Title: Forgive Me

Author: Leiasky

Rating: Overall NC-17

Pairing: Q/F

Archive: If you choose. Please tell me first.

Sequel to 'Never Alone' and 'No Regrets', Which can be found here:

http://www.oocities.org/tenelkai/tpmfanfiction.html

Summary: You see him again after the painful severing of your relationship.

Dedication: I don’t think I need to name names. You know who you are.

Any resemblance to RL is not coincidental. My thanks to those who taught me a great deal about life, trust and the true meaning of friendship.

Disclaimer: They belong to George. I'll give them back when I'm done playing with them 'K? No money is made. If you'd like proof, look at my bank account.

Credits: Song Lyrics from "I want it that way' by the Backstreet Boys.

As my sistah Jenn is so fond of saying…feedback is adored.

Flames? Feel free. You’ll receive no response. But they will be reported to your ISP.

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You are my fire

The one desire

Believe when I say

I want it that way

-----------------

Soft footsteps and cheerful voices are heard entering the large oval dome behind you. The aviary and arboretum on this world were said to contain some of the most exotic and rare animals in the galaxy and you were fortunate to finally have been given the chance to see them up close.

After more years than you can remember, you'd finally taken a much-deserved vacation from the Senate, and simply left it all behind, searching for the inner peace that had been missing from your life for the last few months.

The air is especially dry tonight and you breathe deeply. Your companion walks slowly beside you, lost in thought. You were both in search of the same thing, peace, in whatever form it could be gained. "Write it out?" you suggest. "It might make you feel better."

"If only I could find the words," she says quietly, voice mixed with confusion and disappointment.

You nod, resting your hand on her shoulder. "I know how you feel. It isn't easy to shoulder guilt, betrayal and regret."

"It's incredibly more difficult to shoulder it when it comes in spiteful words from someone you love and respect." The second the words leave her tongue, you feel had the one responsible for these hurt feelings been standing in front of you, there would now be little daggers piercing his eyes.

Your skirts whisper softly along the smooth surface of the path as you walk away from the large dome. Your long time friend and confidant had been through a recent and painful break up. Not unlike the one you had suffered many months ago. You knew where her hatred and anger were coming from, understood it all too clearly. Now it was your turn to help her as she had helped you.

A sudden dry breeze lifts your hair and blows it across your faces and by the time you clear the unruly strands, the both of you stop dead still in the middle of the walkway.

Your heart skips a beat.

Her eyes narrow into tiny slits.

You choke back a biting remark.

She grabs your arm and begins to pull you away.

But it is too late, the minute he turns and catches your eyes, neither of you are able to look away. A battle of wills, you'd often called it. Neither of you willing to concede, neither of you willing to back down, neither of you willing to make the first move.

"Let it go, "she hisses, eyes shooting tiny daggers at the man you were once proud to call a friend and lover.

"I can't." you whisper, hands beginning to shake where they hang limp at your sides.

"Then walk right up there and talk to him," your friend spits, eyes glaring with icy hatred.

"No."

"You are both too stubborn for your own good." she sighs and turns to walk away. You turn with her and catch her arm.

"Advice?"

"If you want to remain friends you need to talk to him. But remember, he told you he wasn't interested," she replies coldly and you are hard pressed to blame her. Hers had been the shoulder on which you'd cried when you'd lost his friendship. She had been the one you'd vented to, yelled at, questioned in his absence.

She hated him because of what he'd done to you. How he'd ripped your life apart in the span of a few short days. She'd been there to help you put that life back together and now, with a simple look you were ready to forgive and forget.

"He'll turn you away," she whispers and you know she is right.

Casting a sad look in his direction, you nod wordlessly, and turn to walk back into the darkness and the shelter of the arboretum.

----------------

But we are two worlds apart

Can't reach to your heart

When you say

I want it that way

---------------

You pace along the small stream that trickles softly over the rocks. The usually soothing sound is nothing but a distraction, another tiny event that invades your peace of mind. "What is he doing here?" you hiss, shaking your head in disbelief. "Wherever I go, there is something to remind me of him, of something he said, did, something we laughed over together."

Saryn stands with her back to you staring at her hands. You stop pacing and watch her carefully. "What are you doing?" you finally ask, stretching to look over her shoulder.

She quickly slides the small hand held communication console into its case and looks at you. "I've called for reinforcements."

You gape at her, eyes fuming. "You've done…what?"

"I don't think I can keep you from going to him, asking your questions, being hurt even further."

"That’s not possible," you interrupt but she continues.

"So I've called for the girls. All of us can make sure you think clearly for the duration of his stay."

You roll your eyes. "And if his Padawan is here?"

Saryn bristles then whispers. "I'll need their help to."

"Where the Master goes, the Padawan follows, Sar," you pace, skipping pebbles into the water.

"Then I'll ignore him just as you will ignore his Master," she spits, eyes glowing with hatred.

"Perhaps we both need to talk to them," you whisper with a heavy sigh.

