*Here I go again I promised myself I wouldn't think of you today* It had been a long time. A few years, maybe more, since Heero had been to the Earth. *Yeah*, he thought, *I was seventeen. Six years can really fly with peace…* Seven years since Oz. Six years since MarieMaia. Four years since Relena. Almost a year after Duo… He bit his lip hard, drawing blood. The warm coppery taste filled his mouth almost instantly. He spat it out angrily. Did thoughts escape him that quickly now days? How could he have forgotten?! *Duo was the reason he came to Earth in the first place…* *Think, man, did you some here for sightseeing?* He thought harshly. No. First he had to find out where Duo lived, then he wanted to go beg on Duo's doorstep for a few weeks…as long as necessary to get Duo to listen to him. He needed to go and see Relena firstly, for some meeting. *It's been seven months and counting, You've moved on, I still feel exactly the same* So there he was, wandering around in the Sanq Kingdom in the middle of winter, without even an ID in his pocket. He had money in banks, of course, he'd been surprisingly pretty well off after the war, but no credit card meant no cash. And somehow, he found himself at the gate to Relena's estate without any trouble. He also assumed that because of his anger, the cold hadn't even touched him. All he had was a thin parka, the 'ol green tank, and some worn jeans. Either that or he had some strange blood. Someone was waiting for him behind the gate. "Heero Yuy?" The man asked quietly. Heero nodded silently. The man signaled to someone farther away and the gate unlocked and swung out in Heero's direction. Heero calmly stepped out of its path and stepped inside. Even here, where Relena waited for him, he thought of Duo. His eyes…his voice…his lively personality. Heero swallowed and fought to keep the sad memories at bay. *It's just that everywhere I go all the buildings know your name Like photographs and memories of love* The man led Heero inside the wonderful mansion Relena stayed in during winter. Much smaller than her palace but ten times better than anything he'd commonly seen in other nations. Relena was in her office, reading through law proposals and scheduled meetings. Before she looked up and saw him, Heero used the time to see how she'd changed in the four years. He smiled. She looked wonderful. Her hair, a tad shorter than the last he'd seen, had been curled elegantly into waving locks of honey falling onto her shoulders. Her sea-blue eyes had grown brighter…more alive. Her skin had a healthy glow to it, and she had maintained the look of innocence she always would. "Thought you never wanted to see me again, Hime." He mused suddenly, jerking her eyes to the door. Her mouth gaped open momentarily and she shut it quickly and smiled. "Heero!" She said happily. "I know what I said," she waved her hand impatiently, "honestly, do you think I'd stay away from you for that long?" Heero shook his head, smiling. She looked at him quizzically. "I don't see you smile very often, Heero. You finally gonna kill me? That would certainly bring a smile to your face, wouldn't it?" Heero smirked. "Not today, Relena. It's just been a while. Thought I'd make it a little easier if I tried to be a little friendly." "Pardon me if I'm not convinced." She said, lightly sarcastic, putting her work away. Heero pulled out his pockets. "I didn't bring a thing with me. You called, I came. I didn't need anything." *I came because I want to be with Duo…* *Steel and granite reminders The city calls your name and I can't move on* "Sit down, Heero." She motioned to an armchair across from her desk. He sat down and waited for her to speak. She laughed. "Business matters later, Heero. I haven't seen you in four years. We can talk--" She was cut off by a knock at the door. Heero looked over his shoulder and saw Dorothy at the door. She'd changed a lot, too. Heero had no particular liking for the woman, and he didn't greet her. "Relena-sama?" Dorothy asked softly. She cast a wary glance at Heero. "Yes, Dorothy?" "Milliardo-san is on line 3." Dorothy informed her. Relena nodded. "Tell him to call back, Dorothy. Remind him of the trip to Paris next week." Dorothy nodded. "Would you like your tea now, Relena-sama? Its ready." "Thank you, Dorothy. Now would be all right. Bring an extra cup for Heero." Heero shook his head. "No thank you, Relena." He said. Relena gave him a stern look. "You've been wandering around in zero-degree weather for who knows how long. In that, I might add. You're drinking it." She said firmly. Heero cocked an eyebrow. "Hai." He agreed finally. Dorothy bowed her head and walked out. Relena was silent for a moment. "I didn't want to bring this up," She said, "but-- have you heard from Duo lately?" Heero felt his insides seize up, but his face remained stoic. "Not since earlier this year." Then he continued. "Why?" Relena wet her lips. "He called me. He said he didn't want to talk to you, but he wanted you to know he found someone else." *Ever since you've been gone The lights go out the same* *The only difference is You call another name* Heero didn't fight to conceal his shock, surprise, and the instant thud in his heart. "I'm not making this up, Heero. I promise you." She continued, studying his face. "I may not have been too thrilled that my boyfriend started dating his war comrade only a month after me, but I never wanted to sabotage your happiness. Your happiness means a lot to me." "It's okay," He said quietly. Relena winced to hear the familiar monotone in his voice. "Er…thanks for telling me." He said uncomfortably. Duo loves someone else… Duo doesn't love me anymore… But I still love him… He remembered something he'd said seven years ago. "The only way to live a good life is to live by your emotions". For a still moment, he considered it. Live by his emotion…and die by it. Relena didn't realize this for days, but she was lucky Heero hadn't brought a gun after all. He would have pulled it out, and in one liquid movement, he might have attempted suicide. *To your love To your lover now* *To your love The lover after me* His hand shot to his pocket, not thinking, not breathing, and not registering. When he didn't feel the familiar presence of his gun, he relaxed and his thoughts returned to clarity. He thought about what he had been about to do, and bit his lip again. "Heero, you're going to bit