This is Terry's report on his trip to Cochin, India to pick up Kala between March 29, 1998 and homecoming on April 6, 1998.
Part One -- March 29-31, 1998
Following an 8 hour flight to London from Chicago, a 3 hour layover in London, a 9-1/2 hour flight to Bombay, a 9 hour layover in Bombay and then, finally, a 2-1/2 hour flight to Cochin (that's 32 hours in transit), I arrived at Cochin Airport in Cochin, Kerala, India.
While a driver was supposed to meet me at the airport, I had a 3 hour wait due to a snafu in meeting my ride. My driver only had my wife's (different) last name and, despite that he came up to me with a placard with my wife's last name on it only misspelled by one letter, I didn't recognize that he was my driver due to being so tired from the flight!
This delay gave me time to get to know Cochin and its airport. My impression? HOT, HOT, HOT!!
For any of you who will be traveling to Kerala in the next few weeks (I'm aware of a few of you), remember that this is now the heart of their Summer. It was 105 degrees Fahrenheit. Also, while I would like to report it was a "dry heat," it was anything but. Any more humid and the local government could charge a fee for use of the sauna! Combined with over 30 hours without sleep on a plane and the heat hits like a hammer - bring light clothes and change into them before you get on the flight into Cochin!
After finally hooking up with my ride, I then obtained my next impression of India during an hour long drive through Cochin to the orphanage: The people drive like nuts!
In India the center line appears to only be a "suggestion" and the only rule of the road I could discern is that when you are passing - which everybody does at any time with no regard to whether there is room to pass - you are expected only to beep your horn!
In fact, it appears that the traffic headed in the opposite direction is expected to look out for passing cars and to swerve to their outer lane in order to avoid cars driving on their side of the road. Add the heat, the lack of air conditioning, the heavy smell of diesel fuel and plastic seats on the car = a very uncomfortable ride!
Eventually, we make it to the orphanage in Cochin. To my surprise, the orphanage really is just the second floor of a "two flat" apartment building in a residential area of Cochin - but is clean and in a quiet area.
Then I meet Kala! The workers at the orphanage have her dressed in a pretty blue dress and she is sitting in the middle of the living area floor (to those who have seen photos from Cochin - she is on the orange and white tiled floor so prevalent in all the photos). Her first reaction when I walk to her is to whine and look for her caretaker while crawling in the opposite direction!
Then it dawns on me. I'm wearing sunglasses, I'm completely soaked with sweat from the heat and look like crap from lack of sleep, the heat, the traffic and airline food (hint to travelers - avoid the lunch on Air India!). I would be afraid of myself if I was sitting on a floor minding my own business and I walk up to myself acting like there's something "special" about me!
So, observing that I will need to slow this down, I take off my glasses and sit quietly about 4-5 feet from Kala. Her caretaker is behind her now reassuring her and we commence to play with toys for about 50 minutes. However, throughout this time Kala appears only to be tolerating my presence. While the caretaker does get up and leave at one point, when Kala realizes this she begins to look away for her. Nevertheless, during this time she does eventually allow me to move closer and touch her - first briefly on the feet and then on the back.
Kala then begins to yawn and look tired. I, similarly, feel like I'm ready to collapse. The orphanage director then tells me that they are going to put Kala to bed and once she's asleep I can take her.
Immediately, thoughts of "it's too soon," "she will go nuts," "she isn't ready," and "am I ready?" flood my mind. To this point Kala has not shown any inclination to want to be near me and merely seems to be putting up with me. I ask the orphanage director if she thinks its OK. Her response: Don't worry. Babies cry - she will be fine.
Despite her reassuring tone, I'm completely unconvinced! Nevertheless, Kala allows me to pick her up from her crib, carry her down to the car and then lies in my lap as we leave the orphanage. In a few minutes she is sleeping quietly in my arms!
My next advice for travelers to Cochin: Avoid M.G. Road at rush hour at all costs! My driver next gets us caught for 2 hours in the worst traffic jam I've ever seen (mind you I live in Chicago and have been in Manhattan at rush hour - nothing compares!).
All the heat of before is still there, the car is still without air conditioning, the seats are still plastic, the fuel is still diesel and the drivers are still following the rules of the road and honking their horns every time they move. Nevertheless, Kala SLEEPS RIGHT THROUGH IT! I'm amazed and, actually, a little scared that this is just not right. Then the thought hits - she is a baby. Babies sleep. We're OK. Now if we can just get out of this traffic.....
Once out of the traffic jam and after about another hour and a half later we make it to the guest house set up for us in Alleppe. This part of the drive - despite my being so tired, hot and worn out - is great. Kala wakes up, takes a bottle without fuss and appears to be enjoying the ride.
