Rant Archives | December 2000

Hello / Has KoRn really sold out?

Hey, this is the part of my website where I write an entry every day. (Or rather try to keep up with it, lol). Almost anything and everything will be discussed. If you've already scanned through the "about me" portion of the site, then I guess we're already well acquainted. And no, I am NOT the devil as some of you ignorant people may have thought. But I might as well be... Feel free to suggest any topic(s) in the guest book section. I might get to them, I might not. But hey, it's worth a try. Just a quick shout-out to a few of my friends: Love ya Darci, don't forget to back that ass up! Keep on geeking it out on your computer Steve! Ivan, I love you and I want my man5on shirt back dammit! Tamara, you'll always be my sexy bitch, keep on beating up the boys! Kear you munky, nuff said... Tyler, tone it down on the girlfriends you pimp! And last but not least, Christine, remember the time when you broke off Jesus' head on my moms statue? haha! Good times...
Anyways, today's topic: Has koRn really sold out or is their newest album simply an attempt at a different yet still koRn like sound? In my opinion, Jonathan Davis and krew have simply grown over the past few years - musically and emotionally. New emotions bring about new musical sound. Most people would tell me otherwise, but what they need to see beyond is the fact that it would be boring if koRn released four albums that all sounded exactly the same. Take a look at Madonna; she's a prime example of societies stupidity. She went from pop to light rock, from light rock to easy listening, then from easy listening to dance! And look, nobody's calling HER a sellout. And she even changed a hell of a lot more than koRn did, koRn still stayed in the harder music category. If you don't have an INTELLIGENT opinion about this topic, then don't even bother posting it in my guest book.
But for now, laterz and have a good one.
~KasarA~

Agnosticism

December 10, 2000   6:26pm

Another day, more shit on the pile...
Y'know what really pisses me off? When people think they know what they're talking about, but they really have no clue whatsoever. I recently had a spat with my gr. 10 Christian Ethics teacher, Mrs. Wickenheiser. We were having a Friday discussion day (in which the topic of sex is most often brought up. If you're reading this Mrs. W, quit talking about your sex life in class!!! It's just wrong...). Anyway, the topic of agnosticism was brought up. My judgmental catholic teacher claimed agnostics don't believe in any gods. I was terribly offended at her ignorant comment; she obviously hadn't done any research on the topic. So I told her what it really meant: An agnostic thinks it impossible to know the truth in matters such as god and the future life with which Christianity and other religions are concerned. We accept the fact that we'll never truly know if there is a god or not. So I pointed out that she must have been thinking of the word "atheist", not agnostic. She never did back down, she went on to say that an atheist is one who does not believe in the Christian god and an agnostic is one who doesn't believe in any gods.
          Being Agnostic and Atheist are just as polar to each other as Christianity and Satanism. An atheist, like a Christian, holds that we can know whether or not there is a god. The Christian holds that we can know if there is a god; the Atheist that we can know there is not. The agnostic, however, suspends judgment, saying that there are no sufficient grounds either for affirmation or for denial. Tell us what YOU think!
~KasarA~

Old journal entry / having children

December 11, 2000    3:39pm

I was recently reading an old journal I used to keep while I was in a state of manic - depressiveness. I was shocked at some morbid entries I had written over a year and a half ago. I will share one with you that I have found rather interesting:

April 29, 1999

My feelings seem different today. I feel almost hollow as strange as it may seem. I don't really feel anything. This is our calling - I could swear the apocalypse is coming soon. There's really nothing left to live for and we're killing off the human population with senseless acts of violence. It disgusts me how people go to war to solve their problems, what are we teaching today's children? Well, the world isn't getting much better, so why even bother going on if there's nothing to look forward to? Shame on those people who bring helpless children into this world only so they can be destroyed by their own fate. I'm never having children. What kind of person would I be to grasp joy out of watching my own flesh and blood suffer with this everlasting cocksucker of a life? I'm through with pain; I'd just like to end it all. Fuck creation. The world spreads its legs or another fucking generation of ignorance.

