B11

Becks' Fanfic

This is a script designed to be an alternative episode 3.11.
In this version, Assumpta has not been killed. This script is the 'happy happy'
ending I suspect a lot of people would have liked to have seen.

There are some elements of 'Amongst Friends' in here, along with some
inspiration from a current EastEnders storyline (Excuse me altering a few legal
details, call it artistic license!) and a couple of bits from real life!

***

Scene: Int. Eve.
Fitzgerald’s. After opening hours.

Peter is helping Assumpta to clean up the bar. Assumpta is
washing glasses while Peter collects them. Each time he stops at
a table to pick up another load of glasses, he turns round to
look at her. He approaches the bar with the last of the glasses,
then goes behind the bar and grabs a tea towel and starts drying
glasses.

Assumpta:       So, when do I get this help full time then?
Peter:          Well boss, I can start tomorrow.
Assumpta:       Are you going to tell Father Mac?
Peter:          About us?
Assumpta:       Yes.
Peter:          He already knows.
Assumpta:       What?
Peter:          He knew ages ago. He’s not as blind to it as some
                people I could mention!
Assumpta:       Alright! Don’t rub it in!

Assumpta goes into the kitchen and fetches a bottle of champagne
from the fridge, then picks up two glasses. She holds them up.

Assumpta: Fancy sampling the perks of the job?
Peter: I thought I already was.

Peter follows her to the sofa at the far end of the pub. He sits
down as Assumpta opens, then pours the champagne. She sits down
next to him and proposes a toast.

Assumpta: To polar bear cubs.

Peter laughs.

Peter: Polar bear cubs!

They take a few sips and Assumpta snuggles up to him, Peter’s arm
resting around her shoulder.

Assumpta:       Where are you going to live?
Peter:          Don’t know. I hadn’t really thought about it.
Assumpta:       Stay here.
Peter:          Assumpta, I don’t...
Assumpta:       I think I’ve got a room free.
Peter:          I thought you were...
Assumpta:       Just because of what’s happening, doesn’t mean you
                don’t have a faith any more.

Peter turns and kisses her forehead.

CUT TO

Scene: Niamh and Ambrose’s house.
Niamh is standing by the bedroom window, looking across to
Fitzgerald’s. Ambrose is in bed.

Niamh:          D’you think I should go and help her?
Ambrose:        What?
Niamh:          Assumpta. The lights are still on. I shouldn’t have
                left her with so much work.
Ambrose:        She’s fine. Now, will you just come back to...

Kieran starts crying. Niamh goes to attend to him.

CUT TO

Scene: Int. Eve.
Fitzgerald’s. Peter and Assumpta are still sitting on the sofa,
sipping champagne. It is quiet and Assumpta is just looking at
Peter.

Assumpta:       How did you end up being a priest?
Peter:          Don’t know. Didn’t know what else to do after
                University I suppose.
Assumpta:       A career option?
Peter:          I suppose so. There’s not a lot you can do with an
                astronomy degree.
Assumpta:       Yeah, well, look at me. English degree and I still
                ended up running this place while Leo... sorry.
Peter:          You can say his name, you know.
Assumpta:       Did it upset you?
Peter:          You have no idea. Broke my heart. I cried myself to
                sleep that night. I thought you were doing it to...

He puts his glass down next to Assumpta’s. She puts her arms
around his neck as he sobs on her shoulder.

Assumpta: I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.

MIX TO:

Scene: Int. Day.
Fitzgerald’s. The bottle is empty. Peter is sitting on the
sofa, asleep with Assumpta in his arms, her head resting on his
chest. Assumpta wakes up, looks up at Peter and smiles. She
sits up, waking Peter who looks at her and grins.

Peter:          Morning.
Assumpta:       Morning.
Peter:          What time is it?
Assumpta:       Oh my God! It’s nearly eleven! Niamh’ll be here in
                a minute.

They start to clear up, then there is a knock at the door.

Niamh: Assumpta!

Peter and Assumpta scramble to their feet. Assumpta hands the
glasses and bottle to Peter.

Assumpta: Quick! Out the back. Take these with you.

Peter rushes to the kitchen door as Assumpta has a look round to
check for any other evidence. She spots Peter’s dog collar on
the table and hurriedly hands it to him. Then she makes for the
door. Peter turns back.

Peter: (loud whisper) Assumpta!

He beckons her over. She goes over to the bar. He leans over
the bar, takes her face between his hands and kisses her.

Peter:          I love you.
Assumpta:       I love you too. See you later.
Peter:          Yep.

Peter rushes through the kitchen and out of the back door.
Assumpta opens the door and Niamh comes in.

Assumpta:       Morning Niamh.
Niamh:          God, you look awful.
Assumpta:       Oh, cheers! Don’t make me feel good or anything,
                will you Niamh?
Niamh:          Weren’t you wearing that last night?
Assumpta:       Em, yeah. I must have just fallen asleep. I’ve only
                just woken up.
Niamh:          Well, I’ll open up if you like. You go and get some
                sleep.
Assumpta:       You sure?
Niamh:          Yeah, go on.

Assumpta goes upstairs, then locks her bedroom door behind her.
She picks up the phone. We cut between Assumpta and Peter.

Assumpta:       Peter? You got home alright then? Sorry about that.
                I don’t think she suspects anything.
Peter:          I don’t want to have to keep up the secrecy much
                longer. I want to tell them as soon as I’ve left my job.
Assumpta:       Just don’t leave it too long. I’m looking forward to
                it.
Peter:          I’m seeing Father Mac later. I’ll come straight
                round as soon as I get back. Love you.
Assumpta:       Love you too.

CUT TO:
Scene: Ext. Day.
Cilldargan. The outside of Fr Mac’s house. Peter approaches,
then knocks. He is let in and goes into Fr Mac’s room.

