Rachel moved slowly about the apartment. It seemed so foreign to her, even after a week she felt more like a visitor than an occupant. She wondered silently if Carl had felt that way about the house. So little of it really had anything to do with him. All of it was remnants of her life... her life with Mac. She never really thought about the fact that he had lived there for almost 6 years among Mac's memories, Mac's knickknacks, Mac's children, and Mac's life. Where had Carl's life been during that time? Holed up here is the apartment. This was Carl's world. The world of a man she had been married to for 5 years yet it was unfamiliar.
She knew in her heart that somehow they had made a mistake in the beginning. They had left out Carl's life in favor of hers. Maybe if they had made the house his and much as hers then Matt and Amanda would have accepted his presence better. But because of a subconscious choice Carl had remained the visitor in a house that he should have been able to call home.
She felt sad as she thought of these things. It had taken a fire to make her see the truth. She sat down with a small Chinese vase in her trembling hands. Carl came into the living room carrying a small tea set. "Love?"
Rachel smiled, "You always said my life is your life."
"I breathe because you breathe," Carl replied.
"Then how come you never told me how it felt to be a visitor in a home that should have been your home as it was mine?"
Carl sat the tea set down; "I knew what the house meant to you and the children. Those things tied your memories together. It seemed important that they should remain so."
"Carl, but who you are was left behind for my memories. What stories do your knickknacks hold? The giant oystershell in the bedroom, what is it's story? The sharks jaw in the den? The red fan in the above the desk? They are all apart of who you are and yet after 6 years I know nothing of them. This isn't right. We shouldn't have closed out your life so completely."
"Do you really want to know about those things?" Carl asked looking her in the eye.
"Yes, I do. They are as much a part of you as the memoirs you have been working on," Rachel answered still holding the small vase.
Carl stood and went to the window that over looked Bay City, "The oyster I found in Madagascar when I was learning to snorkel. I swam with the giant cephalopod the same day. It was exhilarating. This was after my release from prison. I had gone back to try and make amends to some of my friends there. They welcomed me back with open arms and took me treasure hunting. The water was so clear." He fell silent reliving the moment before he sighed and turned to face her with a smile.
"The sharks jaw was given to me on a trip to Indonesia. One of the local fisherman had netted an 18 foot White, a monster of a shark. The local government thought that perhaps it was a man-eater, as several people for a few years prior had disappeared without a trace. They commissioned that it be butchered. That night there was a feast. The fisherman who caught the beast gave me the jaw. They didn't find anything to indicate that it was the shark for which they were looking. It will remain in the den here. Those teeth are razor sharp and it's not something I relish hanging somewhere that the Grubs or Kitten can get."
"It's not exactly an item I would think of using as decor. Perhaps if you were Ernest Hemingway or Herman Melville," Rachel said with a smile.
"The red fan..." Carl was quiet for a moment, "was a gift from a lover in China. I met her after my imprisonment in 1972 before I married Donna. It was a brief affair. Political angst kept us apart. When she knew I was going to have to leave she gave me the fan as something to remember her by. She's dead now."
"What was her name?" Rachel asked.
"Wu Yan-Hau. Wu being her surname as given by Chinese custom. Yan-Hau means beautiful flower. She was indeed very beautiful."
"If the house hadn't burned would I have ever known these things? Would I have known how you found the oyster or why you have a sharks jaw? Or of the love long forgotten with a name as beautiful as she? We must bring your life into the new house Carl. It has to be a combination of both our lives. Wu Yan-Hau can't be forgotten again," Rachel answered setting the vase back on the self where she had found it.
"We will, love. This will truly be our home."
"Good. You better get the Grubs so we can go to the hospital. I bet Aubrey thinks she's going to starve," Rachel replied with a smile.
Carl chuckled as he started to leave the room, "She always thinks she's going to starve."