In some aspects, I still would like to meet God (if there is one) or the primordial soup - just so I could fuck with it so humans weren't here. But I am not suicidal anymore, thank god. I guess I still have the same feelings about having children as I did back then, besides the whole wanting to end the pain issue. So there you have it - today's rant and rave topic: Are there consequences to bringing a child into the unknown world around it? Feel free to voice your opinion on this issue as well as past and future topics in the guest book. I'm out...
~KasarA~

Satanism

December 12, 2000    4:31pm

If you've ever taken a look at the Church of Satan website folks, you might agree with me in some areas of misconception. The practice of Satanism has never been a popular issue amongst society. Most people shrug it off in fear or disgust without even taking the time to actually understand what it is all about. I myself, have an open mind when it comes to religious issues. I happened to stumble upon this site out of curiosity and intrigue. I read through the history of the Church, theory and practice. The bulk of it wasn't evil or devious at all, which may surprise some considering Satan happens to be the Beast of all beasts. Satanists have good, moral values just like the rest of us. I believe the greatest contrast they possess regarding the Christians is the fact that they follow rules of reality rather than following strict commandments in which some are practically impossible to commit to and are often contradictory. What I didn't understand however, is how Satan himself fit into the whole picture. It is simple, Satan does not exist. Satanism is about worshipping yourself and taking responsibility for your own life and actions, your own good and evil. Even though Satanism might seem appealing to some after reading this, I'd still rather not get into it. But I'm glad I am now aware of this newfound knowledge, I now see Satanism in a new light and am not so judgmental. I respect its followers, and if this article has offended anyone, just remember - this IS a rant, therefore my opinion. I find it kind of useless apologizing to reading Satanists, considering I have offended them twice by breaking their #1 rule of the Earth Do not give opinions unless you are asked. So I guess I'll remind them of the #3 rule instead: When in another's lair, show him respect or else do not go there.
~KasarA~

WARNING: Do not read this

December 17, 2000    12:13am

If you are a prep, please do not read this for your own sake! ...just a warning. So I figure you've already guessed I'm no big fan of phony preps? Yes, this is today's topic. I have almost had it with the cliquey people who go to my
school. I'm sure we've all suffered the nasty rumor plague. It is a known fact that the art of gossip was created by a
prep. It's unbelievable how someone can sell out their friends so quickly in prep land. They even have the nerve to
bring other normal human beings into their phony act! I'm sick of so-called "popular" people pretending to be my
friends, and then spreading irrelevant rumors about me or my sex life. All you preps reading who giggle erratically,
quit it. I'm not impressed and I know who you all are... please keep your Gap-wearing world separate from ours, and
quit being so phony! You all make me sick. I hope you all rot in your shallow graves with I was a phony prep who
lived for gossip written on your tombstone. If you actually have an opinion in your air filled head, I still don't want to
hear it and I will delete it from my guest book if you post it.
~KasarA~

Labels and stereotypes

December 24, 2000    1:13am

What is it with people and labels? I have been a victim of stereotypical ignorance. Do people have nothing better to
do than spread rumors and gossip about others?? Someone must have been pretty damned bored... According to the
entire LeBoldus population, I'm apparently a mean slut who'll fuck anything with two legs. This however, is not true.
At least I can admit to being a bit promiscuous back in the day, but I don't deserve to be judged on my past
experiences. I've had a one night stand, I've done some mind expanding drugs, I've cheated on numerous
boyfriends... Big deal. I'm done with that game, and if you're going to hate me, hate me for who I am, not what I've
done. Not that any of you small-minded people care (aka preps), but this is a common reality amongst teenagers. I bet
not even half of you knew that slander is a crime you CAN be put away... it's true, if you ruin someone's reputation, it's
against the law. So piss off all of you gossip hungry demon-preps!
~KasarA~

Life and death theories

January 1, 2001    3:39pm

Was Socrates right when he said the unexamined life isn't worth living? I suppose everyone has his or her own
theories about life and death. I believe in Socrates words. They ring as true to me as death and taxes. I believe our
souls will never rest until we get life right. In other words, hell is on earth and we must stay here (reincarnate) until
we make the best of this less than perfect world. Once we accomplish something good in life and surpass all the
obstacles we must face, then we go to a better place. It makes perfect sense. There is always room for fault
however, so I'd like to hear the thoughts of others. That is simply my theory. Anyway, have a happy New Year
everyone.
~KasarA~

