The last night was the hardest. The last night

Heero did not come to help Duo from the

chair into bed for reasons of his own. The last

night they waited for him for a very long

time until they were both satisfied that he was

not coming. That last night Hilde had to do

it, and it proved a difficult and exhausting

experience for both of them. While Heero

could simply lift him up and onto the bed in a

quick and almost painless motion, she

wasn't quite that strong. When he was finally

stretched out they both just remained

absolutely still on the bed, Hilde because it

had taken all her strength, and Duo because he

had lost almost all motion ability. She watched

him, watched his breathing, rapid and

shallow, his eyes squeezed shut in pain. Though

he could not move he had become hyper

sensitive to touch to the point that even a hug

would have brought him to the brink of

tears. As she watched she wondered what would

hurt worse, never seeing him again or

having to see him like this. She thought that

at this point death would be a welcome relief.

"Isn't it getting any better?" She asked after

a time. Longer than it usually took for the

pain to subside. In reply a tear slid down from

Duo's closed eye. He breathed in such a manner

that she began to be afraid that the next gasp

would be his last.

"Have you ever been kissed, Hilde?" He asked in

a broken, shuddering manner. Each

word spoken in an outrush as he tried to

breathe. What did that have to do with

anything? Was he just trying to take his mind

off the pain? She decided to humor him.

Anything to help him through this. She couldn't

stand it.

"No," she said softly and honestly, wanting to

stroke his cheek, but restraining herself

because she knew how much it would hurt him.

"Neither have I," the words were so choppy, but

she knew what he was getting at now.

"Would you?"

"Wait Duo. I will when you feel better." He

gave a painful bark of a laugh, opening his

eyes to look up at her. They were shining with

pleading and pain.

"It's not going to get better," he gasped. "Not

this time." Those words sent a chill through

her. What did he mean? Surely he wasn't saying.

. .he couldn't possibly. She leaned over

him, intent on following his wishes so she

could pretend that he hadn't said what she

thought he had. Her fingers brushed his bangs

off his damp forehead; he flinched. Careful

not to touch him anywhere, Hilde bent and

kissed him. How long she had been wanting

to, but like this wasn't exactly how she'd

planned it. It started gently, but a mixture of

sorrow and desire made her more fierce. She

closed her eyes, trying to tell herself that

this was normal, that he'd be okay, allowing

the kiss to encompass her entire consciousness.

Then she both heard and felt Duo's whimper of

pain and she pulled back quickly, turning

her back to him in embarrassment and resting

her head on the window. The glass was cool

beneath her forehead. Behind her Duo struggled

to breathe.

She knew what was going on now. His respiratory

and heart muscles were shutting down.

He was dying, and probably wouldn't make it

through the night. She almost laughed at

that. She never thought she would actually

think of that old line from bad movies. She

thought momentarily of calling an ambulance but

discarded the thought immediately.

What could they give him except borrowed time?

No, living like this was no life at all.

He'd been trapped and hurt long enough. It was

time to let go.

"Hilde?" Her name in that tone made her cringe.

He sounded like a child who had gotten

lost somewhere in the darkest of night. She

turned to find him staring at her, his lips

bloody from the harshness of their first kiss.

"For God's sake please don't cry."

"I'm not." God's sake? What about for Duo's

sake? Who was God that He could torture

one of His most faithful children like this?

What sort of atrocious test of faith was this

anyway? It was one thing to kill him in the

blood heat of a war, it was quite another to

trap him like this. God, she decided, had a

twisted sense of humor.

"I always loved you, you know," he panted and

she broke eye contact. Surprisingly, that

was the last thing she wanted to hear. What

good were those kinds of confessions now

when it was far too late? She couldn't even

tell him that she loved him too. She would just

have to hope that he already knew.

"Shut up will you?" She commanded through

clenched teeth, her hands balling into fists.

"Just keep still." She left the bedroom to

collect her thoughts and sort through her

emotions. Her path led her right to the Bible

on the coffee table and she picked it up out of

habit.

"Hilde! Hilde don't leave me!" His voice rasped

now with desperate pleading and she

realized just how terrified he was to be alone.

She hurried back to find his chest heaving

from the struggle of breathing and of choking

back frightened sobs.

"I'm not going anywhere, Duo," she soothed,

perching on the bed.

"Can you," he rasped, each word sounding more

strained than the last. "Can you make

sure Heero gets the cross?"

