YOUR LIFE WITH THE DU!

A holy holy mackerel! The David Du is gettin' re-hitched! To? Yes, that's right! He's asked you to marry him! So?...now what? Lets take a few steps back for a moment. How did this happen?

Well, ya see, you passed each other on the street and he was struck numb by your breath-taking beauty. He was struck so numb, in fact, that he fainted and you, being the upstanding citizen that you are, picked him up and carried him home. As you nursed him back to health a strong and loving bond formed between you and The Du, hence; Téa was forgotten (Téa? What's a Téa?) and he proposed. (!)

You wormed your way into the upper crust of Hollywood. Climbing ladders! Building bridges! Seymour Butts! Aaron Spelling! And, finally, Chris Carter! "Say, you wanna meet The Du?" Carter asked as you made him a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. And so you met The Du. And The Du loved you. Happy Du. Happy you.

Well...lets just say we won't be seeing Téa around much anymore. Shady business. Very shady business, indeed. Then you, being the dirty rat that you are, pulled some "I'm there for you" crap on The Du and he fell for it. Fell bad.

However it happened, it happened and glory, glory hallelujah! You're gonna be Mrs. Du! So, when's the big event? Tonight, before he sobers up? Or did you just discover his rather messy bathroom habits and are trying to postpone it a few years? So? Gimme a date, any date!
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Ah, very good, very good! You've set a date, now how 'bout a place?

The Extraterrestrial Highway (yes, right there in the middle of the highway).
In the Statue of Liberty's head (yes, right there in the middle of her head).
At Mama Du's house. (I bet she makes nice pies)
At a church or some other insane place like that.

Du Du De Du, Du Du De Du! (that's the wedding song Du-style. You see?) As the creator and overseer of The TallulahLand Universe, I now pronounce you Mr. and Mrs. Du! (And it's about goddamn time, isn't it?) May you live long and eat plenty of cake.

Honeymoon Time! Imagine! You! On a honeymoon with The Du! It's enough excitement and joy to blow your head right off! (Right OFF!) So, where you two headed?

The Du, being the romantic son of a bitch that he is, wants the destination to be a surprise (Come on, you know it's Graceland, don't you?).

Roughin' it in the Canadian wilderness. Sleep under the stars so the bugs can fly up your nose, wash your underwear in a fresh water stream, get chased by bears while trying to use to facilities (facilities meaning Behind The Tree). Ah, yes, you and The Du Get Back To Basics.

Listen, I'm not a mind reader, I don't know where you and The Du want to go for your honeymoon. And frankly, I'm running outta material. So, if you're displeased with the choices, do it yourself:

Your Du-Life In a Nutshell

Alright, I've got to put your Du-life into a nutshell because lives tend to be long and I just don't care that much. So, pick one and be happy with it:

After the honeymoon, you and The Du move to LA and buy a humungo house with a sculpture of Naked Du in the front yard. You begin hanging out with the Hollywood crowd and, low and behold, your hidden talents are discovered and before you know it, you're winning Emmys too! You two live the high life, working hard and playing hard. You own houses in all corners of the world, sometimes you even buy houses and then forget all about them! Then you and The Du die (at the exact same time, yes, you're that much in love) of natural causes (a nice thing to die of). It comes as rather a shock to the world because you two had always appeared so young and full-of-life (even in your 80's). All your Emmys are melted down to make two golden coffins and they bury you side by side. A successful and happy end to a successful and happy life.

On the way back from your honeymoon the plane goes down ("Oh, the humanity!") but you and The Du make it out alive. Using your wonderful sense of direction and The Du's vast geographical knowledge you come to the conclusion that you are "In the middle of Nowhere." Making the best of a bad situation, you live out the rest of your lives Swiss Family Robinson style, enforcing a "No Clothing" rule and growing very, very hairy.

On the way back from your honeymoon the plane goes down ("Oh, the humanity!") and you and The Du burn up and die, but receive the kind of press Princess Diana did. (So, really, it's not such a bad thing at all.)

What? You got a better idea? Then tell me, how would you live your Du-Life?

Thank you for taking the "Your Life With Du" Survey!

Name:
Comments, concerns, and gripes:

If you have a hankering to get in touch with our Mr. Du come and Write To Du! TallulahLand Style!

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© 1997-2000 The TallulahLand Hotel, "If you steal my stuff, I'll take my fingers stick 'em in your nose, and rip it off your face."

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