Daria Fanfiction: MATCHMAKER MIKE by Riverboy (Scene 1)-At Darias House on a Wednesday afternoon. Daria is telling Jane about the family next door moving out last week and is staring out her front window that faces the deserted house. DARIA: Do you remember the Petersons Jane? JANE: Yeah they had that dog that wouldnt shut up. DARIA: The house was sold to someone last week. JANE: Whos the lucky party? (Moving van pulls up) DARIA: Were about to find out. (Scene 2)-The sidewalk outside Darias house. The moving van is parked with no one in sight. DARIA: Who do you think it could be? JANE: Oh you know the usual. Doctors, lawyers, washed out hippies... (The two of them pause suddenly due to the sounding of familiar guitar chords, to the tune of the Deftones' Engine No. 9.) JANE: ...but whoever they are, they sure do know how to wail on a guitar. (Scene 3)-At the door of the Petersons old house. Jane and Daria are ready to knock on the door. They knock. Familiar voices resonate from inside. VOICE #1: Our first complaint; go answer it, man. (The door creaks open, and its Zach from Bad Reception; hes looking away from the two girls.) ZACH: Look, I know were loud, but were a busy band (he looks at Daria and Jane), and...holy crap! (The three of them are looking at each other with their mouths hanging open.) ZACH: Daria? Jane? DARIA: Zach? JANE: Zach!...I mean...uh...Zach? ZACH: (yells) Yo, dudes! Cmere! ADAM: What? Oh, hey guys! Cmon in. (Scene 4)-Inside the house. The six of them are getting acquainted with each other. JANE: Why didnt you tell us you were moving here? ZACH: We wanted it to be a surprise. DARIA: Howd you get the money for this? MARK: Flashback time. ZACH: When we first moved to Oakwood, we bought a house, and a few months ago, we moved out into the house you saw when you came to us. My parents gave the old house to us. We got tired of it, and mortgaged it. We wanted to be closer to you guys after we met, so we looked at some in Lawndale, and found this one, unaware that you live across the street. JANE: Well now that youre here, I can give you those art tips. ZACH: Cool. JANE: Daria, wanna tag along? DARIA: Uhhh...yeah, but first Id like to show you something. MIKE: What would that be? DARIA: Follow me. (Scene 5) - Inside Darias living room. Helen and Jake walk in from the kitchen. JAKE: Who are these boys, Daria?! ZACH: Were the members of the band Bad Reception. We met your daughter at a gig a couple of weeks ago. HELEN: Ooh.. how exciting. MARK: Uh.. yeah. JAKE: Well, feel free to hang out at our crib, dudes. (Attempts to high five the band members but the members fail to respond.) Cmon guys dont leave me hanging. (Quinn comes in) QUINN: Big party in a few hours. (slower) Got........to......get........ ready. MIKE: (slowly) Cool. (Backround music: "Blur-Bettlebum".) DARIA: Oh no. (Softly to Jane.) Id better stay here. ZACH: Isnt that your bimbo sister you were talking about? DARIA: Sadly, yes. ADAM: (with Mark by the front door) Looks like these guys will be a while. Lets go, we got some unpacking to do. MARK: Yeah lets go. JANE: Well, come on, lets go to my place. ZACH: Uh. OK. (Scene 6) - Janes house. They are outside the door of Trents room. JANE: Watch this. (She opens the door only to find Trent sleeping on his bed.) JANE: Hey Trent! (Trent dosnt respond so Jane throws a tape at him.) TRENT: Janey, what you do that for? JANE: I have a surprise for you. (To Zach) Come on in. (Zach enters) TRENT: ZACH!!!! Hows it going? (Gives Zach a soul-shake high-five.) ZACH: Oh, pretty good; we just got a house down the street from here. TRENT: Cool. ZACH: Yo, I gotta run, see ya later. (Scene 7) - Janes room. As she opens the door she says.. JANE: Welcome to my domicile. ZACH: Wow, this kinda looks like my room. (Walks over to Janes bed which is covered with various art supplies.) Uh, where do I sit? JANE: Let me take care of this. (Walks over to bed and picks up stuff and throws it across the room.) ZACH: Well, you sure do take good care of your stuff, dont you? JANE: Yeah. (She has a few tablets in her hand.) May I intrest you in these? Zach begins to leaf through them. A few minutes pass and then Zach finally says...) ZACH: These are excellant. Do you have a personal art teacher or something? JANE: No, just your everyday scribbling on paper. I got into it as a child. But enough about me, what can I help you with? ZACH: (sigh) Inspiration