"Of course." Although she never wanted to speak

to Heero again right then she would

have promised Duo anything. "Hush now." She

opened the Bible then, reading from it just

so Duo wouldn't feel like he had to fill the

silence, reading about repentance and

redemption and all the wonderful things that

happened after death, each word bringing a

harder challenge to keep her voice steady.

"He was never as lucky as I was," Duo spoke up

again despite her command for him to be

still. She bit her lip, bowing her head over

the book as she listened.

"What do you mean? Heero?" She hadn't meant to

ask, but she felt that he wanted to talk,

to take his mind off what was happening, even

though it was such a difficult process to

speak.

"He never had you to look out for him like I

did." She smiled and for a moment it was

hard for her to breathe as well.

"I'll take care of him," she promised in a

tight, little voice she barely recognized. Duo

smiled even as he winced. Oh yes, she would

take care of him. If she ever found him. He

should be here, this night if any night. He

should be here on the last night. Where was he

anyway? She slipped her hand into Duo's,

knowing that it hurt but he smiled for her

despite that fact. The hours went on and on.

Heero never came and Duo continued with

his rasping breaths, but they were slowing. She

read from the Bible just so she wouldn't

have to hear how much of a struggle it was for

him to stay alive as prominently. Take

him, she prayed, he's had enough. Hasn't he

deserved something better than this?

"Let go, Duo," she pleaded with him along three

thirty that morning. "Why are you

holding on?" It took him several moments to

answer, and when he did it was barely

audible.

"I'm waiting," he whispered. "I'm waiting for

Heero." Hilde looked at the clock, and knew

Heero wouldn't be coming. She cursed him

silently, wondering why Duo was putting

himself through this for him.

"I'm going to call him for you," she promised,

standing slowly and putting the book down

on the bed. "I'll be right back." His eyes

flickered with fear, but he said nothing as she

hurried out of the room, her hands shaking

badly as she dialed Heero's number. As it rang

she wondered if he were asleep, or ignoring

her, or wasn't there at all. Surely, he would

have woken up by now, she thought after the

seventh buzz. She stood there waiting,

counting each ring and cursing him anew with

each one. How dare he do this? Now of all

times. What could he possibly be doing that was

more important than Duo? She walked

very slowly back into his room, not knowing

what to tell him. Sorry Duo, I guess Heero

doesn't think you're worth his time anymore.

Not a chance she could say that, and she

didn't have to. He already knew, she could tell

by the way he looked at her, and he didn't

speak Heero's name again.

Three thirty to four to four thirty to four

forty-five. Hilde watched the clock, listening

as Duo's breathing became slower and harder and

more painful. With each moment she

swore vengeance anew on Heero, thinking of

horrible ways to punish him for this

abandonment. Five o'clock.

"Morning?" Duo whimpered with a trace of hope.

Did he think that Heero would be

coming? Was that the reason he was still here?

What was so important that he had to tell

him? What did he want to say? Heero wouldn't

even care, what was the point?

"Almost," she soothed, giving a glance over her

shoulder to the window that remained

completely black. Five fifteen. Duo was

unconscious now. His eyes closed tightly

against his body's reaction to the disease. His

hand was cold in Hilde's, and his lips were

chapped and bloody. They were beginning to turn

blue. Five thirty.

She began to hum to him comfortingly. It was a

hymn she had heard him hum before, and

even Trowa had used it. She didn't know what it

meant, but that it must be something with

special significance. The skin of his lips

cracked open anew as he smiled softly, the same

smile he always wore, and she gained some small

comfort that he could still maintain that

grin. Five forty.

She thought of phoning Heero again, but decided

not to. She didn't want to leave Duo

now, not even for a moment to step into the

other room. His breaths were so far inbetween

that she was certain that the gasps were only

reflex now. Duo, the vibrant youth, the

joking trickster, the dancing charmer, was

gone. Yet the smile still lingered on his face.

She looked up wearily to see a faint glimmer of

gold peeking from under the closed

blinds. Standing she quickly pulled it up,

allowing the glory of the aurora to drown the

room in light. Six o'clock.

The light bathed Duo's pale face, and he opened

his eyes one last time. He looked at

Hilde, sitting beside him, his smile gentle and

hopeful. She smiled for him, letting him

know that she was still here for him.

"Tell," he croaked, the voice of the dying.

"Heero. Sorry. For. Not. Waiting." Then he

breathed once more, a normal breath, an easy

breath, closing his eyes again and allowing

the sunlight to cover him in peaceful

tranquility. "Thank God," were his last words.

Six

ten.

Hilde thought she would be sad. She thought she

would have collapsed into uncontrolled

sobbing over Duo's unmoving chest, but she just

sat there, holding his hand and smiling.

