"I Am So Goth"


Author Unknown


Well, this has some cute little things in it, but then again some very foolish things... I just thought I would add this here (after taking out some of the just pathetic ones)... I guess in this represents many forms of modern "goth", though it is truly only for laughs...



I'm so goth, in preschool, the only crayon I used was black.

I'm so goth I use black cotton balls.

I'm so goth I dyed my shadow black.

I'm so goth my black is blacker than your black. I call it "black black."

I'm so goth, whenever I walk into a room, all the lights go out.

I'm so goth the people in the grocery store have refused to sell me any cereal other than Count Chocula.

I'm so goth people touch me and they BECOME goth. They say, "Oh no, now I'm goth!"

I'm so goth I wear sunglasses when I open the refrigerator.

I'm so goth I don't paint my nails black--I bash them with a hammer.

I'm so goth I died and didn't notice.

I'm so goth, whenever I knock on somebody's door they give me candy.

I'm so goth I write everything on black paper with a black pen in the dark and can never read what the hell I've written!

I'm so goth, I'm not only "goth," but also "gothe" "goff" "gawth" "gauwth" "gothic" "gothik" "gothique" and "gawfickk" and soon I hope to be "gauewthickueu."

I'm so goth I make Richard Simmons sad.

I'm so goth I offered to sell my soul to the devil and he wouldn't take it!

I'm so goth, when I stop pouting, people ask, "What are YOU so happy about?"

I'm so goth, when I go outside, the sun sets.

I'm so goth I set off airport metal detectors from ten feet away with all my jewelry.

I'm so goth I have rigor mortis whenever I'm with my girlfriend.

I'm so goth I killed myself . . . twice.

I'm so goth it takes me an hour and a half to get dressed.

I'm so goth it takes me longer to get undressed.

I'm so goth I'm dead.

I'm so goth I think electrical tape is a fashion accessory.

I'm so goth I carry black food dye around in case I have to eat anything that's not black.

I'm so goth I look like Michael Jackson.

I'm so goth, in preschool, all my drawings were titled, "DEATH."

I'm so goth, in high school, all my papers were titled, "DEATH."

I'm so goth I slather on spf 45 before I open the refrigerator.

I'm so goth I think Jesus might have been a vampire.

I'm so goth I wore corsets in preschool.

I'm so goth I ate a Happy Meal . . . because I like to live dangerous.

I'm so goth little kids are mesmerized by my appearance.

I'm so goth parents leg their kids when they see them mesmerized by my appearance.

I'me soe gothe ie thinke puttinge e'se one thee endse ofe mye wordse ise medaevale ande deepe.

I'm so goth I've been banned.

I'm so goth, when I was born the doctor slapped me and I didn't cry.

I'm so goth I make flowers wilt.

I'm so goth I like them better that way.

I'm so goth I punched a care bear.

I'm so goth I think saying "oh my goth" is cute.

I'm so goth, when I smile people ask me what's wrong.

I'm so goth I rooted for Gargamel.

I'm so goth I practice my blank stare in the mirror.

I'm so goth I tried to be a hippie once and hugged a tree--and it died.

I'm so goth that when I moved into Mr. Roger's neighborhood, he moved away!

I'm so goth that whenever I walk into a room, you hear "Toccata and fugue in D minor."

I'm so goth I have actually seriously uttered the phrase, "the darkest dark of the dark darkness."

I'm so goth I tried to use Cheer . . . it cried.

I'm so goth the people at the suicide hotline have asked me to stop calling.

I'm so goth I'm catholic.

I'm so goth nuns and priests resent me because I look cooler in black than them.

I'm so goth I always use the word "goth" instead of "got."

I'm so goth every sentence I say has the word "goth" in it.





© 2000 Elizabeth Abigail Clewis

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