| Saturday, March 1st, 2003 -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 12:17 pm - last straw. I'm taking comments OFF because i do not want my mail box to get full while i am away. Last night was the last straw. I decided that I WANT HELP and so i am admitting myself to an eating disorders clinic. You don't even understand how HARD this is for me to do. It's giving up everything i thought i had ''control'' over and realizing i have a problem that needs to be treated. I don't want to gain a bunch of weight so they will have to compromise with me. I am an adult and can make my own decisions. I will be leaving to go to the emergency room in about 20 minutes to get a emergency referral to an eating disoders clinic that can help me ~ they will also see what's wrong with my heart and lungs and everything else that has not been functioning properly. You know i realize that this world needs me as the glittery fag diva drag queen with a beard/ballerina with leg hair sticking out of his tights and that no one can replace me. I have too much will power to make change in this world and i do not want to give that up ~ let alone myself ... Wish me luck cause i will need it to stay strong. Getting recovery is a big step and is very hard. Take Care Everyone ~ All my <3 love <3 ~ Johnny Righini <3 Tuesday, March 4th, 2003 -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 3:42 pm - *small update* I don't want this journal to be all about my health but I figured I'd update what's going on because I know alot of P/people love, care and are concerned about me ~ Thank Y/you ~ I AM IN MEDICAL TREATMENT for my eating disorders. I have given myself heart problems from the diet pills i was taking which contained ephedra + caffeine and because of my excessive purging/laxing/all other eating disorder behaviors. It will take time to repair and kick start my body/health back up. I had dropped to 99.5lbs and 0% body fat which is medically extremely low/emaciated for being a male at 5ft8. I have gained some weight back because I am cooperating = acutally eating food and I have stopped my diet pills and stopped making myself throw up ... um ... I have been and will be in and out of the doctors office for awhile and i'm still at my Mom's house... Right now I'm kinda bummed out about everything but atleast I'm changing it. I feel like a medical test bunny or something ~ It gets very frusterating but it's the price i have to pay for the damage I've done... I've had hard-core amounts of blood taken within the last week and a few EKG's which were semi-abnormal because of this heart arrhythmia and malnutrition/dehydration issues. I really just want to get this heart problem taken care of and get my health back so i can function how i use to ... i miss my high heels in SF and i miss dancing and making a riot out of myself in drag =-( current mood: lost and found So i am getting help. I will update Everyone more later but right now i am pressed on time and wanted to update Everyone on my health. Love and Gender Revolution, hairy boy who has been on T for 18 glamorous months! |