is my main dysfunction. JANE: Well then, dysfunction is my function. (Both are laying on the bed motionless with their arms to the side a few minutes later. ) ZACH: So this is how you get inspired. JANE: Yeah. ZACH: I never tryed this method before. I.. JANE: Hold it. Im getting a vision. (She races off the bed and gets to her easel. She picks up a paintbrush and begins to paint something. About 15 seconds pass.) You dont have to be completly silent. ZACH: Oh. (A few more seconds pass.) I think Im getting a vision. JANE: Pick up a tablet and knock yourself out. (He picks up a tablet and pencil. He begins to sketch. About 20 minutes pass.) BOTH: (At same time.) Finished. JANE: Really? ZACH: Yeah. What did you come up with? (Jane steps away from the easel. Her painting is a large bull stomping over a city with people dying in the progress. ) Oh, my God! JANE: Why? (Zach shows his tablet to Jane. He sketched the exact replica of Janes painting. She looks bug-eyed at it is disbelief.) You.....didnt copy me, did you? ZACH: How could I? ( They stare at each other. Zach stands up. They walk slowly toward each other. They stare at each other in the eye. They slowly embrace each other. They slowly kiss each other. 5 seconds into it, Trent opens the door. ) TRENT: Hey. (Jane and Zach come to their senses despite Trent obliviousness.) Its Open Mic Night over at The Zen and I was thinking maybe us two bands can get together and play a gig. ZACH: All right, we can do that. TRENT: Cool. (Leaves.) ZACH: Wheres the phone? Ive got to tell the boys. (Jane hands him the phone, and, right before he dials, she asks..) JANE: (Hesitantly.) Hey, Zach? I was wondering if maybe youd like to go out for some pizza? ZACH: You mean like a.......... date? JANE: (Quickly.) Um, no, its just one of those..Friendly..things. ZACH: All right, I guess I meet you a little later. (Runs out the door. Jane stares dreamily out the door for a few seconds before ...) JANE: Hey! You have my phone! (Scene 8) - Back at the Morgendorffers. Quinn and Mike are sitting on the couch. Quinn is babbling about her fashion problems. Mike, however, is paying NO attention. QUINN: Excuse me, I have to go get ready for a party. MIKE: Actually, would you like to go do something? QUINN: Well I WOULD like to go to Chez Pierre now that you mention it. MIKE: Well..... (Zach walks in.) ZACH: Yo! Were going to do a gig with Mystik Spiral tonight over at The Zen. MIKE: Ahh. Cool. (To Quinn.) Would you like to tag along to give us some moral support? QUINN: Well... OK! MIKE: Cool. Pick you up around eight tonight. (Scene 9) - Janes room. Jane is looking in a small mirror that is above her dresser. Her hair is in a ponytail. Daria walks in. DARIA: Whats up? JANE: Oh, not much. Just going for some pizza. DARIA: Youre all dolled up because...? JANE: (Scrambling for an answer.) Because...... ummmm. people dont know how to dress nice anymore. DARIA: Oh, sure, a ponytail with combat boots is real elegant. JANE: Just because I felt like it, OK? DARIA: Mind if I come? JANE: (Bug-eyed.) Ummm... Yeah why not. (Doorbell rings. Both Jane and Daria answer it. Zach appears at the door.) ZACH: (Distracted with Darias presence. To Jane.) Ready to go? JANE: Umm. yeah. (Daria immidiately catches the drift. They begin walking to the pizza place. But before they reach the pizza place.) DARIA: (Thinking.) I know whats going on with these two. (Speaking to the two of them. ) On second thought. I have a Family Court date you guys. Gotta go. ZACH: Whats up with her? JANE: Oh you know Daria. A real go-and-get-'um kind of gal. Anyway, to paraphrase a famous TV personality, Shes leaving, thats more pizza for us. (Scene 10) - Bad Receptions band house. (i.e. the Petersons old house.) Daria walks inside only to find Adam and Mark sitting around, fiddling with different guitar riffs. DARIA: I thought you guys were unpacking. MARK: Change of heart. DARIA: Umm. Yeah. Listen. You havent noyiced anything unusual about Zach lately, have you? ADAM: Nothing that we consider unusual. DARIA: No, I mean UNUSUAL? MARK: Im afraid Im not getting your drift. DARIA: Forget it. Well, see ya. (She leaves.) ADAM: What do you think she ment by UNUSUAL? MARK: I dont know, probably his slight bladder problem. ADAM: I never knew he had a problem. MARK: Im just making an excuse. (Scene 11) - The Pizza Place. Jane and Zach are at a table eating a slice of cheese