October 19th 2001
A date I will never forget. I got my first shot today. I was given 200MG of Delatestryl (enanthate) Testosterone into my right backside of my hip muscle. The whole day has been very emotional and dramatic for me. I was very nervous + excited before i got my shot. I showed up at the Kaiser Injection Clinic with my boyfriend Christian around 1pm. They were out for lunch so we wondered off to take some pics before i got injected. The pics we took are located below. On the way back, I ran into my gender therapist, who had come all the way to this location to make sure they had everything ready for me in the clinic. I thought it was so sweet and supportive. I hugged her and me and Chrisitan were off to get my shot. When i got in there i dropped my card in a slot and waited to be seated. It was then that i realized what a BIG step i was taking and everything suddenly got really dramatic. I let my emotions go and i started crying hardcore in the waiting room. I was all shook up. My whole past life as female was passing through right before my eyes. Things i had blocked out, things i had stored deep down inside, things i never knew i could remember were comming out. They were all negative and i was crying because this. The lady called my name and told us to wait in room A...Chrisitian was holding my hand the whole time. Finally the nurse came in and said it would be a minute because she had to get the testosterone ready. I remember saying to her '' Im sorry im such an emotional wreck right now, i am transgendered and this is my first T shot and im just so excited '' I also kept baggering her about how bad it was going to hurt. She told me ''every shots hurts, im not going to lie to you, and everything will be just fine'' She was so super nice it helped comfort me. It was ready, time to roll...goodbye old self...hello new self...I stood up and pulled down my pants and she told me not to look and withing seconds the whole thing was done. During the few seconds it was actually in me, i felt a sense of comfort and felt that i was doing the right thing. She put a band-aid on me and it was time to go. I then was crying due to happiness. I felt a strong emotional rush of relief. I had not felt that in a long time, IF EVER... Things went smooth after that, although i did feel a need to explain myself to everyone. Thank you Christian for listening to me go off about my past life the whole night. I kept saying how i was never happy as female and how i dont even know how i lived through everything i had encountered as female...This may sound surreal but in reality i am a survivor...
*Personal Experience 1- the shot did NOT hurt what-so-ever 2- The area around it was only a tad bit sore, nothing like i had expected and 3- Dosage 200 MG Delatestryl 4- The whole time before the shot i did some hardcore thinking about what i was getting into and i know this is right for me. I didnt get the T just cause i wanted to pass, i got it because i had a sense of self and wanted to physically look how i felt inside. I waited, i did what i had to do to get it, no bull shit, it was all worth it. I will never forgot my therapists words '' If this will better your life, then its RIGHT for you'' and so everyone...I AM LIVING MY OWN REVOLUTION... |
