Chapter 5: Konran (confusion)
Author: WanderingTonberry
Disclaimer: If they're yours, can I have them?

~~~

Intrusive Reader:
So far I'm beginning to think that this whole retreat is some kind of cosmic joke. I messed up in a former life, right?...Wait, this one too...Aw, fuck it. Can't change that, now can we?
I think Selphie's intent on starting the bonding part pretty soon. After all, we set up all her shit yesterday, didn't we? And what was with all those Tonberries standing around her tent? It sorta boggles the mind why ANYTHING would swarm to see Selphie. Maybe she's like a Twinkie Pusher. I gotta laugh, that would be so fucking hilarious! I could just see all these Tonberries addicted to Twinkies (just like the one back home...I kinda miss the little guy) and the sugar charge. Geez, I make her sound like she's dealing Smack...They'd be like little crack heads...Except with a sugar buzz...Scary topic, let's move on, shall we?
So what will our local dealer make us do today? The vehicle is empty, aside from a few candy wrappers and a graveyard of empty soda cans (Ya, I finally found out how she drove us here without falling asleep). I set up our fucking tent. The Chickenwuss didn't do a single thing. I was ready to break his ass! He just sat there writing in his little pansy diary while I carried everything! I'm not some freaking pack animal!
And what is with this Salmon Surprise?? Hold on, I need to glare at this pen. Well, the only thing that's a plus is that it doesn't shit out on me. Fuck, I hate pens that stop givin' ya ink while you write! It's enough to piss anyone off...I sound like some kinda pussy...This place is getting to me. Being in the presence of women must be doing this to me...Heh. I have planned a list of ways to escape this hell in disguise...

1) Kill Selphie and be done with it.
2) Flee under the cover of night
3) Destroy all supplies so that we are forced to return

The only fucking problem with all of this is that I fear Selphie has some kinda way to counter each one, Fuck. That's right, Fuck fuck fuckity fuck fuck...Gods, I hate my life. And do you know what would ease this damnation just a little? A cigarette. Yes, Intrusive Reader, Seifer Almasy smokes. Damn proud, I am. That's it, they're calling. I'm off to smoke. You sit there and rot.

Stranded In Hell,
Seifer Almasy


Seifer closed his journal with a satisfied thump. Hey, being able to express yourself in words wasn't half-bad...He smirked to himself and sat up on his bed. His oceanic eyes glanced over to his roommate, who appeared to be in some odd euphoric bliss. Ah, sleep...Lucky bastard. The tall blonde stood and stretched, popping the kinks from his back. As comfortable as that bed may have looked, it was still an army cot. That awful sleeping surface was just another thing that had been disguised in this hellish place. Gods, he hated creative people. Kind of like people who said that death wasn't really a tragedy...Just an inconvenience.

After getting his body into working order, Seifer kneeled next to his bunk, reaching underneath. Long fingers curled around the strap to his duffel, which he pulled out into the morning light, which filtered through the thin material of the tent. He pulled the zipper down slowly, looking over at his still sleeping involuntary companion. Still sleeping. Good. He fished two items out, hidden beneath his underwear. Fuck yes.

Seifer stuffed the two small items into his pants pocket, sealed up his bag, and shoved it back under the bunk. He stood silently, then exited. The tall man smiled to himself and removed a small decorative tin from his pocket, as well as a lighter...Yes, this was what life was made of...Expensive Galbadian cigarettes. He smirked to himself and took one, lighting up.

Stress slowly left his body as he puffed the sinful treat he allowed himself to indulge in. Seifer blew the smoke out slowly, savoring the smooth taste. "Mmm...Yes..." Seifer turned his gaze, taking the wooden steps one by one. "Might as well check on our local dealer..." He laughed to himself, shaking his head. Seifer walked the small distance to the clearing where Selphie's tent stood. His cigarette dropped from his nerveless lips.

"One, two, lift that Twinkie! That's right! Kick, Kick!"

Selphie bounced with glee, leading a small assembly of Tonberries in morning aerobics. She clapped her hands, turning up the stereo. "Shake it to Robby, everyone! One more set! One, two, lift, bite, kick, chew, punch, swallow! Again! One, two..."

Seifer blinked slowly. This wasn't happening. This wasn't happening...All a bad dream...All he had to was pinch himself and wake up... "Fucking shit! Ouch!" He stopped his foot, rubbing his arm. He looked down. "Can this day get any WORSE?? I wanted to finish that cigarette, dammit! Fuck, the Gods must hate me! Fuck, fuck!"

A frown marred Selphie's face as she bounced up to him. "Don't feel bad Seifer! Why don't you join us for some Ton-bo? It'll get your muscles going and your mind soothed in no time!"

