one liners
  • Who is General Failure and why is he reading my hard disk?
  • Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups.
  • For Sale: Parachute. Only used once, never opened, small stain.
  • OK, so what's the speed of dark?
  • I used to have an open mind but my brains kept falling out.
  • Energizer Bunny arrested, charged with battery.
  • Everyone has a photographic memory. Some don't have film.
  • Ambition is a poor excuse for not having enough sense to be lazy.
  • Support bacteria - they're the only culture some people have.
  • Would a fly without wings be called a walk?
  • What do you do when you see an endangered animal eating an endangered plant?
  • When you're riding in a time machine way far into the future, don't stick your elbow out the window, or it'll turn into a fossil.
  • Never been to france,are most of the houses in France made of plaster of Paris.
  • Light travels faster than sound. That's why some people appear pretty bright ... until you hear them speak.
  • WRISTWATCH: (n) That device on your arm that lets you know which class you're currently late for.
  • YESTERDAY: (n) When the 12 page assignment you started tonight was due.

    Jokes (general)

    A reporter asks Mahatma Gandhi, "What do you think of western civilization?"
    Gandhiji: "I think it would be a great idea."

    Teacher: Ankur, give me a sentence starting with "I."
    Ankur: I is ...
    Teacher (interrupting): No, Ankur. Always say "I am."
    Ankur: All right. I am the ninth letter of the alphabet.

    Teacher: Aman, how can anyone make so many mistakes in one day?
    Aman: I get up early.

    Aman Singh was driving his Mercedes at a furious pace and suddenly hits the car ahead, a Maruti, and both come to a complete halt. The Maruti's driver, Ankur Pruthi is furious. He steps out of his car and moves towards Aman Singh. He makes a circle on the road and asks Aman Singh to stand inside it and dares him to step out of it. He pulls out a rod and breaks the bonnet of the Mercedes. He looks back at Aman and finds him laughing cunningly. This makes him even more furious and goes about breaking all the windows of the expensive car. Again looking back he finds Aman laughing! His anger peaking, Ankur smashes whatever part of the Mercedes he can lay hands on. Yet again Aman is found smiling. Frustated and tired, Ankur finally asks Aman Singh, "What's the matter with you? I have completely torn apart your car and you continue to smile, what's wrong with you?" Aman replies, "Well, you didn't know... you see, everytime you turned to smash my car, I stepped out of the circle!"

    A juggler, driving to his next performance, is stopped by the police. "What are these matches and lighter fluid doing in your car?" asks the cop. "I'm a juggler and I juggle flaming torches in my act." "Oh yeah?" says the doubtful cop. "Lets see you do it." The juggler gets out and starts juggling the blazing torches masterfully. A couple driving by slows down to watch. "Wow," says the driver to his wife. "I'm glad I quit drinking. Look at the test they're giving now!

    click here for funny pics

    Back to Main Page