"We wouldn't be in this predicament if they were willing to talk to us in the first place!" she cries, tears beginning to drip from her dark eyes. "Rude and inconsiderate is all men know how to be. I'll never trust another, I'll never give another such complete control over my heart."

You embrace your friend wordlessly, taking a deep breath to better fight back your own tears. "I never thought either one of them would treat anyone this way." Your voice can barely be heard over the babbling stream. "They are Jedi for gods sakes, they should be above such petty differences that tore us apart."

"The signs were there." Saryn whispered, pulling out of your arms and sitting slowly atop a large rock beside the stream. "Pulling you close one day, one week, then pushing you to arms length the next. I don't think either one of them knew what they wanted. Except everything and everyone."

You nod, unable to argue. "The change was dramatic and confusing."

"So we asked." You say in unison and chuckle softly.

"That's where we went wrong," you sigh, shaking your head. "Questions neither of them wanted to answer but things we needed for our own peace of mind. Honesty is all we ever gave them and lies is what that earned in return."

"Makes me wonder if it was even worth it." Saryn whispers sadly. "I'm shocked, hurt and most of all disappointed. What do they learn in the Temple that gives them the right to treat us like second class pieces of trash to be tossed away when we are no longer of any use to them?"

Saryn's small communication console chimes and she pulls it out of its thick case. As she flips it open, you sigh as four sets of eyes stare back at you from the tiny screen.

"What's happened?"

"What are you two doing now?"

"He's not worth it."

"Don't contact him."

You turn to Saryn. "You called them, why?"

"To keep us both sane and thinking relatively clearly," she admits with a wry smile.

"You don't think I have the willpower to resist him?" you huff, staring from the screen to Saryn and back again.

"You don't." Xin smiles softly. Your twin, pings it dead on like usual. You and she had often been mistaken for one another when you were young. Even now, you could double for her and she for you.

Rama and Auril nodded in agreement while Moana simply watched.

The six of you had grown up together, learned painful, yet life-altering lessons. You'd been friends through thick and thin, through breakups, fights, arguments and mis-communications. But you'd remained friends through all of it, a testimony to the strength of your friendship.

A close friend had given you these names before leaving your world forever, and you'd kept them throughout your lives, using them more now than those given to you by your birth parents. A sign of respect to a friend long gone.

"So Sar called you to keep me from throwing myself at his feet?" you cross your arms and stare at your friends as they nod. "Then tell me how you plan to do that light years away when I am here and he is just outside that dome?"

Silence falls as they consider your words. You are right, they could not physically hold you back if they wanted to.

"Yell at you." came the answer from your twin. Too much alike, were you, yet vastly different and you chuckled, remembering all of the cat-fights you’d had as children.

"Talk some sense into you." Rama, always peaceful, calm, and to the point. "Make you realize that this is a pattern that will never change and you know it, you’re just unwilling to see it."

"You don't want to put yourself through that pain any longer." Auril added, clearly disgusted by the entire mess. "It isn’t worth it. Back away."

"Let him go. Is it worth the pain?" Moana asks. Always the direct one, regardless how much it hurt.

You lower your head. "I used to think it was."

"If he was truly your friend, he'd have been willing to work out whatever differences you had." Moana’s eyes turn to Saryn. "And that goes for you as well."

You are unable to find the words to argue and your heart lurches when you see two brown robed figures walking steadily toward you along the pathway.

"Oh no." You mutter and Xin catches the implications of your whispered words. "Get out of there and off the planet. Don't subject yourselves to more pain."

"Or talk to them," Moana offers and the other women simply stare at their long-time friend. She stares good and long right back, refusing to back down. "And they want to continue running, why? If talking will achieve closure then do it, but be prepared for the fallout."

"They need to heal." Auril argues, glaring at her friend. They’d never agreed on this subject but respected one another’s opinions.

"They need remember the good memories and not bring back the pain." Rama offers. "Running may not solve it this time."

"Time to go," Saryn flicks the device closed and severs the connection before their friends have a chance to protest.

"We'll never hear the end of this," you whisper, wincing when you think about the tongue lashing all four of them will give you when you see to them again. But Moana was right, you'd need to talk to them if only to achieve closure with your friendship.

"Probably not," Saryn sighs.

You both turn simultaneously to stare into the stream, unsuccessfully trying to hide your nervousness. It had been months for you, but Saryn's pain was a bit more recent.

"Ladies," A deep, unforgettable voice, one you'd thought never to hear again, echoes through your ears.

"May we join you?"

"No."

The two Jedi flank you and Saryn, kneeling so that they can get a better look into your face. Your heads turn even more to directly face the small stream.

"You are looking well."

You ignore the large Jedi's comment, trying desperately to hear what his Padawan is saying to your friend. The incessant thumping of your heart in your ears prevents you from hearing anything but the soft, familiar tones of his voice.

You struggle to remain silent, wanting to take him by the scruff of the neck and yell at him for the pain and the agony he'd caused. But instead you find yourself unable to move, unable to speak. So you are forced to listen to the intoxicating soft lilt of his voice.

"I've missed you." He reaches for your hand and you flinch as it disappears within the large palm.

