"I don't mean it like it sounds." He amended quickly, seeing Duo's expression. "You tell a person it's okay to hit you, and they will again. To test you, to make sure they still can. Subconsciously, at least. They don't really mean it or even want to." "So...it was my fault, wasn't it?" Duo asked, feeling all of the sudden like he was falling off a cliff. "I was the one hitting you, so no, that's not your fault. You just shouldn't have said that...it never would have happened. That first time would have been the last if you'd hit me back or something. Just to show me it wasn't okay!!" Heero rose his voice, but not at Duo. At himself, for not realizing it sooner. *Because I don't know you anymore I don't recognize this place* *The picture frames have changed and so has your name* "I'm sorry... And there's nothing more I can say to ease myself. It doesn't matter anymore if you love me...I just need to know if you can forgive me." "I..." Duo tried, but that Goddamned voice spoke up again!! *Shinigami...remember...it'll happen again... Once a beater, always a beater...* *We don't talk much anymore We keep running from these sentences* *But what I wouldn't give to see your face again...* Heero stood up. Duo wanted to shout, "No! Don't go! I love you! Stay!" But he didn't. He clenched his fists and fought the feelings. "Duo?" Heero asked. "It's okay. I don't deserve it anyway." Heero took a step away, feeling more dead than alive. He had plans after he got to the colony involving a few painkillers, a sink full of hot water and a razor blade. (1) "I forgive you." Duo whispered. "If anything, I forgive you, Heero." Heero turned back around slowly, feeling a strange sense of hope and light he'd never had before. It was...hope beyond hope, joy beyond joy and the release of /any/ doubts he'd ever had! That's all he needed!! Those words, those irreplaceable words that meant more than anything now. More than his life, more than his present happiness. Because with those words, his life and his happiness finally connected and he felt at peace. Inner peace. He didn't want to die anymore... Only one more thing... "Duo?" "Aa?" Duo looked up at him, his face flushed and his eyes brimming with tears. Heero wanted to hold Duo and comfort him, but it wasn't time for that...not now. "Hit me." *I know I let you down Again and again* *I know I never treated you right I've paid the price, I'm still paying for it every day* "Whaaa~at?" Duo slurred. "Hit you?? What for? Why?" "Because I need it. I didn't deserve to be forgiven, and yet you forgave me. That's the kind of person you are, Duo. But I /do/ deserve to be treated the same way I treated you." Duo shook his head no, making a choking sound in his throat. "I won't." "Duo, please." "No!" Duo shouted. Heero breathed. What he was about to do was risky... He advanced quickly and raised his fist. Duo gasped in shock and jumped up. Forgetting all, Duo punched Heero across the jaw and sent his head reeling and his body flying off the porch. Duo stood there in a daze, hardly acknowleding what he had done. Heero laid there on the icy wet front walk for a moment before the thought came to Duo. "Oh God!! Heero!" Duo screamed and leaped down to the walk. "Daijoubu ka????" *So maybe I shouldn't have called Was it too soon to tell?* *Oh, what the hell It doesn't really matter* A hoarse laugh caught him off guard, and he stumbled back against the stairs. Heero sat up smiling, rubbing his jaw. "Sorry to scare you." He apologized. Duo frowned. "Baka yaro." He muttered. "What a stupid thing to do! You scared the hell out of me!!" Then he looked thoughtful. "So what do you think?" He asked sarcastically. "Not fun." Heero said seriously. Duo nodded, then smiled. "What does this mean, Heero?" Duo asked nervously. There was a very tense moment, then Heero shrugged. "I can't promise I won't hit you again." Heero said harshly. Duo shook his head. "I don't think you need to...I hear it in your voice." "Don't say that!" Heero quipped. Duo pushed Heero back down in the walk wet with melted snow, smiling. "Shut up. I know it this time...I *know*. And even if you do...I'll kill ya. Got it, Hee-chan?" Duo said cheerily. *How do you redefine something that never really had a name? Has your opinion changed?* *Because I don't know you anymore I don't recognize this place* "Fine then." Heero agreed. "Now what?" He asked softly. Violet eyes flickered with uncertainty. "I love you," Duo said, "But I can't go back to the colony with you...not now. I have a lot going on for myself." Heero nodded. "I'll come back when you're ready." *The picture frames have changed and so has your name We don't talk much anymore* *We keep running from the pain But what I wouldn't give to see your face again* Duo pinned Heero down and kissed him softly. Heero was in too much of a daze to respond correctly. Duo chuckled softly. "Been a while, eh?" (2) Heero laughed out loud, a clear laugh filled with amusement and love. It was a comfort for Duo to feel the warm breath on his cheek. "I was about to make breakfast, Heero. Wanna come inside?" Duo offered. Heero nodded and wrapped his arms around Duo. They stood up and Duo gestured toward the front door. After all that messing around on the cold damp walk, they were both pretty frikken freezing. Heero walked behind Duo and again took him in a tight hug. His face nuzzled into Duo's neck. Duo was surprised by the sudden display of affection and gave him a quizzical look. "Heero...?" "The days of the Perfect Soldier are gone, Duo. I promise...I swear..." Duo put his finger on Heero's lips and silenced him. "That's not necessary, Heero." He said lovingly. Heero smiled and they walked inside just as snow again began falling like powdered sugar on the front lawn. But neither of them felt the cold this time. *I see your face...* *I see your face...* ~Owari 1- Blood comes quicker with hot water. 2- Not in that way!!!!!!