pizza. The music in the pizza place is "I Think Im Paranoid" by Garbage. JANE: So, you have a gig tonight? ZACH: Yeah. Bringing our brand of hard music to the masses. JANE: You got your work cut out for you. Its a tough crowd. ZACH: Really? (Pizza sauce falls onto his shirt.) Oh. Damn. (Reaches for napkin.) JANE: Oh, let me get that. (Zach reaches for the napkin dispencer. Jane accidentally put her hand on his. They look at each others hands and they look at each other. Chours of "I Think Im Paranoid" swells in the background. They quickly pull away, blushing. They begin speaking at the same time. It is impossible to hear what they are saying.) (Scene 12) - Quinns room. Quinn is looking for darks clothes to wear at the gig tonight. Her room is full of wrikled clothes that she threw in search for the perfect outfit. She finally decides on a black sweater and a pair of black pants topping it off with a pair of black boots. QUINN: Perfect. (Scene 13) - The Pizza Place. Zach and Jane are having an intelligent conversation. ZACH: ...and that is why media has so much control over the people. JANE: And not one person has the guts to stand up to it. Except for Rage Against the Machine. You remember the song No Shelter? ZACH: Oh yeah, killer song. The lyrics were all anti-media and stuff. They make a good point in it. Were drowning in a sea of media and theres nothing we can do to save ourselves. Its sick. JANE: Its sad. ZACH: Like everything else in this sick, sad, world. But hey, youve given me a cover to add to my set list tonight. (Looks at his watch.) Oh shoot, I better get back to the house. See you later. (Gets up to leave but is stopped by Jane.) JANE: Wait. Would you like to spend the night tonight? ZACH: (Taken aback.) Umm...ahh...sure. JANE: Cool. Later. (Scene 14) - At The Zen. Its about 9:00 and Bad Reception is ready to go onstage. TRENT: (At the mic.) Before we start tonights festivities, I would like you to give it up for a band we met doing a gig in Oakwood. Give it up for Bad Reception!!!!! ( A light applause amits in the crowd. The band comes onstage and starts playing a cover of Deftones- Engine No. 9. The music plays, but there is little reaction from the crowd. But as soon as the end of the chours rolls around the mosh pit begins to form. Jane and Daria are getting sucked into the pit. ) DARIA: Do you think they could play any louder? (Just as she says that, Bad Reception pumps up the volume.) Just my luck. (At the end of the song, Zach jumps into the mosh pit, helping Mark deafen the crowd with the last of the lyrics. After the song, the crowd cheers.) ZACH: (At the mic.) Howd you like that? ( The crowd roars with delight. A man in the crowd with a NIN t-shirt on and faded grey jeans yells..) MAN #1: Man, this bites! Im outta here! ZACH: (Into the mic.) Oh, you didnt know? (Man gives him the finger.) Your ass better call SOMEBODY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ( With that, the beginning of No Shelter commences. The rest of the songs are all as follows: "When", "Mega", "Chlorinated", and 311-"DLMD" at the end the band plays "My Own Summer". But before the song can commence...) ZACH: (Into mic) I want some of you up her for our last song. (Points to some people in front and in the back Jane says...) JANE: I dont know what hes doing. (Zach points to them and says..) ZACH: You two, get up here. DARIA: Were about to find out. (They go up on stage and Zach says...) ZACH: You guys ready? (Everyone but Daria...) CROWD: YEAH!!!!!!! ZACH: All right then. (The band breaks into "My Own Summer".) MARK: You guys are going to help us with the chorus! DARIA: Oh, yeah. (Zach starts singing.) ZACH: Hey you, big star? Tell me, when its over. (After a brief solo.) Hey you, big mood? Guide me, to shelter. Cos Im through with the two hits the six and its summer. Cloud come (Everyone begins screaming SHOVE IT. Everyone on stage and in the pit is moshing. Especially Jane and Daria slightly.) I think God is moving his tongue. Theres no crowd in the streets and no sun. In my own summer. The shade, is a tool, a device, a savior. See, I try, to look up, to the sky, but my eyes burn. (But all the while is walking slowly to Jane. He shares the mic with her. They begin screaming SHOVE IT. The bridge is also assisted by Jane. They finish up the song.) (Scene 15) - Backstage. Quinn comes up to Bad Reception. QUINN: Gee, you guys were