So many thoughts race through your head and you don't know what to say. You want him to leave you alone. The pain of seeing him, being near him, is too much to bear. Yet you don't want him to leave, you want him to take you in his arms and hold you forever. The conflict is overwhelming your fragile emotions and you cannot hold back the single tear that drips down your cheek.

Slowly, your hand raises until you can feel the crisp, neatly trimmed beard against the soft skin of your wrist. The thin lips that press a gentle kiss to the inside, cause a tremor to race down your spine.

His words repeat like a mantra in your mind only to be crushed by the words contained in his final letter to you, cold and callous. 'Thinking of you now only causes me pain.'

After only a few months, why the change? Could he not see that simply seeing him now caused you pain. No, he was thinking of himself and whatever reasons he had for resuming contact with you after so many months of silence.

"What do you want?" your voice is barely a whisper, but the anger and conviction could be heard even in the soft tones.

"You."

Another tear slips unchecked from tightly closed eyelids. "No."

Silence.

Perhaps he is thinking of what to say, to do. Perhaps that one word will cause him to leave your side and never return. It's not what you'd wanted to say, but the only word that would leave your lips.

His free hand brushes long hair away from your neck, exposing the bare skin to the elements, and to his lips.

You inhale deeply when those soft lips brush across your nape, pressing gentle, quiet kisses along the sensitive skin. Eyes squeeze tight, lips purse, you say nothing. Instead, struggle to keep your body from involuntarily reacting to the gentle touch.

"Listen to me," he breathes, stopping to nibble on your earlobe. "Your body sings for my touch and you……"

"Then talk to me, damnit! Answer my questions!" you roar, standing so quickly, the large Jedi at your feet nearly falls over. "Unless you tell me the truth, I want nothing to do with you." You begin to walk quickly down the path, determined to free yourself from his overwhelming presence. Tossing your head over your shoulder, you stare at his quickly hidden shocked expression. "How badly do you want me. Is it even worth it to you to try." Tears resume unchecked down your cheeks as you race out of the arboretum and away from the man who had hurt you more deeply that anyone had ever been capable.

Ducking into a small alcove made up of large, overhanging trees and fresh blossoming flowers, you sink to the ground and break down into quiet sobs. Leaning against a large trunk, you close your eyes and let the bark absorb your tears.

--------------

Tell me why

Nothing but a heartache

Tell me why

Nothing but a mistake

Tell me why

I never want to hear you say

I want it that way

---------------

"An apology isn't even a beginning," A soft voice whispers into your ear and you shudder, startled from the memories brought to the surface by seeing him again.

"How nice of you to realize this," you whisper, stifling the tears so that he cannot see what his lies and insensitivity have reduced you to.

"What can I do?"

"Nothing. Just leave." The words leave your lips before you are able to temper their tone.

"You don't want that, love." His heat radiates through your body as a large hand covers your wrist and begins to gently stroke the pulse point. "That much is incredibly clear."

Eyes flash and your head snaps toward him, "Then what do I want, Oh powerful one? What is my true hearts desire?"

"Me."

"You are an arrogant, heartless bast-" A finger covers your lips, silencing the insult.

"I've been called much worse."

"By me, you can be certain."

He sighs deeply and you turn your back to him, crossing your arms across your chest when he releases your wrist.

"What can I do?"

"If you need to ask, you aren't worth my time or tears."

Silence falls and you can hear nothing but the ruffling of the leaves and the thumping of your heart.

"Would you like me to fall at your feet and beg for your forgiveness?" he asks, uncertainty in the tone.

"Would you know what you are begging for?"

"Something I don't deserve to be given."

"That is the first honest thing you've said tonight."

He kneels beside you and takes your hand gently in his. Pressing his lips to the underside of your wrist, he nuzzles your palm with his beard. "I will endeavor to give you nothing but from now on."

You laugh and pull your hand from his grasp. "Why should I believe this now when you've said it countless times before?" Standing, you stare down at him and turn to walk out of the small thicket.

Qui-Gon stands to follow but you both stop upon hearing a loud slap coming from the direction of the small stream near where you had left Saryn. You see your friend stalking away, leaving a startled Padawan rubbing a rapidly reddening handprint across his cheek.

"I see your apprentice is having as much luck as you are," you grin, glad to know that Saryn hasn't yet caved to her old lovers charms.

"My luck has been much better, you haven't struck me."

"Yet."

"Would that make you feel better?" he asks with all sincerity. "Do it." Dropping to his knees, his arms rest limp at his sides. "Hit me as hard and as long as you can."

"And that would accomplish what exactly?" you stare down at him, disappointment written plainly in your hard gaze. "If there is one thing that you taught me in our years of friendship, is that heated emotion accomplishes nothing."

A wry smile crosses his lips. "Indeed it does not."

"Why did you come here? What do you want from me?"

"Finding you here was an accident, to be honest."

You snort. You'd find his timing for honesty to be utterly laughable if you weren't so angry.

"Then leave."

"Nothing happens by chance. We were meant to meet tonight."