Journal entry

January 2, 2001   3:06am

I have so fucking had it up to here with relationships. Boyfriends, so-called friends, flings, family - you name it. You
think you want one thing, but you just don't need that shit. It fucks you up and you pay for it in the end. I've fucked up
really great relationships in my life because of cheap thrills and selfishness. How could I be so fucking blind??
Everyone is slowly losing respect for me; do they not realize I have feelings?? Is everyone else as fucking blind as I
am?? I cannot escape my hypocrisy yet I crave respect from people. Maybe I'm the one who's truly fucked in the
head. All I need from the world now is to be left alone with enough cigarettes to last me a few months. That will give
me enough time to put my broken mind back together and relieve some tension. Unfortunately, it won't fix a goddamn
thing!! That fucking tears me apart and makes me want to rip somebody's heart out of their chest and watch them die
like my deteriorating sanity. I will be the next one to lose respect for myself. I swear to fucking god I will snap the
next time somebody tries to take advantage of my feelings or my heart. I can't fucking take it anymore! Why can't I
accept the fact that I've just fucked up the best fucking thing in my life?? I'm scared and pathetic, that's why. And I
will continue on this way. It will eat at me until there is no soul left in me. Why can't everything be simple? I'm
panicking and I don't know how to handle this situation, so I'll probably just end up fucking everything up and lose the
best fucking friend I ever had. I am crying now, do you have any fucking clue how much this hurts?? Nobody does!! I
haven't drained my eyes like this for at least two years! I'm fucking emotionless most of the time, that's how I feel.
And it makes me feel cold and worthless to not cry. Don't I have any compassion?? I do! But nobody has ever seen
that in me and that's why I feel cold. And that's the reason I'm not respected, because people think I have no
compassion or respect for others and myself. And I begin to believe it at times like this. The only way I will be happy
with myself or the world around me is if there is something sure in this dying life. I need to know something
inevitable, I don't care what it is, I just want to make sure there's something out of my hands - because if it were in
my hands, I'd fuck it up! There is only one thing in life that will remain sure, death. Can I truly be happy in death?
What's wrong with me?? Is death the only place where I will ever be sure to find peace? If it's true, then Death can
come and strangle me with it's cold, icy fingers and pound me into the ground like a degenerated seed. Fucking free
me of this insanity!! I need help, so bad. I want this gnawing feeling in my brain to go away and never come back. I
want people to love and respect me, I want peace of mind, I want to see a happy reality, I WANT A CIGARETTE!!! I
fucking hate what I want.
~KasarA~

Journal entry

January 5, 2001    8:21pm

Why must I suddenly be overtaken by this intense feeling of sorrow and bitterness? It's one thing to have your friends
talk behind your back and lie to you right through their teeth, but why I am forced to suffer with this drowning mental
agony - I do not think I will ever know. It is a mystery in itself... I truly thought I was going to achieve something great
in this drone world. That is now inconceivable considering the way things are looking down for me. Each severe
depression I go through pushes me closer and closer to life's edge. Yes, I do have manic-depressive disorder, and it
has seemingly taken action quite rapidly lately. It's rather frightening, I've never been so overwhelmed by the
process. My mind seems way too broke to fix, sometimes I feel like I'm forgetting to breathe and the life is unfurling
right out of me. It reminds me of the song Something I Can Never Have by Nine Inch Nails. Great song, but it makes
you want to kill yourself. More so, it reminds me of someone very close to me that I will probably lose soon because
of this awful disease in my head. I will never be able to fully experience their warmth and security because of this. I
am so ashamed and lonely, gravity has claimed all my tears and I am now becoming what I have always feared. And
it is real.
~KasarA~