Moreover, despite giving absolutely no sign of interest in me at the orphanage, she now actually seems to like me and clutches on to me like I've seen so many other babies do to their fathers. The thoughts hit: Hey, this could work! Hey, I'm a father! Wow! Man, I need sleep! Wow, we almost hit that car!
This day was like a dream..... Despite all the complications, the weather, the travel and the exhaustion, I now am with my daughter and she likes me - this alone makes me feel that things went better than I could ever have imagined.
Part Two -- March 31, 1998 (the first night!)
After to drive to Alleppe, me and Kala were dropped off at the house of the brother of the orphanage director Elizabeth.
Despite that Alleppe is somewhat of a dirty, trash-strewn town, the house is a stunningly large and beautiful building at the end of a tight gravel alleyway, containing very opulent furnishings.
Prior to leaving for Kerala, I was asked whether I wanted to stay near the water or where there was air conditioning. Luckily, given the 105 degree heat, I chose air conditioning - figuring I could go to the water if I wanted.
At this point, I estimate that I had been with out sleep for about 50 hours and had been in the heat for about 6 hours. Add the stress of meeting Kala and the importance of the event, I was beyond tired, somewhat crabby and not ready to socialize. Nevertheless, I was offered tea and was able to meet Elizabeth's brother. After a few minutes, I asked if it was possible for me to go to my room with Kala in order that I could get cleaned up - and to check to see if Kala needed to be changed.
I then learned that, despite my relief at being at what I thought was our final destination, we were not there yet. We still had to go to the other side of Alleppe to a guest house that was reserved for us by the orphanage.
I recall feeling somewhat annoyed at the delay - but I was too tired and didn't want to make a fuss. However, Kala was not similarly reserved. Her diaper was wet, she was hungry and, I presume, wanting to get out of the heat. In a weird way, I was actually somewhat relieved that she began to fuss as it gave me a built in excuse to ask to go to our guest house!
Given Kala's "less than subtle" signals of displeasure, we were then driven another 20 minutes to the guest house. On the way we drove through downtown Alleppe - a mile long strip of stores and food stands fronting an arm of the inland waterway. Of course, at this point I was so tired I wasn't paying any attention to surroundings. All my attention was directed on getting and keeping Kala happy because, if she lost it at this point, I' was not sure how well I could have responded!
Once at our guest house, I barely recall feeding Kala some cereal and a bottle of formula, changing her diaper and lying down on the bed to watch Kala begin to fall asleep. Next thing I knew, it was 5 a.m. India time, the lights in the room were still on and Kala was sleeping quietly next to me on the bed. Then the thoughts hit me: Did Kala fall asleep before me? Did she cry during the night and I didn't hear her because of exhaustion? Did she wake during the night? What if she had rolled off the bed! Ouch! I forgot to take of my contacts before I fell asleep!
Not knowing the answers to the first four questions, and knowing only that my eyes hurt and my contacts had to come out, I went into the bathroom. A tip to travelers in India: If you have an air conditioned room be happy and don't expect this to carry over to the bathroom. Another tip to travelers in India: Don't expect there to be screens in the windows of your bathroom (or anywhere else for that matter).
Based on these "discoveries," I observed that not only was the bathroom already about 85 degrees, it had gnats, spiders and mosquitos all over. Yet another tip to travelers in India: Where there are gnats, spiders and mosquitos, there will be Geckos coming in to eat the gnats, spiders and mosquitos!
The fact that there were three Geckos in the room having a feeding frenzy in the bathroom (I had left the lights on which brought in the insects which brought in the Geckos) was not too big of a bother - I figured they would clear out the insects. However, I then noticed that the mess from mixing Kala's formula up the night before had attracted an army battalion of thousands of black ants into the bathroom!
In my mind I had thoughts of Merlin Perkins of "Wild Kingdom" fame narrating as I tried to take my contacts out and go to the bathroom without being attacked by the ants - as if I was the assistant "Jim" who always was the one wrestling with the Python while Perkins was safely up in the helicopter observing! Lack of sleep and jetlag makes the mind do funny things!
Safely out of the bathroom, I returned to the room. Kala was still sleeping. What an angel! I now know why parents will talk about how they like to watch their children sleep - it's amazing to see this little, helpless soul sleep. What is she dreaming? Does she have any conception of the huge change that has occurred in her life? Do I have any true conception of the huge change that has occurred in my life?
These thoughts are immediately cut off when Kala opens her eyes and looks at me. She smiles! Time to begin our first full day together!
Part Three -- April 1, 1998 -- The First Full Day With Kala
Following getting Kala fed and dressed for our first day together, a process which took about an hour and a half of me fumbling through luggage looking for baby clothes and then trying to put the clothes, once found, on Kala, we went outside to look at the guest house we were staying at.