"No thanks, I don't feel like being brainwashed just yet. Continue without me."

The small young woman bounced, cocking her head to the side, a determined look on her features. "Are you sure, Seifer? I'll even give you your own pack of Twinkies!"

"Quite, now go lead your troops." The tall blonde sat himself on the sturdy steps leading up to Selphie's tent and lighted up another cigarette. He counted them silently. Only 3 left...He'd have to conserve them if he were going to make it through. Shit, not a store for miles around. It was times like this that really made him wish he had the Familiar ability. But per request, neither he, nor Zell could have any GFs or magic stocked. He took a thoughtful drag, holding the cigarette between two fingertips, twirling it idly.

"That's right, tone those buns! Kick, kick! Pun-..Zell! You're awake! Wanna learn Tan-bo??"

The blonde in question groggily shook his head, yawning widely. Seifer lifted an eyebrow, watching the small fangs glint in the morning light filtering through the branches and leaves. "And they say I'm the monster..." He smiled, snickering to himself.

"Mmugh? Wha?"

"Nothin', Chickenwuss...Have a seat unless you wanna 'tone your buns'." Seifer laughed to himself as he took another long drag. He tapped the ash onto the boards near his feet, running his boot over it for good measure.

The sleepy martial artist plopped down on the steps next to Seifer, glaring at him tiredly. "Ya shouldn't smoke. It's bad fer ya." Zell ran his hands through his hair, pouting when his crest wouldn't stand.

Pale gray smoke curled out from Seifer's nostrils as he lifted an elegant brow. "Says who?" He blew the rest of the smoke out from between his lips, exhaling slowly.

"Doc Kadowaki...Not that she's a very good doctor...She always seems to give only bad news...Hey, anyone ever tell ya that ya look like a Ruby Dragon when ya do that?" Zell stuck out his tongue and blew a raspberry when Seifer glared and gave him the finger.

Zell smiled, running his tongue over his teeth. He grimaced. "That's it! I need a shower! I don't care where we are, how we do it, but I'm bathin'!" He stood up, doing a few stretches, then scratching his chest through his black tank top. "Yo! Selphie! Where do we get cleaned up??"

Selphie shut off the music, turning toward the two men. "Well, we have a shower cubicle..." She paused, staring at the ground, then glancing at Seifer, then to Zell. "But...You see..."

Seifer rolled his eyes, swearing to himself. "Let me guess, it's not set up." He waited for Selphie's nod, then stood up with a glare on his harshly beautiful features. "Where's the shit? I'll put it together. There? Right." Seifer walked over to a large box near lying on the crisp grass, which was oddly green.

Zell lay back on the wooden platform at the top of the steps, staring up at the crisp blue sky. "How can you smoke and put that thing together?" He smiled to himself, listening to some rather inventive curses and a few thunks and crashes here and there. "Or not..."

"Hey! I can do this! Just shut yer ass and look pretty!" Seifer grumbled, shoving parts together roughly. Despite the curses that escaped him, he knew what he was doing. He pushed the small structure up, tightening a bolt here and there. The tall blonde took a deep drag, then smashed his cigarette beneath his shoe. He exhaled, smiling. "There. All we need to do is toss a water spell into this baby to fill it up...A thunder or two for some energy...And we have a shower!"

Their camp instructor bounced forward and enthusiastically tosses several spells in the general direction of the machine, drenching then obliterating a tree. Both blondes looked at each other, then inched further back toward the other side of the clearing with the approximate 10 Tonberries within the vicinity.

"There!" Selphie brushes her hands together, congratulating herself on a job well done. "All ready for bathing pleasures! Well, you two shower, then I will! I'll start cooking breakfast. It should be all done by the time you guys are done!" With her mission firm in mind, the jumpered youth bounced into her tent.

"Umm...Who's gonna shower first?" Zell scratched his head, dusting little congealed pieces of gel from his hands. "Oh, yuck."

"Why don't you...I don't need you snowing into my breakfast. You sure that isn't dandruff?"

"Shut up, dammit! It's hair gel!" The small blonde grumbled to himself and stomped back to their tent to gather his bath supplies. He returned shortly, small towel slung over his shoulder, shampoo, conditioner, a bar of soap, and a wash cloth in hand. He paused before the tall elegant man, then swiped and kicked his feet out from under him. He grinned, entering the small, secluded area that housed the shower cube.

Seifer lay for a moment on the crisp grass, his hand idly playing with the buttons on his shirt. "Not bad, Zell...Not bad at all..."