Recovered

January 27, 2001    1:57pm

It's been a while since I wrote; I've spent some time by myself thinking about the way things have been going. I am
doing much better now; I'm seeing reality more clearly. I now know who my real friends are, I never completely
realized it before, but there are people who care about me, and people who don't. At least I'm no longer living in a
lie... the depression seemed to have left as quickly as it came. I just hope it doesn't come back for a long time; I
was living in a clouded sort of hell. I have learnt a few things about myself as well along the way: I shouldn't act on
impulse, and I should look over my motives before I come to any conclusions. It's been a bumpy ride, but I'm back
and ready to keep the site updated at least once a week.
          It was really strange, just two weeks ago I had the best and the worst week of my life at the same time. I went
through a major health scare, but on the up side, I got my first tattoo, which is a butterfly, and I had the pleasure of
seeing my favorite group Finger 11, live in concert. The tattoo wasn't too painful; maybe I'll post a picture of it on the
site when I get one. Finger Eleven was absolutely amazing. It was an all ages concert but mainly consisted of
sweaty teenagers, an uncomfortably but bearable confined moshpit (in which I had the pleasure of having my ribs
practically broken at the very front pressed against the fence), lots of onstage and offstage energy, loud noise and of course, the talented and proudly Canadian Finger Eleven. I actually wrote the band an e-mail to show my appreciation, they wrote back and told me my email would be posted on their website (www.fingereleven.com) under the tour archive section. So go check it out!! Love and rickets.
~KasarA~

Chuckle of the Day / Self - Centered Preps

January 31, 2001    12:58am

Deleted for security reasons and dignity saving of Britton.

More Prep Bitchin'

February 1, 2001   1:24am

The next week or so is going to be different. I am dedicating near future rant and rave topics to any potential Queen
of Prep. I am not enraged with the stereotypical ignorance that has been spat on me. It's not the prep's fault; it's
simply their nature. It seems the hatred against me has flourished in the past week since the discovery of my
demeaning "anti-prep" web page. MY DAY HAS FINALLY COME!! Now I can be satisfied with the thought that preps
are actually reading my site and on top of that, becoming offended! I would like to thank the Academy, my mother for
always encouraging me to speak up and be heard, Albert for always teaching me it is better to be yourself than to be
socially accepted, Ivan for loving me because I am not a prep, and last but not least B*****n, without you, this would
have never been possible. Thank you for acknowledging my goal to achieve recognition. ::Applause::
And as for being featured in Vogue magazine, I don't think GAP qualifies as a new trend. As a prep would say: That
is soooooo 1999. Being yourself is the ultimate expression of true individualism. My black koRn shirt may not be
Vogue worthy, but it sure as hell beats trying to fit Amy's preppy flat ass into a pair of GAP khakis.
~KasarA~

No remorse

February 1, 2001    9:58pm

There are new discoveries to be discussed... first off, I am going to hand out the award today for Queen of Prep, I
will share with you the threats I have received from the Queen herself and then from there, I will rant and rave as
usual and then most likely come up with some smart assed comment... moving along. Most people who know me or
her have probably already figured out who will be the next Prep Reigning Queen. I'll give you a hint; this is the info I
stumbled upon in her ICQ details:

          Hey word on the street is, I'm a snobby, gap wearing, preppy bitch! I'M GLAD! To all the threats this is my
response "you have a borderline lawsuit on your poor assed hands" Y'know you should be really glad that you go to
LeBoldus because it's as close to real money as you're ever gonna get. Don't mess with me and em because we
have more class in our pinkies than you have in your wardrobe! And I don't go to LeBoldus to be close to rich people
unlike some trash.

Geez honey, if anyone deserves the Queen of Prep title, it's you. I think by now everyone can agree with me that
most preps are in fact phony, self-centered, arrogant and conceited. I have living proof! Lets not be mean though, not
all preps are like that... for instance, "Coo Coo" as mentioned above and in the past, is a sweet, kind hearted girl
who allegedly feels the same about me. These types of preps do not gossip (as far as I know). And might I say, this
is not a common occurrence. Can you believe this girl?? These are the type of people who make our school what
others would call rich snob central. Face it Amy, you have nothing! No threats, no proof, NO MOTIVE! What did you
think you were going to charge me with? Un-Vogue - like appearance? You see, that's why freedom of speech is
such a wonderful human right. If you think long and hard, you'd realize I haven't actually threatened anyone, and I
haven't used any names. This whole web site is MY OPINION. Nobody can charge me for my own goddamn thoughts.
I'm not sorry if I offended anyone and I will not take any of it back. I HAVEN'T VIOLATED THE LAW. And by the way, I
believe the term, "...Don't mess with me..." is under the definition of law considered a threat. It seems the tables
have turned, you brought this upon yourself and I hope you really are glad about that. But then again, I'm just trash
with no money and I don't wear the ever so popular GAP, so it shouldn't bother you about what I think anyway.
~KasarA~