*****
Woody was sitting in the rocking chair next to Aubrey's incubator filling out her chart when Rachel came in to the nursery holding Elizabeth's hand. "Hi Woody, Miss Elizabeth wanted to help me today. Carl and Adam are in the visitor's room playing with the cars."
"Hi there, Elizabeth. How would you like to hold your baby sister?" Woody asked with a smile.
"Is it okay for her to do that?" Rachel asked.
"Sure, Aubrey's doing well and Miss Elizabeth doesn't appear to have a cold. Little children really do like to be involved when it comes to siblings. They don't feel so left out and abandoned if they are allowed to help," Woody answered as she stood and put Aubrey's chart away.
Elizabeth's eyes were wide with excitement, "I hold baby?"
"Yep, climb up in the chair, sweetpea while I get your sister," Woody answered.
Elizabeth climbed up in the chair and held her little arms out with great anticipation.
Rachel wished she had a camera with her but it was in the visitor's room with Adam and Carl. "Hang on honey." Rachel said trying to keep Elizabeth halfway calm.
Woody, turned around with Aubrey bundled tightly in her blanket and gently placed her in Elizabeth's arms. Rachel placed her hand under Aubrey's head to help the little girl support it. "Where is a camera when you need one?" she mumbled.
"Let me go get the Polaroid. You have to have a picture of this," Woody answered as she walked away from them.
Rachel smiled. She was kneeling beside the rocker and found herself to be in a lot of pain but she wasn't going to take away from the moment for anything.
"Baby, Baby, Baby," Elizabeth singsonged quietly.
Aubrey lay with in Elizabeth's arms with wide blue eyes gazing up at Elizabeth's face. She didn't cry or fuss. She lay contented. It amazed Rachel; the moment had a profound affect on her. She found the tears rolling down her cheeks. Moments later the camera flashed. Aubrey startled and began to cry, which in turn scared Elizabeth. She looked up at her mother with frightened eyes, "Baby cry."
"It's okay darling, she didn't like the camera. Let's take her to see daddy and feed her, okay?" Rachel asked gently taking the baby from Elizabeth's arms and waiting for the child to climb out of the chair.
"Bye Woody, " Elizabeth called as she ran through the nursery toward where daddy would be waiting with his games.
Rachel followed as quickly as she could just to make sure the child had gone directly to the visitor's room. Carl was sitting in an overstuffed chair while Adam drove a miniature car up his leg. "He's decided I am the freeway."
"I see, did Elizabeth tell you what she got to do?"
"Yes, she did. Adam doesn't seem to have that interest."
"That's just as well, I'm not up to bending over for a second round. Woody took a picture. She'll bring it in when it finishes exposing," Rachel answered as Aubrey greedily nursed.
Elizabeth stood next her mother gently stroking the baby's downy head, "Baby." Adam decided that he didn't want Elizabeth and Aubrey to have all of Rachel's attention and wandered over to look at the baby as well.
"Do you like your baby sister, Adam?" Carl asked watching them closely
"Uh Huh," Adam nodded leaning on Rachel's legs in wide-eyed fascination as Aubrey kicked at her blanket.
Rachel tousled his hair. "Do you remember when daddy helped you feel her kicking me before she was born?" Rachel asked sure that neither of them had made the connection between the baby that had been inside her and the baby that suckled at her breast.
Adam looked up in confusion and then put his small hand on her stomach expecting to be kicked again. Rachel hadn't expected him to do that and moaned when his hand struck her incision. He pulled his hand away and started to cry.
It made Rachel feel badly that she had frightened him, "It's okay darling. Mommy has an ouchie. The doctor took the baby out of my belly. I have a booboo from it," Rachel explained while Adam sniffled and hiccuped as he stood in front of her. She wiped his tear-streaked face with her free hand. "Come here sweetie," Rachel beckoned so that he stood beside her exactly opposite of Elizabeth who was still stroking Aubrey's head. She wrapped her arm around her son and kissed his curly topped head. "I love you," she whispered in his ear resting her cheek against his head.