| 19 Months on Testosterone April 4th 2003 Dear E/everyone that reads my updates, I’m sorry but I am posting these updates a week late. April 4th 2003 marked my 19 months on testosterone. I want to say that I am doing a lot better then I was in my previous updates (18 months on T). I am in treatment/recovery for my eating disorders. My heart rate has gotten dramatically better then when my health was hardcore failing. I am however having panic attacks and plan on talking with my therapist about medication to help suppress these. My testosterone is going well. I am still on 150 mg shots every 2 weeks. My testosterone level was excessively high when I dropped to 99.5 lbs but now that I am maintaining 104-107lbs it has evened back out. I will be honest and tell Y/you A/all how hard it is for me to watch myself gain weight and even maintain weight when I was shooting at 90lbs or even 80lbs … It’s a total turn around. I am being very cooperative with my doctors as well as them with me. I don’t plan on gaining a shitload of weight all at once … that will only encourage me to relapse and I do not want that! I am happy that I am still here and I am focusing a lot on loving myself because that’s a very important aspect of life. I wanted to make a point of all this because I know a lot of P/people are concerned about me and care about me deeply. Thank Y/you. Noticeable changes within the last 2 Months: *For 18 + 19 Months on Testosterone* Acne: My acne likes to play games with me. It comes and it semi goes. It gets better and then it gets worse again. My face is starting to clear up as well as my back, shoulders, chest and arms. When I was sick I was extremely dehydrated and that cleared my skin up immensely. I have however put proper nutrients, vitamins and water back into my system but my acne is not as severe as it has been before. I am still using Differin Gel to treat it. Facial Hair: GONNA GO GET MY BEARD DID … ha! I have been trimming my beard down pretty short. I am actually thinking of shaving my face pretty soon. I have that ‘’U’’ thing going on where it all connects to form a thin facial U shape. I shave the sides of my cheeks, upper lip and neck but leave hair on my sideburns, chin and jaw line. I love my facial hair but sometimes I want to see how it would look clean-shaven so I might do that soon. I also am extremely big on dressing up in drag (which Y/you A/all should know by now, hell I was raised a drag queen!) and I want to see how I look in drag without the facial hair for when I go out on the town and do my diva thang. Now, of course it’s great to go out in drag with a beard and shock the shit out of people/society but I like to have variety as well and if I don’t like myself smooth then I can always just grow it back. Body Hair: GONNA GO GET MY WAX JOB DONE … right! This is another thing I am thinking about shaving for a specific reason. I like to get fucked in ‘’drag’’. I basically only fuck in ‘’drag’’ and I am HUGE on Role-Play. I don’t even know if I sure consider what I do ‘’drag’’ because it’s such a big part of my feminine male identity and I don’t just do it for performance/show. I do it because it makes me feel revolutionary and happy and comfortable and helps me feel pretty … and I am a glittery diva fairy princess!!! I like to Role-Play as ‘’feminine characters’’ and I’m interested in going all out/to the extreme for this kind of sexually play/activity. I am NOT sexually active at the moment (except with my self). I do have a few Men in mind that I would like to get down with but I’m not going to do that unless W/we have established a sufficient Relationship. I don’t fuck and run. Anyhow, I have noticed more hair on my chest and upper body in general. I am hairy as fuck and often have to trim down my stomach hair and leg hair! Muscle Mass: Okay so I lost muscle and then gained muscle. My body fat percent had dropped to 0 and I had lost almost everything, including my ass (which wasn’t much to start in the first place). I work out 2-3 times a day. I am ABLE to work out because I AM eating and maintaining weight. My target spots are my abs and butt. I am starting to see more tone definition in these areas. I really want to start corset training so I can permanently reduce my waist size. This will take a lot of dedication and seriousness. I’d love to eventually measure 32-30-32 but right now I’m stuck at 32-24-32 … and so I patiently wait! Voice/Rant: Those damn voice clips will be transferred to this computer soon ~ fags honor! The only changes in my voice are the ones I make of it. My voice has been level for quite some time now. Sometimes I like to play around with my vocal ranges … One of my ‘’drag personas’’ is named Donja Diva DeeOnJee. Her voice is horrendous! I love it! It’s low and tacky and sounds like a scary drag queen ready to fuck Y/you up. Y/you A/all must think I have split personalities or something but I don’t care because I’m having fun with this and living it up. Now my Miss Thang persona thinks she is some kind of feminist rapper. She represents diva style … Now, Shanequa/Shaaanaaay (and YOU HAVE TO SAY HER NAME LIKE THAT OR SHE WILL SLAP YOU!) is just down right loud and obnoxious and fucking out of control … Haaay Shaaanaay! Why haven’t I ever talked about any of this on my website? Ha! This all has been going on for so long but I guess I have just kept this really intact with testosterone documentation. My first actual drag persona is Valexia Vylette. She is a sassy, sex kitten siren! My new wig addition (I have a different name for each wig) and persona is Miss Bridgette Bustier. She loves being more elegant but sexy and erotic as well. She is the type of girl that has bed tasseled hair and dark eye makeup with pale glossy lips. This is all very exciting to me and I guarantee that there will be more personas coming soon! Ps. I turned 21 in March and now I can get into the drag bars/clubs! They are so much fun and accepting. I hope to perform one day. I would love to do drag queen beauty contests as well! Most P/people that I encounter think I am a typical CD/TV = cross dresser or transvestite. I do not identify as either but as a gender expressionist. I am fucking gender stereotypes to the max and loving every second of it. I generally get read as a ‘’boy who wants to be a girl’’ or a ‘’pre-transition mtf’’. This does not bother me because I know who I am and that’s what matters. I feel comfortable, safe and secure in my gender. I wouldn’t want it any other way! Now that I have gotten completely off subject I must take Y/you A/all to my: 19 Months on Testosterone Photos! Love, Glitter, High Heels, Fake Eyelashes and Press on tits + nails, *princess* |