The Queen has been Stripped!

February 9, 2001    4:09pm

Today will be my only chance to write another entry until the 12th. I've been staying with a friend since a week ago
because my family is in Antigua... *sob*. Things have reluctantly changed over the course of the week. If you've
taken a peek at my guest book, I've received some nasty hate mail and also a couple apologies. Ahhh... life is
sweet. I'll have Britton know (that's the spelling mistake girl mentioned in a past topic) that I have deleted that entry
posted about her. I figure maybe that is a good way to accept her apology. My devious plan must have worked
seeing as most of the queen's friends have consciously turned on her due to my profane rants and truths. I'm sure
they still love her all the same however. That brings me to my next topic; I am stripping the Queen of Prep of her
crown. She has seemingly showed some intelligence in her nasty guest book entries (i.e.: I hope someone pushes
you off a cliff and you fall into the GAP) and that is somewhat un-prep like. And I will admit her comments were
rather amusing and I did laugh. Too bad she bought all the class she seems to brag about so much... maybe her
daddy's money brought her synthetic happiness after all. But on a lighter note, I've decided to put an end to the prep
bashing. Britton was right, if I think stereotypes and labels are so horrible I shouldn't be giving them out to other
people... only the ones who deserve it. Hehehe.
~KasarA~

Cocky Kleptomaniacs / Cruel Christians

February 25, 2001   7:40pm

In the past week I've been deprived of all my electronics, music, fun and my sanity. Kleptomaniacs and
thieves deserve to die. Anyone who fucks with my stuff shall suffer endless beatings. Thank god for
insurance... that's all I have to say. Stealing shit from stores is one thing, but breaking into someone's house
is pure insanity. This happens to be the third time this has occurred. Don't the neighbors get it by now? Are
they completely blind?? You think after these punks looked right at the lady next door in the face, she would
have scared them off... cocky little bastard kids, stupid blonde neighbor bitches. The whole world is crazy!!
And another thing completely off topic: My school recently installed security cameras all over the building.
Our humble Christian school is turning into a prison. And the funnier thing is the reason they gave us for
installing these devices; as many know, our Canadian winters are bitter and cold. The cameras were set up
to keep bums from coming into our school to warm up. Those good old Christian Samaritans! What is this
world coming to?? I can see them right now up in the principals' office...
Oh that darn Charlie's up to his skipping again, watch him run out that door. - Oh shit! Quick, call the SWAT
team! That ragged frost bitten beggar is trying to warm up in our school again! Get the bazooka!!
My neighbors let thieves break into my house and Christians set up security camera's to keep starving, cold
people out of our school. Crazy...
~KasarA~

Betrayal

April 8, 2001    4:40pm

Why is it that the same friends will fuck you over all the time? How could you, myself or anyone put up with
the bullshit people pull? You can probably tell this has happened to me. Sure, friends can be assholes
sometimes, but when you become completely alienated by that person, then they try to make up with you, then
ignore you before you can reconcile - it's just too much. I've had it up to here. So Darci, if you're reading - fuck
you, I've always been there for you. How dare you pull this shit off again, I really can't believe you'd sink so
low - and you had the nerve to do it to me on my birthday too! What's going to happen when Jackie alienates
you? If you think you're gonna crawl your sorry ass back to me or anyone else, you've got another thing
coming for you, because Bitch - I've given you too many chances and we're fucking through. The final cut. The
denouement. Good Riddance - The END. Sorry to all the people who were expecting something more, but this
is what's on my mind. Now go away!
~KasarA~