his friend's defence. In an eloquent
and moving speech, he told the audience, 'You ...can't tell me .. .that ... Mr...............................................................Spock ... is anything other
...... than ................................................................................................ ...................................hundred...........................................................
................and fifty per.................................................cent
honest.' Mr Kirk had to be restrained by security guards when it was feared his exaggerated hand gestures might injure someone. Other character witnesses for Commander Spock, also known as Mister or erroneously as Doctor, were the Enterprise's CMO Doctor Leonard McCoy. 'The green-blooded son-of-a-bitch couldn't lie his way out of an encounter with a Jehovas Witness.' The next testimonial came from Montgomery Scott, Chief Engineer, who simply said, 'He's no liar.' When pressed further, he simply said, 'I canna give you anymore.'
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