your lip off." Relena said softly. "Stop that." He looked up at her and into her concerned eyes. "Hai." He agreed stonily. He released the pressure from his lower lip. Dorothy came back in and set the tray of tea and tea condiments on Relena's desk. She took a step away from the desk. "Anything else, Relena-sama?" "No, Dorothy. I'll call you if I need your assistance." "Hai, hime." And she stepped out again. Heero looked up at Relena again as she handed him his tea and saucer. "Do you have a number…maybe an address?" He asked hopefully, as she also handed him a napkin to wipe the blood from his chin. She drummed her fingers on her desk thoughtfully. "A number, yes, an address…I think. You'll have to talk to my secretary." "Will do." He nodded heartily. Heero felt the weight on his heart lessen a little, knowing he could contact Duo. But whether Duo would see him or not was yet to be decided… *Am I all alone in this universe? There's no love on these streets* Relena saw the change in his attitude. He looked around. "How is royalty treating you now days?" "Same as it used to." She sighed. "At least I'm gaining a lot more support than I used to have." She saw his attention waver. "Lets move on to business so you can get the hell out of here, eh?" She smiled. Heero shrugged. "It's all right. Just come back and see me before you head back to the colony, all right?" "Of course." "I called you here so that you could accompany me into Muzzuschlag," She snickered at the name. "It's still a rather hostile part of Austria. I want you with me for a bit of protection. I know Milliardo could do it, but he already scheduled a vacation and I'm not about to bother him. It's his anniversary." "Noin?" Heero offered. Relena nodded. "Their third. I even paid for their trip to Fiji." "Sounds fun." Heero mused. "I'll come with you-- sure. When?" "Not for another few months, but I wanted to tell you ahead of time just in case you said no." "Relena," Heero tsked, "You, me, and the boys created this peace together. You think I'd let it slip because I didn't want to go with you to Austria? Please." "No, I suppose not." She nodded. "Be here on March 8. We'll probably be gone about a week." Heero nodded and stood up. He leaned over he desk and kissed her forehead. "Arigatou, Relena. See you then." He said, smiling and stepping away. Relena felt her face grow warm. "Sayanora, Heero!" She shouted jovially, blushing madly as he stepped out into the hallway. He stopped at the desk outside her office and asked the secretary if she had a number and address for a Duo Maxwell. She opened her bulging address book and flipped through the M section. "Maxwell, Duo. Yep, it's here." She wrote it down and handed it to him. He thanked her, and with a final glance at the gate, Heero stepped back into the bitter cold. Now at least he had a destination. *I have given mine away to a world that didn't want it anyway So this is my new freedom* *It's funny, I don't remember being chained But nothing seems to make sense anymore* As he walked, numbly, not seeing nor hearing, he accepted the memories as they came. The cold nipped his flesh, and when the wind got harsher, he still moved on. The remaining blood on his lid hardened into a frozen chunk. He scraped it off. Dried blood pulled, frozen dried blood was just plain PAINFUL. He looked up at the darkening sky, where stars looked back down on him gloriously. He could make out the North Star clearly, and he found himself locked in a flashback he couldn't block away. *He stepped inside the apartment, almost afraid of what he might find inside. Or what he might not find. With a painful jerk in his chest, he saw he'd been right with option two. Duo, and all of his stuff, was gone. The apartment looked still fully furnished, but the absence of Duo's even minimal little somethings he'd placed around made the apartment look dead, cold and empty. The stupid paper flower Duo had given him as a joke was missing from the coffee table. Pictures of them together were missing from the table and shelves. Duo's jacket wasn't slung ever his chair at the dinner table. The huge amounts of junk food were missing from the kitchen. Duo's little notes he always taped to Heero's desk to remind Heero to spend some time with him were no longer there, either. Everything truly valuable to Heero was gone. The little things that meant so much. Everything that screamed "I belong to Heero and Duo!" was no longer there. And Duo's absence made the place a tomb upon itself. "He left…" Heero remembered himself saying. "Duo's gone…"* In the weeks that followed, Heero could remember going about business as if he was dead. He hardly ate, and when he did, he picked at his food more than ate it. He hardly slept, and when he did, he found himself plagued with nightmares of the war. It was as if only with Duo's light and life could he block them away. He forgot things, sometimes nearly stepping outside with only one shoe on. Every time he even looked at the knives in the kitchen he'd clench his fists and grit his teeth and considered for long moments of just slicing himself open there in the kitchen. He made it a point to unload his handgun in his closet just in case he sleepwalked and committed suicide in his sleep. That would have been interesting. *Without you I'm always twenty minutes late* And now he'd lost Duo for good. No, he thought harshly, it's your own God damned fault. You never followed him in the first place. Why? He knew the answer. Because he knew just as well as Duo did that he'd become abusive. It was Duo's fault, too. He should have left me sooner. Every now and then, something about Duo would just aggravate him, and he'd hit the roof…and Duo's face. After a while, Duo had gotten a little distant about the punches, sometimes not speaking to him for hours afterward. And then that night a few months back…when he just came home and flat out broke Duo's nose for no reason at all, Duo had walked out. The next day, he'd moved out. Duo had a new boyfriend? Big surprise. Duo had just as much of a right as any to look for happiness, acceptance and love. Unfortunately, Heero couldn't provide these things. *Ever since you've been gone The lights go out the same* *The only difference is You call another name* "I guess I expected him to wait for me," He said to himself softly. "Stupid, stupid, stupid…" *To your love To your lover now* *The lover after me*