Fr Mac:         Father Clifford. Do I take it that you’ve made your
                decision?
Peter:          Yes. I’m sorry. I know I’m letting you down. But I
                can’t ignore this.

Fr Mac shakes his head.

Fr Mac:         Where will you go?
Peter:          Nowhere.
Fr Mac:         What?
Peter:          I don’t want to go anywhere.
Fr Mac:         But...
Peter:          I love that village. I love the people. Assumpta
                wouldn’t leave either.
Fr Mac:         She may not have a choice.
Peter:          What?
Fr Mac:         I can’t guarantee people will be thrilled about this.
                It will be difficult.
Peter:          I don’t care.
Fr Mac:         Have you thought about what you’re going to do for a
                job?
Peter:          Yes. Assumpta needs help with that pub.
Fr Mac:         What? Where are you going to live? Brian wants that
                house back, you know that?
Peter:          Yes. There’s a room free at Fitzgerald’s.
Fr Mac:         You can’t be serious.
Peter:          What? It’s not like we’ll be sleeping together, just
                living under the same roof.
Fr Mac:         It’s called living in sin.
Peter:          I gave that advice to Niamh and Ambrose.
Fr Mac:         But Ambrose is not a former priest.
Peter:          So what’s the procedure?
Fr Mac:         She’s married...
Peter:          No. I meant the procedure on leaving.
Fr Mac:         I’ll get a replacement down from Dublin. It’s a
                clean break. You won’t have any more duties. Just leave
                your suits in the sachristy. I’ll pick them up later.
Peter:          Thank you, Father.

Peter gets up to leave.

Fr Mac:         You were a good priest, you know. People liked you.
                You might find it difficult now.
Peter:          I’ve made this decision, I’ll do whatever it takes to
                make it work.

Fr Mac nods, shakes Peter’s hand. Peter leaves.

CUT TO:
Scene: Int. Day.
Peter’s house. He is dressed in civvies, packing away his
things. He walks out of the bedroom and down the stairs. The
other rooms appear to be relatively empty of his personal things.
In the hall, he picks up his rucksack and a box and walks out
closing the door behind him.

CUT TO:

Scene: Int. Day.
Fitzgerald’s. Niamh and Assumpta are in the bar, Niamh is
attending to Kieran. Siobhan, Brendan and Padraig are there.
Peter struggles through the door at the far end of the bar.
Assumpta sees him and moves through to the reception area. He
gives her a smile, then puts the box down on the desk.

Assumpta: Is this it?!
Peter: Well... yeah.

Assumpta smiles.

Assumpta: D’you want to put it upstairs?
Peter: Thanks.

She gives him the key.

Assumpta:       First on the left. (Sarcastically) D’you need some
                help?
Peter:          I think I can manage, thanks.

Another big smile. He picks up the box and goes up the stairs.
Assumpta goes back to the bar. The other’s have noticed Peter’s
arrival.

Padraig:        He been kicked out or something?
Assumpta:       Em... yeah. Brian said he wanted the house back.
                He’s staying here for a while.

Peter comes back down the stairs and sits at the end of the bar.
Assumpta goes over to speak to him.

Assumpta:       So, you did it then?
Peter:          Yep.
Assumpta:       How’d Father Mac take it?
Peter:          Oh, he was fine about me leaving. It was the living
                arrangements he wasn’t keen on.
Assumpta:       Ah. I’ve told this lot Brian kicked you out.
Peter:          Right.
Assumpta:       So. When can you start?
Peter:          Now?

Assumpta smiles.

Assumpta: Okay. Grab a tea towel.

Peter goes behind the bar and starts drying glasses.

Siobhan: You moonlighting, Father?
Brendan: Or just trying to pay the rent?

Peter says nothing, just laughs. Niamh comes out of the kitchen
with Kieran.

Brendan:        Did you know your father’s being kicking priests out
                on the street?
Niamh:          What? I’m sorry, Father, I’ll sort it out.

Peter looks at Assumpta.

Peter: No.

He looks around at everyone.

Peter:          He didn’t kick me out. I left.
Brendan:        Bigger and better things?
Peter:          Sort of. It wasn’t just the house I left. It was
                the priesthood as well.

They all look stunned.

Niamh:          Are you serious?
Peter:          Completely.
Niamh:          Why? I mean, you’re the best priest we’ve had for
                years...

She sees Peter is looking at Assumpta. There is silence.

Assumpta: Look. You’re going to find out eventually. He left
because of me.

There is a stunned silence. The regulars are in shock.

Assumpta: So, meet your new barman.

Peter and Assumpta are smiling while the others are still in
shock.

Niamh: Assumpta, can we talk?
Assumpta: Em, yeah.

Niamh and Assumpta go through to the kitchen.

Brendan walks round to the far end of the bar.

Brendan: Peter.

Peter joins Brendan.
We cut between Peter and Brendan and Assumpta and Niamh.

Niamh:          What do you think you’re doing? You’re married!
Assumpta:       I know. That was a mistake.
Niamh:          That doesn’t make any difference.
Assumpta:       It does to me. Niamh, ever since Peter came here,
                there’s been something between us. You know that.
Niamh:          I thought you’d got over it.
Assumpta:       I married Leo to get Peter out of my head.
Niamh:          Assumpta!
Assumpta:       I’m sorry, Niamh. That’s the way it is. Right now,
                I’m happy, and as far as I’m concerned, that’s all that
                matters.
Peter:          I can’t help how I feel about her.
Brendan:        But you’re a priest.
Peter:          Was.
Brendan:        So how do you rationalise that?
Peter:          I can’t. I just think this is supposed to happen.
                Father Mac saw it as a test of faith, I saw it as
                something God wanted to happen.
Brendan:        Assumpta is married.
Peter:          She’s happy.