You shake your head. "I used to believe that. Now, "you hesitate, realizing that what you say next may not be entirely the truth." You've shattered a great many of my beliefs in the last four months."

"Love. I can't apologize enough to you for…"

"Are you lonely now? Miss all the attention I gave you, the ear to listen when things were not going as you wanted, the friend I thought I had become," you snap, eyes flaming. "Why bother, after four months, Qui-Gon? Why?"

Words fail him and he simply slides his fingers around your wrist and begins to caress the sensitive skin. "I didn't know what I was missing," he admits silently.

You turn away at the sound of Obi-Wan calling after Saryn. Grateful for the distraction, you stride after the sound, twisting your wrist out of Qui-Gon's grasp in his effort to stop you. Striding quickly after the departing cloak of the angry Padawan, you call out to him "It would be in your best interest to leave her alone when she is angry or you may find yourself flat on your ass wondering where that wallop came from."

He stops and turns to stare at you, an unwelcome look radiating from his transparent blue eyes.

"Don't look at me like that, Apprentice," you spit, disgust plainly written on your exhausted features. "Saryn is my best friend and you've hurt her more than she cares to admit. Don't you think for even a minute that I will allow it to continue if it is within my power to stop."

"It's none of your business," he turns to follow the path Saryn had just run down.

"Anything that hurts a friend of mine is my business," you snap, taking a step closer to him. "If you had any close friends of your own, maybe you would realize it."

Obi-Wan's eyes look past you and lower slightly. Glaring at you through thick eyelashes, he turns and strides after Saryn without gracing your comment with a response.

You begin to follow but are stopped by two large hands curling over your shoulder blades and holding you in place. "If you don't release me this instant, you will be on the receiving end of a very uncomfortable …"

"Let them work it out," he whispers. "Please. "

He releases you and you whirl within the circle of arms that have suddenly tightened again around your shoulders. Your body is drawn to him by the sheer strength in his arms and you snort with disgust. "Release me this instant."

Fire burns in your pale gaze while you think of a way to disentangle yourself from his grasp.

An arm slides around your waist and a large hand cups your chin, tilting sharply so that he catches your eyes with his own. You have no time to move before his lips cover yours in the sweetest, slowest kiss you could remember him ever bestowing upon you.

You sway in his arms as his lips devour you, marking you, claiming you for his own. When you part, you struggle to gain control over your weakened body and step as far away from him as his tight grasp would allow.

"Do you think that after all that has happened, a single kiss will right all the wrongs?" you growl, a silent tear slipping from the corner of your eye. You wanted a single kiss to right the wrongs, but it would be too simple. There had been too many lies, too many mis-truths told over the last few months to ignore. Only answers could put your relationship back together, truthful answers.

You could hear Saryn screaming at Obi-Wan through the trees and you stare up at the Jedi holding you tightly, as if he is afraid if he let you go you would run away and never return.

You just might.

"A single kiss is a beginning," he whispers, bending to press another kiss to your parted lips.

You arch your neck, determined to not allow the desire you still harbor for him to be so easily recognizable, and his lips slide along the corner of your mouth, missing their target.

"You are not going to make this easy, are you?" The warm breath along your cheek and neck send shivers racing down your spine.

"I never make anything easy."

A deep chuckle is his momentary answer before he catches his breath enough to say, almost hesitantly, "Truer words were never spoken."

You bristle but relax, repeating "Don't overreact. Don't be defensive" over and over in your head like a mantra.

You step away from him and make your way to one of the stone benches that line the small stream flowing through the arboretum. Sitting on the cold, stone bench, you curl long legs beneath your body and settle trembling hands in your lap.

After a few moments of silence, you ask. "Why?" you can hear his deep intake of breath, as if he is trying to decide where to start first, how to start, how to explain. "Why don't you start at the beginning," you suggest, watching the ripples of white water flow over the rocks.

A few more moments of silence and you decide maybe you would start instead. " I was foolish to believe you loved me and only me. A big, strong, handsome knight had women hanging all over you. You were bound to give in once in a while. Like you did with me."

"I am a Jedi and should be above such desires." He rounds the bench and sits next to you, reaching to envelop your hands within his much larger ones.

You snort. "That is an incorrect statement and you know it. You are a man for all your training and teaching. A man with needs and desires just like any other being in this universe."

"Yes."

"Then why?"

He didn't answer and you knew he really didn't know what to say. You weren't sure what frustrated you more.

"Fine, then answer this. Why did you listen to all the others rather than coming to me for answers, coming to me to tell me what was wrong, what upset you.?" you take several deep, calming breaths. "Or was I simply a plaything until you tired of me and found another more interesting and less trouble?"

"Wait, let me…."

"No," you interrupt. "You've come to me, now you are going to listen. You'll have your chance to correct what your silence these last four months has made me think of you."

"You have every right to do what you wish with your life, but you hurt me with your indiscretions, your lies. 'I love you' one week, cold silence and shoulder the next. Almost as if you were two different people."