~~~

Zell ran his strong fingers through his hair, massaging the citrus shampoo into his scalp. A soft groan escaped him as he mumbled about the glorious wonder that was hot water. He was genuinely surprised, not expecting this crummy portable shower cube to be as good as the real thing. The water pressure was good, working against his muscled back...

At his thought, the water slowed to a broken drizzle, leaving Zell standing in the steamed cubicle, still soapy. "Hey, can ya kick the generator again, buddy?" He smiled and shouted his thanks as the water came back on, the Tonberry returning to his study of an idle Twinkie wrapper. How many wonderful colors really were in those things? In fact, that sounded good...The small creature stood, dusting off his robes, then heading toward the human encampment. He passed a human heading toward the shower clearing, but didn't really give it any heed. The guy would probably turn back when he saw that the shower was in use.

Seifer made his way through a series of bushes, avoiding most of the twigs that could have snagged his pants. Like hell he was gonna ruin these pants...This was one of the few pairs he had brought with him! He was about to curse when his pant leg got caught when what he saw stole his breath away.

Through the steamy glass Seifer could see the outline of a lean body, hand running along and over lean hips. He swallowed slowly as he tugged himself free and kneeled down. His bright oceanic eyes followed those hands, and without his consent he found himself imagining touching that soft flesh. His eyes widened in shock as two pale cheeks pressed back against one of the glass walls as Zell leaned down to pick up something, probably his soap. Why did it feel like the temperature was rising? He loosened his collar, unconsciously taking a step forward.

Zell smiled and sighed as he shut off the spray of hot water. He reached for the soft towel that he had draped over the top of the cube wall. He toweled off his body slowly, tapping his foot to a song he heard in his head. He started to sing softly, whisking the towel over his legs.

"And you'll find me, waiting for you...And you'll find me, sayin' your name, baaaby..."

He pressed the lock release and opened the door, stepping out into the cool air of the clearing. He looked down at the ground, toweling his hair dry, his song continuing as he slung his towel over his shoulder.

"And I'll be moanin'--...Seifer?! Holyshitwhatthefuckareyoudoinghere??!!!"

Seifer didn't even blink when the creamy flesh was revealed before him. He couldn't move. It was almost as if his mind had abandoned him. Almost as if all the blood that was supposed to be circulating was having a little reunion in one spot...in the tropics down south.

"YOU BASTARD!!! STOP LOOKIN'!!!" Zell blushed horribly, his fingers quickly tying his towel around his waist and then he ran from the clearing. His cheeks burned hot, his legs carrying him faster. He needed the privacy and comfort of the tent. The Tonberry that was supposed to stand guard passed him, Twinkie half in its mouth. It couldn't help but wonder why his human friend would want to run almost stark naked through the clearing...Was it a human thing?