Yes, indeed, she thought, tears of gratitude,

not sorrow, running down her face. Thank

God. He'd finally taken Duo to where he

belonged. He'd done better by his death than

the government had in giving him the apartment

and never-read-Bible. God had helped him

bring peace to His people, giving him the means

necessary to make an excellent soldier,

but He knew that Duo couldn't get away from

that, and therefore took him back to where

he'd always wanted to be. How merciful. Yes,

Duo, thank God.

She made the arrangements for the funeral and

visitation in a quick and professional

manner, and Duo's body was soon out of the

apartment, and so was she. She was trying to

find Heero, Duo's cross in her pocket next to

the crane that read "as I have loved you."

The brightness of the sunrise had given way

quickly to dark clouds of mourning, and it

was once again raining by the time she was

walking to Heero's apartment. She'd never

been there, but she expected it to be as dead

and formal as Duo's had been the first time

she'd set foot in it. She didn't know what she

was going to say to him. She might be too

furious to say anything. She might throw the

cross at him and run from his presence. She

might burst into tears, the full knowledge that

Duo was really gone catching up to her if

she were to look in the cold depths of Heero's

ocean blue eyes.

Luckily for her, she did none of these things,

because Heero was not at the apartment

when she arrived. She pounded on the door,

waiting, then finally getting frustrated she

attempted to let herself in. The door was open,

surprisingly. Heero had apparently taken

to leaving doors unlocked, as if he didn't care

about security anymore. He wasn't even

there. She looked around, curious to see what

Heero's dwelling would be like, and finding

it exactly like Duo's. Exactly the same, right

down to a Bible that was never before read

laying on the coffee table and the picture in

the entryway. She should have guessed that

they would be the same, but not this alike. The

only difference she found was in the

bedroom, where she stopped and stared in shock.

Where Duo's room had always been dark and

closed off, this one was bright with blazing

colors of all description. Paper cranes! They

were everywhere, hanging from the ceiling in

neat strings of fifty, a number written on the

left wing of each. They were every color of

the rainbow, made from construction paper and

newspaper and even one made from what

looked like a Hershey bar wrapper. The breeze

from the open window fluttered them

lightly around, making the colors swirl and

dance. The last group was on the bed, a needle

attached on one end of the thread to put on the

last of the flock. The number on the wing

was nine hundred ninety-nine. Heero had made

them for Duo, and when she found the last

crane she would find the perfect soldier too.

So he had cared after all.

She didn't know how she was to find him, but

she remembered Duo telling her once about

Heero's fascination with the ocean and figured

that there would be a better place than any

to start looking. Why had he folded all those

cranes, though? She asked this over and over

as she made her slow trek to the beach in the

rain. He knew that it wouldn't do any good,

and she knew by the numbers that it wasn't just

for a hobby. Perhaps she had misjudged

him? Perhaps she had been too harsh with him.

She was feeling very remorseful by the

time she reached the beach, and her heart

almost broke when she saw Heero crouched at

the edge of a precipiece that overlooked the

water. He looked smaller, somehow, as he

watched the waves break against the rock in

angry splashes. He held something out in

front of him, turning it slowly in his fingers

as it was soaked by the rain. He himself was

soaked, his hair very dark and plastered

against his forehead, his clothes sticking to

him.

"Heero," she came up behind him, saying his

name just to let him know she was there. He

turned slightly, looking up at her.

"I've been to the apartment," he said in a cold

monotone. "But you were already gone."

"We waited," she hissed, feeling her anger at

him rise up within her. "We waited all night,

but you never showed up. Duo put himself

through torture waiting for you!" Heero

flinched, he actually flinched, looking down at

his hands. Hilde could see what he was

holding now. The last crane, a beautifully

folded black one with no number on the wing.

She sighed, feeling bad for Heero since he

couldn't feel for himself.

"He wanted you to have this," she said in a

calmer tone, pulling the cross from her pocket

and dangling it in front of his eyes. "And he

wanted me to tell you he was sorry." Heero

nodded, reaching up to take the cross and

holding it close to him reverantly. "Where were

you last night, Heero?" She had to know. She

just had to know what was so important. He

looked up as if afraid that she would laugh if

he told her the answer.

"Church," he cut the word short, looking down

again, embarrassed. She could picture him

alone all night in the church, with the candles

burning all around him as he sat there in a

mixture of prayer and folding paper cranes. She

plucked the bird from his hand,

examining it closely with its perfectly crisp

edges.