Having arrived after dark the night before, I never got a very good look at the place. In a word, it was gorgeous. The building had white terra cotta walls rising from grey marble floors, leading to a red clay shingle roof. Behind the building was a perfectly manicured courtyard, highlighted by a high tower supporting a large nesting house for pigeons.
Additionally, the yard was surrounded by huge palm and mango trees with ripe fruit. While looking at this, the caretaker, Paulo, came out and, in English heavily laced with an accent of the local Malayalam language, recommended that I pull some mangos down for breakfast - mind you we had not seen fresh fruit in Chicago in some time, so this was great.
Of course, after gouging on a couple of mangos, Paulo comes out with a tray of food for breakfast. Curious what the local breakfast would be, I was slightly disappointed to find out the breakfast was comprised of eggs, potatoes and toast. Well, it was interesting anyway to see Kala eat eggs for the first time (far as I know). This became, as I would learn, the first off all the foods Kala would absolutely love (the kid eats everything offered!)
With breakfast finished on the patio outside the room, and the heat of the day coming up to the second straight 105 degree day, it became time to go in and change Kala. Joy of joys, the first "#2" of my new life as a father!
Of course, I have misplaced the wipes brought over for this very purpose but, given the local plumbing, this is no problem as the bathroom comes supplied with a small spray hose for "cleaning up!" 'Course Kala didn't think so highly of this "method," but didn't cry - to my great relief.
Following the morning's 'excitement', it was then scheduled nap time for Kala - 'course with the long travel and jet lag I was more needing of a nap. We then slept off and on throughout the day and then I played with Kala until dinner - my first taste of Keralan food.
WOW! How wonderful! If I knew that vegetarian dishes could always be this good I would swear off meat for good! Rice with various vegetable concoctions mixed in adding up to an amazing mix of tastes (mostly spicy.) The highlight? Mango chutney made directly by the caretaker from the Mango trees in the courtyard.
Interestingly, while I am well known among my friends as a food-lover, the most excited person about the meal easily was Kala. One year old and already a food lover. She and daddy will have a lot in common!
Following dinner, it was time for the nightly power outage. Evidently, every night from 7-7:30 p.m. the power to the entire area is shut down in order to save on resources. With the oil lamps and complete quiet, other than the distant sounds of singing from a Muslim mosque's evening services in the distance, the "time-out" as it was called became a nice, relaxing separation between the day and the night.
This wonderfully quiet day was ended by a drive down the road into downtown Alleppe in order to call home to Toby. Figuring she was going nuts when I didn't call upon arriving the day before, I asked the caretaker where there was a phone. The nearest public phone turns out to be a mile away downtown!
Now, for those who have never been to India, the phone system is quite a shock. Unlike in America where you simply put change in the phone and call, the public phones in Kerala have people assigned who charge for the call after you are finished. Additionally, the glass booth has a chair inside and, when the door is closed, lights up. With the lack of street lights in the area, I immediately become the "white guy in the brightly lighted booth."
While it was great to hear Toby's voice and let her know all was well, it was somewhat disconcerting to try to talk to her over pretty terrible phone lines with a small crowd of pedestrians stopping outside the booth to see this incredibly pale guy inside.
Nevertheless, I had to kind of laugh at the scene. Me in the booth with bright florescent lights illuminating my pale northern Irish-American skin - set against a very dark streetscape (many of the people carry flashlights and lamps to alert their presence to cars and motorcycles!) filled with dark skinned people stopping to stare at me. I immediately thought: "What a lesson on what it feels like to be a minority!"
After speaking with Toby and assuring her that all was great, I returned to the guest house where Paulo, the caretaker, was playing with Kala. Kala seemed somewhat pleased to see me again - but my return was didn't seem to be that big of a deal to her. No matter, we had just met the day before - what could I expect!
I then took Kala inside the room to get her ready for bed. After changing her and feeding her a bottle, I could see that Kala was getting tired, so I figured I could try to get her to sleep by holding her and gently rocking back and forth.
As of this point, I had not shaved since I left Chicago four days prior. As I held Kala, she began stroking my stubbly beard and then, alternatively, reaching up and touching my hair. Doing this repeatedly for about a minute with great interest and concentration.
It then dawned on me. The orphanage is run only by women. Indian women. Kala has never seen a male with red hair and a beard. Man, I must be a change to her. She then laughs, looks at me a little longer and then settles down on my shoulder.
Within a minute she is quiet and I'm able to place her down to sleep. All the talk and fear that she would be afraid of me because of her lack of exposure to white males is gone. She likes me - she is entirely comfortable with my holding her and being with me. Amazing.
Part 4 - April 2, 1998 - Terry becomes a father!
Following the past few days of getting to know Kala, and, more importantly, her getting to know me, this day would be a revelation.
Coming from initially meeting Kala and it taking over 50 minutes for her to even allow me to hold her, to a begrudging acceptance over the next two days, Kala came to a point where she must have decided: "This is my daddy!" From this point forward, Kala would not allow anyone else to hold her until nearly a week had passed after we returned to Chicago!