Turning to look into his eyes, you continue," Everyone warned me not to involve myself with a Jedi and I had no sense to listen to them. You won me over Qui-Gon Jinn, with your words of comfort, of love, of caring. Your willingness to listen, your laughter and most of all, your trust."

Tears dripped down your cheeks unchecked as you spoke, tightly contained emotions releasing in the only way you knew how. " You shattered that within the space of a few days and twisted the shards into my already broken heart."

He squeezes your hands, murmuring soft, sweet words as you spoke, angering you further, yet soothing deeply buried fears.

"And what's worse, you said things you thought would never get back to me. Things you never thought I would ever hear. Behind my back."

He shakes his head, wanting to speak, but waiting patiently for your tearful tirade to finish.

"Looking good before your peers, saving face before them, meant more to you than anything you ever said or promised me. That hurt most of all, and it is something I will never forget."

"Is it something you can forgive?" his question is whispered, barely heard over the bubbling stream. So low, you think he is afraid of what your answer will be.

"That depends on the explanations and the answers you decide to give me."

"I was wrong and I regret what I've said in anger," he begins and you shiver with disgust. "I wasn't thinking clearly," his voice is firm, but you can hear, or you want to hear, a certain sadness and regret behind the low tone. "You are correct in everything you've said. I cannot defend my actions." He shook his head. "So many things were said that I agreed with, and at the same time didn't want to be agreeing to."

"You once said to me that you follow your instincts over others words. Which did you follow this time?"

"Both."

You shake your head, tears marring fat paths down your cheeks. "Then why bother? Why are you here? What do you want? Or does it do your pride well, knowing you have another woman under your spell. Another Conquest..."

"That's not what it was!"

"Then what was it? What did we have?"

"A friendship I needed and cherished above just about all else in my life," he slides his fingers under your chin and tilts your face up to look into your eyes. "I didn't realize that until now, and I fear it may be too late..."

"I want to say that it is."

"As much as I wanted to move forward into the future, I found that I couldn't forget the past," he continues, a large hand cupping your cheek as battle callused fingertips wipe away the tears. "Regardless how much I wanted to."

"Such sweet words. How do I believe them now when I believed them then and they only turned out to be lies?"

You didn't need to the Force to sense his hesitation.

"Trust."

"Coming from you, that is the most ludicrous thing I think I've ever heard," you laugh, yanking your chin away and stepping back from the comfortable warmth of his body. "You have the audacity to ask me to trust you now after everything that has happened? I gave you my trust, remember? What did you do with it?"

"I hurt you terribly," he admits. "Can we not re-built that trust?"

Silence.

"Do you want to try?"

You shake your head and turn your back on the large man. Shoulders tremble and you struggle to hold back the tears. You want to try. You want your friendship back but giving in makes you feel weak. Makes you feel that simply because he asked, you will crawl back to his arms and work out your problems as if nothing had ever happened.

"I cannot forget the past," you whisper.

Long, strong arms drape across your shoulders and pull you back against his chest. "I don't want you to forget the past. But can you forgive it?"

You relax into his comforting embrace and sigh. "In time."

"Then there is hope."

You turn in his embrace and meet his eyes cautiously with your own. You think you see concern and love there, but deep down you still have to wonder if it is simply a façade to return to your good graces.

He bends to press a gentle kiss to your tightly closed lips, tongue probing, requesting entrance you are not ready to give.

Fortunately you are interrupted by an enraged Saryn, stomping noisily through a path she was making through the trees and neatly trimmed gardens. "Get away from me. I don't want anything to do with you!" she stops when she sees you standing within the circle of your Jedi Master's arms and shoots the man daggers from widened eyes. Seeing the disappointed look in your friend's eyes, you step out of Qui-Gon's arms and move toward her.

Unfortunately, this was the moment Obi-Wan decided to rush out of his own little man made path and collide into you, causing you to fall over like a fluff-filled doll.

Qui-Gon as well as Saryn kneel immediately to help you up and for the first time you see the tears glistening in your friend's eyes. You accept her help, ignoring the strong hands of the man you once loved behind you, whispering. "Are you ok?"

"Not as good as you, obviously," she snaps and immediately regrets her words at your horrified look.

"Talk to him, Sar," you suggest, wrapping your arms around her shoulders and leading her away from where the two men stood watching, "Listen to what he has to say and then tear him apart if you want." Ending with a small smile, you see your friend chuckle at the comment.

"Can't I do the tearing and then the listening?" she asked with a small grin.

"You could but, " you cast an amused look over your shoulder at the two men who were pretending not to try and overhear your conversation. "But then how would you accomplish the listening?"

You are rewarded with a wide smile. "Exactly."

."You are bad, Saryn. Very bad," you embrace your friend tightly, still unsure as to how she was going to handle this situation.

"I know. It's why we get along so well," she grins and you nod.

"So true," you admit with a small chuckle. After a few moments of silence you admit. "I have to talk to him."

"I know. It was so much easier to hate them." Saryn admits with a sigh.

