got a problem?
well this is the place you should be...
here at livin' the high life, we are proud to provide you wth this helpful service...
ASK DR. FLEMM
have you got a problem your just too embarassed to ask someone in private, but you might just want to display it over the net for all too see?
or maybe you just don't know what to wear out on that special date.
well dr. flemm is here to help.
here is where you can read answers to already asked questions, or look to see if your question has been answered before you send it in...
so read away, my pretties, or just click on the title to send me a question.
dear dr. flemm,
why was i born?
-sarah


well sarah, i have often been asked this question, and the logical answer would of course be continuation of the human race. i disagree...
the reason you were spawned to live on this earth may be for one of a few reasons.
my first suggestion could be that your parents were bored one day, and thought it could be fun to have a child. but i think you were an accident. really, there is no proof of anything.
so, in conclusion, go ask your mother.
-dr. flemm
dear dr. flemm,
why is my penis so small?
and how do i make it bigger?
-lanky


well lanky, i have often been asked this question, and the obvious answer would be that you can't. i disagree.
what i suggest to many of my patients complaining of this, is to spend more time with russell the love muscle. talk to him, tell him about school, work, friends etc. he will appreciate this honest friendship.
the more you like him, the more he will like you, and the more your love will grow.
as your love grows, your love muscle will as well, since that is what it is all powered by.
-dr. flemm
dear dr. flemm,
oive got this rash.
it's on my bottom and every time i sit down it burns.
what can i do?
is there a treatment?
- mr. bottomsting-owieyowiepants


well, mr. bottomsting-owieyowiepants, as you know, i have had an extensive education in heiny mediaction, and from what you have told me about your problem there could be one kind of of treatment available,
unfortunately it is illegal in most countries beacause of its dangerous side effects.
my only other option for you would be to stay standing until this mystery illness clears up.
hopefully it wont take longer than a month, but i have heard it can take up to eight years.
lets hope it doesnt.
-dr. flemm
dear dr. flemm,
why aren't i a good lover anymore?
-hair vans toe bet see merge-a-droid


well hair vans to bet see, this is a question im often asked, being an expert in the feild of good-lovin', so it's just natural you would come to me.
my question to you is do you have any chance to practice? in other words are you getting any?
the reason your not a good lover anymore might be because your not getting any love.
oi think you may still be a good lover, it's just that your not getting any, and may not have had any for a number of years now.
so get yourself a root, and if your problem persists, please see your doctor. (thats me!)
-dr. flemm
dear dr. flemm,
i want to know why people are so cruel,
why our existence is so meaningles,
and how come i have to be one of the one in 8 australians with herpes?
- gender neutral


well gender neutral, i can see yours is a three part question, so i will answer it in three parts.
i think people are cruel to you because your annoying, and nobody likes you.
this leads me on to the answer of the second question, which is much the same. your existance may be more meaningfull if you had some friends, and maybe a life. this might be hard for you to achieve.
and the third question, why do you have herpes?
well, i feel this is god's way of punishing you for being a complete and utter idiot.
i hope i have been of some assistance.
-dr. flemm
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