Fan Fiction



!~!~Fan Fiction~!~!

				Here you can find AAR humor, and Fan Fiction stories. Special thanks to the Toasties for helping me concieve the idea.

	This first humor story has its own story behind it. On the toastboard provalone_reject posted a thread about an AAR time warp, and it turned into a funny story. At the end are the names of all the Toasties that contributed to it.

		Time Warp

	It's February 4th 2033 and the All-American Rejects are celebrating the 30th anniversary of the release of their self-titled record with a televised reunion concert. After such smash hits from their first album ("The All-American Rejects" 2003), their second album ("Still the Same Girl, Even More Songs" 2004) and their third album ("Getterdun" 2006) they're back and still kickin in their 50s. Dick Clark (still looking ravishing at age 110) enters their dressing room 10 minutes till show when suddenly he sees Nick with his iron straightner in hand. Nick spots Dick and throws down the straightner as if nothing has ever happened. All of a sudden, out comes vocalist Tyson Ritter with a surgical mask on his face and black shaggy hair (deja vu?!?). Rumors spread about the vocalist and finally Tyson blew up and responded "I don't give a fuck anymore!!" Then Nick picks up his straightener and apoligizes to it. Then Chris stumbles out of the bathroom and yells, "Sharon!" as he hobbles to his drum sticks Mike comes walking out, right behind Chris. "Look you guys! I finally found a tight shirt that looked cool on me! No more bagging shirts!" Tyson & Nick look at each other confused and then look over at Mike as Nick says, "Dude, we dont wear shirts at all anymore....what planet are you from?" Laughing, Tyson crosses the room and puts his arm around Mike as he says. "Are you still having trouble getting.........up? You know they have medicine for that, I highly recommend it. It's working good for me." Suddenly Chris walks in asking, "Hey, any of yous seen my hairspray." Mike just mutters, "nope." Chris gives him a funny look and notices something on Ty's ear. Thinking it's some Gel, Chris grabs it and rubs it into his hair." Oh No!! Ty gives Chris a funny look and screams out. "Give me back my whipped cream!" and starts licking Chris's hair. Then Mike, who had backed out of the room to talk to Dick, comes back in running, but sees the exchange between Chris and Ty. Andy finally barges in with wife (Sara) and daughter (Olivia) in hand. "Yo! Their waiting for you out their! Get your asses out!" Andy says with a grin on his face. All the Rejects look around, and and the same moment, dropped all the shit they were doing and ran outside. Running down the hall, Ty slips on a little puddle of water, sitting right next to it, a water gun. Angered, Tyson screams out "Fucking piece of Shit!!" Chris hears tyson screaming at the water gun as if it were alive and chris starts having flashbacks to when they made "gun fight" he immediatly balls up into a corner and starts crying when Andy reminds them it's all just a dream, and they can drink it off later. Chris helps Ty stand up and go to the stage when Dick Clark popped out of the air duct, shot himself in the face with botox and announced, "The MLB officially changed 'Take Me Out to the Ballgame' to 'Swing Swing', to be sung at every baseball game!" Then he told them that they were on in a minute. So the guys keep wandering around in circles backstage and couldn't find the stage (like in Spinal Tap), but all of a sudden! Bob Barker pops out of nowhere and starts to beat Dick Clark down. The guys try to come to dick's rescue, but are stopped by a throng of 40-year-old teenies screaming "I LOVE YOU TYSON I WANT TO HAVE YOUR KIDS BEFORE MENOPAUSE". The guys look at them in disgust and run in the opposite direction, running into Jenn and Katie katrinka there memories of the good old days are set back in mind and they decide to collect themselves and do the show! Chris heads back to the dressing room for a moment to carefully hide Nick's hair products, it's been an on going battle for years.It's just another AAR tour prank. Suddenly pranks from the past 20 years come to mind. "Thilly Chris," Nick says. He is brought back 15 yrs ago. The date was February 19th. It was early in the morning and they were currently in Atlanta. Nick hastens to the bathroom so he could wash his hair without being disturbed. Nick gets out the shampoo and soaks his hair in water. He squeezes the shampoo out into his hand. The rotten egg smell wasn't spotted by Nick, for the cold he has had stuffed up his nose. Nick rubs the "Shampoo" all over his scalp. He puts a towel over it and leaves it on fro 10 mins (according to the mag Nick read, it helps the hair). The 10 mins was up and Nick pulled the towel off preparing to rinse the shampoo off. And soon as the water hit Nick's scalp, gasp all his hair fell out!!! Nick noticing it screams out like a little 12yr old. Still in shock, he looks into the trash and finds an empty bottle of Nair. "WHICH ONE OF YOU DID THIS" at that moment nick starts balling like a 4 year old that dropped a lollipop Tyson and chris come running in laughing histarically at the glare on nicks head, Nick blinded with rage picks up the electric razor on the sink and starts chasing them finnally catches ty and gives him a reverse mohawk, luckily Mike got there before and damage could be done to Chris. Nick came back to reality and realized it was present time but then dares to wonder off to that day once more. Nick remembers seeing Mike grin. Nick, knowing it was him, went after Mike. Mike, not knowing what to do just stood there. Too bad Mike had his boxers on. Nick grabbed his dong and pulled with all his might (explains why it's so hard for Mike to get "up"). Nick, suddenly comes back to reality because Andy is once more yelling at them to get onstage! Finnally they all get themselves collected and get out onstage, the crowd is full of women and a few men, ages ranging from 30 to 50. As Tyson starts to talk to the crowd about thier reunion show a drunk woman in her early 50's starts flashing the rejects, they seem quite amused, then .A Man flashes Ty and screams out "It's all for you baby! All for you!!" Ty just trys and ignores. Suddenly the beginning of Swing Swing comes on. The crowd goes wild!!! Ahhhhhhhh!!!. Suddenly a fire breaks out before Ty could start. Everyone screams like hell! And Ty turns around to see that Nick's toupee has exploded into a huge mass of flames. He hastily tries to put it out with his bass, but doesn't realize that in the war between a bass, and a person's head... the bass usually wins. Nick was immediately rushed to the hospital with a concussion and 3rd degree burns. when he got there he saw a 50 plus woman. She runs to Nick as if she was running for her life. The woman was a long haired brunette. She covers Nick with kisses and asks if he's ok. "Do i know you?" Nick asks. "No, ummmm not really. I've been following you around since the beginning." Nick, with a scared look on his face replies,"Oh, really..?" She replies, "Yeah! Ty I don't know why you've never responded. I wrote you, i mentioned you on tv. Still, you don't reply. I don't get it." Nick with a half grin on his face replies. "Oh Michelle Branch, of course...you've changed." She leaned over him, caressing his waxy head and whispered..."Mommy's here now baby, i'll never again let them hurt you" and she whipped out a 6-inch blade from her pocket and lifted her head, stalking out the piss-like scent of the other geriatric aar members. she carefully creeps down the hallways of the hospital, keeping close to the wall, and then she sees her first victim: Tyson. Just barely glancing over his upside-down newspaper with his striking blue eyes, newly enhanced by the crows feet brancing from the corners, he sees the light flicker on the blade of Michelle's dagger. With his lightning-fast jackrabbit reflexes, he manages to escape the razor-sharp blade with barely a scratch on his shoulder. Michelle isn't going to give up, he knows it, so he runs down the hall shouting "PLEASE JUST DON'T SEVER ME, MY PAPER SKIN WILL BLEED!" He turns around to see if she's gaining on him, when he runs right into Avril Lavigne. The first sight of the bitch and Ty gagged. He held onto her and pushed her towards Michelle. Michelle quickly attacked Avril. She stood up, grinned, and wiped the knife off with a toupee Michelle had brung. Ty, thinking he'd lost her, stopped a while and tried to hit on one of the 20 year old nurses. The nurse gave him a disgusting look and dismissed him. Ty was a little mad, but he wasn't going to let it get to him. Suddenly, from the corner of his eye. He spots Michelle with a haunting grin on her face. Not knowing what to do, he fell onto his knees and begged for his life. Michelle was fastly approaching. She finally reached him. Pulling his hair Michelle says, "I've always wanted this!" Michelle cuts off a lock of Ty's hair and throws the blade down. Ty stands, tears running down his face and Michelle brings him to his feet and says, "There's something I've been meaning to get off my chest" Just then, a little boy with dark shaggy hair and blue eyes comes out from behind Michelle. "His name is Tyson Jr. I named him after his daddy" Tyson says, "but..wait a minute here........I thought you said you were on birth control!" "I know, I know, I lied! It's good publicity Ty! I mean, the deal with Santana wasn't working out and I knew I was never gonna get Ewan McGregor in bed with me so you were my last shot at redeeming my career!" "But Michelle! This can't be my son because....i never finished, that one crazy night! Besides I had this accident in the third grade... the kids all made fun of me because i was a skinny, awkward kid... and um... they cut off my nuts with the little stick in the paste jar! i can't believe you didn't notice i was nut-less!" Michelle looked confused, terrified even. If Tyson wasn't her baby's daddy, then who is?! Suddenly, a look of realization washes across her face. "Oh my god! His dad is actually...."It's Nick's son you bitch! Didn't you get the messages from the Jerry Springer show?" Thinking to himself Ty relizes that this is good publicity but all in all he should have stuck with the advice of The Georgia Satellites when they said keep your hands to yourself...instead, he was thinking of Axl Rose when he sang My Michelle. Slapping his forehead, Tyson thinks about Nick and how this could be his either, since Nick is, afterall, a man with morals, but....He figures, what the hell, after all, we have a good publicist, and for that a great merch guy. Which reminded him that...Andy was still waiting for him in his bright red Trans Am time machine. "Well, I am off to the magical land of Narnia," said Tyson. "I will be back when pigs fly. As for you and Nick, I wish you the best, thanks for ruining my life you bitch! You named your goddamned devil child Tyson Jr. when he is Nick's spawn, what a dumb fuck. I just want you to know ONE more thing before I go...I had sex with your cat". "But, Mr. Kittles! No wonder he was walking funny since Wednesday!" "Wednesday?! I fucked him last Saturday! You don't think..." Andy swallowed hard, only he knew what really happened to Kittles. "Ya'll, I am the only one that knows the truth," said Andy, "And the truth is that Sarah and I...Nick with a grin on his face replies, "Well, guess what I got your mom." Andy then loses it as he screams, "GODDAMN YOU NICK! DO NOT SPEAK OUT OF TURN! You have always stole my thunder, now it is MY turn to steal the thunder, OKAY?" Nick says, "What do you mean, I have always stolen your thunder? We have only been friends for 45 years!" Andy then shocks everyone when he says, "You fucked my mom before I did! I hate you for that, but you did save my life a couple times when I almost OD-ed. There is only one thing I will never let go, and it is the fact that you fathered six of my illegitimate children. I'll never forget that, but I might forget that you, shook me all night long. THE END

			Thanks to all of the toastboarders that contributed to this Fan Fiction: Provalone_Reject, Tinay, DupontKatie, VeraHawtLeCavalier, HighonAARlovinTyson, laneyc1117, deorwyn, holyplaidpajamas, and PooOnYouDad.