My first notice that something had changed in Kala came after breakfast. After an unsuccessful effort trying to take photos of Kala in front of some beautiful brass urns in front of our room, Paulo came out and asked if I would like him to watch Kala while I showered and got ready for the day. However, just the simple effort of leaning to hand Kala to Paulo caused Kala to erupt into hysterical bouts of shrieking like I'd never heard from her before. This was especially shocking as Kala seemed to enjoy playing with Paulo just the day before.
Well, if she wouldn't let Paulo care for her, I was stuck with the prospect of taking Kala into the room and waiting until she took her early nap in order that I could get cleaned and dressed for the day. Oh, well, guess a couple of hours of playing till nap time would be OK.
While playing with Kala, I tried at one point to get up and go over to the other side of the room to get my coffee and, as soon as I took a couple of steps away from Kala, the shrieking began again -- at this point it was clear, Kala had a huge case of the "clingy baby - I want daddy close to me at all times syndrome!"
Now, mind you, this was amazing to me as Kala previously had not shown any true connection to me, and nothing notable had happened to change this (certainly, my fumbling, novice, father attempts at changing her diapers could not have won her over!). I can only surmise that waking up a few times with me present and my caring for her for a few days had made an impression!
Well, I figured, no problem with picking Kala up before I go to get my coffee - or do anything else for the next week!
Following Kala's morning nap, I got Kala dressed and we went into downtown Alleppe to do some scouting around. I no longer was just someone carrying Kala as before - she now was clinging to me hard! Moreover, as the friendly people on the street would come up to ask me about Kala, she would grab onto me harder and try to keep me between her and whomever was coming up to us. It seemed as if I had become more than just the person who had been caring for her - I was now connected to her as a "protector" and something special.
These thoughts were cemented in my mind when, near the bus station in Alleppe (just beyond the flag pole with the Hammer and Sickle base put up by the local Communist government during it's earlier control of Keralan government), a very elderly woman came up to me and Kala, and said in a very accented English: "She grabs onto you - you are special to her - you are her daddy?"
It took me a few second before I replied: "Yes, I am her daddy." I can only think that my delay was caused by my not being used to this thought! I'd never been referred to as a daddy before! Just another thing to get used to I thought.
On my reply, the elderly woman remarked: "She is very lucky, yes?" Trying to be polite, my reply was "yes, but I'm the one who is lucky also!" Fact is, I truly felt (and still feel) this way.
However, I was defensive about this question as I did not like the thought of Kala being seen as some sort of "charity case." Me and Toby got into international adoption for our own selfish desires to build a family more than any beneficial purpose. While I like the idea of giving a home to an orphan - this certainly was never my main reason for the process. Kala was to complete our family as our daughter - not our "ward." Thus, referring to Kala as "lucky" seemed tinged with some sort of thought that charity was in progress, when all I see happening was the initial development of a family!
I then noted that, for some reason, I was accenting my speech with a tinge of the accent used by the old woman on the street and the others I had spoken to whose native language was Mayalayalam.
I can only guess that this was a subconscious response to being concerned that I would run into Indians who would be offended or angry that this beautiful child of India was going to be taken to America. Continually fed with news reports constantly focused on international hatred for Americans, I must admit I was worried about this. However, throughout my stay in Alleppe, the only response ever aired in my direction was complete support and thankfulness for agreeing to care for Kala. I presume that the Indians are too painfully aware of the poverty remaining in parts of their country and are thankful to see a child avoiding this poverty.
I then immediately rethought my defensiveness to the old lady - and all the others who had remarked that Kala was "lucky."
Kala is lucky. . . We are lucky.
I then realized that there is no reason that the fulfillment of our family goals has to be exclusive to the thought that Kala should have a better life with us than likely in India. My thoughts then became that there was no downside to the international adoption. Our promise to provide a better life to Kala was the covenant to the joy and fulfillment she was to provide to my and my wife's life!
I then thanked the woman and began walking through the town. All the time noticing the curious stares of the Indian passerby. However, the feelings of selfconciousness previously so prevalent in my thoughts were gone. I was walking with my daughter. She would not have allowed any of these people - no matter that they looked so much more like her and had so much more in common with her than me - to touch or hold her if they tried.
I was her daddy... I was her protector. While she was of these people, she was in my family!
Following an hour or so of walking through Alleppe, I decided it was time to head back to the room as the afternoon heat was rising - yet another 105 degree humid day on the way - and Kala was due for lunch and her afternoon nap. Trying to take in the sites of the crowded bazaar as I quickly walked back toward the guesthouse, I walked a little out into the street trying to get around a street light when I was startled and, nearly trampled, by a loose bull ambling down the public way!