"Why did you do this?" She begged the answer,

wishing she could understand him at all.

Duo had been open with his feelings, but Heero

couldn't seem to express them at all. She

shook the crane for emphasis, scattering

raindrops as she did so. Heero shook his head,

unable to answer for several minutes.

"It was the only thing I could do," he finally

muttered in a very unsatisfactory answer.

"You can cry, at least." He sounded as if he

envied her for her tears. Envied her for her

weakness. He was so helpless crouched there

pathetically in the rain. "I can't even do that

for him."

"He doesn't need you to," she tried to be

comforting. "He's fine now." How did one

comfort someone who didn't know they were

experiencing sorrow? "He's with his God."

Heero once again flinched, his eyes closing in

agony and his hand clenching the cross

tightly.

Heero didn't know what to do. He didn't know

what he was feeling. There was a sense of

loss that he recognized, but after that it was

just a knot of pain surrounding his heart and

throat. Duo didn't need him to cry. Duo didn't

need him for anything now. He wasn't

needed by anyone for anything. He was

worthless. The only thing he had left was a

wish on the last paper crane. Hilde was behind

him, waiting for what he would do. She was

taking this much better than he was. But she

had a life outside of war, while his only life

outside of war had been Duo. He was washed over

with a complete sense of uselessness

as dark and harsh as the waves far below him.

The cross cut into his palm.

"Hurts doesn't it?" He didn't know if Hilde

were speaking to him out loud or only in his

mind. What did she know of it? She knows a lot

more than you think, Heero, came

another voice. Duo's voice. At least she knows

what she's going to do now. "I'd

understand if you broke down, just once." He

didn't know if there were tears in his eyes or

raindrops, and the fact that he wasn't even

crying for his best friend made it hurt more.

He felt a hand on his shoulder, Hilde's hand, a

warm comforting hand. He choked. What good

are tears now? He demanded from himself. What

good will they do anyone? Hilde was

kneeling beside him now on the rocks, her hand

still resting on his shoulder and her eyes

downcast. He looked at her, looked at her dark

hair dripping water. He looked at her

serene features and wise eyes. Now he knew why

Duo had liked her so much. Because

she was human, possessing more compassion and

gentle feeling than Heero would ever

know.

Heero's first sob took Hilde by surprise. She

snapped her attention to him sharply,

watching as he pulled into himself, wrapping

his arms around his knees and burying his

face from her sight. Heero was crying? Heero

had broken down at last? All her anger at

him for everything he had ever done melted in

the rain and the tears and she found herself

putting her arms around him, wondering if he'd

ever been held by anyone. So, she thought

to herself, smiling gently into Heero's wet

hair, it took a death to make him realize that

he was alive. How ironic that this could very

well be Duo's highest accomplishment. She

didn't know why he was crying. It might be a

mixture of sorrow for Duo and sorrow for

himself, or something else entirely. He might

be crying for all the times in his life that he

hadn't been able to. She had no way of knowing,

and she didn't ask.

"I never believed in God," Heero said shakily,

in a voice that she had never heard before,

holding up the cross for careful inspection.

"He'd never done anything for me, and I

couldn't depend on Him." Hilde remained silent,

allowing him the freedom to do whatever

he pleased since he'd never been allowed it

before. "But it was better Duo's way. He

always tried telling me that God hadn't

abandoned me, but I never believed him. He

always tried to help me come back to enjoy the

happiness that he had. I didn't know how.

I still don't." He looked at her, his eyes

begging her to tell him what to do. He needed a

mission, a quest, something to live for. She

didn't know what to say. The rain splattered

around them, and the waves roared below them.

"Can you teach me?" Her eyes widened.

Heero asking for help. Things were changing. As

I have loved you, love one another. That

was what Duo wanted for her to do. He wanted

her to love Heero, to show him what life

could be like, take care of him. It was his

death that had caused the initial change in the

perfect soldier, the crack in the armor. Now it

was for her to finish what he started.

"Yes," she assured, pulling him tight against

her. "I will show you." A gust of wind blew

the black crane off the edge of the precipice

where it floated gently down to the waves.

Hilde watched it and made her wish. She wished

for Heero to find the peace that Duo had

always wanted for him. "Come on," she said

abruptly, taking his hand and helping him up.

She led him back to Duo's empty apartment,

picking up Duo's Bible as she sat down.

"Here's your first lesson," she began as she

opened it, looking at the words of wisdom

Duo had left behind for her guidelines. Heero

smiled, wiping his wet hair out of his eyes.

"Crane number one," he muttered.