Brendan admits defeat.

Brendan: I have to say, I’ve never seen her like this before.
Peter: There you go then.

Peter pats Brendan on the shoulder and starts to serve another
customer.

Niamh:          Are you sure you know what you’re doing?
Assumpta:       Yes. For once. Niamh, you once said I only wanted
                what I couldn’t have.
Niamh:          Yeah?
Assumpta:       Why shouldn’t I want that? For once in my life,
                someone who I couldn’t have wants me as much as I want
                him and now I can have what I want. I’m happy, Niamh.
                Just leave it.

Assumpta goes back out to the bar.

CUT TO:

Scene: Int. Day.
Brian is on the phone to Father Mac.

Fr Mac:         He’s cleared his things out. The new priest will be
                here tomorrow. I’d appreciate it if you would continue
                to let us use that house for accomodating priests.
Brian:          Sure, no problem. I knew this was coming.
Fr Mac:         So did I. I don’t think there was much anyone could
                have done.
Brian:          Shame. I rather liked him.
Fr Mac:         Anyway, how's your new venture going?
Brian:          The restaurant? Fine. We've got the health
                inspection in a couple of days, but I don't see that
                being a problem.

CUT TO:

Scene: Int. Day.
Hendley’s. Padraig is in the shop, talking to Kathleen. We
don’t hear what they’re saying, but when Assumpta comes in, they
become silent and it is obvious what they’ve been discussing.
Assumpta picks up what she came in for, puts money on the counter
and starts to walk out. Then she turns back.

Assumpta: Em, if you’re going to talk about me, would you at
least say it to my face.

She walks out and slams the door.

CUT TO:

Scene: Int. Day.
Brian’s restaurant. Shamie, Liam and Donal are cleaning the work
surfaces. Shamie is actually cleaning, Liam and Donal are merely
waving a cloth in that general direction.

Shamie:         Ah, lads. Come on, I’m not doing this on my own.
                Health inspectors’ll spot that a mile off.
Liam:           It’s just a tea stain.
Shamie:         It’s a tea stain they’d close us down for.
Donal:          How can they close us? We haven’t opened.
Shamie:         They’d stop us opening in the first place.
Donal:          Well then they’re not closing us down, are they?
Liam:           Shamie, forget it. You don’t try to explain anything
                to him.

CUT TO:

Scene: Int. Day.
Fitzgerald’s. The pub is closed and Peter is stocking up the
bottles behind the bar. He hears the door slam and looks up.
It’s Assumpta, clearly not happy. She flounces into the kitchen.
Peter stops what he’s doing and follows her. She’s obviously
upset.

Peter:          Assumpta? What’s the matter?
Assumpta:       They’re at it already.
Peter:          Who’s doing what?
Assumpta:       Padraig, gossiping with Kathleen about us. Her
                version will be all round Wicklow by the end of the day.
Peter:          Come here.

He takes her in his arms and hugs her, stroking her hair. Her
arms are wrapped around his waist.

Peter:          We can’t take any notice of them.
Assumpta:       I know. It’s just... it’s hard when it’s people I
                thought I could trust.
Peter:          I know.

He hugs her for while longer, then kisses the top of her head.
She looks up, then kisses him. He is slightly stunned by this
for a second, then sinks into it. They part, slightly out of
breath.

Assumpta:       Well...
Peter:          Sorry.
Assumpta:       Don’t apologise. For someone who’s been celibate for
                the last seven years...
Peter:          I’ll get some more practice.

Assumpta smiles and goes to kiss him again. Peter pulls away
slightly.

Peter: We’ve got a pub to run.
Assumpta: That’s my line!

She swipes at him playfully then starts to walk out. He puts his
arms around her waist from behind and kisses her neck.

Peter: Later.

Assumpta nods, then turns and gives him a quick kiss. She goes
to unlock the doors while Peter finishes stocking up.

CUT TO:

Scene: Ext. Day.
The church. Father Mac drives up with the new priest in his car.
He gets out and shows the priest around. The priest is much
nearer his age than Peter was and it appears he takes Fr Mac’s
view.

Fr Mac:         Shocking business, but he was young, bit
                inexperienced.
Priest:         Oh I agree. That’s the problem these days, no
                staying power.

CUT TO:

Scene: Int. Day.
Fitzgerald’s. Siobhan walks in. Assumpta is there on her own.

Siobhan:        Assumpta.
Assumpta:       Hi Siobhan. You’re not going to bite my head off,
                are you?
Siobhan:        I always thought that was your department.

Assumpta laughs.

Siobhan:        What’s wrong?
Assumpta:       What I should have expected, really. Gossip.
Siobhan:        Where is Peter?
Assumpta:       He’s taken Fionn out for a walk. I mean, what’s the
                problem Siobhan? Peter and I finally get ourselves
                sorted out and everyone’s suddenly against the idea of
                either of us being happy.
Siobhan:        It’s not everyone.
Assumpta:       Padraig. I just didn’t expect that from him.
                Anyway, I’m not going to let this get on top of me. This
                is what I want and I’m going for it.
Siobhan:        Good on you.
Assumpta:       You mean it?
Siobhan:        Sure. Why not?
Assumpta:       Well, there’s jut the slight problem of him being a
                former priest and me being married to Leo.
Siobhan:        What are you going to do about that?
Assumpta:       Don’t know. I haven’t spoken to him yet. I might
                let things cool down a bit first.
Siobhan:        The longer you leave it, the worse it’ll get.
Assumpta:       I know. I need to talk to Peter first.
Siobhan:        Anyway. I had another scan today.