Coming inches from running straight into the huge, black, and quite snotty nose of this huge beast, I zagged out further into the street in order to get around the bull. The bull was no threat to me - he was just slowly walking through the town as I am sure he does every day.
However, just as I stepped around the bull, one of the buses returning to the bus depot near the Communist flag pole zoomed within 6-8 inches of me. Any further into the street and I and Kala would have been trashed.
"Some protector I am" I thought after calming down from the double scare just experienced! I immediately had my second realization of the day: I am a father, I am now a protector. I've got to pay more attention to where I am walking when I have my daughter with me! If not a bull in India, just wait until we get back to Chicago with its cabbies!
Part 5 -- April 3, 1998 -- OK, so maybe Terry’s not a real good father yet!
(Editor’s Note: Regrettably, while the parts above were written while I was on vacation right after returning home with Kala from India, I eventually had to return to work. This combined with having a new child in the house and terrible procrastination lead me to delay finishing the report. It is now November 2000 and we are days away from returning to India to get Sudheesh -- I’m writing now as I figured it would be terrible to not finish the travelog before returning to India again! Nevertheless, while the passage of time has rendered my memory of dates and order somewhat fuzzy, all the remaining stories of my trip to India to get Kala are true.)
The remainder of the day following our run-in with the bull and near tragic run in with the bus was spent at the house relaxing and playing. This really was the most enjoyable part of the trip as each day we would spend hours relaxing in our room playing with the various toys we had packed for the trip. The more we did this, the more it seemed Kala was warming to me and "teaching" me what she liked to do. Another quiet "rest period" in the evening, another excellent Keralan dinner and Kala was again sleeping.
The next day Elizabeth was scheduled to come up from Kanjirapally in order to check on me and Kala. In addition to running the orphanage, Elizabeth is a professor at one of the local universities and was involved in exams when I had arrived, so we did not meet earlier.
I had not met Elizabeth before, other than a few quick phone calls before traveling to India. I was nervous about making a good impression and wanted her to see that Kala was in good hands with me and Toby.
Unfortunately, both myself and Kala were exhausted -- me from travel and jet lag and Kala, likely, from the stress of her life changing. While Elizabeth was due at 9:00 AM, we slept to nearly 8:15 AM. Now, 45 minutes might be enough time for experienced parents to get a child up, cleaned, fed and dressed -- I couldn’t have done it with an army assisting me at this point!
It also didn’t help a bit that Kala was now having very messy "#2's." We would learned on homecoming that Kala had Giardia (many of the kids have it -- it’s just a bug that’s seemingly everywhere in Southern India), but all I knew was that I was now facing the most disgusting diaper I’d ever seen! This alone took 10 minutes to completely clean and Elizabeth arrived only as I was just getting Kala out of the bath.
She didn’t say anything, but I’m sure Elizabeth must have been disappointed. She had "dressed to the nines" in a beautiful red silk sari and gold jewelry to meet us. Me and Kala on the other hand presented with me still unshaved and in sweats, Kala just getting dressed and our room in complete shambles from the scrambling to even get to this point of preparedness!
Anyway, after exchanging pleasantries, the plan was for Elizabeth’s helper to load the supplies we had brought from America as our traditional "gift" to the orphanage and workers. In addition to some small gifts, the supplies included various child vitamins, toys and diapers.
Here’s where it gets interesting...
I had placed all the gifts for the orphanage near a table in the room. On that table were all the diapers I had brought for Kala -- enough to last us through the week and the return flight. You guessed it. In the haste to get "decent" and load up all the supplies into Elizabeth’s car, Kala’s stash of diapers were loaded with all the gifts to the orphanage.
Before this dawned on me, Elizabeth had left with plans to come back in an hour or so so we could visit at her parents house on the other side of Alleppe. Elizabeth said she had some "errands" to run in between, but I’m sure she was just being nice and giving me some more time to get Kala and myself prepared!
Anyway, did I mention Kala’s Giardia? Well, let’s just say that right after Elizabeth’s departure Kala presented me with a "stunning encore" to that morning’s "production!" And now the revelations...
You’re on the other side of the world with an infant with apparent gastric problems. You have no diapers to put on the child!
You are going to visit with the woman who’s cared for this child since birth and been so instrumental in the building of your family!
In order to get the diapers back, you essentially have to "ungift" some of the supplies you just gave to Elizabeth and document that you don’t have the sense to care for your child’s supplies.
Oh, and you’re going to meet her parents -- who you understand are very important people in the area...
No problem right? Just go to a store and get some diapers right? Maybe in America, but not in India -- at least not without a long trip to a store in town. Add that I didn’t know where to get diapers anyway, and panic quickly settles in.
OK, calm down... look around... What are your options? Well, I just happen to have some cloth diapers brought to use as "shoulder towels." This could work in a pinch. However, I do not have any pins.
