*Never want to fly Never want to leave* The complaints end suddenly, and Heero looks over his shoulder to see why. Duo had fallen asleep. He's relieved, but he finds himself kind of missing "Turn that damn thing off and let me get some sleep!" every five minutes. The clicking of the keys would bother him no longer. Heero allows himself a slight smile. He kind of wonders why Duo had suddenly begun complaining. Every other night Duo usually just keeps to his own thing and never complained /too/ much. *Maybe he had a headache or something*, Heero thinks. And he watches Duo sleep for a few minutes before looking back to the laptop. *Never want to say what you mean to me Never want to run* He stops suddenly. Could this have anything to do with what they'd been talking about the day before? Heero immediately wished he hadn't said anything about his doubts. Apparently they'd made Duo upset. But he'd been honest. That’s what people wanted, right? *Frightened to believe You're the best thing about me* *"I'm not sure about us, Duo." He said. "What do you mean?" Duo asked, a puzzled expression written on his face. "I thought things were going cool." "They are." Heero said uncertainly. "But I'm still feeling a little weird about what's going on." "No, really?" Duo asked sarcastically. "It's a little funny for me, too." "Not like that." Heero argued. "I'm just not sure its going where we thought it would go." Duo looked hurt for a moment. "Okay then." He said after a second, his face turning stony. He turned around and headed for the door. "Duo," Heero protested weakly. "I'm going for a walk. I'll be back later."* *Sometimes I feel like this is only chemistry Stuck in a maze searching for a way* Heero looked back to Duo again. He was snoring lightly, and his foot was twitching. He gave himself a private smile. He gave what he'd said some thought. Was he wrong? What he'd said were just his fears, not his actual thoughts. Heero was actually very positive about where their relationship was going. And it was so strange to him at the same time. *Relena…* He thought harshly. After the wars, Relena finally had caught up with him long enough to start something. She'd been hopeful, but to Heero it was nothing, even though he wanted it to be. He tried to make the girl happy, but it didn't seem right. *And Duo…* *Shut down, turn around, feel the ground beneath me You're so close where do you end where I begin?* They'd caught up again when they were eighteen. After reminiscing and talking over failed romances, there was something he and Heero both detected. It caught them both off-guard totally. By that time, Quatre and Trowa had been together for some time, but even then, it came as a shock to realize it was just the same for them. Duo began muttering softly in his sleep, and Heero catches the words, "Heero no baka" among his mutterings. Roughly translated, Heero sighed, that had to be "Heero you idiot". *Always pushing and pulling Sometimes sanity takes vacation time on me* *I'm in a daze, stumbling bewildered North of gravity head up in the stratosphere* /"You've got mail."/ His computer started suddenly. He turns around and clicks on his mailbox, exiting from the government program he'd hacked into. RlnaPccrft Subject: Ohayoo, Heero! I don't know what time it is wherever you are, but its early morning here in the Sanq Kingdom. Just wanted to say hi. I have a meeting to get to in a few hours. How's Duo? Heero let his eyes drift from the screen for a moment again to look at Duo. Relena had been pretty understanding after he'd told her what was going on between them, and despite the fact she'd clearly stated she never wanted to see either of them again, she always managed to scrape together a few kind words to email to him every month or so. I hope you both are doing good and are happy. I saw Quatre last week, he says hi. Well, I'll talk to you later, ja ne, Heero! He sighed. He kept it under New Mail so he could write back later, and he turned off the computer. Again and again, he looks at Duo then turns away, angry with himself. He remembers the week before The Talk. He'd hit him. Heero felt like killing himself as Duo staggered to his feet, but Duo looked as if he could hardly care less. He'd rubbed his jaw and didn't say anything. "Duo..." Heero had instantly stuttered, "Oh God…I'm sorry…I've had a really bad day…I'm so sorry, Duo…" Duo had waved his hand. "It's okay." He'd said. "No, it's not--" "I'm fine." Duo said firmly, looking right into his eyes. "I know how much you love me. I know you didn't mean it." *You and I, roller coaster riding love You're the center of adrenaline-- And I'm beginning to understand* Duo's words now rang in his ears. *I know how much you love me…I know you didn't mean it…* Love. That's the word that led Heero to his fears. Did he love Duo? Or at least as much as Duo thought? He'd never said, "I love you, Duo" yet. He hadn't said it to Relena, either. Or maybe he had, but never really meaning it. Relena must have said, "I love you, Heero" a million times over. If he counted, Heero had probably said it about three times. The thing was, he'd never said her name. Just, "I love you, too". Was he afraid? *Never want to fly Never want to leave Never want to say what you mean to me* "Heero…" Duo muttered in his sleep. "Ai shiteru…" "Yeah…" Heero murmured, though he knew Duo couldn't hear him. "I know you do." *Never want to run Frightened to believe You're the best thing about me* Duo had totally made an impact on his suicidal little life. Made him happy to wake up in the morning and roll over and look at Shinigami. Relena had never done that. Mainly because every time he woke up she was already looking at him so she could tell him she loved him. "I love you, Heero." She'd say. "Do