She produces the scan photo from her pocket and hands it to
Assumpta, who studies it carefully.

Assumpta: You feeling motherly yet then?
Siobhan: Well, I have to say...

Peter walks in with Fionn still on the lead. He looks exhausted.
Assumpta laughs.

Assumpta:       Where’d you take him? He looks exhausted.
Peter:          Oh, miles.
Assumpta:       I was talking to Fionn.

Peter gives her a sarcastic smile. She smiles back.

Assumpta:       D’you want a drink?
Peter:          Yeah, thanks, I’ll have a... let me guess. You were
                talking to the dog.
Assumpta:       Spot on.

Peter goes into the kitchen and fills up Fionn’s bowl as Assumpta
pours a pint. Peter closes the kitchen door and she hands him
his pint.

Peter: Thank you.

Padraig enters. Assumpta gives him a cold look.

Padraig:        Pint please.
Assumpta:       Ah, you see how nice he can be when he wants
                something?
Peter:          Assumpta.

Assumpta looks at him, giving her a ‘leave it’ look and softens a
bit. She pours Padraig’s pint and hands it to him.

Padraig: Does your husband know about this yet?

Assumpta reaches the end of her tether and storms out of the bar
and upstairs.

Peter: Oh, thanks a lot Padraig.

Peter follows Assumpta.

CUT TO:

Scene: Int. Day.
Upstairs in Fitzgerald’s. Peter is standing outside Assumpta’s
door. It’s not locked but it is shut. He knocks on the door.

Peter: Assumpta.
Assumpta: It’s open.

Peter opens the door and finds Assumpta sitting on the bed,
crying. Peter sits on the bed next to her, puts his arm round
her and she starts to cry on his shoulder. He strokes her hair.

Assumpta:       He’s right though, isn’t he? I mean, it’s
                not right. I’m still married to Leo.
Peter:          I know.
Assumpta:       Sorry. I need to sort that out with him.
Peter:          D’you want me to leave.
Assumpta:       No. No. I just need to talk to Leo, make him
                understand.
Peter:          It’s not going to be easy.
Assumpta:       I know how he felt about me. I just can’t say I felt
                the same about him. Pass me the phone.

Peter gets up and puts the phone on the bed between them.
Assumpta dries her eyes and dials the number.

Assumpta:       Leo? We need to talk. No. It’s not something I can
                say over the phone. Yeah, I know you’re busy, but this
                is important.

CUT TO:

Scene: Int. Day.
Fitzgerald’s Peter comes down the stairs. Padraig looks
sheepish.

Siobhan: Is she okay?
Peter: Yeah. Thanks for that Padraig.

Padraig says nothing. Peter addresses everyone in the bar.
During his speech we see Assumpta come down the stairs, not seen
by anyone else, listening intently and very touched by what he
says.

Peter:          Right.   As you all seem so fascinated by this, yes,
                I have left the priesthood and yes, I am now living with
                Assumpta Fitzgerald. I realise you all trusted me as a
                priest, but I really can’t help how I feel and neither
                can she. I’d appreciate it if you could all just give
                her a bit of support. I don’t care what you say about me
                but I won’t have a word said against Assumpta.

There is silence in the bar.

Peter: Feel free to talk about that amongst yourselves.

Peter walks into the kitchen, where Assumpta joins him. He
doesn’t notice her at first.

Assumpta: That was very sweet.
Peter: You heard that?

Assumpta just nods.

Peter:          What did Leo say?
Assumpta:       He’s taking time out of his hectic schedule to fit me
                in.
Peter:          When?
Assumpta:       Tomorrow.
Peter:          I’ll be out for the day then. Unless you want me
                here.
Assumpta:       I don’t think that’d be a good idea.

CUT TO:

Scene: Int. Day.
The Chinese restaurant. Liam and Donal are still cleaning.
Donal is chewing gum. They are scrubbing the floor with
rediculously small scrubbing brushes. Shamie walks past.

Liam:           D’you not have any bigger brushes?
Shamie:         Nah They’d spot it, you see. There’s a regulation
                size for the scrubbing brushes in a commercial kitchen.
                If they see anything bigger they’d close us down. It has
                to get into the corners, you see.

Shamie walks onto their freshly scrubbed floor, making dirty
footprints on the tiles.

Liam: Ah!

MIX TO:

Scene: Ext. Day.
Fitzgerald’s, early morning. Peter is just closing the door as
Leo’s car pulls up outside.

Leo: Morning Father.
Peter: Morning.

Peter leaves in a hurry and Leo enters the bar.

CUT TO:

Scene: Ext. Day.
Peter out walking by the lake where he admitted his feelings to
Assumpta.

CUT TO:

Scene: Int. Day.
Fitzgerald’s kitchen. Assumpta and Leo are talking.

Assumpta:       Look, we’ve already decided it’s not going to work,
                what’s the problem?
Leo:            You’re my wife!
Assumpta:       I’m sorry Leo. It was a mistake.
Leo:            You’re not getting a divorce.
Assumpta:       Don’t make this harder than it has to be.
Leo:            I’m not the one making things difficult.
Assumpta:       I’ll file it through the English courts if that’s
                what it takes.
Leo:            I’m never going to get my way with you am I?
Assumpta:       I know what I want.

Leo looks disgusted and walks out slamming the door behind him.

CUT TO:

Scene: Ext. Day.
The street. Leo storms across to Hendley’s.

Leo:            20 Benson and Hedges, Kathleen.
Kathleen:       Terrible business.
Leo:            What?
Kathleen:       Your wife. Father... Mr Clifford should be ashamed
                of himself.
Leo:            What?
Kathleen:       You didn’t know?
Leo:            What’s the priest got to do with it?
Kathleen:       I’ve said too much already.