Ah ha! One of my travel bags just happens to have some old, black, hockey tape that dated back to intramural hockey in my college days. I have a plan!
You guessed it. I then proceeded to tape the cloth diapers onto Kala and dressed Kala so the tape would not show through her clothing (think of her bottom sort of looking like how an Egyptian "Mummy" might dress her child)!
Anyway, the tape held and Kala’s digestive track cooperated and we had a nice visit with Elizabeth and her parents. I was really up a creek without a paddle if she had gone again while we were at Elizabeth’s parents’ house visiting! Interestingly, Kala continued to not want anyone else to hold her -- even Elizabeth who had cared for her for so long!
Elizabeth commented on watching Kala react to me that Kala had accepted me as her father. She also commented that she had seen such fast acceptances many times before and was of the opinion that, in some "magical" way, children in an orphange just seem to know the difference once they meet their parents. It was nice to hear my earlier thoughts supported by Elizabeth’s observations and, in an admittedly very greedy way, nice to see that I had completely replaced Elizabeth in Kala’s mind!
After the visit, we returned to the house. Paulo had graciously run into town to get some diapers for us. Now, I’m no expert on diapers, but these "Huggies" that are sold in India must be overstocks from the 1950's!
Not only did they not have the Velcro closures, breath right linings and other developments in normal diapers available in America -- they actually still had a stretchy fabric "belt" that came with each set of diapers. This belt had to be rinsed out, dried and threaded into each pair of diapers as you changed your child! Nevertheless, whatever the shortcomings of the diapers available in India -- they worked much better than hockey tape!
Lesson from the day: Protect your diapers like gold. They are all the protect you from the only thing "evil" in infants!
Part 6 -- April 4-5, 1998 -- Ahoy Mates!
The remainder of our time in Alleppe was spent at the guest house, with the exception of a trip through the inland waterways surrounding Alleppe (pictures taken during the ride are on another page.)
"Tony," the owner of the guest house, mentioned that he could rent a speed boat for a tour of the area. When he mentioned that it would only be 550 Rupees for a "3 hour cruise" (yes, the Gilligan theme went through my head when I typed that as well) -- and the exchange rate is 41 Rupees to the Dollar -- I couldn’t resist.
What followed was the highlight of the trip for me -- aside from all the wonderful things involved in meeting Kala obviously. A great ride through all the lakes and levees surrounding Alleppe accompanied by Paulo, Tony, the owner of the boat and First Shipmate Kala!
I know I mentioned Kerala’s Communist history above. The remnants of this government are really evident when you get into the rural and poor backwaters and rice patties. Nearly every house and building still had Communist drawings or adornments -- I even saw a large mural of Comrade Lenin on one of the houses (didn’t get a picture though, unfortunately.) Add the tropical vegetation to all the Communist decorations and the backwater area really looks in many ways like Vietnam (and certainly nothing like you would see anywhere in the States.)
For the next hour or so, we traveled around the area. Tony spoke with the driver in Hindu and translated for me as he pointed out things we drove past. Rice boats, local Christian churches built upon tiny splits of land jutting between the rivers and adjacent rice patties, farmers tilling soil behind Oxes and even the local Communist Party Headquarters (did get a picture of this!)
We then tied up in a remote area and climbed up onto a split of land. Once out of the boat, I saw that there was a small thatch-roofed house with about 15 men standing outside. Tony tried to put me at ease -- no one had really discussed our getting off the boat and stopping anywhere -- by telling me that we were stopping to have some "Toddy" before heading back.
On getting to the house, I learned that the workers in the field would end their day by going to the "Toddy cabin" to drink fermented coconut juice and socialize. Now, generally, Southern Indian people have dark skin. The field workers, however, have the most dark and tanned skin I’ve ever seen. Add that it was apparent that Toddy was a very powerful drink, the 15-20 men there were very "well served," that the inside of the cabin was very dark and we were so far into the rural area, I must admit that I was at first apprehensive about the situation.
Remember, just a few days prior I had almost gotten myself and Kala hit by a bus because I wasn’t familiar with how traffic works in the area. Now, here I was in "the middle of nowhere" with absolutely no idea how to get back to Alleppe given the huge maze of waterways we had gone through, and I was at a rural cabin where men had obviously been drinking for some time.
Admittedly, all the stories about Americans being hated and tourists stupidly getting lead out of populated areas and running into danger popped into my mind. Given all the art work I had seen, it was also obvious that the people in the rural areas clearly longed for a return to Communist rule in Kerala -- and here I was the American alone with an infant -- admittedly, this was a pretty stupid position to be in.
For all my apprehensions, it thankfully turned out that the men were some of the friendliest people I met on my trip. While I initially turned down the offered Toddy, one of the men got the others to laughingly chant: "drink -- drink -- drink!" (if it wasn’t on the other side of the world I would swear it was just like college!)
