JOEY’S STORY – BY JOEY HIMSELF:
This may be going back too far, but I think
it all began when my Black Uncle Reggie made this production of
"Showboat" at my school play using me in black-face (of all things)
singing, "Ole man river, that ole man river, he just keeps roll'en along" Well,
Mel Brooks was the first to object, "You fool, I promise you, you'll never
work in this town again!" Well Reggie tried to bring a law suite
against Mr. Brooks, but his attorney said that it was not a racist remark, but
a reaction to the worst casting ever made in theatrical history. Reggie
said that Mel never understood the meaning of the original production; and
that's when Reggie wiped his feet on the
Five years later The Don gave Uncle Rocco an
assignment to hand carry a special invite to Uncles Reggie for his 94th
birthday party. Now he took me with him… on my mother's insistence [look
up] I guess she needed a brake from my antics.
Now when we got to Reggie's place all hell
broke out. Before you know it knives, guns and ninjas were
flying all over the place. I took off and let Uncle Rocco fight off the
invaders.
Well, I went up to the roof and spied thru
the skylight. I saw Reggie making one of his art movies. Ya know the one when where every one strips and does
artistic moves. This is different from the triple-X ones. This is
the kind where they donn do "the nasty",
they just hug and make believe.
Two handsome chicks with jewels hanging all
over the place came into view. They were all 10’s. Then enter this
camera man but then… then…
That is when I see this most gorgeous,
lustiest babe I ever seen. I mean... just one look at those legs and my
heart went crazy. It skipped about five beats... and I thought I'd pass
out. But then... I see the most beautiful thing
I ever saw: This girl struts into the arms of this macho guy and gives
her beautiful dairie-aire’ a little shake as she
walks by. My goodness, I pictured her walking toward me. I think I
passed out. I thought I died and went to heaven. When I pulled
myself together, I have only one thought in mind: "I have to have her for
my very own." … Why, you might ask? Well, you might laugh at
me, but, at that very moment, I understood why God had all that begetting in
the bible. And... and… I
could not wait for my turn to start begetting.
Believe me, I heard God's voice, "Go ye
out and re-people the earth." I mean it, dudes and dudetts, I DISCOVERED THE MEANING OF LIFE.
Now I say to myself, "Self, how's a
third generation Italiano-American gonna make a babe like that. Well I gonna have to make a new me. No longer the self
centered, egocentric, narrow minded, subjective me. I will NOW become a
universal broad-minded bon-vi-vone’. From now
on I am not the me I used to be. I am not the
man I used to be. I used to be... I used to be... I USED TO BE ITALIAN!
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DOUBLE LUCKY AS TOLD BY ROCCO:
It all began when I was a happy member of the
Vito Canoli family. One day Canoli
came to me and said, “Last night the heads of the family got together and named
LUCKY DUBLE’ as the first “CAPO DI TUTTI CAPI”- boss
of all bosses
“Part of the deal is we meat at LUCKY’s place on his birthday every year and ROCCO” [That’s
me] “I have to trade you to him to be his personal body guard.”
Well I comes to find
out that LUCKY DUBLE is no boss at all. They picked him because he was
from
So any one who’s anyone comes to his birthday
party for the last 25 years; this includes at least 10 reps from the FBI, CIA,
NYPD, The Associated Press, and, of course, THE BOMB SQUAD. The FBI
is certain that “Best Wishes” is a code word the Costa Nostra uses for “Don,
Whose Next”
The heads of the families all come in and
Kiss Double Lucky’s Captain Midnight ring. The
one he coned me out of playing Pokino one
evening. They all renamed him THE DON. And I guess that name stuck
with him till this day.
So now the Black Hand does 80 Billion a year
with over 500 Cold Cases attributed to the Mafia as the law continue to case me
and Lucky Duble, THE DON, for over 25
years. And, as the family heads operate without a real Don and make plans
safely and remotely every Thursday night at Zia Kathrina
Zapione’s Restaurant in Hackensack, where the family
heads and their underlines continue their careers in crime with ease, while the
FBI, CIA, NYPD work 20 hours overtime investigating me, THE DON and his
Godchildren as we try to run a simple honest bakery in Brooklyn.
Last year’s Birthday we had a cover charge
for the members of the press and the NYPD and collected over $25,000 from them.
(You know: They tend to eat all the donuts, conolis and GABAGOLL Sandwiches.)
REGISTERED TRADMARE 2002 THOMAS DISALVIO
COPYRIGHT 2002-2005
THOMAS DISALVIO, ALL RIGHTS RESERVED