Leo walks out, leaving his cigarettes. He storms back over to
the pub. Assumpta has locked the doors. Leo starts thumping on
the bar door.

Leo: Assumpta?! Assumpta!

Brendan walks past and stares at the commotion.

Leo: What’re you looking at?

Brendan walks on without saying anything.

Leo gives up and drives his car up the road, but stops further up
and just sits in his car.

CUT TO:

Scene: Ext. Day.
The street, late afternoon. Peter is walking across the bridge
after his long walk. He walks into Fitzgerald’s.

Inside, he finds Assumpta sitting in the kitchen. She’s been
crying.

Peter:          You okay?
Assumpta:       Shall we say he’s not keen on the idea of divorce. I
                just made one mistake. One big mistake. Why is that so
                difficult to change?

Peter puts his arm round her and sits down next to her.

Peter: We’ll sort this out.

The front door opens. It’s Leo. He sees Peter and is very
clearly not happy.

Leo: Get your hands off my wife.
Assumpta: Leo! Get out!

Leo walks round to the kitchen and punches Peter. Peter doesn’t
flinch, just stands there and takes it.

Leo: You going to put up a fight, Father, or what?

Leo goes to punch him again. Assumpta tries to stop him but gets
in the way and ends up being punched herself. Leo reaches out to
comfort her but she pushes him away.

Assumpta:       Leave me alone.
Leo:            Assumpta, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to...
Assumpta:       Get out!

Leo starts to leave. As soon as he is out of the kitchen door
she turns to Peter for comfort. Leo looks back.

Leo: Ah, God, that’s right. I was always your second
choice, wasn’t I?

He walks out and slams the door. Assumpta has her head buried in
Peter’s chest. He tries to take a look at how badly hurt she is,
but she won’t let him. He takes her face in his hands and forces
her to look at him. The wound isn’t that bad, but it’s going to
be badly bruised. He wipes away a couple of tears. She turns
back and buries her head in his chest again.

CUT TO:

Scene: Ext. Day.
The bridge.

Leo accelerates away from the pub fast, nearly running Niamh over
as she walks Kieran. Niamh’s curiosity is too strong and she
heads for the pub.

CUT TO:

Scene: Int. Day.
Fitzgerald’s. Peter has Assumpta holding an ice pack to her
face. There is a knock at the door. Peter goes to open it.
It’s Niamh and Kieran. Niamh sees Peter’s expression and looks
through to the kitchen. She sees Assumpta and runs through to
the kitchen. Peter picks Kieran up out of his pram and follows
her.

Niamh:          Oh God. What happened?
Assumpta:       Leo made his opinions clear.
Niamh:          Did he do that?

Assumpta won’t say anything. Niamh turns to Peter. Peter nods.
Niamh is shell shocked.

Assumpta: D’you reckon that’s grounds for divorce?

There is silence. Niamh just thinks it’s a very flippant thing
to say. Peter is rocking Kieran in his arms. There is another
knock at the door.

Assumpta: We’re closed!

The knocking continues. Peter goes to answer it. It’s the new
priest.

Peter:          Morning Father.
Priest:         And you would be Mr Clifford, would you?
Peter:          Yes.
Priest:         I’m the new priest.
Peter:          I can see that. It’s the collar. It tends to give
                it away.
Priest:         Can I come in.
Peter:          Now’s not a good time.
Priest:         I just wanted to introduce myself.
Peter:          I’m sure we’ll get to know each other. Just bring a
                book next time I go to confession. You could be in there
                for a while. I’m sorry. I’ve got a few other things on
                my mind.
Priest:         Of course, sorry. I’ll er, leave you to it.

He looks at Kieran.

Peter: He’s not mine.

Peter shuts the door.

CUT TO:

Scene: Int. Day.
The chinese. The boys are still scrubbing. Quigley has come to
inspect.

Brian:          They’re very small brushes.
Donal:          Regulation size.
Brian:          What?
Donal:          You can’t use anything bigger than this.   Those
                health people spot them.

Brian gives up trying to get any sense out of him.

Brian:          Shamie?
Shamie:         Yeah.
Brian:          We going to be ready for this inspection?
Shamie:         Sure, no worries. It’ll be spotless. Won’t it lads?

Liam and Donal give forced smiles and carry on scrubbing.

CUT TO:

Scene: Int. Day.
Hendley’s. The priest is buying the essentials; sugar, tea bags,
milk etc.

Priest:         Lovely flowers up at the church. Was that you?
Kathleen:       Oh, yes Father. I thought it’d be a bit welcoming.
Priest:         Thank you. Will I be seeing you at my first mass?
Kathleen:       You certainly will, Father. Between you and me, I
                never really got on with the last priest.
Priest:         Really?
Kathleen:       Not my kind, I suppose.
Priest:         Obviously Miss Fitzgerald’s kind.

Kathleen nods in agreement.

CUT TO:

Scene: Int. Day.
Fitzgerald’s. Assumpta is on the phone. Peter is behind the
bar.

Assumpta: Well, I’d appreciate it if you could get everything
moving as quickly as possible. Yes. Thank you.

Assumpta goes through to the bar.

Assumpta:       (To Peter) Well, he reckons it should be about six
                months. As long as Leo doesn’t put up a fight.
Peter:          I wouldn’t bet on that.
Siobhan:        It’s definitely going ahead then?
Assumpta:       (nods) Whether he likes it or not.
Siobhan:        I saw the new priest earlier on. I wouldn’t expect
                to see him in here if I were you.
Assumpta:       I can cope with that. Is he tee-total then?
Siobhan:        I think he’s tee-fun.
Peter:          He was round here earlier.
Siobhan:        Really?
Peter:          Thought he’d come round and introduce himself.
Assumpta:       Oh I bet he did.
Peter:          I think rub my nose in it was more like it.