kinda.... ewwww! Sweat! MIKE: Well, you know that happens when youre jumping up and down. (To the band.) You guys can go on. Ill catch up. MARK: Later Mike. Knock um dead! (Band laughs while onstage Mystik Spiral is playing Icebox Woman.) QUINN: (Shouting.) Mike. Could we possibly go somewhere esle? MIKE: (Shouting.) Why? QUINN: (Shouting.) Well, Its kind of loud back here, and I can barly hear you speak. MIKE: (Shouting.) OK. But where? QUINN: (Shouting.) Well. lets walk to the nearest resturaunt and find out. (Scene 16) - A resturaunt called Steves. Quinn and Mike are at a table talking to one another. MIKE: This better? QUINN: Yeah, much better. I can actually hear what Im saying. VOICE: Hey, Quinn!!! MIKE: Whose that? (The boy has long brown hair, a red shirt, blue jeans, and Nike tennis shoes on. He races up towards Quinn unaware of Mikes presence.) QUINN: Matthew?! MIKE: Matthew?? QUINN: Hi... this is my...er...brother Mike. MIKE: Brother?! MATT: So.... we still on for that date on Thursday? MIKE: Date on Thursday?? Thats it!! Im outta here.. I mean.. gotta go, SIS. (Leaves.) QUINN: I gotta go catch up with him. ( Leaves.) (Scene 17)-Back at The Zen. Quinn finally catches up with Mike outside the door. MIKE: Hello, SIS. QUINN: Mike, Im sorry. MIKE: Yeah, I guess thats why you have a date with that loser tomorrow night. QUINN: Well, I can always cancel. On only one condition. MIKE: What would that be? QUINN: I would like you to take me to Chez Pierre. MIKE: Done. (Scene 18) - Inside The Tank. Trent and Jesse are in front; everyone else is cramed in the back with their instruments. The van stops at the BR bandhouse. Adam and Mark get out. Mark is carrying two guitars, however, because Zach is staying with Jane. Daria also gets out and walks home. The next stop is the Lane house. Trent, Jane, and Zach get out and walk into the house. (Scene 19) - Inside the house. Zach goes in and flops onto the nearby couch. TRENT: Im going to bed. JANE: See you tomorrow morning? TRENT: Or afternoon. (Walks upstairs. Jane sits on the couch next to Zach who is half-asleep.) JANE: Have fun? ZACH: Ahh... that was the heavesy set yet. JANE: Really? ZACH: Im serious. If we would have stayed on for another song, we would have started hurting people. JANE: Im sure you wouldve spared my head from your guitar. (Silence.) Zach. ZACH! (Zach awakens but Jane doesnt notice. Softly.) I love you. (A few hours later. Zach wakes up to find Jane sleeping on his shoulder.) ZACH: (Thinking.) Owa, this is cute, a girl asleep on my shoulder...oh no, I have to go to the bathroom. Think Zach, think. Oh, man Id better go. ( With that, he slowly lifts her off of his shoulder and on to the couch, cuts to the bathroom. You can hear the toilet flushing. Zach walks out only to find Jane in the hallway who is going to her room. Zach speaks: ) Oh, hi, Jane. JANE: Hey, good night. ZACH: Wait a second. (Jane stops.) Shoot me if Im wrong, but did I hear you say that you love me? (At the far end of the hall, Trent walks out of his room, but goes back in and peaks through the doorway.) JANE: Oh. Aah, yes I did. ZACH: Really? JANE: (Pulling Zach close.) Yes. ZACH: Prove it. (She pulls him into a long kiss. Trent gets a shocked look on his face.) I love you too. Good night. (They kiss again.) JANE: Nobody has to know about this, right? ZACH: Hell, no. (They walk their seperate ways. Trent is shell-shocked.) (Scene 20)-In the kitchen the next morning. Trent still has a shocked look on his face. He also looks like he has lost sleep. Jane and Zach walk in. JANE: Good morning. (They almost kiss when they see Trent.) ZACH: Good morning to you too. Whats up Tent? You look like youve been up all night. TRENT: Huh... nothing. (He leaves the room.) ZACH: Whats up with him? JANE: You know him. All of his problems probably involve discovering new guitar chords. Or playing existing ones, for that matter. (She smiles flitatiously.) But you wouldnt know anything about that, would you? ZACH: (Smiles.) No, I guess not. (Meenwhile, Trent is heading up the stairs when the doorbell rings. Its Daria.) DARIA: Hi Trent. Is Ja-.... TRENT: Hey, get in here. (Pulls her in.) Go up to my room, Ill be right there. DARIA: Uhhhh. Okay? (Doorbell rigs again. Its Adam.) ADAM: Yo, I came to see Z-... TRENT: Follow Daria up to my room, no time to explain. ADAM: All right. (Trent takes one final look at Jane and Zach who are in the kitchen