"Will you be ok here with braid-boy?" you arch your head toward the younger Jedi but keep your eyes focussed closely on your friend. You wouldn't leave her if she didn't feel safe or comfortable alone with her former lover.

"I'll be fine. Just hope his Master doesn't find him in pieces in the morning."

"I don't have the credits to get you out of prison for killing a Jedi. Please don't," you laugh, squeezing her shoulders one last time before stepping back.

She snorts. "No promises."

You sigh and turn back to the men, eyes narrowing. Eyeing the younger Jedi you snap," If you've overheard it all, then go. You have a chance to talk to her without danger of bodily harm."

He stares at you, almost challenging but turns away and walks slowly over to Saryn. She turns and walks down the path, expecting him to follow.

"Are they going to kill each other?" Qui-Gon asks, stepping beside you and wrapping a protective arm around your shoulders.

"If I could read minds, I'd be a lot happier," you toss back.

"Trust me, no you wouldn't."

You step out of his embrace and turn away. "Well let's go Jedi, you still have a lot of explaining to do."

He nods wordlessly and turns to follow you down the opposite path and out of the arboretum.

------------------

Now I can see that we're falling apart

From the way that it used to be

No matter the distance, I want you to know

That deep down inside of me…

------------------

"And so you decided to sleep with several friends of mine and then listen to other so- called friends disclose untrue things about me and mutual friends?" you ask, keeping your voice steady and as un-accusing as possible. "Instead of coming to me?"

Your rounds of questioning were beginning to wear on him and you ease up, listening patiently for his explanation.

"Trust is a powerful thing. Once you give it, its hard to see that perhaps those you've to whom given that trust may be using it to their own ends rather than giving you complete truth." He squeezes your hand, brushing his fingers across the top of your wrist and up your arm. "I think things were the same with you as well, am I wrong?"

Grinning slightly, you nod. "Indeed. I made my own mistakes. " Blue eyes meet your firm gaze and hold. "But you didn't make it easy for me to find answers by dropping out of my life and out of contact."

"I am a hard man to anger, love, " he admits, sliding a finger beneath your chin and pulling it towards him.

Touching your lips gently with his own he continues, "but once it was done. It was done. It took me many months to realize that your presence from my life was greatly missed and, perhaps, a mistake in judgement on my part."

"And your friends now? What do they think of you contacting me?" you return the gentle kiss, lacing your fingers through his large hands and pulling them to rest in your lap. "Or have you not told them?" The whisper is filled with question.

Silence follows and you tilt your head knowingly. "You haven't told them."

"Not yet."

Breathing deeply, you turn your head, still clutching his hands tightly within your own. "Do what you feel you must to keep your friendships."

Leaning forward, he whispers against your cheek before pressing a soft kiss against the smooth skin, "I want to count you among them, if you'll have me."

"I've seen how they behave. I do not wish to be counted among those friends. They are yours and I respect that, but do not group me with them in your mind or with your tongue." If your firm belief and strong opinion surprise him, he hides it well. "This is a new friendship, one that I hope will be stronger for the confrontations we have endured."

"It will," he assures you but the skeptic within refuses to let the doubts die.

"It will take time to regain what we have lost," you admit, leaning into his open embrace. He holds you tightly, resting his back against the cushioned couch on which you had been sitting for the last several hours.

"I am willing to try." Arms tighten around you and while you feel the fear of putting yourself in a position to be hurt by this man once again, you feel the relief of being given another chance to love him.

"As am I," you whisper as he pulls you into a kiss so deep it takes your breath away.

"A promise," attempting to catch your breath, you whisper and he nods, waiting for you to speak. "And you know how many of those you have broken in the past."

He takes a deep breath, unable or unwilling to argue. It would break the semi-tender moment and that is something he is unwilling to risk.

"Come to me. I will give you answers to your questions. Perhaps answers you do not wish to hear, but they will be answers nonetheless."

"I will. You have my word," he nuzzles your neck, lips grazing across the thickly corded muscle.

"And if you do not believe me, give me reasons why," you arch your neck as his explorations continue down the hollow of your neck, sending shivers straight into your groin.

"Yes," comes the soft murmur as he begins to suck at the sensitive skin.

Uneasiness and fear fills your body as you realize what you are about to give, yet again, to this man. 'Trust your instincts' he once said. 'They will not lead you wrong.'

He would be most disappointed to hear what your instincts were screaming at this moment.

You push the disturbing thoughts behind you and listen, instead, to the cries of your heart.

-----------------

Am I your fire

Your one desire

Yes I know

It's too late

But I want it that way

-----------------

"I've missed you, love," the voice is raspy from sleep, but when you turn within the circle of his arms, his eyes are clear and watching you with an intensity that makes you shiver.

" I never want to feel like this again," you whisper, clearing the sleep from your voice. "Such pain and heartache…"

"We both made very serious mistakes," a long finger trails down your cheek, over your lips, before curling beneath your chin. "Shattered trust is not easy to repair." He nuzzles your cheek and you tremble, feeling the coarseness of his beard prickle against your skin.

