Sick Sad World: Dungeons and Dragons

Well, now we know who to blame. What is that thing in the background, anyway? A tower (of evil, of course)? The red moon sure is evil. And check out that evil hooded figure. This whole thing just reeks of evil. What on earth could this evil be ? Could it be the dark dungeons? Nah...
There is no such thing as a spell of light. Also, that person isn't a wizard. She's a cleric (as is stated a few panels down). And what happened to the dice rolls?
Wow, this author sure knows a lot about how D&D is played. Everything just reeks authenticity. How poison traps always kill in one hit... the inability to revive characters... the complete lack of dice rolls... Good to know he did exaustive research! And as for Marcie, she is so screwed up, I can't even think of where to start. I mean, I've heard of getting in character, but this is a little over the top.
Hey, where was that lady when I got to level 8? I want the real power! I have the personality for it! My cleric is level 15!
Elfstar? Her character's name is Elfstar?! Geeze, no wonder she's so messed up. And my, that was quick. She became a priestess of the craft in mere seconds! And of the temple of Diana, the ancient greek goddess of the moon and unmarried virgins. This is obviously evil and nefarious. Also, it seems that D&D isn't just a game, but rather intentse occult training! That must be why so many people play as holy paladins! Hey, wait a minute...
Would they stop stressing "real?" This is the fourth time in three panels. All this is as made up as those great fairies from Zelda 64.
Notice how evil and scrunched up Debbie's face has become. The devilish forces are taking control! Wooooooooooooooo! And mind bondage isn't a real spell.
"It was great?" What kind of a line is that? That's not the kind of thing people say after persuading their parents to buy them things. That's the kind of thing people say after having sex.

Draw your own conclusions, but mine involve parental abuse.

"The Zombie?" There's no "the Zombie!" Zombies are wimpy undead creatures, a dime a dozen, and barely a step up from skeletons. Plus incredibly easy for a priest, as they can just turn undead and wipe out half the damn bunch. And shouldn't she be playing with a dungeon master and a couple of allies? What happened to all her friends? Or is this another instance of her Evil Powers?

Hey, and aren't zombies bad? So wouldn't killing them be a good thing? So why is she evil again?

Ever since her character died, she hasn't been the same? Could it be...?
NOOOOOO! She's killed herself! WHY GOD? WHY DID THIS HAVE TO HAPPEN?
Oh yeah, now I remembery why. She's a freaking idiot. She can't face life without her imaginary character who could easily be brought back with a quick trip to the nearest temple? It's that damn natural selection again. Gets 'em every time.
Why should you have left? She was the one who's character was arbitrarily killed off by the DM. And notice the Evil Face on Ms Frost. Hey doesn't the name "Frost" sound, I dunno, kind of evil? Nah, couldn't be...

And what's with this spiritual growth through the game? How the hell does that happen? Does killing a monster by getting a good dice roll help to make you a better witch in real life? Oh no wait, they don't use dice in this thing. Maybe they use the power of their dreams or something.

You've gotten yourself into an Evil Cult which worships the Devil (or at least Diana, and we all know how Evil a Goddess is who encourages beautiful young women to remain unmarried virgins) and confined your soul to eternal damnation in the firey pits of hell. Have a nice day!
Hey, I thought Debbie was just evil, not suffering from Multiple Personality Disorder. But I do love the Evil Face on Ms Frost, and the abundance of shake lines. Couldn't he have put in a few more? I'm sure there's room somewhere...
Hey, it's time for Jesus bashing! Or at least priest bashing. I don't really have anything against Christianity, just the egotistical priests. I love this one, though. He fasts for every sinner! If all priests did that, they would all have starved to death by now. That's why I love him so much. All priests should emulate his example.
Look! It's a bad grammer you can't win without Jesus! But on the bright side, she'll finally be able to meet someone who understands her. Although it is a little odd that the someone is a middle-aged former warlock (it's a guy, of course. Why are Christians so opposed to giving women any sort of good image whatsoever? The entire cast of evil/suicidal people in this are women, and the only men are the guys who selflessly sacrifice themselves to save said women).
It's Christababble! But he got it wrong. It's not a dungeon of bondage, it's a dark dungeon! Geeze, the nerve of some people.
Just remember folks: Jesus wants you! To give me all your money!
Check out that gigantic crowd of evil witches. And out of all of them, only one came foward. Feel pround, Debbie. Feel pround.

Oh, almost forgot. The reason your life is a mess is that you allowed evil to gain complete mastery over your soul. The really bad part, though, was when you started coming to idiots like these for help.

I knew you could do it, America! Salvation with a warning label! What do you want to bet that Acts 19:13-17 contain stuff like "Salvation does not guarantee passage into heaven; That depends on amount of money you give to Church." Huh? Any takers? Didn't think so.

Damnit Debbie, I told you not to let an evil force take complete mastery over your soul again! Why wouldn't you listen? Now you're twice as screwed.

Seriously though, this is what I find so objectionable to Christianity. This whole belief that priests and the church should be in charge of your entire life. If you compare the Bible and a D&D manual, the D&D manual actually gives better advice. Lets compare right now:

BIBLE: Believe in Jesus and you go to heaven. Even if you're totally evil scum, if you believe, you go to heaven. Therefore, go out and torture/kill all those who don't believe until they do believe. It's for the best in the long run.

D&D MANUAL: If you do bad, people hate you. If you do good, people like you. (Also contains myriad of lists for things like monsters and rules for fighting, but those don't really matter)

Well, I know which one I like better.

Hey, that filth of Satan looks like perfectly good stuff to me. And if you're going to burn it anyway, why bother to bind it?
I have very precious blood, and I would like to keep having it. I also have precious money in my precious wallet, so stay the heck away from me with your damn books.

In a way though, you have to love Christians. I mean, what other religions have turned their entire belief system into a way to make money? How much more American can you get?

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