Seifer blinked and cleared his throat, his cheeks feeling impossibly warm. Had he really just seen that?...Wow...He coughed once more, unable to rid himself of the glorious image of Zell's wet, naked body standing in the sunlight... A shudder ran through Seifer's tall frame. It was then that he suddenly noticed the serious ache in his groin. He stripped free from his button-up shirt, then dropped his pants and boxers into a pile. He slung his towel over the cubicle side just like Zell had before him and started the hot spray of aqua.

Seifer groaned quietly, his breath hard and ragged. "Hyne...I walked in on him...I'm never gonna hear the end of this..." He balanced his weight on his forearms as he leaned against the wall. "Shit, he was so fucking gorgeous though...Fuck, who woulda known he had a body like THAT hidden under all those clothes?"

Without much thought, his hand wrapped itself firmly around his erection and he began to stroke. He grimaced a bit and shifted his grip. "F-Fuck...Nnnn..." Maybe it was the hot water, or the lack of blood flowing to his brain...Seifer wasn't sure...But his knees felt weak. His back slid down against the wall of the shower and he came to rest on his knees.

He pushed into his fist, groaning softly, his gasps broken and erratic. The blonde rested his cheek against the cool glass, his hand moving over his shaft. The mate to Seifer's moving hand found it's way between his legs as well, rubbing the swollen sacs. He bit his lower lip, amazed at the sensations boiling so quickly in his groin. "So long...nn...Oh Hyne...Zell!"

He breathed out the endearment as his semen left him, splattering across the opposite shower wall in a smatter of milky columns and droplets. Seifer's chest heaved, his eyes drifting shut ever so slowly. "...I didn't just do that...Fuck, I didn't just do that!" His aquatic eyes shot open and he glared at his large, pale hands. "I'm not like that, dammit! I'm not fuckin' like that..."

The blonde stood slowly and began to wash his body, swearing to himself. "Great...All I need is a little sexuality crisis in the middle of nowhere...Fuck! Gods, and I always thought I was straight as an arrow..."

~~~

"No!! Really???" Selphie through her hand over her mouth in a state of shock. "I can't believe he'd do such a thing!" The jumper-clad girl paused, thinking it over for a moment. "Nevermind. I take that back. It sounds like Seifer."

"See?? What did I tell ya? I was just getting out of the shower and there he was! Staring at me! Geez, talk about total embarrassment! Luckily, I got away before he could make any snide remarks about my body." Zell ran his fingers through his wet, ungelled hair. To be honest, Seifer had scared the shit out of him...But then it was sort of exciting to find the regal blonde standing there, an ever so slight blush staining those alabaster cheeks.

"Is it my fault you take so long in the shower?"

Zell sputtered, jumping to his feet and balling his fists. He didn't have his gloves on, but he was more than sure he could take the bastard. His sneaker-clad feet slid over the grass as he moved into an offensive position. "Y-You!! You horny bastard! What's the big idea watching me while I shower?! W-Why were ya peepin'?!"

The taller man rolled his eyes, continuing to towel off his short locks. Selphie smiled. Seifer's hair looked kinda fluffy when it was half-dry. It made him look younger...Not as scary... Seifer rolled his oceanic eyes once more, sitting down next to Selphie in the spot Zell had just recently vacated.

"Your fly is down, Seifer."

"Huh? Oh, thanks."

Seifer zipped up his long shorts, giving Selphie a smile. Then it hit him. Why did he not care when she pointed that out? Was it because he really was gay? Or was it because he thought of Selphie as a little sister? Damn, this was all so confusing.

Zell continued to seethe silently, kicking a stone when he still didn't receive an answer. He grumbled under his breath and started walking back to the tent he shared with Seifer. He shook his honey-haired head, needing to confide in someone. He was so damn confused...Zell guessed it was time he spent some time with his journal.


The plot thickens! Oooo...