"No." You don't want to talk about it. It was in the past and you wished it to remain there. The painful memories that would resurface from discussing these past months would do neither of you any good. You'd both learned there were serious repercussions from your actions, how they could affect not only yourselves but also that of others completely unaware. You'd lost too many friends and he'd lost more than his share of respect. It hadn't been worth it.

A strong arm wraps around your shoulders and pulls you close, crushing you into his chest.

You breathe deeply, inhaling the unique scent that makes up this large, yet gentle man. His skin is warm as you press your cheek against the broad expanse of his chest. Sliding your leg across his thick thigh, you grin when you feel the muscles flex from the contact. "I think that…"

The rough pads of his fingers trail down your cheek, brushing across your lips to silence you. "Feel, love. Don't think."

You shift slightly, covering half his body with your own. "Yes." A small smile spreads across your face as you lean down to place a gentle kiss atop his lips.

"Much has changed," he whispers, raining soft kisses on your eyelids, your cheeks, before pressing tiny kisses at the corner of your lips. "But my love for you will remain."

"I've never stopped loving you," you whisper, arching your neck as his lips trail a wet path down the sensitive skin. "I've seen you in so many different lights, I'm not sure which you I love and which you I hate."

"Hate is of the Dark Side," he murmurs against your skin. Carefully he rolls you to your back and continues his explorations. Large hands brush away the thin robe you wear and soft lips continue their path down your body.

You bite back the moan building in the back of your throat as his tongue traces small circles around one nipple and then the other before tugging it into his mouth and suckling like a babe. Slim hands slide into his hair and you hold it away from his face watching, with heavily lidded eyes, as he lavishes one nipple and then the other. Large hands cup the underside and squeeze gently.

His hands slide down your stomach and your fingers tighten in his hair. He studies your face, asking permission, and you shake your head.

"No."

He nods slowly and rolls to his side, azure eyes searching for answers. "I am yours to command, my love." He leans back into the cushions, arms crossed behind his head, and waits.

You slide into the crook of his arm and flatten your palm against his chest. Long nails trace the well defined muscles and you chuckle when the skin ripples beneath your touch. "It's been too long." You murmur as you press a gentle kiss to his shoulder.

"It has." A long finger wraps around a strand of your hair and twists, the gentle tugging causing tremors to race down your spine.

Your knee slides across his sculpted thigh, pushing the thin cloth separating your bodies straight into his groin. You are regarded with a low growl as his out-world accent spills from his lips in a strangled whisper. "Love, you are playing a dangerous game."

You chuckle, despite yourself. "One that you will play willingly, I wager." Your breath is hot against his chin as you nip gently at the skin. A wet, pink tongue darts out to lick his lower lip as two fingers curl into the waistband of his sleep pants. They trail the edge, barely touching, inflaming his skin. "I want to punish you, Jinn." you whisper, the fingers trailing the edge of his pants now sliding across the material in slow, circular patterns. "You hurt me."

"We hurt one another, love," he whispers, his voice dropping, his accent becoming thicker with every word. "If I could go back, I would."

"You are an insensitive man." A slim hand cups him gently and he struggles to keep his hips firmly planted on the mattress.

"I - can - be," he groans as your fingers move across his covered length and your palm squeezes his rapidly hardening shaft.

"But we are both at fault here," you whisper, breathing the admonition onto his lips like an ancient prayer. "What finally saved us …" you begin to stroke him through the cloth, grinning as you feel the shaft lengthen and harden within the rapidly confining material. "Is communication. Regardless how long its taken us to reach this point. "

"Yes," he hisses between clenched teeth.

"Words are so damaging, my love." You press soft kisses to his cheeks, his tightly closed eyelids, before settling one upon his slightly parted lips. "Others words, words said simply because that's what you wanted to hear, half-truths , about the both of us."

"Yes." He was agreeing now without question and you doubt he would hear any further words, the tightening in his groin screaming too loudly to be ignored.

"Sticks and stones, love," you slide down his torso and begin to lave an already hard nipple. "The old parable goes. But it looses all credibility when it says words will never hurt." You suck slowly, biting gently to return his attention from his throbbing groin and back to your words. "Many times, words can be more damaging than the sharpest blade."

His hands fly to your hair, burying themselves in the flowing softness splayed across his chest.

Your lips create a burning trail down his stomach, forcing him to release the grip he has on your hair. You press your cheek against the covered arousal and nuzzle the hard shaft you feel throbbing in tandem with his heartbeat. You blow hotly against the thin material, adding warm air to already confined heat. "The wounds will heal, love, " you breathe, cupping him gently, squeezing tightly enough to earn a strangled groan. "But the scars and memories will last a lifetime."

"We - discussed - this," he groans, struggling to uncross his eyes.

"Yes, we did." Slim fingers curl beneath the waistband and he sighs with relief as the material slides down his legs. The long, hard shaft slips free and you press your lips to the burning skin in a gentle kiss. "I never want you to forget."

"Love, please," comes the strangled plea and you lift your head to stare into his clouded eyes.