The door opens. It’s the new priest. There is a cold silence.

Priest: Orange juice please.

Peter and Assumpta exchange looks as to who should serve him.
Peter goes to get a glass but Assumpta beats him to it. She
pours the orange juice and puts the glass on the bar. She quotes
the price. The priest hands over the money.

Peter: Settling in okay, Father?

Assumpta glares at him.

Priest: Yes thank you. I’ll be seeing you all in church
tomorrow, will I?

Assumpta laughs.

Peter:          Under the circumstances, I don’t think that’s likely.
Priest:         I’d forgotten you’d given up on God.
Peter:          I haven’t given up on God and I don’t believe he’s
                given up on me. He just offered me an alternative.
Priest:         Whatever you say.

CUT TO:

Scene: Int. Day.
The next day. The church is almost full, people discussing Peter
and Assumpta and speculating on the new priest. As the
congregation take their seats, the new priest enters.

Priest:         Good morning, nice to see so many of you here to
                witness my first mass in this beautiful village. It was
                only the other day when I received the call from Father
                MacAnally, telling me the people of Ballykissangel needed
                a new priest....

MIX TO
Scene: Int. Day.
The church. The new priest is still on his introduction. His
voice is unbelievably monotonous and he is rambling on about
nothing in particular. Ambrose, Niamh, Brendan, Padraig and
Kevin look bored out of their minds. Kieran is screaming, but
stops when the priest stops talking... then starts again as soon
as the priest starts speaking. Niamh looks embarrassed.

CUT TO:

Scene: Ext. Day.
Peter is walking Fionn past the church as everyone is coming out
of mass. He gets a cold look from Kathleen, which he ignores and
smiles sweetly at her. Niamh and Ambrose (with Kieran) join
Peter.

Peter:          Is he any good?
Ambrose:        The truth? Nearly fell off the pew I was so bored.
Niamh:          Entertaining sermons aren’t his strong point.
Ambrose:        Niamh, speaking isn’t his strong point. He’s got a
                voice like industrial machinery.

Peter laughs, then looks at Fionn, then Kieran.

Peter: Swap?

Ambrose takes Fionn’s lead as Peter holds Kieran. Kieran takes
to him immediately. Peter, Ambrose and Niamh continue to walk
down the road to Fitzgerald’s.

CUT TO:

Scene: Ext. Day.
Outside Fitzgerald’s. Peter, Niamh and Ambrose stop.

Peter:          (to Kieran) Well, I guess I’d better give you back.
                I don’t think she’d be very pleased if I brought you back
                with me instead of the dog.

He kisses Kieran’s forehead and hands him back to Niamh, then
takes Fionn’s lead.

Niamh: See you later.

She waves Kieran’s hand. Peter waves back. He goes inside.

CUT TO:

Scene: Int. Day.
Fitzgerald’s.

Peter lets Fionn off the lead and takes him into the kitchen.
Assumpta strokes the dog.

Assumpta:       Nice walk?
Peter:          Yeah. You should have come too.
Assumpta:       I will tomorrow.
Peter:          Did the solicitor call?
Assumpta:       Yeah, he’s just running a few checks.

The phone rings. Assumpta answers.

Assumpta:       Fitzgerald’s. Oh hello... Mc Garvey... that’s
                right... no, you must have the wrong one... yeah, no,
                that’s it... are you sure... well, could you send me a
                copy of that... yeah... okay, thanks a lot. Bye.

She turns to Peter in shock.

Peter: What’s the matter?

Assumpta sits down.

Peter:          Assumpta?
Assumpta:       He was already married.
Peter:          What?
Assumpta:       When we got married. Leo was already married.
Peter:          Wha... who to?
Assumpta:       Don’t know. Someone he met in London I suppose. I
                didn’t recognise the name.
Peter:          So what does this mean?
Assumpta:       As long as it all checks out, my marriage is void.

She is still in shock, but looks up and smiles. Peter stands
beside her and holds her head to him for a while. Then he
suddenly pulls away, looks at his watch and runs out of the
kitchen.

Assumpta: Peter! Where’re you going?
Peter: I’ll be back soon.

Fionn looks up at Assumpta. She stares back at him.

CUT TO:

Scene: Ext. Day.
Cilldargan. Peter crosses the road from where his car is parked.
As the camera tracks him down the street, we realise the car is
parked outside a garage.

CUT TO:

Scene: Ext. Day.
A road somewhere in co. Wicklow. Peter is sitting on the bus.
Behind him are a lot of people obviously discussing him behind
his back.

CUT TO:

Scene: Int. Day.
Fitzgerald’s.

Niamh and Assumpta are discussing the news.

Niamh:          How did he get away with it?
Assumpta:       No idea. I know I never loved him but I didn’t
                realise I couldn’t even trust him.
Niamh:          Where’s Peter?
Assumpta:       I don’t know. Things to do.
Niamh:          Well, I don’t think you have to worry where he is.
                Assumpta. I’m sorry about last night. I was just a
                bit... shocked. I am happy for you. Peter’s a good man.

The phone rings. Assumpta goes to answer it.

Assumpta:       So that’s definite?... Where does that leave me?...
                How soon...Right.... okay, no, that’s fine. Thanks very
                much. Bye. (To Niamh) I am officially no longer
                married.
Niamh:          Does it happen that fast?
Assumpta:       It shouldn’t have happened in the first place.
                There’s still a lot of legal stuff to go through, but I
                feel single again. That’s the most important thing.
                This calls for a drink.

She retrieves a bottle of champagne from the bar and pours it.
Meanwhile Peter walks in.

Peter: What’s all this?

