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	Aggie Accident
	There was an Aggie, Longhorn, and a Red Raider who were out hunting. The Aggie brought back a big buck. ''How did you get that?'' they all asked. ''I saw the tracks, followed the tracks, and 'boom' I shot a buck.'' Then the longhorn brought back an elephant. ''How did you get that?'' they all asked. ''I saw the tracks, I followed the tracks, and 'boom' I shot an elephant.'' Then the Red Raider came back all beat up. "What happened?" they all asked. "I saw the tracks, I followed the tracks, and 'boom' I got hit by a train."
	Bill Clinton and Senator Hillary Clinton...
	Bill Clinton and Senator Hillary Clinton were at a Yankees game. Before the game began a secret service man came up to him and whispered in his ear. Bill Clinton suddenly picked up Hillary and threw her out on the field. The secret service man came running up to him and said, "Mr. President Sir, I think you misunderstood me; I said throw out the first pitch."
	Blonde in a Swimming Race
	A blonde, brunette and a redhead had a breaststroke swimming race across the English Channel. The brunette came in first, the redhead came in second and the blonde never finished. When the blonde got in the lifeboat she said, ''I don't want to be a tattletale or anything, but the other two used their arms.''
	Bullfight Buffet
	A man goes to Spain and attends a bullfight. Afterwards he goes to a nearby restaurant and orders the specialty of the day. The waiter brings him two very big balls on a huge plate, which the tourist eats with relish. The next day he goes to the same restaurant again, once again orders the specialty of the day, and he is brought two very big balls on a huge plate. It tastes even more scrumptious. The third day he does the same and the fourth, but on the fifth day he goes to the restaurant and orders the specialty of the day, and they bring him two very small balls on a big plate. The man asks, "What gives?" And the waiter says, "Senor, the bullfighter doesn't always win!"
	Diver Meets Guy Underwater
	One day, a diver was enjoying the aquatic world 20 feet below sea level. He noticed a guy at the same depth he was, with no scuba gear on whatsoever. The diver went below another 10 feet, but the guy joined him a minute later. The diver went below 15 more feet, and a minute later, the same guy joined him. This confused the diver, so he took out a waterproof pad and pencil, and wrote, "Amazing! How are you able to stay this deep down without equipment?" The guy took the pencil and pad, erased what the diver had written, and wrote, "I'm drowning, you moron!"
	Hoshimota
	An American businessman is on a business trip in Japan and hires a hooker. The whole night, this Japanese hooker keeps screaming: "Hoshimota! Hoshimota!" He can't quite remember what the word means, but he's sure he's pleased the hooker to best of his ability. The next morning, he goes to play a game of golf with his Japanese business partner when he makes a hole-in-one. Everyone is congratulating him in Japanese and he can't think anything to say but "HOSHIMOTA!" Concerned, his partner turns to him "What do you mean it's in the wrong hole?"
	Jesus and Moses Play Golf
	Jesus and Moses are playing golf and they're on the tenth hole. Moses hits the ball and it heads straight for a pond. Just before the ball hits the water, the pond parts and the ball rolls up onto the green. Jesus winds up and hits one about to the same spot. Jesus' ball hits the water and skips across. All of a sudden, lightning flashes and a ball drops from the sky. A fish swallows it and a bird picks up the fish and drops the ball onto a turtle that walks over to the hole and drops it in. Moses turns to Jesus and says, ''I hate it when your dad plays!''
	Priestly Duties
	One Sunday morning, a priest wakes up and decides to go golfing. He calls his boss and says that he feels very sick, and won't be able to go to work. Way up in heaven, Saint Peter sees all this and asks God, ''Are you really going to let him get away with this?'' ''No, I guess not,'' says God. The priest drives about five to six hours away, so he doesn't bump into anyone he knows. The golf course is empty when he gets there. So he takes his first swing, drives the ball 495 yards away and gets a hole in one. Saint Peter watches in disbelief and asks, '' Why did you let him do that?'' To this God says, ''Who's he going to tell?''
	Sexual Olympics
	A man went over to his girl's place for a little bit of nookie between the sheets. He presented her with three choices of condom -- gold, silver, or bronze. "Silver," she said. "Why not gold?" "Because I want you to come second for once!"
	Women and Pool Tables
	Q: What is the difference between a woman a pool table? A: On the pool table, you put the balls in the hole and the stick stays out.
	Would You Marry Again, Scummy?
	A husband and wife were golfing when suddenly the woman asked, "Honey, if I died would you get married again?" The man said, "No dear." The woman said, "I'm sure you would." So the man said, "Okay, I would" Then the woman asked, "Would you let her sleep in our bed?" And the man replied, "Ya, I guess so." Then the woman asked, "Would you let her use my golf clubs?" And the man replied, "No, she's left handed."
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