...and remember, evil older sisters will one day rule the world! Right, Laurie?
-Before we begin, a word for all just stumbling on this silly page:-
The language on this website is all in tune with what is used on 'That 70s Show'. The big word we use a lot, 'whore', is misused by foreign exchange student Fez constantly as a variation of the word 'friend'. Therefore, when 'whore' is used here, it isn't as an insult, but as a term for That 70s Show fans. Groovy Whores are fans of the show. (Trust me, Wilmer's even referred to fans as such on late night TV). So, if you're offended by the use of 'whore', then you probably shouldn't go further. Too bad, 'cause this page is really funny, so phooey on you.
Buon giorno, dahlings!
Welcome to one of the first unofficial sites for the show you all should be skipping work to see...Ishtar:the Series. No, I wouldn't torture you people like that.
I'm talking about "That 70's Show!"(don't forget that there exclamation point), one of the few semi-original and consistently funny shows on television. Granted, as of this writing, only four episodes have aired, but I tend to be a very optimistic person. Any show where the foreign exchange student uses the word 'whore' as a term of endearment is guaranteed to be a silly one.
Now, before we continue, here's a crash course in the good ol' characters we view as hilarious. Listen carefully, for there will be a test later on.
From left to right, starting in the back.
Laura Prepon(Donna Pinciotti)
Laura, at least according to my friend obsessed with her, is the sexpot of the show. She plays Donna, the girl next door type who seems to have the hots for our hero Eric Forman. Consider it a kind of 'Dawson's Creek' foible for comedy. She's silly and damn big...how tall is she anyway?
What Laura Would Say If She Saw This Site:Giantess? Eh?
Topher Grace(Eric Forman)
Topher's the protagonist of sorts for the show. For all of you without big vocabularies, that means he's the one who the action seems to center around. Poor Eric lives with parents who are stuck in the fifties and has a sister whose nickname could very well be Satan. Topher's very funny in a deadpan sense. You should watch his face...the expressions are hilarious.
What Topher Would Say If He Saw This Site: What the heck is the big deal about my hair color?*he said it, too!*
Danny Masterson(Steve Hyde)
From Roseanne, to Cybill, and now to That 70's Show...Danny has come a long way. He is Steve Hyde, conspiracy theorist and fuzz hater. Judging from the pilot, methinks Steve will be at his funniest when attempting to mess with Jackie's mind.
What Danny Would Say If He Saw This Site: My hair isn't an Afro, it's naturally curly!
Mila Kunis(Jackie Burkhardt)
Mila is Jackie, a daddy's girl and the type who tries to get her man to commit the second he says hello. Mila was last seen in the HBO telepic Gia, which I missed because I am too cheap to have HBO, but I digress. Some on the message board claim Mila's the prettiest...but don't say that to my obsessed friend.
What Mila Would Say If She Saw This Site:Dear Lord, PLEASE don't think I am anythig like Jackie!
Ashton Kutcher(Mike Kelso)
Ashton is a Calvin Klein model(which must be why all the kids were outfitted in CK for the Emmys)and seems to be rather smart. That's a good thing, especially since the character he plays, Kelso, is believed to owe a few points to the I.Q. people. Kelso is also the man of the moment for Jackie, and he veers between trying to beat up guys who talk to her and worrying that he's whipped. In my opinion...Kelso, my friend, you are a goner. Jackie's got you eating out of her hand...boy scout.
What Ashton Would Say If He Saw This Site:It's a good thing I have a brain to appreciate this, unlike my IQ deficient character.
Everyone should love Fez. he is the exchange student-from where, no one knows. In real life, Wilmer is from Venezuela.Fez is the man, the silly one who likes to make weird statements about life, which we at this page will refer to as Fez-isms. Everyone should live by Fez-isms...and call people whore occasionally. What a world.
What Wilmer Would Say If He Saw This Site:This chick is way too preoccupied with the word 'whore'.*he said it, too..well, something to that effect*
Start visiting the world of the '70's now! Grow an Afro like Hyde...find a groovy plaid shirt of Eric's and slip it on. You are now entering...That '70's Zone.Doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo...
There's much much more to come...be afraid, be very afraid. In the next few weeks, look for 'A Day in the Life', detailing a day , well, in the life of our heroes. Don't forget to look for 'That California Trip', where I will tell everyone about my experience seeing a taping of this great show. E-mail me if you have something to say or wish to contribute. That e-mail thing at the bottom was not put there for your viewing pleasure, it serves a purpose!
OK, for all legal stuff. I do not know anyone from the show, though I sure as heck wish that I did. Also, many of the pictures on this site are the courtesy of the official site for the show which you should visit ASAP. The show is owned by Carsey-Werner, who are a bunch of funky awesome people for backing such a groovelicious show. Thanks to them and my crazy whores for all the help and roach clips.
Approximately people have been called a whore by Fez since September 13, 1998. Come on, you know you love it!
Look at these actors and actresses carefully...and pray that they don't end up like the Different Strokes kids. Whatchoo talkin' about, Fez?
This page is watched constantly by the Formans. Grab all beers quickly and avoid using the word 'bitchin'.
Hey, if you want to link me, use one of these perfect banners! Groovy Whore Fuchsia made the first one, while Groovy Whore Jay is the proud creator of the second. The newest banner was made by Groovy Whore Elisa from the Topher Grace page, which has the bestest design this whore's ever seen.
If you want to make me a banner out of the goodness of your heart, e-mail me and make me an even happier Whore!
Lookit! I got two awards! Aren't they groovy as all hell? Thank you Groovy Whore Jackie and Honorary Whore Fez!
I am the keeper of...
*Eric's moving-wall hallucinations and his Twinkie devouring skill in 'Drive-Inn'.
*Fez's repeated use of the word 'whore and his musings about his home country...wherever that is.
*Hyde's Afro(I NEED the Afro!) and his marijuana-induced conspiracy theories.
*The Pinciotti family leisure suits! Salute, whore!
You want to be a keeper? Visit Fuchsia's site!
"Like I could sleep after that!"
-the venerable honorable Eric Forman
Stop by again soon, all you silly 70's minded people!
Now go! You know you want to streak when Clinton comes to town!