Because no sweet sister was there to tell him not to run wild and reckless through a careless, crack-filled world…

Because no wise mentor was there to tell him not to run to the road below the apartment…

Because no stern father was there to tell him not to let the resplendent charmer touch those secret places with cool, searching fingers…

Because no protective brother was there to tell him not to spread his slender legs, cheeks pink with embarrassment, when the man commanded in silky tones…

Because no kind mother was there to bewail his absence, when he never set foot upon the road below the apartment again…..

It wasn’t the pain, it wasn’t the betrayal, the death, the violence, it wasn’t the lack of love, the lack of respect. It wasn’t any of these things, and yet it was, if that makes no sense to you I wouldn’t be surprised, it hardly makes sense to me and it’s my own conclusion. I’ve spent years, decades, trying to formulate a plan, to make sense of my life, our lives, even though I needn’t, even though there was more I had to pay attention to, and in some way I know that it was/is my fault that all this has come to an end, for better or worse. So many have died for this cause, this war, that in the beginning I started, we started without even realizing it, we brought into this world something that never should have came.

We brought destruction to ourselves, to our people, our friends, and that is what is truly sad. At the end of the day, as I hid beneath the ruble, beneath the debris of a formerly great city, a formerly great world, what I regret the most is that I could have, should have prevented it. And damn it all, if some one had told me what would happen, if someone had told me how much I would have lost would I have listened? Would I have ceased and gone back to my old self? I’m not sure I would have, and even if I would have, I can’t now. No second chances, no new beginnings, no light at the end of the tunnel, no nothing.

"Because when I ran you did not pursue me; because when I hid you did not look for me; because when I fell you did not catch me."

TBC………………