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New Lifesavers' Flavor

It's the first day of kindergarten, and the teacher decides to do taste association. ''I'll blindfold you and give you a lifesaver, and you tell me what flavor it is,'' she tells the children. So she gives them all a cherry flavor, and says, ''What flavor is that?'' The whole class answers, ''Mmmm, that's cherry.'' ''Very good,'' the teacher replies. So she gives them all a grape and they reply, ''Mmm, that's grape.'' ''Very good,'' she says again. Then she gives them all a honey flavor. The whole class sits perplexed by the strange taste, so the teacher says, ''OK, I'll give you a hint, it's something your parents might call each other.'' Billy spits his out on the floor and yells, ''Spit 'em out everyone, they're ASSHOLES!''

No Punishment

Boy: Will you punish me for something i didn't do? Teacher: Of corse not! Boy: Good cause I didn't do my homework!

Peeing in the Pool

A boy was at a public pool. The lifeguard blew his whistle at the boy and yelled, ''Hey! Don't pee in the pool!'' The boy replied, ''But everybody does it!'' ''Not from the diving board!'' shouted the lifeguard.

Perfect Penis

Little Johnny walked in one day on his daddy in the bathroom. He asked his father what that was hanging between his legs. His father replied that it was the perfect penis. The next day at school, Johnny pulled his pants down in front of his classmates. ''What's that?'' asked Jenny. ''Well,'' said Johnny, ''if it was about 3 inches smaller, it would be the perfect penis.'''

Piss Off Winnie the Pooh

Q: How do you piss off Winnie the Pooh? A: By sticking your finger in his honey.

Playing Doctor

Two children were in a doctor's waiting room. The little girl was softly sobbing. "Why are you crying?" asked the little boy. "I'm here for a blood test, and they're going to cut my finger," said the girl. When he heard this, the little boy started to cry. "Why are you crying?" asked the girl. The boy looked at her worriedly and said, "I'm here for a urine test."

Playing Doctor

A little boy and girl were playing doctor. The little boy boldly pulled off his shirt and pointed to his nipples. "I've got two of these," he said. "How about you?" The little girl opened her blouse and showed him her nipples. So the boy pointed to his belly button. The little girl looked down showed him her belly button. So the little boy dropped his drawers and pointed to his penis. The little girl raised her skirt and pulled her underwear to the side, but search as she might she couldn't find that particular organ. The little boy taunted her till she ran home to her mommy. She returned 15 minutes later with a big grin on her face. "My mommy told me that when I am 15 years old, I'll have as many of those as I want!"

Punishment in Heaven

Three friends die and go to heaven. The first guy gets handcuffed to one of the ugliest girls there. ''Why?'' he asks. St. Paul replies, ''When you were nine you killed a bird with a stone.'' The same happens to the second guy. He asks why. St. Paul replies, ''When you were nine you killed a bird with a stone.'' The third guy laughs at his friends and says, ''Thank God I didn't do anything like that.'' He gets handcuffed to the prettiest girl in heaven. The other two guys ask, ''Why?'' ''Because when she was nine she killed a bird with a stone.''

Rectum

Johnny's teacher asked the class how their weekends were. "Horrible," said Johnny. "A car hit my cat in the ass!" "Rectum," said the teacher. "Say rectum." "Rectum? Damn near killed 'em!"

Redneck Baby

You might be a redneck if your baby's first words were, "Attention, K-mart shoppers."

Rubbing Her The Right Way

A few months after his parents were divorced, Little Johnny passed by his mom's bedroom and saw her rubbing her body and moaning, "I need a man, I need a man!" Over the next couple of months, he saw her doing this several times. One day, he came home from school and heard her moaning. When he peeked into her bedroom, he saw a man on top of her. Little Johnny ran into his room, took off his clothes, threw himself on his bed, started stroking himself, and moaning, "Ohh, I need a bike! I need a bike!"

S & M

One day Mom was cleaning Junior's room and in the closet she found a bondage S&M magazine. This was highly upsetting for her. She hid the magazine until his Father got home and showed it to him. He looked at it and handed it back to her with out a word. So she asked him, "What should we do about this?" Dad looked at her and said, "Well I don't think you should spank him."

Seagull's Final Resting Place

A four-year-old boy and his father went to the beach. There was a dead seagull lying on the sand. The boy asked his father, ''Dad, what happened to the birdie?'' His dad told him, ''Son, the bird died and went to heaven.'' Then the boy asked, ''Did God throw him back down?''

Sex Relatively Speaking

"Dad," asked son, "What's that shriveled up old thing on Grandma?" Dad replied ''That's Grandpa!"

Sex Education

One day a boy came home from school and his mother asked, ''What did you do today, son?'' The boy replied, ''I learned a lot in Sex Education class.'' The mother, thinking this to be a dirty joke, yelled at him and sent him to his room. Later that day, the daughter comes home and the mother says to her, ''You'll never guess what! Your brother told me he learned a lot in Sex Education class! I sent him to his room!'' ''Mom,'' the girl said, ''he really does go to a sex education class. He wasn't lying'' The mother, feeling very bady about the mixup, goes to the boy's room to apologize. She opens the door to find him masturbating and she says, ''When you are done with your homework, come out here, we have to talk.''

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