"WAITING FOR GO-BOO"
(with apologies to both Samuel Beckett and Steven Spielberg)
by DR. BELCH
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[SCENE: the middle of nowhere. The only scenery is a skinny
little tree. Two tramps are standing on either side of it.
They strongly resemble the two starving men in "Wakiki
Wabbit"--one tall and gaunt, the other short and heavyset.
Their dress resembles that of Charlie Chaplin's Little
Tramp--shabby coats, dirty derby hats, etc. The fat
one, ESTRAGON (GOGO) plumps down on a low mound and fumbles
to remove his boot. We hear a snatch of Laurel and Hardy-
type music in the background. ESTRAGON pulls off his boot
with both hands, panting. he gives up, exhausted, rests,
tries again. As before. Gives up again.]
ESTRAGON: Nothing to be done.
VLADIMIR [the thin one]: What are you doing?
ESTRAGON: Taking off my boot. Did that never happen to you?
VLADIMIR: Boots must be taken off every day. I'm tired of telling you
that. Why don't you listen to me?
ESTRAGON: [feebly] Help me!
VLADIMIR: It hurts?
ESTRAGON: [angrily] Hurts! He wants to know if it hurts!
VLADIMIR: [angrily] no one ever suffers but you. I don't
count. I'd like to hear what you'd say if you had what I
have.
ESTRAGON: It hurts?
VLADIMIR: [angrily] Hurts! He wants to know if it hurts!
[He takes off his hat, peers inside it.] Funny. [He knocks
on the crown as though to dislodge a foreign body, making a
knocking-on-a-barrel sound, peers into it again, puts it on
again.] Nothing to be done. [ESTRAGON with a supreme effort
succeeds in pulling off his boot. He peers inside it, feels
about inside it, turns it upside down, shakes it, making a
noise like a rock rattling in a tin can, looks on the ground
to see if anything has fallen out, finds nothing, feels
inside it again, staring sightlessly before him.] Well?
ESTRAGON: Nothing.
VLADIMIR: Show.
ESTRAGON: There's nothing to show.
[VLADIMIR approaches ESTRAGON and starts grabbing at his
clenched hands. ESTRAGON pulls them away. VLADIMIR continues
grabbing. The two men do a silly little hand-slapping thing,
like a couple of little girls. They stop.]
ESTRAGON: [panting from the effort] Let's go.
VLADIMIR: We can't.
ESTRAGON: Why not?
VLADIMIR: We're waiting for Goboo.
ESTRAGON: Oh. [falls silent]
[A BOY enters. He looks a lot like Colin (Randy Beaman's
pal).]
BOY: Um...okay...so one time Randy Beaman was picking his
nose in class...and some kid in front of him leaned back and
bumped his elbow with his desk...and Randy Beaman poked a
hole in his brain with his fingernail.
ESTRAGON: What do you want, boy?
VLADIMIR: You have a message from Mr. Goboo?
BOY: Uh-huh.
ESTRAGON: I hear Goboo is a wise and benevolent being who
will come to save us from this misery called Life and take
us to Paradise with Him.
VLADIMIR: I hear Goboo is a grim specter of death who will
smite us with one touch of his mighty hand and end our
worthless existence.
BOY: I hear Goboo is a giant chicken.
[ESTRAGON and VLADIMIR recoil in horror at what he says.]
ESTRAGON: Blasphemy!
VLADIMIR: Falsehood!
ESTRAGON: Get on with you, boy! [kicks at him, missing]
VLADIMIR: Leave us, you unruly child! [pushes the boy
offscreen]
ESTRAGON: Goboo, a giant chicken?
VLADIMIR: It's simply ridiculous.
ESTRAGON: Idiotic.
VLADIMIR: Foolish.
ESTRAGON: Moronic.
VLADIMIR: Stupid.
ESTRAGON: Yes.
VLADIMIR: Yes.
[ESTRAGON and VLADIMIR fall silent.]
[BG MUSIC: the spaceship theme from "Close Encounters of the
Third Kind". ESTRAGON and VLADIMIR snap to attention. P.O.V.
shot of a dark huge figure stepping from the shadows,
heavily backlit. A light falls slowly on him and reveals a
long brown sackcloth robe with a hood concealing his face,
tied at the waist with a rope. He raises one hand in a papal
gesture of blessing.]
ESTRAGON: [excited] It's Him!
VLADIMIR: [excited] It is Him!
ESTRAGON: Goboo!
VLADIMIR: Goboo!
ESTRAGON: Goboo is here!
VLADIMIR: Here is Goboo!
[VLADIMIR and ESTRAGON fall at Goboo's feet--noticeably
chicken-ish feet--and kiss them frantically.]
VLADIMIR: Teach us!
ESTRAGON: Yes! Teach us!
VLADIMIR: Lead us!
ESTRAGON: Yes! Lead us!
VLADIMIR: Goboo is about to speak!
ESTRAGON: Yes! Let us listen.
"GOBOO": Buck buck buck bu-cawww.
ESTRAGON: He has spoken!
VLADIMIR: Yes! He has spoken!
ESTRAGON: Goboo has told us the Truth!
VLADIMIR: Yes! Goboo has told us the Truth!
["GOBOO" is nodding his head emphatically, touching the
heads of VLADIMIR AND ESTRAGON in a reverent manner to bless
them. Suddenly his hood slips back and reveals a chicken
head. "GOBOO" frantically readjusts his hood, but his belt
comes untied and his robe opens up, then falls off. CHICKEN
BOO stands naked before them, cocking his head
inquisitively.]
CHICKEN BOO: Buck-buck-buck-buck-bucgaw?
VLADIMIR: He IS a chicken!
ESTRAGON: A giant chicken!
VLADIMIR: He's a chicken, I tell you! A giant chicken!
ESTRAGON: What does this mean?
VLADIMIR: [becoming angry] It means we have waited lo these last fifty
years for a giant chicken! What a waste!
ESTRAGON: [echoes] What a waste! [pauses] What now?
VLADIMIR: [getting a mean hungry look in his eyes, drooling slightly] I
say--WE EAT HIM!!
ESTRAGON: Yes!! Let us eat Goboo and live!
CHICKEN BOO: [worried] Buck bagaw?
[The two men advance, wielding knives and forks and
slavering.]
CHICKEN BOO: [shrieking] Bacawww!!!
[VLADIMIR and ESTRAGON chase BOO around the set. The BOY
(COLIN) reappears in the foreground by the three as the
three figures chase in silhouette in the background.]
BOY: Okay, bye. [toddles off]
THEME: You wear a disguise to look like human guys,
But you're not a man, you're a chicken, Boo.
FIN. IRIS OUT.
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