Slim fingers circle his shaft, teasing the sensitive head, spreading the pearly drops that pool at the tip. A long nail traces the vein that runs from tip to base, causing his hips to jerk off the bed. Before he can form a coherent thought, you take the weeping tip between your lips and lick it clean. Rewarded with a sharp grunt, you continue to lave the head, circling your fingers and palm slowly around the throbbing shaft.

"Love - please."

Another plea goes ignored as you swallow him, relaxing your throat muscles around his considerable length.

"Gods," he groans and you gaze up at him through thick lashes. The arch of his neck, lips parted, drawing breath in short gasps. His hands at his sides, gripping tightly at the bedclothes.

Slowly, you mount him, leaning over his chest so that your hair barely brushes against over-stimulated nipples. You hold him steady and sink slowly onto the weeping shaft. "I will never forget," comes the soft whisper, before you sink onto his thighs, burying his shaft deeply within you.

His hands fly to your hips, steadying you, eyes pleading with you to move, not to just sit atop him and stare.

You lean forward, balance your weight on one arm and slide the back of your hand across his whiskered cheek. "Patience, Master Jedi."

You circle your hips, exacting a long, deep groan. Smiling widely, a conversation with a trusted friend comes to mind. 'Do it right and they are reduced to mindless, whimpering children.' A truer statement had never been said.

"Love…."

"Yes." Your own body begins to betray you, demanding movement, stimulation, and you comply, rising and falling atop him in a steady, gentle rhythm. Large hands squeeze your hips, and you begin to follow the new rhythm. Muscles flex with exertion as he lifts and impales you atop his rigid shaft, grunting with each penetration, sighing deeply with each release.

You watch him, with a heavily lidded gaze, staring at the beautiful man writhing beneath your rapidly weakening body. Thoughts race through your mind of the previous months, the misunderstandings, the messages left in anger, the sleepless nights. Tears drip down your cheeks and fall to his chest at the thought of loosing him, of him walking out of your life forever.

You lean to the side, pulling him with you, suddenly wanting to feel his weight press you into the bed, to feel him take control again.

He obliges quickly, never breaking the rhythm, pinning you to the bed with a savage thrust. "It's - been - too - long," he grunts, pressing quick kisses to your lips and tear stained cheeks. If he notices the salty taste, he gives no indication. Primal need has taken control of his body and nothing short of an earth shake or impending death could pull him out of this stupor.

Slim legs wrap tightly around his backside and you close your eyes with each powerful thrust only to open them again with each withdrawal. It is then that you notice the desperation in his eyes, the need and desire. For the first time since your little game had begun, you saw fear. Fear of loosing you, fear of loosing the friendship and then the relationship that you'd begun. Fear of loosing your love.

"I will - always - love – you," you whimper, each word punctuated with a powerful thrust.

"And I you," he groans, his body jerking above you. With one final thrust, his strength gives and he falls to his arms above you. Liquid heat fills your body and you wrap your hands around his trembling arms, feeling the muscles relax and flex with the effort of holding his considerable weight off you.

As his weight dips into the mattress, he pulls you into his arms, settling you there in the protective strength that is a constant companion. The bond that had been shattered so callously had begun to mend. The memories and the scars would remain, but they would heal. You had forgiven one another your faults instead of continuing to condemn one another for them.

------------------

You are my fire

The one desire

Believe when I say

I want it that way

------------------

The wind tugs at your hair, blowing the loose strands across your face. You lean into his arms, safe in the knowledge that he will always be your friend, regardless the distance that separates you.

"I belong to the Jedi, love," he whispers, arms tightening around your shoulders, beard rubbing the top of your head. "But you will always have a special place in my heart - never forget that."

You nod wordlessly, knowing that it may be a long time before you see him again. Rubbing your cheek against his tunic, you curl your fingers into his belt and pull him close.

The transport docks in the distance bringing with it his departure from this world, from your arms, from your life.

Reluctantly, you pull back and gaze calmly into his face, into the intoxicating blue eyes that had captured your heart so many years ago. Standing on your tiptoes, you brush your cheek against the prickly whiskers and mouth a silent prayer to keep him safe.

Large hands cup your cheeks and draw your lips to his for one final kiss. Tears slide down your cheeks as his lips slant across yours, thoroughly plundering your mouth one final time.

Your hands slide into his hair, tugging gently at the soft strands. His scent surrounds you, and you close your eyes, memorizing his touch, the feel of his lips pressed deeply against your own, his taste.

When you part, his eyes are lowered in sadness. He wipes away the lingering tears with the pads of his thumb. "Don't cry, love. This is not forever."

With one final kiss to the tip of your nose, he steps from the security of your arms.

"Know that you take my heart with you," you whisper and he nods, closing his own hand over his heart and pressing it tightly to his chest. Reluctantly, he backs toward the lifts that will take him away from you, possibly forever.

"My love always," he mouths, moments before the door to the lifts close, leaving you alone on the balcony.

You wrap empty arms tightly around your waist, fighting the tears that threaten to fall. You are alone again, but alone with the comforting knowledge that you will remain friends, if even from a distance.

END