you love me?" He'd nod. "Yeah, I love you, too." Couldn't he have done that for Duo? Give back at least a /percentage/ of what Duo had given him. Couldn't he at least do that, especially if he did love Duo? Didn't he? *Walk on broken glass, make my way through fire These are the things I'd would do for love* Heero didn't feel suicidal anymore, thanks to the life Duo brought into his existence. Doesn't that count for something? Then he thought of something. Duo had never asked. He wasn't a thing like Relena. Never seemed to expect Heero to say, "I love you" back. Duo knew he couldn't say it with ease, then, didn’t he? But even Duo had to draw the line when Heero claimed to have second thoughts about their relationship. Duo had sacrificed a lot to be with him, because he loved Heero, and then it was like Heero had betrayed him. Oh, he /had/ betrayed him, he /had/. Every day went by like lightning with Duo as his side. They had fun, and until Duo had come to him, Heero had barely a concept of what "fun" was. It meant being with the person you care about, laughing, smiling, and spending every moment looking forward to doing it again. *Farewell, peace of mind Say goodbye to reason* *Up is down The impossible occurs each day* *This intoxication thrills me-- I only pray it doesn't kill me!* If this is what Duo did to his mind, if Duo drove him so crazy, why was he afraid it wasn't working out? Duo brought out the best in him. The fun, playful side that had been lost in repeated battle. Maybe he was afraid he was going to hit Duo again. That had to be it. Heero smacked his palm against his forehead. Then he gave thought to what he had just done. Heero had never done that before…he must have gotten it from Duo. He looked at the disarray around his laptop. He'd never kept his stuff in such a mess before. Duo was responsible for that, too. Heero no longer minded a mess now and then, when it used to bug the hell out of him. And that was it. He was scared he'd hit Duo again. That was it. Because Heero knew he never wanted to hurt Duo again in his life. Not with words, and certainly not with his fist. *"I know how much you love me…I know you didn't mean it…"* *Never want to fly Never want to leave Never want to say what you mean to me* Maybe it was time he told Duo how much he loved him. But he wanted to make sure they're not just words. How could he say it? The words weren't enough. *Never want to run Frightened to believe You're the best thing about me* He got up and moved to Duo's side. Duo had begun hitting his pillow, which he had christened "Heero". "Aa," Heero muttered. "I guess I deserve that." Duo hit the pillow again and again. *He is really angry with me*, Heero thought with horror. "Gomen ni, Duo." He murmured. Duo started talking in his sleep again. Heero could barely hear him, but he managed to hear the most important thing. "Heero, don't leave me…" Duo pleaded. Heero was instantly taken aback. Leave him?! No way! Duo thought he would? *Of course he does, you idiot!* His brain yelled at him. *You told him you weren't sure about the relationship! No, Duo, I don't want to leave you, oh God…* *You're the center of adrenaline And I'm beginning to understand You're the best thing about me* Then suddenly Duo stirred again and opened his eyes sleepily. He didn't fail to notice Heero staring point blank at him with the /stupidest/ expression on his face that Duo had ever seen. "What?" He snapped coldly. "I'm trying to sleep, if you haven't noticed. Your damn computer kept me up long enough, can't I get any sleep?" "I just think…" Heero said quietly after a very strained moment. "I think we should talk for a little while." "Then talk before I fall back to sleep." Duo said roughly, sitting up against the wall, crossing his arms over his chest and staring at Heero. "Well? I'm waiting." "I just want to talk about what I said the other day--" He started, and Duo cut him off. "Don't worry. Heero, if you want me out, I'll just go. The majority of the stuff here is yours, anyway." Duo looked pained to say it. "Duo, I /don't/ want that-- not at all!" He said loudly. Duo just sat still, watching him. He looked slightly puzzled, a little forgiving, and a little mad. Heero could feel the indigo eyes searching him. Searching for sincerity. "I mean it, Duo. I-I…" Duo instantly felt taken aback. Heero had never stuttered on his words, /ever/. "I want you to stay…you're the best thing about me." *Never want to fly Never want to leave Never want to say what you mean to me* And yet Duo continued watching him, his eyes flickering with unregistered emotions. "Heero…" He finally said. "I wanted this to work, I really did. What you said the other day…it hurt here--" He pounded on his chest lightly. "It hurt worse than this--" He ran his finger along a bright blue bruise along his jaw. "And that's a /lot/, my friend." "I tried to explain--" "That's just it, man. I didn't need an explanation, because /that/ didn't matter to me. What you /said/ mattered to me. Make any sense?" Heero nodded numbly. "So…why did you say it if you don't mean it?" "I was…scared." Heero admitted slowly. Duo blinked a few times then a wide smile broke out on his face. "Wow…the Perfect Soldier's real fear…commitment." *Never want to run Frightened to believe You're the best thing about me* Heero smiled slightly. Some little voice in his head seemed to be singing, *Yes! We're not breaking up! We'll be just fine!* "Anything else, Heero?" Duo asked. He was still smiling. Heero nodded again. "Something else I want to tell you." "Ooo…more secrets." He looked positively delighted. "Kind of." Heero grinned. "Ai shiteru, Duo." Duo continued smiling. "I know." He said softly. *You could be the best thing about me What if you're the best thing about me?*