talking.) (Scene 21) - Trents room. Daria and Adam are sitting on the edge of the bed when Trent walks in. TRENT: The reason why I called you here is because Im worried about Janey and Zach. I saw them...kissing last night. DARIA: I knew there was something between them. Look, why dont we just talk to them. Itll save us the trouble of calling the CIA. TRENT: Well.. (Sighs.) All right. (Scene 22) - The front door. ZACH: Im going back to the bandhouse. JANE: Ill walk you. TRENT, DARIA, ADAM: (In unison are running down the stairs.) Hold it! JANE; Huh? DARIA: Weve got some questions for you two. ZACH: All right, you caught me. Jimmy Hoffa is locked up in our basement. (Everyone looks at him.) Never mind. DARIA: Whats going on between you guys? JANE: Nothing, were just friends thats all. TRENT: Youre a little TOO friendly with one another. ZACH: What do you mean? TRENT: I saw you two giving each other lip service last night. ZACH: Oh..well... JANE: Hold it. You mean you were spying on us? TRENT: Well not really, I was... JANE: I dont believe this, Trent. Dont you trust me at all? (Runs up the stairs.) DARIA: Wait! JANE: No! I finally find a boy that I can share my interests with and loves me for who I am, and now suddenly, all of you are against me. Right now I dont want to see any of you. (She runs to her room and slams the door.) ZACH: Come on, Adam, lets go back to the bandhouse. And for you two, I hope youre happy. (They leave.) DARIA: (To Trent.) Want me to talk to her? TRENT: No, leave her alone, shes hurt pretty bad. (Scene 23) - Zach and Adam are walking down the street. Zach is thinking about the whole situation. Finally he says... ZACH: I gotta go talk to her. (He runs the other way.) (Scene 24) - Janes room. Shes sketching something on a piece of paper and is listening to Bad Religions A Walk. Theres a knock at her door. JANE: (Audibly pissed.) WHAT? (Zach walks in.) Oh sorry. ZACH: Its OK. Im pissed too. JANE: Im sorry about my brother. He cant help looking out for me. ZACH: Its all right. You have a good brother. (He goes over and sits on the bed beside her.) I wish I lived in this family. JANE: Youd certanly fit, but thered be one downside. ZACH: Whats that? (Shes kisses him.) Oh Yeah. (Trent comes in.) TRENT: Jan--- JANE: Im sorry Trent. I know you where just trying to look after me. Lets just forget about it. (Daria walks in.) DARIA: Jane... JANE: Daria, Im sorry. Now lets not turn this into a family program where everyone constantly apologizes. DARIA: Uhh, OK. JANE: Wanna go for pizza? Just you and me. DARIA: OK. TRENT: Wait. Does this me you are boyfriend/girlfriend now? DARIA: What do you mean? JANE: I hate being refered to as anyones girlfriend. It makes me feel like Im chained to the boy in question. I like to call it...romanticly related. But I love you just the same, Zach. ZACH: Awww. (Looks at watch.) Id better be going now. See you later, right? JANE: Yeah. (Zach leaves.) That boy. (To Daria.) Well, lets go. TRENT: Ill drive you. (He yawns.) Ill be in the car. (Walks out of the room.) JANE: Cool just dont...(Hears Trent snoring.)...fall asleep on the way. (Sighs.) (Scene 25) - The Pizza Place. DARIA: So..you...involved in a boy. JANE: Strange, isnt it? DARIA: Does this mean youre commited to him? JANE: No, Im not ready for commitment. Besides, it would take all the fun out of it. DARIA: And hes OK with that. JANE: Yeah. And I didnt even have to talk to him about it. I guess its one of those cosmic things. DARIA: Well, what about Jesse? JANE: Were just friends. I dont think I could carry on a relationship with him. I cant have conversations with him like I can with Zach. What is this all of a sudden, 20 questions? DARIA: Actually its "Jepordy!" Ill take "A Misundersod Poet" for 100. (Scene 26) - Sidewalk. Daria and Jane are walking down the street near Darias house. To find Mike at her door dressed casually. Quinn answers the door. She is all dressed up in her casual clothes. MIKE: Ready to go? QUINN: Yeah. MIKE: Well lets start walking. QUINN: You mean YOU DONT HAVE A CAR? EWWWWW! (Quinn then stomps away. Jane and Daria walk up behiend Mike.) JANE: Chicks. DARIA: Yeah, chicks. THE END End Music: THE FLIES- "Got You Where I Want You"
Text file Source (historic): geocities.com/televisioncity/network/4938
geocities.com/televisioncity/networkgeocities.com/televisioncity
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