Assumpta gets another glass.

Assumpta:       I’m celebrating.
Peter:          I can see that, unless you regularly drink your
                profits.
Assumpta:       I’m single. The solicitor’s just confirmed it.
Peter:          That’s fantastic.

He leans over the bar and kisses her.

Assumpta: Where did you go?
Peter: Nowhere special. Back in a minute.

Peter goes upstairs. Niamh has a quick sip of champagne.

Niamh:          I’ll leave you to it.
Assumpta:       Niamh, you don’t have to go.
Niamh:          It’s fine, really. I'd better let Ambrose get on
                with some work.

Niamh opens the door and walks out. A second later she comes back in.

Niamh:          Assumpta? Where’s Peter’s car?
Assumpta:       I don’t know.
Niamh:          Well it’s not out here.

Assumpta goes to the foot of the stairs.

Assumpta: Peter?
Peter: Yeah?

He comes down the stairs.

Assumpta:       Where was your car last time you saw it.
Peter:          In a garage in Cilldargan, why?
Assumpta:       No reason.

Niamh leaves for the second time.

Assumpta:       You didn’t say it’d broken down.
Peter:          It hasn’t. I sold it.
Assumpta:       What? Why?
Peter:          I don’t need it.
Assumpta:       You think I’ll let you drive mine when you nearly
                crashed it the last time?
Peter:          I’ll get a bike.
Assumpta:       Would you have sold the Javelin?
Peter:          I doubt it.
Assumpta:       See, a lot of things in this world are Father Mac’s
                fault.
Peter:          This relationship’s Father Mac’s ‘fault’.
Assumpta:       ... Although he does make up for it occasionally.

They sit on bar stools and simultaneously take a sip of
champagne.

CUT TO:

Scene: Int. Eve.
Late night. The chinese. Liam and Donal are scrubbing out the
storage areas. Donal disappears and moment later there is a
muffled screaming. Liam gets up to investigate and discovers the
screaming is coming from the walk-in fridge. He opens the door
and finds Donal sitting on the floor. Liam says nothing, just
shakes his head, then props the door open and gets back to work.

FADE TO:

Scene: Ext.
Outside Fitzgerald’s. It is dark, very early morning. One light
is on above the bar.

Int: Peter stands in the corridor by Assumpta’s door. He
lightly knocks on it.

Peter: Assumpta?

He knocks louder.

Peter:          Assumpta?
Assumpta:       Go away!
Peter:          Assumpta!

We hear Assumpta sigh and get out of bed. She appears at the
door in a dressing gown. She is slightly bleary-eyed.

Assumpta:       What?
Peter:          Come on, we’re taking the dog for a walk, remember?
Assumpta:       We’re... Peter, it’s half past four. What are you
                on?
Peter:          There’s no-one around at half past four.
Assumpta:       Really? D’you know why that is? It’s because
                they’re all asleep... like any other sane human being.
Peter:          You’re not a mornings person, are you?

CUT TO:

Scene: Int. Day.
In Assumpta’s van. Peter is driving, Assumpta looks barely awake
and keeps nodding off in the passenger seat.

CUT TO:

Scene: Ext. Day.
Assumpta and Peter are just getting out of the van at the lake
where they confessed all. It’s sunrise. We watch them walk
along the edge of the lake, with Fionn running off the lead
Assumpta has woken up a bit and seems to be enjoying it, although
she doesn’t seem quite able to work out Peter’s enthusiasm for
very early walks.

Peter: Stop!

Assumpta stops.

Assumpta:       What?
Peter:          Right here.
Assumpta:       What are you on about?
Peter:          This was the exact spot where we had our little chat.
Assumpta:       Oh for...

Peter drops down on one knee in front of her. She knows exactly
what’s coming. He takes her hand.

Peter:          Assumpta, I know there’s still a long way to go and
                you might not want to think about this right now but...
Assumpta:       Of course I will.
Peter:          What?
Assumpta:       Marry you? I presume that was what you were going to
                say.
Peter:          Assumpta, I've been up all night working this speech
                out. Let me finish.
Assumpta:       Sorry.
Peter:          What I was going to say was that I have made the
                single biggest decision of my life and I might as well
                make the biggest commitment of my life while I’m at it.
                I love you. Will you marry me?
Assumpta:       I think you already know that answer.
Peter:          Well, that’s good. Otherwise this might have been a
                waste of time.

He produces a diamond ring from his pocket. Assumpta’s jaw
drops. Peter gets up and gently places the ring on her finger.

Assumpta:       Peter, you shouldn’t... where did you get the money?
Peter:          Nicked it from the till. Why d’you think I sold the
                car?
Assumpta:       You didn’t have to.
Peter:          I don’t care. I wanted to.

She hugs him, then they kiss and start walking again. The camera
zooms out and we watch them walk along the shore of the lake,
Peter throwing sticks for the dog.

CUT TO:

Scene: Int. Day.
The priest is doing his rounds. He knocks on Niamh’s door. She
opens it.

Priest:         Now, let me get this right. You’re Niamh... Quigley?
Niamh:          Egan.
Priest:         You married the Garda?
Niamh:          That’s right.
Priest:         And this little feller?
Niamh:          Kieran.
Priest:         Did he not enjoy my sermon yesterday?
Niamh:          (Embarrased) Em, no. He’s teething.
Priest:         Ah, poor little feller. May I?

He holds Kieran, who immediately starts wailing.

Priest: Oh dear. I’m not too good with children, I’m afraid.
Then again, I don’t suppose many priests are.

Niamh is obviously thinking ‘Peter was’, but she doesn’t say
anything.

