Zell’s loneliness

By Fira

Zell half sat, half lay in the quiet lonely room of the orphanage that had been his home for the first part of his life. He had come here, he speculated, as an escape when Garden life had become unbearable. That had been the fault of passions that would never be satisfied becoming too intense for the comparatively naïve martial artist.
Yeah, fighting is an art, no matter what they say. The way his body moves during a fight is the only art I'll ever need to see.
Zell stared out the window, watching the surf, the lighthouse, the stars. The night was warm, so he wore no clothes and was shielded only by a thin sheet, moved by the warm breeze that came in the open windows. This same breeze ruffled his honey gold hair and stirred a lonely tear out of his left eye, tracing part of the black spidery tattoo that ran down the defined cheekbone.
I am alone. There is no one there for me, who cares about me more than a classmate. If I was to die they would feel sad for a few minutes and forget. Even he would forget me. Forget they ever knew Zell Dincht. Forget how they laughed at him in the hallway. Forget how he would always be there for them, either to go train with or just to hold the door, entirely thankless.
They have made it obvious that they do not care. Why should I go on living if no one will even know?

Yet outside, purposely out of the sight line of anyone in that window, was someone who DID care about the blonde martial artist. He sat watching Zell, fighting with himself whether or not to go and take away his pain. But the watcher was stronger than any doubt and walked up to the window, careful that Zell would not notice him until the last minute.
Zell had put his head down, absorbed in silent weeping over his lion, the warrior Squall who was currently engaged to a lovely, perfect girl whom he loved. A lovely perfect couple in their lovely perfect world. That world had no place for Zell.
The taller man, Zell's voyeur, had finally and quite silently reached the window. Gently, he ran his hand through the windblown hair on the back of Zell's neck, startling him. He shot up to view the man facing him, watching him with longing.
"Seifer?"
And it was. Seifer encircled Zell with a strong arm and drew him in for a gentle kiss. Zell tried to protest but Seifer did not let him, at least for a moment. Then the younger boy broke away.
"What the hell?"
"Hyne Zell I love you. I always have. It's always made me so angry to watch you in love with him, to watch him not care, not even realize. He doesn't need you, Zell, but I do. Every time I fought with him the stakes were higher than they seemed, than anyone thought. Every battle was over you, though neither of you two knew it. I thought that if I could beat him down you'd love me. And then when it didn't work, I lashed out at you." Seifer was watching Zell with sad eyes, large and reflecting of the martial artist's pain.
"Zell, you're perfect. I don't understand how anyone else could think otherwise. Your passion, lust for life, your constant energy, your daring manic grin, everything about you is inspiring. And your deeper self, that you kept hidden but some have speculated about, comes out sometimes just to show that you are more than you seem. If Squall is too blind to see that, he doesn't deserve you.
"I need you Zell. But I'd rather you be happy than to force myself upon you." Seifer sighed. "You know the pain of love neglected... Cya around, you know where to find me."
Seifer started to walk away, slowly, not wanting to leave. If Seifer had said anything else, Zell would be questioning how believable it was. Seifer would not lie about this, and if he did Zell would have believed anway.
"Seifer, come back!" The older boy turned, looked mournfully over his shoulder, and kept walking slowly. Zell, thinking quick, grabbed a pair of shorts off the floor and ran after him. He stopped Seifer, placing a hand on his shoulder and pulling him to a halt.
"Seifer... you're right. I should have given up on Squall a long time ago. But... well, what you said, it stirred something loose. A... a love." Zell wiped the tear off of his cheek. "For you. From a long time ago. I'd pushed it away, an unlikely desire. I thought that Squall was all that I could have, that two wants was wrong, and that you'd never go for guys anyway. I was wrong, I see." He blushed. "But I still feel that way. Its not love, but... it could be."
Seifer's eyes lit up. This is what he'd been praying for, beyond his best expectations. He drank in the younger boy's appearance, strong hard muscles all down the tanned chest, the skater shorts with obviously nothing underneath them, the blonde hair still as Seifer had made it which was beautifully disorderly, the spidery tattoo that Zell would not explain its meaning, and the expression of not the usual manic grin but of a hopeful waiting, that echoed what Seifer had just felt.
Seifer wanted to speak, to say something to express his feelings. But there just weren't words for this. So many emotions, all bundled up in a package deal entitled 'love- angst ended', given to merciless few. For lack of words, a kiss compensated. One hand locked itself gently into the hair at the nape of Zell's neck, one entwined fingers with Zell's, their lips pressing together lightly. Zell moaned gently and parted his lips, an opening for Seifer's softly curious tongue. When they finally broke the kiss, they looked down and began to laugh softly. The tide had come in and both were standing in water. Zell's feet were wet. Seifer, the ever gallant knight, picked the younger boy up and carried him back to the orphanage window, placing Zell in first before climbing in himself.
"Seifer..." Zell whispered. Seifer looked deep into Zell's eyes, probing the boy's thoughts. He had wanted Seifer, fantasized about him, dreamt about him... Seifer realized that Zell wanted himself almost as badly as he wanted Zell. Hyne, this was Seifer's ultimate wet dream- Zell entirely willing, in love with Seifer, barley clad in anything, in a great setting... Seifer didn't know what he had done to deserve all of this but he thanked every Guardian Force individually and by name.