The verdict? Toddy’s actually pretty good. Somewhat too sweet, but with a definite taste like beer mixed with coconut juice. Given that I was with Kala I turned down offers of more (the glass I was served cost all of 1 Rupee -- less than 2-1/2 cents!). This turned out to be a real good thing, as I really felt a good "kick" while on the boat ride back into town -- there’s no way I needed to drink any more (although if I ever get back to Alleppe apart from the kids I really do want to go back!)
After downing a glass, the men cheered and one-by-one approached me to ask questions about where I was from, why I came to India for Kala and happily played with Kala. Between Tony translating Hindu and Paulo translating Mayalayalam I was able to communicate with everyone there -- learning that they were all farmers who lived in the area of the cabin.
Anyway, Kala loved the boat ride and really seemed interested in seeing everything going past the boat. While she actually napped a bit on the way out to the Toddy cabin, she was laughing and playing all the way back. We then had yet another marvelous Keralan dinner at the house and played some more before bed.
Part 7 -- April 6, 1998 -- The Odyssey.
After speaking on the phone with Elizabeth and thanking her for everything, it was time to pack up and begin the trek home. First leg was the 60 KM drive back to Cochin and the airport.
While I was too exhausted to really enjoy the drive into Alleppe, I was now finally over the jet lag and really somewhat accustomed to the heat. Add that the drive back was in a large air conditioned Mercedes and it was a much nicer drive in all respects!
Kala also seemed very happy and excited about travelling again, sitting comfortably on my lap and playing with a "Beanie Baby" I had brought over. She was also a perfect little angel during the wait at Cochin’s airport and during the very crowded flight to Bombay.
Given that I traveled into India in the middle of the night on the way in, I really didn’t see much of the city either from the air or, really, once on the ground. However, on this flight in the expanse of the shanty-town slums surrounding the domestic airport was truly staggering. For miles in the hills surrounding the airport are dilapidated old shanties piled one on top of the other.
We got to Bombay around 2:00 PM. Unfortunately, our next flight didn’t depart until 2:30 AM the next morning. Given the long uncomfortable layover experienced in Bombay’s airport on the way in, there was no way I was going to stay in the airport with Kala. As a result, I went to the booth for hotels and simply asked for the best available given the lack of reservations (for those travelling this really is a good thing to look for.)
On the cab ride to the hotel -- a nice "Western" hotel in all respects -- I got to see a bit of Bombay. While Alleppe and Cochin presented the commercial and developing face of India, Bombay really is noteworthy for the astounding poverty placed right together with commercial riches. Towering opulent business centers bordered by families living in the streets. It’s hard to really describe Bombay. Blocks and blocks of the worst 3rd world poverty and then, almost immediately, you’re in the middle of any rich business city anywhere else in the world -- the complete extremes of the economic ladder in all respects.
While I had hoped to get Kala fed and help her get some sleep at the hotel, it just wasn’t to be. We took off from Cochin right in the middle of Kala’s normal morning nap time and landed in Bombay right when she would normally sleep in the afternoon. She was "overtired" and completely hyper.
While I was able to play with Kala and keep her happy for the most part (there was a TV with cricket on -- still can’t figure out what they were doing -- and even watched a little "MTV India!"), Kala’s mood for the first time all week really began to incorporate uncontrollable crying. She was just too tired to really play and too tired to go to sleep. Even efforts to turn out all the lights and pretend to sleep next to her were fruitless as she just continued to either play or go into complete fits of screaming.
This continued until Kala finally passed out around 10:30 PM. I was then able to order room service (yes, for as much as I loved the Indian food all week, I ordered an hamburger and fries) and rest for a bit. However, in order to get me and Kala through customs before our flight to London, I had to get her up and get moving around Midnight.
Then proceeded a harrowing cab ride through Bombay. While the cabby on the way to the hotel was fine, this guy was an Indian version of Mario Andretti on speed! Fearing for our safety, I found myself literally screaming at the driver to slow down. It didn’t matter that he didn’t speak English -- I was speaking the universal language of a tired and angry father who wasn’t going to take having his child hurt in a car wreck (for all the worries one may have about international flight -- it’s the driving that really is the real risk in travel!) On hindsight, I guess we're lucky the driver didn't just drop us off on the side of the road somewhere!
Once at Bombay International, the guards escorted us out of the long lines and to a separate booth for processing. For all the friendliness I had encountered earlier, I now got my first taste of true hostility. While the clerk for the government considering our papers was very professional and nice, a man who appeared to be just a regular airport cop came out of his way to walk over to our booth and sarcastically question why I would want an Indian child. "Can’t you have your own child?" "What do you want of this baby?" "So you are a rich American buying a child?" "Why do so many Americans want our children?"