Niamh:          Was there anything in particular, Father?
Priest:         Oh, I’m sorry. Am I keeping you?
Niamh:          Erm, well, I should be getting Kieran’s lunch.
Priest:         I am sorry, I’ll leave you to it. Do you happen to
                know if Mr Clifford’s at home?
Niamh:          Are you going over there?
Priest:         I just thought I’d see how he was coping.
Niamh:          I really don’t think that’s a good idea.
Priest:         All the same, I should show a bit of willing.

He leaves and Niamh cringes.

CUT TO:

Scene: Int. Day.
Fitzgerald’s. Peter and Assumpta are back from their walk and
are starting to prepare to open the bar. Peter is in the cellar,
passing crates of bottles up to Assumpta.

Peter: There you go. Is that enough?
Assumpta: I think so.

Peter emerges from the cellar.

Peter: How did you do all that on your own?
Assumpta: Brute strength.

Peter smiles and starts transferring the bottles from the crates
to the bar shelves.

Assumpta: How did you do all the priest thing on your own?
Peter: Didn’t have a life.

There is a knock at the door.

Assumpta: We’re closed! (to Peter) Will they ever get the
message?

The knocking continues.

Assumpta: Oh for God’s sake.

She goes to open the door and finds the priest standing there.

Assumpta:       Ah, Father.
Priest:         Miss Fitzgerald. I was wondering if Mr Clifford was
                in?
Assumpta:       Mr Clifford is.

She turns to Peter with a strained expression on her face.
Peter comes out from behind the bar.

Peter:          Morning Father. What can I do for you.
Priest:         I didn’t see you in church yesterday... or today for
                that matter.
Peter:          As I explained, I have other things on my mind.
Priest:         I don’t think you should underestimate how much the
                people of this village appreciated you.
Peter:          Oh, I don’t.
Priest:         Many of them have told me how much they trusted you.
Peter:          I know they did.
Priest:         You let them down. Do you not think that deserves an
                apology?
Peter:          Excuse me? Listen, Father, there's a key to fiiting
                into this town. It's not just about preaching to the
                faithful. Some people don't like religion shoved down
                their throats.
Priest:         But when you don’t even turn up to church services,
                do you not think they may feel you never really believed?
Peter:          Father, let me tell you something. I know these
                people much better than you ever will and I know they
                understand my reasons. I’ve got more close friends here
                than I’ve had anywhere else and I’m not about to forget
                how much trust they placed in me. But I think they know
                why I did what I did and why I don’t think it would be
                appropriate for me to attend church until I’ve sorted out
                how I feel about that. If you’ll excuse us, we do have a
                pub to run.

The priest looks extremely put out and leaves. Peter shuts the
door. Assumpta applauds. Peter gives her a disapproving look,
then smiles.

CUT TO:

Scene: Int. Day.
Liam and Donal have finally finished and Brian is showing the
health inspector round. The health inspector stares in wonder at
the gleaming floor and work surfaces. He goes around each
storage unit in turn, running a finger along spotless shelves.

Insp:           I have to say, Mr Quigley, I’m very impressed.
Brian:          Really?
Insp:           Absolutely. Of course, it’s more difficult to
                maintain once the business is up and running, but this is
                of a very high standard.
Brian:          Thank you.
Insp:           I have no hesitation in saying that I think it very
                likely your application will be processed very
                favourably.

At this point, he is standing by a metal worktop, his back to the
wall, hand resting on the worktop. His expression turns from one
of pleasure to disgust as the realisation dawns. He lifts up his
hand to find a large amount of damp chewing gum sticking to it.
As he pulls his hand away, the chewing gum stretches. Brian
cringes.

CUT TO:

Scene: Int. Eve.
Fitzgerald’s, evening. Everyone is there except for Brian.
Peter and Assumpta are behind the bar. Kieran is in the kitchen
and starts crying. Niamh gets up to see to him, but Peter stops
her.

Peter: I’ll get him.

Peter goes off into the kitchen and picks Kieran up.

Peter: Hiya. What’s all this about, eh?

Kieran stops crying and looks at Peter.

Peter: That’s better. See, it’s not that bad, is it?

He is cuddling Kieran as Assumpta walks in.

Assumpta: You okay?
Peter: We’re fine.

Peter transfers Kieran onto one arm and gives Assumpta a hug with
the other.

Peter:          Are you happy?
Assumpta:       Everything’s just fallen into place.   We’re both
                free to do whatever we want. Course I’m happy.

Peter kisses her forehead.

Customer: Can a man get a pint around here?
Assumpta: I’ll be right with you.

She walks through into the bar and Peter looks back to Kieran.
As Assumpta is serving, Siobhan catches sight of something.

Siobhan: Assumpta. Show me your hand.
Assumpta: What?

Siobhan gestures and Assumpta holds out her right hand.

Siobhan: The other one.

Assumpta holds out her left hand, somewhat relucantly.

Siobhan: Don’t you have something to tell us?

Brendan overhears this and looks at Assumpta’s hand.

Brendan: Blimey. When did all this happen?

Assumpta looks at Peter, who goes over to join her.

Assumpta: Time for the big announcement?

Assumpta clears her throat, then rings the hand bell.

Assumpta:       Em, right. I have an announcment to make. As you
                may or may not have heard, it turns out my marriage to
                Leo should never have happened... emotionally and
                legally. Anyway, as I am technically no longer
                married... Peter?

Peter: We, um... Assumpta’s agreed to... we got engaged this
morning.

There are cheers from their friends, who all congratulate them.
Total silence from the new priest, who sits isolated at the other
end of the bar.

Niamh: Right, I’m taking over, you go and enjoy yourselves.
Go on, celebrate. You deserve it.

Peter and Assumpta leave her to it, with Brendan helping out,
while they sit the other side of the bar, holding hands. Happy.