Smell

	Stephen talks. John is at his side.


Stephen		We see things. We touch things. We hear things. We taste
		things. But never forget that we also smell.

	Huge caption: "SMELL - THE FORGOTTEN SENSE?" 

		John, my spies tell me, and I should point out that they're not
		actually spies in the sense of having hidden cameras and false
		bottoms, they're just people who tell me things - my spies tell
		me that, in your spare time, you're Vice-Professor of Smell at
		De Montfort University - reserve your seat of learning - do you
		think we've forgotten smell?

John		I think we have forgotten smell. I think we neglect smell. I
		think smell is the one sense that seems to have got left behind
		in the mad rush for profit and cheap housing.

Stephen		Can you give us some examples?

John		Of what?

Stephen		Anything.

John		Alright. First leg qualifier against Holland. Libby Purves.
		Beethoven's Violin Concerto.

Stephen		They being examples of ...?

John		Of the glaring deficiencies of the long ball game, a Radio Four
		presenter, and a violin concerto by Beethoven.

Stephen		But to get back to this wretched business of smell ...

John		Well now, I have to pick you up on that. I can't let that go
		unchallenged.

	Stephen waits, but there is no more.

Stephen		Fair enough. I believe you've actually brought some smells with
		you, to give us some idea of the kind of thing YOU say, and I
		stress the you, when I say YOU say, that we're missing.

	John rummages at his feet and brings out some bottles.

John		That's right. Have a go at this one, and tell me what you
		think.

	Stephen takes the bottle and sniffs.

Stephen		Hmm. Pretty nasty. What is that?

John		That one is ...

	He looks at the label.

		... Michael Portillo getting out of a Rover 200 after quite a
		long journey.

	He hands over another bottle.

Stephen		Ah now, that's rather nice.

John		'Tis, isn't it? That's the inside of a slaughterhouse in Kent.
		Fresh, tangy, but full of character.

	Another bottle.

Stephen		Hello, I think I recognise this one.

John		You should do.

Stephen		What is it?

John		Have a guess.

Stephen		Well I don't know ...

John		Go on.

Stephen		The lavatories at Earl's Court during the Royal Tournament?

John		No. That's actually your right knee.

Stephen		Is it?

	Stephen smells his own knee.

Stephen		Good heavens, so it is.

John		There you are, you see.

Stephen		And you say, you say, that a lot of ordinary people are missing
		out on this sense.

John		I say that. I say that. And I think that's a shame.

Stephen		So do I.

Hugh		No I love this country. I do, I love it. Only trouble is
		there's nowhere to park, is there?