Fearing further agitating the officer or causing a scene that could prevent our getting through the processing, I was forced to bite my lip and take what really amounted to annoying derision. My responses to the questions above were limited to "No, Sir," "she is our child," "actually, I am just a simple lawyer - I’m not wealthy," and "I don’t know."
I couldn’t explain to the officer how long me and Toby had considered adopting internationally as a way to build our family and open our horizons, how we had fallen in love with the children of India and the country while deciding between dozens of countries, how we had wrestled (me mainly) with all the issues surrounding creating a biracial family, how my time with Kala the past week had firmly cemented that I loved this child completely. He obviously wouldn’t have been affected by such responses and was just enjoying goading an American.
Ugly officer aside, after processing I was able to find a quiet corner in the far back of the airport lounge in order to place Kala down on a couple of chairs pushed together to form an emergency cradle. Kala was terribly distraught for awhile -- she really was not enjoying being carried through the airport as tired as she was -- but eventually was able to calm down and fall asleep. I, on the other hand still pissed from the cab ride and the rude officer, remained awake sipping on a Taj Majal beer (really a wonderful beer and truly a great find at this moment of the trip!)
At about 2:15 AM I picked up Kala and walked to the gate where the line to board was beginning to form. I was standing near the front of the pack holding onto Kala and our carry-on baggage when, incredibly, some rude American -- somewhat of a New England accent -- pushed through me and an Indian woman who was also holding her child in order to get into a better position. As if getting on the plane quicker would somehow get him to London faster!
This, of course, woke Kala up and started her crying again. In hindsight, I now see why so Americans are not liked internationally. If even a small number of us act like this guy when traveling in foreign countries, it is easy to see how the stereotype of the "obnoxious American" comes about!
Thankfully, once in the airplane and in the bassinet (Tip: Make sure you request a "bulkhead" seat where there is a bassinet fitting so you don’t have to hold your kids the whole way), Kala was able to sleep for most of the flight and woke up about the normal time should would have if we were still in India. However, we did not land in London until right about the time she was starting to need her morning nap!
Anyway, landing in London was fine. Kala was tired but holding up fairly well. While walking between terminals during the 2-1/2 hour layover, she actually fell asleep in my arms at one point and was able to recoup a bit of her morning nap time. However, as had been the course, she woke up and we took off for Chicago right in the middle of where her afternoon nap would have been.
By this point Kala was a mess. She was tired and crabby. I had slept for a bit on the flight from Bombay to London (it felt like 10 minutes but turned out to be a couple of hours actually), but was really starting to drag as well. I just knew the 8-1/2 hour flight to Chicago was going to be bad -- I was right.
Now, for some reason, there were a lot of children and infants in the economy cabin of the 747 we were on. I was the only "adoption flight," but it seemed as if there was at least one child crying the entire way. Unfortunately, for much of the trip this was Kala.
The drain of the trip had completely overwhelmed Kala. Add that every time she seemed to be able to relax another child would rear up and start screaming, thus getting Kala going again. This volatile combination really made for a very long and stressful flight (certainly the longest 8-1/2 hours in my life!)
The one bright spot was that there was another "ugly American" on the plane. At the start of the trip he rejected the flight attendants’ requests that he switch seats so that a mother and child could get one of the bulkhead seats. He was obviously a business traveler and really had no basis for not changing seats -- all I heard him saying was "this is the seat I paid for and this is where I want to sit."
Who knows, maybe all the crying children in the cabin was just this guy getting his due (sort of a "pediatric karma!") For all my suffering during this leg of the trip, I must admit I got a sick satisfaction watching this guy "get exactly what he paid for!"
Wouldn’t you know it... Kala finally fell asleep with about an hour or so left in the flight. Again, I had to wake her to get off the plane, get the baggage and get through customs. She was not a happy camper at this point of the trip.
There are two exit gates at O’Hare’s International Terminal -- A and B. Passengers from our flight were listed as coming out of Gate A. However, after going through customs me and Kala were right by Gate B.
Not thinking anything about it, we walked out of the customs area to nothing. No Toby... No family... None of the friends I expected were waiting to meet us as we got off the plane. The hall was empty and no one was meeting us.
Turn to the right and about 100-150 yards down the hallway there was a group of people standing alone by the other exit gate. They look familiar.
Me and Kala then had the pleasure of walking up behind this group of people unnoticed. You guessed it. Toby and all our family rightly expected Kala and me to come out of Gate A and were getting concerned when all the passengers had seemingly come through without us. We then walked into the middle of the group and I asked: "So what are all you guys waiting on?" "Someone special?"
Needless to say, we were immediately engulfed in the love of our family and friends. Toby finally got to meet Kala. We were home!
For all that had occurred in the past week, the adventure was just beginning. Of course, that’s another story completely! :)
